Author's Note: Nearly at the end of part one! Thank you so much to everyone reading! I really appreciate it. Part two will pick up the pace a little, and we'll see some of the other characters.
-Fifteen-
Allegiance
When Liz awoke she wasn't sure where she was at first. She sat up and looked around, seeing Merlin still asleep in the other bed. Camelot. She had visited Camelot. Not the cheap ruins that the tour guides tried to sell to you but the real Camelot. Her thoughts flitted to her kiss with Merlin. She put her fingers to her lips, but she still couldn't remember being Ryll. She wished so badly that she could remember something. Just knowing that it had happened wasn't enough to reawaken all the feelings she had felt as Ryll. She was tired of feeling like two different people.
Merlin stirred in the other bed and opened his eyes. "Ready to hunt for Excalibur?" he asked groggily.
"I guess that's what I was reborn for," she said. She felt a twinge of nerves at the thought. They were getting close to something; she could feel it. A part of her didn't expect it to work, but she had seen Arthur with her own eyes. An excited anticipation was building up inside of her, and she felt an urgency to get the sword. "Where are we going to find horses?"
"There's a lot of farmland around here. We can probably borrow two for a few hours. I brought cash just in case."
"I'm going to get dressed." Liz slipped into the bathroom and put on jeans and a T-shirt. She fingered the blue strand in her hair for a moment before tucking it behind her ear. After Merlin had dressed, they grabbed bagels from the front office and checked out. Then they were on their way, headed toward a farm Merlin had seen on the side of the road the night before. Liz was trying to remember riding horses, but the only memories she had were of riding at the county fair as a child and those were false memories.
They pulled down the drive and stopped by the barn. A man walked out to greet them. "Morning," he said. "How can I help you?"
"We're looking to borrow some horses," Merlin said. "I'm more than willing to pay."
The man eyed them. "Going somewhere your car can't take you?" he asked.
"Yeah. There's a place in the woods," he said. "You can only reach it by horseback and it'd take too long on foot."
"I have a couple of trail horses you can rent."
"Any chance you have a truck and trailer we could borrow?" Merlin glanced at his compact Hyundai. "I'll pay for gas."
"All right. If you've got your heart set on riding through the woods." The man nodded toward an old pickup with a two-horse trailer attached. "Just have them back by the end of the day."
"Thank you." Merlin handed the man a bill. The man's eyes widened.
"They're not worth that much," he said in surprise.
"It's all right. This means a lot to us," Merlin insisted.
Liz craned her neck to see how much he'd given the man, but he pocketed the money with a nod. "Just this way." He helped them load two sturdy geldings into the trailer and handed the keys over to Merlin. Liz felt a jolt of excitement as they drove away from the farm, trail horses in tow. Merlin took the same road they'd taken the day before and parked in front of the gates to Camelot. They unloaded the horses and saddled them.
"Will I remember how to ride from before?" Liz asked nervously, eyeing the tall bay gelding. The horse was ripping grass up and chomping lazily at it.
"I'm sure you will. You were the best horsewoman in Camelot," Merlin assured her.
Liz walked around to the horse's left side, grasping the pommel of the saddle and setting her left foot into the stirrup and pulling herself up. She readjusted the stirrups and patted the bay horse's neck. Sitting in the saddle felt natural, and Liz gave Merlin a thumbs up. Merlin's own black horse waited patiently while he mounted. He led them into the woods, and they rode at a brisk walk for awhile.
"Ready to canter?" he asked Liz, looking back at her.
"I think so." She nudged the horse with her heels, and he broke into a canter. She had never felt freer. She moved with the horse and everything came naturally to her. Merlin rode just ahead of her, leading the way into the woods.
They made good time and reached the rock within an hour. Merlin slowed his horse, and Liz followed suit as they moved into a small clearing. A large rock sat in the very center of the clearing and within the rock stood a sword. It glinted with the morning sunlight. The hilt was golden and the silver of the blade was in perfect condition. The middle of the blade was gold with ancient runes.
"What does it say?" Liz asked.
"Take me up. Cast me away," Merlin recited by heart.
"Is that a riddle?"
"Of sorts." He didn't elaborate, and Liz didn't ask.
"Now what?"
Merlin dismounted and Liz did the same. They left their horses to graze, approaching the stone. "We try to pull it out," he said.
…
Morgan stared at the man in front of her. A mixture of feelings welled up inside of her. Fear, surprise, hatred. No. She wouldn't give into that hatred. She steadied her shaking hands and looked straight at Uther.
"I don't suppose a simple phone call would have done."
Uther's face fell. "I know I shouldn't have sent my men like that."
"They drugged me out to bring me here. How is that supposed to make me feel?" Morgan asked heatedly.
"I was afraid if I announced myself that you'd refuse to see me. I have been searching for you for three years hoping beyond hope that you'd been given a second chance too. But it's my second chance to atone for what I did to you." Here he was apologizing to her, telling her he'd made a mistake. He was trying to take the second chance he'd been given. Did Morgan have it in her to forgive him though? She might not remember what he'd done to her firsthand, but Merlin's stories rang in her ears. What she found she remembered most, however, was the cruelty she had shown him.
She took a deep breath. "I forgive you," she said. "And I am so sorry for what I did. It is unforgivable."
"You remember?" His face showed both hesitance and hope.
Morgan shook her head. "Someone told me."
Uther's lips turned down in a scowl. "Who?"
"A friend." She wasn't ready to give away her friends. She didn't trust Uther just yet. "I know what I did and what you did."
"I wanted to make sure that I got to you first before those who would seek to corrupt you." He began to pace.
"Like Morgause?" Uther hesitated for a second, his eyes flitting to Morgan.
"Yes. And others."
"You think I'll turn against you again." Did he have that little faith in her? Hadn't he wanted her forgiveness?
"Do you have magic in this life?" Uther asked her.
"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I'm not the same person I was before though. I don't want to hurt anyone."
"I'm sure you never intended to hurt anyone. It was under Morgause's influence that you did." Uther gave her a look filled with compassion, but he had to know that it wasn't all Morgause. Morgana was just as much at fault if not more. She'd always had a choice, but she'd chosen wrong.
"Don't blame Morgause for my mistakes. She might have misled me, but after she died, I kept up my reign of terror. I sacrificed my own sister so I could kill Arthur." Her voice faltered, and she looked away from Uther. It wasn't that she was afraid of his judgment. Not anymore. It was that without her memories, she felt like she was making excuses for someone else. She wanted to scream that she'd never hurt anyone before, but that was Morgan, and Morgan didn't really exist. She was just a fabrication of this new world. A lie the second coming had concocted.
"Has Morgause tried to contact you in this life?" Uther asked gently.
Morgan didn't answer at once, but she didn't see the point in lying. "She did find me," she said. Uther clenched his fist. "She offered me safety. A place where people like me could learn to function in this world with their powers. But I agreed to nothing."
"Good. You can't trust her."
"She seemed changed. Does she know you're here?" Morgan asked.
"She will seem like whatever she has to in order to get you back on her side," Uther said. "And yes, we're aware of each other's presence. She's working with a sorceress named Nimueh. She is very dangerous, and you cannot trust her."
"If I am to atone for my mistakes, then you must at least try not to judge those with magic based solely on that," Morgan told him.
Uther looked chastised. "I'm trying to overlook my hatred for magic," he said. "But I cannot overlook the actions of certain sorcerers."
"What did Nimueh do?" Morgan asked.
"She took my wife Igraine," Uther said.
"She killed her?" Merlin hadn't mentioned this, but perhaps he didn't know or perhaps it wasn't relevant at the time.
"She traded her life for Arthur's. Igraine could not conceive and so I went to Nimueh to ask for a son. She granted me this, but she took Igraine's life to keep balance. I did not realize this would happen."
"She was a high priestess then."
"What do you know of them?" Uther asked sharply.
"I know that I was one. And Morgause. I know that they hold the power of life and death. Nothing more."
"I swear to you Morgana, I am trying to look past my hatred. This is not a world of magic. I would not turn against you."
"Would you have before?" Morgan had to ask. "If I had told you all those years ago that I had magic. What would you have done?"
A tense silence followed. Uther couldn't meet her eyes. "I would have still loved you as a daughter," he said.
"That doesn't answer my question."
"I could not ignore my own laws, but I would not have seen you killed," he said.
"So imprisoned? Banished? Or would you have hidden me away like some diseased child?" Even without her memories, Morgan felt the pent up resentment.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked.
"I want you to tell me that you would have loved me for who I was!" Morgan shouted. "I was your daughter. Am your daughter. A parent should love a child no matter what. I can't help the way I was born."
"You're right," Uther said. "Of course you're right."
Morgan was surprised to find that she had tears in her eyes. "We've been given a second chance," she said softly. "Let's not turn against each other in this one."
"I want that more than anything." Uther took a step toward her, hesitant. Morgan wanted to shrink back for a moment but that was what Morgana would have done. She wanted to be different. She walked forward into his outstretched arms.
Even though she couldn't remember being Morgana, it felt good to have her father's arms wrapped around her. Through all the suffering they had put each other through in their last life, it was time to make amends. She knew she had to be careful, but what harm could there be in starting over? Perhaps she could be friends with Morgause as well. She didn't have to use her magic. In fact, she wouldn't. This was her life. She would make it what she wanted it to be. She knew everything might change once she got her memories back, but for now she wanted to start healing past wounds.
"You are more dear to me than anything," Uther told her. "I will find Arthur and then we'll be a family once more."
"Do you know where he is?" Morgan asked as they pulled apart.
"One of my men saw Merlin heading to Avalon. He thinks Arthur is there."
"Avalon?" Morgan played innocent wanting to find out what Uther knew before she gave anything away.
"Yes. We must get to him first. We cannot let this Merlin get to him."
"Why? Merlin is Arthur's friend."
"Yes, but we do not know what his motives are."
"His motives? He wants to find his friend," Morgan told him.
"Maybe. I have reason to believe that Merlin is not all he seems."
"You mean you suspect he's a sorcerer?" Morgan asked. "Don't start that again. Merlin means Arthur no harm."
"Then you've spoken to him?"
"Yes. He and Amaryllis are going to find Arthur and awaken him."
A shadow passed over Uther's face. "This cannot play out as it did before. It did not end well."
"It won't," Morgan tried to assure him. "This time everything will be different."
"You trust him?" Uther asked her.
"Yes, I do." He'd given her no reason not to.
"I suppose he's the friend who told you about your past." Uther sounded disapproving.
"Yes."
"I'd feel safer with Arthur here. In the mean time, you'll stay here as well. I have a room for you that you'll be comfortable in."
"I'm expected to be at Liz – Amaryllis's flat though. My phone is there. She'll be calling soon."
"I'll have someone bring you everything you need. I'd feel safer with you here. There's no telling what lengths Nimueh and Morgause would go to to get you on their side."
"I can make my own decisions," Morgan said.
"I know that," Uther said. "You always did and you always will. Please. Just stay here for the night and you can decide in the morning if you want to leave or stay."
It was the middle of the night and so Morgan agreed. "But I want to get in contact with my friends tomorrow," she said.
"Of course. Your room is out the door and down the hall. Third door on the right. There's a buzzer on the wall if you need anything. It is so good to see you again, Morgana. We'll find Arthur, and we'll bet together as a family again."
"I'd like that." Morgan gave him a smile before leaving the room.
The bedroom Uther had designated for her was richly decorated, but Morgan hardly noticed as she collapsed onto the bed. She was fast asleep the moment her head touched the pillows, her mind still buzzing from her reunion with her father. That night her dreams played off the stories Merlin had told her, and Morgan was once again Morgana. Her hatred for Uther seethed, and Morgan tossed and turned, frantically trying to escape the confines of Morgana's hatred.
…
"Merlin and the girl are close to waking Arthur. Make sure once they've done so, you bring him to me," Uther told one of his men as soon as Morgana was safely tucked in bed.
"What of Merlin and the girl?" the man asked.
"Just see to it that they stay far away from him," Uther said. "Do whatever it takes. I will not have them corrupt my son again."
