Author's Note: Here begins part two! I'm not done writing it, but I'll try to pace it and keep writing so you don't have to wait a long time. As always, thank you so much for reading! I'm excited to get more into the plot.


Part Two: Alliances

-Seventeen-

Regrets

The sword lay on the backseat of Merlin's sedan, glinting in the afternoon sun. Ryll couldn't take her eyes off of Merlin though. She couldn't believe that she'd been with him all this time and yet hadn't truly remembered who he was. He was grinning and hadn't stopped since she had told him she remembered everything. They'd returned the horses they'd borrowed and were on their way back to Avalon to wake Arthur.

"So the sword was the key to me remembering and it will be the key to waking Arthur," Ryll said.

"It seems like it. I don't know why I didn't think of the stone before. It's the obvious place for it to be. Even the tour guide at the Camelot museum mentioned that the legends said it might be there."

"You had a lot on your mind," Ryll told him. "Maybe this was the right time and before wasn't."

"It's just good to have you back," he told her.

"It's good to be back," she said. She fingered her nose ring. "What was I thinking?" she asked woefully. "Liz was a little out of control. But I guess she was me…"

"You without your true memories. I would have gone a little crazy too."

"Okay, she wasn't crazy, just a little insecure. I should call Morgan – Morgana. Do you think she remembers too?"

"I'm not sure."

"I hope you don't still think she's going to go dark side again. I know she wants to change."

"If anyone can turn her around, it's you," Merlin told her.

Ryll pulled out her phone and dialed Morgana's number. The phone rang. And rang. No one answered so she left a message. "Morgan, this is Ryll. I remember everything now. We found the sword and are headed back to Avalon to wake Arthur. This should work. Give me a call back when you get this message."

"Where do you suppose she is?" she asked Merlin after she'd hung up.

"I'm not sure. Maybe she just went out for a bit."

"Maybe." Ryll bit her lip.

"She'll be fine, she can take care of herself," he assured her. "So how do you feel about all of this now that you're Ryll again?" he asked.

"What am I supposed to say? I feel amazing! I'm alive again. This is my second chance – our second chance to live." She felt like she could do anything and her heart soared.

"You're not dying in this lifetime. Not anytime soon," Merlin said fiercely.

"I don't plan to," Ryll assured him, putting a hand on his where it rested on the gearstick. He wove his fingers with hers, and she smiled. "This is our chance at a lifetime together," she said. "I'm so sorry for what I put you through. So sorry for leaving you."

"Everyone was devastated." His grip tightened on her hand.

"I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

"Good because I couldn't stand it if you did."

"What is Arthur going to think of this world?" Ryll asked suddenly. "Everyone else was at least awakened with memories – even if they were false memories – of a past. I know what cars and electricity and indoor plumbing are. Arthur, as far as we know, is in the same state as when he died. Only younger, obviously. And not dead."

"He's going to have a lot of surprises ahead of him, and we both know how he feels about surprises," Merlin said.

"Yeah, let's just hope there aren't any buckets nearby," Ryll said. Merlin laughed, and it was the loveliest sound she had heard in this lifetime.

When Avalon came into view the second time, Ryll recognized it with a pang. Her last memory of it as Ryll was standing in the waters with her mother and Lancelot. With the dead. She knew it had just been a dream, but it had felt so real. All her false memories had vanished to be replaced with real memories. It was still strange because she had lived the last three years in the modern world. Everything still made sense. Cars weren't suddenly the strangest things she'd ever seen and she still wanted to finish the latest season of Downton Abbey, but her life had much more meaning. She had thought the emptiness would vanish when her memories returned but instead she felt the press of all the years she'd missed.

"I missed our wedding," she said softly, fingering the ring around her neck.

Merlin's grip tightened on the wheel. "It was bad timing," he said, trying to make light of it, but she could see the pain written clearly on his face.

"I always swore to protect my friends no matter what the cost to myself. I thought I was thinking about them, but really I was just afraid to lose them. To lose you. In the end you lost me. I hurt you."

"Not on purpose."

"That's no excuse. I was selfish." She pulled the ring from around her neck. "I wouldn't blame you if you'd had enough of me and my actions. I never thought, I just ran out and tried to save the world and everyone in it. You were the chosen one to unite Albion. I just walked right over your destiny and changed everything."

"You helped me fulfill my destiny. Without you, Morgana and Arthur would have kept trying to kill each other. Believe me, I have regrets too. The modern world has given me an entirely different perspective on, well, everything. I realize how much time we spent at war. It was literally always something. There was always someone trying to kill Arthur. I started to think about why. Why did someone always have it out for him? Was it because Uther was his father and he executed so many people with magic or was it something else entirely? I realized that for a long time, Camelot didn't change. It was only after you told Arthur you had magic that things started to change."

"Not right away."

"No, but before that anything was just a nice thought. It was never going to happen. Arthur wasn't his father, but things stayed the same for people with magic even after Uther died. I kept thinking, what if I had told Arthur that I had magic? What would have happened? Could I have changed his views on magic sooner? He didn't find out until I lashed out at Sarrum. He had no idea up until the end."

"You did what you thought was best. He might not have taken it well had you told him sooner. You were his most trusted friend whether he'd admit it or not," Ryll told him. "He wasn't ready for the truth. Not from you."

"But I used that excuse every time. Every time I had the chance to tell him, I didn't. I should have. I was being selfish too."

"You weren't being selfish, you were trying to stay alive in a kingdom that executed people with magic."

"Yeah, but how many people died because I did nothing?"

"You did plenty!" Ryll protested. "How can you say that?"

"I looked out for Arthur, which I don't regret. But I should have been looking out for my people too."

"You did. You looked out for me. You saved plenty of people with magic, risking your own life in the process. Where is all this coming from anyway?"

Merlin sighed. "I don't know. I've just had a lot of long years to think."

"I can't imagine." Being immortal. Watching loved ones die. Being alone.

"I just wonder if we really lived up to the legends. Everyone knows who Merlin and Arthur are, but they don't really know us. They don't know what we really went through or who we really were."

"You don't think you're a hero?" Ryll asked.

"I think people want to make me out to be one," he told her. "They're legends for a reason."

"And Arthur? And the knights?" Ryll asked. "Are they not heroes?"

"History has chosen to forget the dark parts. It's not just villains and heroes like the books make it out to be. A lot of good people died on both sides, some by the hand of Arthur and the knights. But history only remembers those Morgana killed. She was the villain. The books don't mention that she was also a hero too."

"History isn't always correct. What matters is we know where we came from. We know the truth. Everyone makes mistakes. It doesn't mean Arthur isn't a hero. It just means he's human like the rest of us."

"Maybe heroes don't really exist."

"And maybe villains don't either. The world isn't black and white much as the movies like to paint it as such."

"I guess what I'm really afraid of is that Arthur is going to wake up in a time where he might not have a place as a hero. Everything has changed. Today it's a crime to murder and yet how many people did Arthur kill? How many people did I kill? Today that doesn't make a hero."

"Soldiers take lives to protect their countries. If taking lives makes someone a villain then I'm one too. We're all one. Medieval Times were harsh. Camelot has a dark side to it that we don't hear about in the legends. Maybe Arthur doesn't have the same role in this time as he did before, but maybe this time we need a different kind of hero."

"Like who?" Merlin asked.

"I don't know yet. What is this really about?" Ryll gave Merlin a concerned look. She was still trying to come to terms with her own memories and her awakening in the 21st century, but Merlin had been awake for all of it. He'd lived lifetime after lifetime. He might look just as young as he had been when she'd died, but he had lived through too much to have a young soul anymore. "Merlin?"

Merlin slowed the car and pulled over to the side of the road, shifting into park. He sat in silence for a moment and Ryll let him, waiting until he was ready to talk. "I've had so many years – centuries – to regret. I've thought about what went wrong, what I'd do differently, what kind of world would need Arthur and me in it. I know regretting something we can't change is a waste of time, but I wanted to make sure nothing went wrong this time around. I guess I'm just not sure if I have a right to try to make things right this time because I messed so many things up before."

"You think you're going to mess up the second coming?" Ryll asked.

"I worked so hard to ensure Arthur lived, but in this life I don't know what I'm fighting for, who I'm supposed to be fighting against. You see? That's the problem. I'm not sure how to function in this modern world with the people I knew centuries ago. I don't know how to make Camelot work. You told me it was a second chance for everyone, but I didn't die. I don't need a second chance. I might have learned of the second coming through the Crystal Caves, but I don't think I'm supposed to be part of this second chance."

"Of course you are, Merlin. This is our second chance." She took his hand, weaving her fingers through his. "None of us were ever perfect. We all made poor choices and someone always had to pay for them, but that's life. I think we were too focused on who was good and who was bad. Who was the hero and who was the villain. That's not what's important though. Sometimes making the right decision is simply choosing the best of multiple bad choices. We don't always get an easy choice or a clear idea of what's right or wrong. The past is the past. It doesn't matter anymore who we were because this is the future and the world has changed into something none of us would ever have dreamt up. Now we have to figure out what we do with what we've been given. This is a fresh start, a clean slate. Maybe there are people reawakening with grudges, maybe we still have enemies who haven't found it in their hearts to forgive us. We do the best we can. We're going to make mistakes, but we learn and move on. We can't dwell on the past. You need to forgive yourself and focus on finding happiness now. Maybe we aren't the heroes of this story. Maybe we're just here to watch it all play out. I just know I'm happy to be here."

Merlin looked at her, and his eyes were glistening. He smiled. "Maybe I've been so focused on righting everything that went wrong centuries ago that I forgot that this was a new chance."

"We're going to go bring Arthur his sword and then we're going to keep him safe and find out just what we're meant to do and who else is out there. We might have completely different roles in this lifetime, but that's all right. As long as we're together, we already have a purpose. Just the gift of living again is a purpose in itself."

"You're right." Merlin shifted into drive. "Let's go get Arthur."