"Seeking excellence means choosing to forge your own sword to cut through the limitations of your life..." James A. Murphy

Chapter 7 :Way to go

I waved the sword up and down with my right hand. Up. And down. And up again. And down again. It might look simple, but it wasn't. Especially because Gai-Sensei insisted on making me wear heavier weights. I was sure Lee-San carried more than me, but I was told that it would help with my muscle growth. Even without it the task would have been tiring.

It was excruciating.

Up. Down. I felt like something was being dislocated inside of me. How long until it stopped.

Gekkoa-Sempai (he insisted that I called him that way) had agreed to take me as a student, but he strictly refused that I used my dôjutsu. Copying a technique would never help me mastering it. So I had to learn them the hard way. By waving a word in basic moves.

He had shown me some of his moves. It almost looked like a dance. I was impressed. But here I was, stuck in these exercises.

The harder part was to stop the bokken at the exact place he wanted me to. Stopping my move, controlling the blade was everything. It was almost impossible with the inertia of my weights.

Up. Down. My hand was trembling. The other was stuck in a focus seal. I'd have to be able to use the other hand, and maybe make Jutsu with it. I couldn't grasp how people could execute techniques with incomplete signs. They had been invented for a reason, right? For instance, I needed to form the tiger seal to make Katon Jutsu.

"97... 98... 99..." I counted with my clenched teeth. "100! Finally!"

I let the sword down. My right arm was jerking around numbly.

"Good work" the Chuunin coughed, he always seemed a bit sick. "Now the other arm."

"Again?" I complained.

"You said you wanted to master Kenjutsu in six months, which is impossible. I'm taking you as far as I can with the basics. I'm sure you can pull the rest yourself."

Yeah, right... That was why he didn't want me to use my Sharingan. Turns out I was getting too cocky with it. Reproducing a technique when your body isn't rained for it can have disastrous effects. I remember a few muscles strain trying Neji-San's Juuken stances. My hands were definitely not made for that. And I still haven't tried copying Ninjutsu from another chakra nature.

I didn't mind the pain or any task that didn't required me to think. Not thinking was a good thing. There were tons of ideas I could ignore through effort and pain. I don't remember being a work alcoholic when little. I was ambitious, I wanted to shine, but I was just like Sasuke-Chan: I took the easy path. But there are to shortcuts in life, just illusions of the mind. I learned it the hard way, nearly drowning in my own blood and forever wondering about what was real.

Up. and down. My heart was beating, filling my head with its drumming. Nothing was red or black. No one way about to die. Everything here and now was real. It was everything that counted. I had no time to waste.

I might pay the toll later. But later was later. I was here and now.

"I'm done." I announced after a while.

"Good. Take a time to stretch your arms and legs." he suggested.

I obeyed without asking. What makes swordsmanship? Is it the strength of the arms? The swiftness of the blow? The footwork? A mix of all of this? I couldn't tell. I could only focus on my muscle pain.

The sun was burning my skin. Like my whole family I inherited a pale complexion and a low resistance to sunrays. What a pity for children of fire! I could feel the heated flesh getting redder and redder. I would probably peel tomorrow and the days after. Not that it really mattered: I was so bruised my natural color was black and green.

"Okay, stop." he coughed. "Let's see what you've learned."

He threw something at me. My first reflex was to avoid the object. It fell on the floor with a soft noise. It looked silky and red. I raised a brow as he gestured for me to fetch it. A long burgundy ribbon was floating between my fingers. I felt a little silly, not used to feel these textures under my calloused hands. I used to wear a silk yukata for special events. Last time I wore it I was pinned to a tree.

I glared dubiously at the Chuunin.

"It's a target." he said.

"It looks a lot like a reward." I answered. "I didn't know I deserved one."

He had only been training me for a couple of months after all. I had mostly done the exercises he gave me and changed my alimentation. I was building muscles after all.

Gekko-Sempai wore a dry look on his lips.

"That is only if you manage to keep it." he said. "Put it somewhere on your clothes."

I tied it on a simple knot on the front. I hadn't even finished that simple task that he was throwing himself at me. I jumped backwards, reaching for the hilt of my katana. The young man hadn't pulled his blade yet. I attempted a strike while unsheathing. My weights were slowing me down. I didn't see his sword. It had already strike when I heard it swoosh. Pain exploded on my side as he bluntly hit me with the flat side. His other hand was already on me.

I exchanged my body with a log just on time.

What about the honor of swordsmen he had told me before?

He had taken me by surprise, but now I was prepared. My team was much faster than him. I knew he was getting easy on me, but I couldn't let him win. I was an Uchiha and I had my pride.

I saw something glint on the sun. I blocked his sword as he jumped on me. A loud clang echoed on the training field. My hand almost flew, gliding across his other wrist, preventing him from taking the bow a second time. Everything in me was painful.

"What about that code of honor?" I grunted, struggling against him.

"We're ninjas." he simply answered.

I frowned. What did he mean by that?

I had no time to think as he twirled on his feet to get closer. I gave the struggle up, he moved slightly forward with his impulsion. I took that opportunity to move in his back and land a straight kick. He was sent a few step backs. I jumped at him, my sword describing an arc. He avoided it, striking right at my arm. The shock almost made me lose my grip on my weapon. I blinked, blinded by the sudden pain. Fortunately, I was wearing weights...

There was a ribbon in his other hand. That... That dunce!

"Not bad." he said. "But not good enough. I'll keep this until you get it back."

I gritted my teeth before striking.

This time I wouldn't forget I had another hand and a pair of Sharingan. The man was dancing around me like a steel-winged butterfly. I couldn't get a grasp of him. He was way too swift for me. As soon as I put my Dôjutsu on he became merciless. I wasn't near good. I saw in here the gap between us. And these fucking weights that slowed me down!

It was infuriating.

My chakra was bubbling inside of me, like the rage I was stacking.

There was only me and Sempai, battling for a stupid ribbon.

I was learning. I was learning fast. And it was painful. He hit me relentlessly. It was mostly with the blunt or the flat side of his blade, leaving nasty bruises on my exposed skin. But sometimes I would feel the cold bite of steel and hiss in pain. There was no easy way to learn. Blood was beating in my veins like war drums, I was trying to run on their uneven rhythm. It was too fast, too soon. I hadn't the necessary strength. I was too weak.

Black and red around me.

There's a black katana in my side.

My blood is pooling out of me.

But it wasn't Sempai in front of me.

I wail in pain.

Gekko-Sempai suddenly grabbed my shoulder with his empty hand.

"Oy! Yanagi-San!" he called with an alarmed tone.

I couldn't stop myself from shaking. He asked me the basic emergency questions (Could I hear him? Could I answer? Could I remember the day we were? Was I under medication? Did I need to lie down)? My mouth tasted like bile. My tongue felt like a lump of coal.

"You're all right?" he asked.

About that moment my teammates arrived for our daily training. Gai-Sensei had taken an habit of bringing me 'healthy food' in form of hard balls of soil. After two days my teammates pitied me enough to get me decent meals. I was so used to eat breakfast with Sasuke-Chan that I often forgot to take my food with me. In the end I found myself with more food that I could ingest, efficiently filling my body with the good nutrients.

I saw Sempai and Sensei discussing away while I was eating my rice balls. I wasn't looking at anything in particular. I just felt sick.

"I saw your spar Yanagi! Very youthful!" Lee-San was saying encouragingly.

"It was acceptable." Neji-San corrected. "You're not using your chakra to its full potential. Increase your usual flow and control."

I nodded distractedly. I wasn't in the mood. All the efforts I had made to be more sociable with them was slowly fading away. Was it worth it? would get separated from them in a few months! Summer was dying slowly and I knew I had to leave them. So why getting attached? I'd only be hurt more.

I didn't have to make any efforts to make them like me. I was walking towards my goal. If they weren't the team I was graduating with, then there was no point.

The dreams were getting worse. I wanted to use this new ability of mine, thus I had to fight nightmares I couldn't escape. What was real? What wasn't? How did it work? The clock was ticking.

"I just had a great idea!" Lee-San exclaimed as the two adults resumed their conversation. "Why don't we take a youthful picture as a team?"

I looked at him. Through my clouded mind, Lee-San was shining. I managed a wobbly smile before fetching my instant camera. It took a few tests before fitting the tree of us in this picture. It forced us squeezing ourselves while I was holding the machine far from our heads. They felt real, awkwardly wrapping an arm around me. It had only been four months together, but they seemed to accept me.

Neji-San had been the first to talk to me, and he was an okay guy if I ignored his nasty obsession with fate.

Lee-San was being equal to himself: hard-working and full of energy every minute.

I fitted between them. The talented girl who worked hard enough. The girl who had her own flaws. It felt good with them.

But it seemed someone had decided against this small happiness. Suddenly I missed the protective walls of the Academy. Now that I was in the outside world, it seemed too big and too dangerous. I was the last Uchiha girl. I was proud of my clan. In the end it seemed my village wanted proof of that.

My childhood was fading away, if I had any.

I closed my eyes, hoping these smalls seconds of happiness with this team could last forever. The polaroid buzzed out. I shook it before looking at it. When did I start looking half-dead? But the picture was nice. It made me remember the essential thing: all of this was real.

I liked these boys. I liked them when we had been at the Academy, but far away. I didn't want to admit they fascinated me. I was the last Uchiha girl, and I had nothing to do with a Hyuuga and a civilian who couldn't manipulate chakra. I oddly fit between them because I could be myself. I allowed myself to show some weakness.

Weakness meant my control was slipping.

"Take a pause. Training too hard is unhealthy." Gai-Sensei said as he came back.

I nodded. Even though I didn't want to leave Neji-San and Lee-San, I had to. Sasuke-Chan needed me. The village wanted me. If I wanted to restore my clan's fame, I had to work hard.

"Do... do you want to talk about it?" Sensei asked, uncharacteristically hesitant.

I looked away.

"Later, maybe." I muttered.

"Yosh! That sounds like a promise!"

I slightly grinned, before I started stretching.

I had never been that exhausted in my life. When I had been little, I can't really remember doing anything out of the ordinary. Well it was mostly because I hated being pushed by others. Right now I hated the fact I had to work so hard and be separated of my teammates. I could tell there was politics in play, yet I had never been good at this game. I had been told it was a nice skill to have, especially for kunoichi when they stop being used to fight and start giving birth.

I didn't want to stop fighting. I couldn't.

I was the Uchiha clan.

And I was getting eaten by my own power.

Exhaustion took me, and I knew I wouldn't escape the illusion. I recognized the signs now. It was useful, because it had trained my brain to recognize illusions. I already had an asset with my Sharingan, but that meant I was way more experienced with illusions than other people. Yet I was still so weak to them.

My head dropped on my chest. Everything went...

Black.

And red.

It twirled and twirled and twirled.

Hypnotizing.

Sickening.

I looked at the red blood pooling from my body.

My head was so heavy...

"It really gets annoying on the long run." I huffed at the dark arm.

I focused. Because of tiredness I found myself facing this Genjutsu over and over. Black on black was the enemy before me.

He had no face. He had no voice.

I was powerless.

Something hit me in the head.

My surroundings were getting better again. The trees, the nature, everything was colored...

"I'm picking weird chakra signals in her brain." someone said and the voice sounded like Neji-San.

"She seems to regain consciousness. Give her a mild anesthetic." someone else ordered.

Everything flickered back to black and red.

The image before me was staggering. I wanted to stare in the dark again. I wanted my answers.

Then I noticed the pain was gone.

But the sword was still there.

I had a tasteless bloody smirk.

I just had a really bad idea.

I rushed forward, letting the sword slip through me.

I wanted to grasp that man's face!

His eye looked at me. It was red.

Everything started to fade away.

Not now. I needed more time!

"Don't worry Uchiha-San, you're going to be fine." I heard.

Why was it the first time I thought of keeping this dream world of mine?

The man's eye glimmered. Like it was saying goodbye.

At the last moment I distinguished the weird pattern of his Sharingan.

Mangekyo?

Everything dissolved around me. And I fell in what surely was a normal dream…

"I have thought of some new chords today, Gôshi-San." I said. "It goes like this..."

I put my hands on the guitar and started playing. The man didn't move from his seat, still sipping his green tea in silence. Music filled the place. I let my emotions roll in. I put my feelings of the day inside. I put the praise of the teachers. I put the impressed look of Duck Butt. I put the distressed look of Shisui-Nii-San when I blew a fire so hot it was more orange than red. I put the feeling of power when chakra flowed inside of me. I put the beauty of the flames.

Little by little the music grew stronger and harsher. It told the story of a girl who didn't want to be left behind. It told a story of hard work and hope.

The last notes died in the place.

My adopted father still wasn't looking at me. His eyes were closed and his breathing as difficult as usual.

"Gôshi-San?" I asked.

"Why are you still playing on this instrument? This isn't what you've been told to do, Yanagi."

I looked at him.

"This won't do at all. I thought you had the talent to impress Fugaku-Sama, but I was wrong. Your music is an earsore."

Was I playing that bad? I mean, I couldn't do fire tricks anymore, or play with Sasuke-Chan, or be the best one in class. If I did, Onii-San would have that look again... I wouldn't be able to stand that. Instead I decided I'd put all this in my music. I thought Gôshi-San would be annoyed because I wasn't playing the classics of the clan (his wife had worked hard to teach all the ritual dances to my clumsy self, hasn't she?).

My music was the last free thing I possessed. Until now.

"I do not understand." I told him.

I immediately felt the danger when he stood. I trembled, being just an eight-year-old facing an old guy. But I wouldn't let go. He knew I would never accept him as my father, as well as I would never accept to obey them. My last family member was my brother, and he hadn't had the strength to take care of me. that meant I had to have that strength for myself.

That strength was mine. Mine to reveal and mine to use. Father had taught me that.

"Indeed you do not understand, Yanagi. You are a daughter of the Uchiha clan. Your duty is to provide honor to the clan. You are wasting your potential in this music."

His hand flew and took the instrument away from me. I hadn't the force nor the speed to grab it properly. He handed it to his wife. Kami knew where she would put it. I gritted my teeth. It was so unfair!

His hand gripped my shoulder hard.

"Do not take me for an imbecile, girl. I am not blind. I know what you're worth."

That didn't mean I would give him my talents. We both knew he adopted me because of who my father was, but not only. My father was a war hero, and my mother had been very talented as well. Onii-San was one of the most talented of our clan. I still needed to bloom, but developing two tomoe at eight-year-old and knowing our basic Katon techniques was an impressive feat. I probably had room to get better, and that was exactly what he was expecting.

"You don't need these distractions. I'll give you the shape you're ought to have." he said with his stern voice.

"No." I had refused defiantly.

I hadn't predicted the slap. It burned.

I lowered my head. I curled my hands into fists to stop them from trembling. I should fall on my knees and apologize. After all I was just a weeping willow. I was always bent in submission, right? That is what I should do?

"Remember I am the one who took you in. Is it how you are repaying our kindness?"

I trembled again, but it was a repressed laugh that time. Kindness? Is it how he put things? He hit my face again.

"Go to your room and reflect on your acts, Yanagi."

I turned my heels away. There was no point discussing with such a stubborn man. Blood tasted bittersweet in my mouth.

I jerked as someone gave my body a shake.

There was a masked man with impossible grey hair next to me. My brain paused a while before I started observing the room I was in. Hospital. Where else?

"I was starting to wonder why I wasn't being chased by a cute little girl today." The elite Jounin casually said. "Did you sleep well?"

I didn't answer. Something was weird. It was like some part of my mind wasn't accessible to me. It felt like a numb spot in my brain. What happened?

I looked at Kakashi-San questioningly.

He sighed and brushed the back of his head with his fingers. No matter what he did, his hair was still defying gravity. That man didn't seem to hold any logic. He was so hard to grasp. It was a wonder he was actually coming to see me. I wasn't sure I had managed to have him teach me some Sharingan tricks. In the end I still had learned some stuff by pursuing his lazy ass around Konoha on my free time.

I had been used to see him pray near the KIA stone. Something had changed since he saw me walking with Naruto-Kun. And then Gai-Sensei had started pursuing the two of us with Kage Bunshin so we would train together. The only thing was that the ex-ANBU didn't want to do anything with me. He forced me using my Sharingan to track him, something that was absolutely not the first purpose of these eyes. The only time I managed to keep him on his toes was a morning when I managed to pull out this crazy Mangekyô of mine. Appearing next to him by surprise nearly got me killed.

He took the patient chart at the end of my bed. I was quite sure he shouldn't do that.

"The docs seem to think you had some sort of Dôjutsu failure while trapped under a Genjutsu... They weren't able to cast it off, so they numbed the part of your brain who received the false signals."

"Seems like patching me up." I snorted.

"They do their best." he replied.

"Yes, they do."

It was somehow incredible I had to fall from exhaustion for them to detect the problem. It's not like I hadn't talked about it to my shrink. What a waste.

The man sat back in front, arms crossed. His only visible eye was looking at me. I shuddered. The man in my illusion only had one eye.

I had to ask... The one-eyed Mangekyô user in my dream…

"How did you get that eye?"

"You're curious, now? I thought you said it didn't matter."

"I want to know now..."

I heard how unsure and weak I sounded.

"Is it really what you want to ask me right now?"

I almost let my first thought slip though my teeth. What I wanted to know the most was about the vivid memory I just had. I had remembered the feeling of being used. There was no more stepfamily to make shine. But there were politicians that seem to ask the same as the Elders of my clan. How long until I get free from them?

Though knowing how an outsider got the eye was very interesting.

So I nodded eagerly.

He gave me a knowing look.

"I got it from a great man during the war." he said.

"Who was it?"

"My teammate."

He refused to say more, even though I tried very hard. He seemed gone a bit. Then he claimed my questions were too intimate. I wasn't quite sure what he meant by that word. His book might be of adventure and romance; it clearly was some adult book. A really graphic one. Not the kind I should be reading.

He seemed to have questions for me.

"I read your file." he said.

I managed to mix a frown with raised brows.

"And I am the one getting into your intimacy?"

"Mah, you didn't know until I told you."

"How does that makes it better !?"

"It's funny how your grades and abilities don't seem to match..."

"Why are you asking that for?"

"Maybe I want to know now?"

"As if. Who wants to know about that?"

"You think someone wanted me to ask?"

He was good. I was quite sure he could read much more if I refused to talk. 5% is what I say, 15% is how I say it, 80% is body language. So I'd better answer and try my best at lying. Talk about fooling a Sharingan user.

"Yes, I think so."

"You're quite perceptive, aren't you? I see you trying to read my moves even without your Sharingan on. Gai trained you well in that area."

Not quite. I just picked up some neat tricks by watching him. He might have been the only man detecting a Henge only by reading body language. But maybe that counted as training.

"If you're that perceptive, tell me what you have on your mind." he said.

"Does that count as training as well?" I asked as I eyed him. "It does, right! Kami, how screwed are you?"

He waited for me to be able to start. I breathed in, composing myself. I thought I felt someone in the corridor, but it was probably a nurse. Nonetheless, I decided to use the secret hand signs I had seen Shisui-Nii and Itachi-Sama use. They thought they had been so discreet, but I had always been trying to find something to put my mind on. I couldn't be that good in the other areas if I was distracted, right? Splitting my attention had always worked, because I had always been expected to do my best.

"I think people haven't noticed me at first because I was in my brother's shadow. He was the best of our clan, even stronger than the Uchiha heir. Then again I was just a little girl with a difficult birth. Actually I'm quite sure they thought of me as a way to keep Sasuke-Chan busy. That's how I made something akin to a mistake: I carelessly showed my powers. I wasn't aware that powers should mostly be hidden to your peers. After all, enemies are supposed to be taken down."

I closed my eyes a bit, feeling the headache pounding against my skull. A cold plastic goblet found his way inside my hand. Water felt like a blessing. My throat was always sore because of all my uses of the Katon. I thanked the man before speaking again.

"I shouldn't be telling all of this to you, but you probably already know it. I'm not the only perceptive person in this room, right?"

I opened my eyes to see his glinting. He was finding this amusing or interesting. Glad to be the center of the show…

"After Father died, I was adopted by some cousin. A very ambitious one, I might say. I don't know why he thought the clan head and heir would be interested in me, but he wanted to look good through me. But on the meantime I had this feeling that my brother didn't quite like me being talented. So I managed to partially hide my progress."

Well nowadays I was rather busy fighting madness. It was rather effective to slow down any progress.

"By progressing in other fields, right? Heard you were some kind of an artist." he teased.

"And where did you hear about that?"

I sounded a bit wary. He winked at me and I almost groaned in annoyance.

"Anyway, I'm not that good at hiding since it seems people are still waiting for me to bring fame to the village."

"You should be grateful. Most ninjas aren't that lucky."

"Heh, if they wanted fame, better not count on my clan. I'm aware of that false pretense of power they gave us with all the Police force."

"Someone's been reading I see. Be sure to take care where you put your nose, Yanagi"

The room suddenly went chilly. Kakashi wasn't teasing anymore.

"What are you looking for, Uchiha Yanagi?" he asked.

I felt my body trembling, moving on its own. My skin was crawling, like trying to run away while my limbs were totally paralyzed. My breathing itched. What was he doing? His presence was such a pressure, such a menace.

"Are you showing off, Yanagi?"

It was my brother's voice in my mind. It had felt as intimidating as Kakashi just now. I felt scared. Bad! Bad! Bad! I shouldn't show all these powers!

I didn't dare looking away from the man. He might jump at me and hurt me. I suddenly was way younger, pinned to a tree, dying. I gritted my teeth at the aggressor. I would not die here. I straightened my spine, clenching my fists, Sharingan spinning in my eyes like mad. I made my chakra radiate, just like he did. I felt blazing hot. It was exhilarating.

"I am not scared." I said, boldly looking at him.

"What are you looking for, Uchiha Yanagi?" he asked again.

"I want answers to my questions."

"What questions?"

I felt how hard it was to resist him. Drops of sweat rolled on my face. I had higher chakra reserves than that man. It may be foolish to resist, but I had to. I wanted to be strong.

"You're not the one I want to ask them."

"I'm someone who can prevent you from going. How deep do you wish to know?"

"Why do you want to keep me so much in the dark? Afraid I might turn wrong?" I countered.

"I want you to see your priorities straight. I know which way despair leads to."

Then I realized. He thought I would crumble because of all these people who had died. He thought it because I went to see them everyday, just like he did with his own friends. Yet, I didn't hold any regrets.

"I have too much to do to wallow in despair, Kakashi-San."

I was too busy not going crazy, for once.

But there was also something else he was trying to tell me. What priorities? Why would he ask about that? He didn't seem like Gai-Sensei, who thought I was going to die confronting my cousin. He was asking something crucial. Was he asking...

"You'd better keep this in mind. Konoha needs you."

"Konoha needs more than just me. I'm just a sophisticated tool to be. I suppose you should know better than me, you who is the last of the Hatake clan. People die for our village everyday. I will too."

"If you know that much, then why asking questions?"

"Maybe because I won't be just a simple baby maker to make our clan rise again. I am smart enough to know there is something wrong, and I know where to look for my answers."

"What will you do once you have them? What will you do if what you find makes you turn your back on your own Village? Konoha can't risk this."

I smirked.

"Then I'll just have to make the truth known."

He raised a brow. I realised then we both had lowered our killing intents.

"You really are Shisui's sister, aren't you. I'll be watching you."

There was a gust of wind. I blinked.

He was gone.


So did you enjoyed what you've read ?

What do you think of Kakashi? What do you think of his relationship with Yanagi?

fanofthisfiction : Thanks for your comment ^^ I wasn't sure I had transcribed the loss of their clan right...

See you later! Don't forget to leave a review.

EDIT: Thanks to SecretlyADayDreamer I have corrected the character naming problem :D