Author's Note: I'm sorry again for the wait! I'm seriously still coughing after a month of having this cold though I think I'm basically over it. Then last weekend I got a short flu bug. That was fun on top of my cold. Then I had an interview the day after having a 103.5 fever. But I got the job! I am working part-time at the local library now! I get to be around books all day. But I'm also keeping my other part-time job since I can't really survive on 20 hours a week. I've worked at a souvenir gift store for about six years now. So while I'm training at the library, I am working 7 days a week for two weeks with one day off in between. (One of my coworkers got a full time job between me applying and getting this job, so there are currently three of us running the store...) I really hope once I get my regular library schedule that will not be the case. I even have to double on some of those days which means about 9 hours of work... I am going to be very busy. But I am still going to try to write. The nice thing about working two part-time jobs is I do get some mornings and afternoons off. It's not just 8-5 every week day. But if I don't update frequently, that is why. I'm just relieved I can stop job searching. Maybe having more to do will motivate me to set aside time to write. I will finish this story - I promise you that!
Thank you for reading and for the favorites and follows my story has gotten! Here's a nice long chapter. I don't start at the library for another week, so I'll try to get another one written before then!
-Twenty-Five-
A Modern Study of Heroes and Villains
When Lancelot arrived at the A.V.A.L.O.N. Agency to meet Morgana, he found she wasn't alone. Morgause and Nimueh stood at her side as he entered the building, and Lancelot stopped short, his instincts tense though he knew Morgana wouldn't let them harm him. "Come in," Nimueh said, her tone neither hostile nor friendly. Morgana gave him a sympathetic look. For a moment Lancelot feared that Nimueh and Morgause knew of Uther's plight to destroy magic, but he trusted Morgana understood the stakes. They couldn't risk an all out war between Uther and the sorceresses. No one spoke as Nimueh led them into a modern decorated office. The woman motioned for Lancelot to sit in one of the two chairs in front of her desk. Morgause leaned against the wall and Morgana sat next to Lancelot, fidgeting slightly. Her own nervousness only increased Lancelot's own.
"Morgana has told us of your plan to revive the magic in this crystal for the girl Amaryllis," Nimueh said once Lancelot was seated.
"Right." Lancelot looked over at Morgana. "She needs it to reclaim her magic. We think. The Second Coming has left her weakened."
"And yet you work for Uther, do you not?" Morgause asked, her eyes vicious as she surveyed him. Her distaste for him was plain and he tried not to let her gaze intimidate him.
"Not of my own free will," Lancelot told her. He didn't really expect her to believe him, but he'd never served Uther. It had always been Arthur. "I can't explain it exactly. Just that I'm bound to him until a time when I can be freed."
"Are you telling me Uther has 'stooped so low' as to have used magic?" Morgause asked, eyes flashing.
"Not himself, no, but the bond is of magic. I cannot break it. I don't know whose magic it is." He turned back to Nimueh. "Can you break it?" he asked. Nimueh seemed to be on more placid terms with him so perhaps she would help him.
"It's not that kind of magic," she said, blue eyes intense as they travelled down his face. "You cannot just break it like a chain. It's something you must overcome. How, I cannot say, but if you really do have good intentions of helping Morgana, then that's a start."
"I do. I swear it." He willed her and Morgause to believe it.
"Why?" Morgause pushed away from the wall, walking behind Lancelot and around the desk until she faced him, standing by Nimueh's side. Her brow furrowed as she gazed at him. "Why do you want to help her? I know what she did to you in your past life." Lancelot saw Morgana wince slightly at the mention of this. Morgause didn't blink.
"Because that was in our past life. The way I see it, we all have one chance to make this future work. Mess it up and it won't be much of a second chance for some of us. If you hadn't noticed, most of us died in the last life," he told her, tone carrying the smallest hint of bitterness.
"I had noticed," Morgause said, but her words held less venom.
"He's right, you know," Nimueh said softly. Morgause's eyes darted to her. "Uther could make our lives miserable."
"Or we could make his miserable," Morgause protested.
"We could, but in this life we have nothing to gain. We're here to protect those with magic from more than just Uther. Your quest goes much further than retrieving this stone, does it not?" she asked, addressing Lancelot.
"Yes," he replied truthfully. He looked at Morgana. "But it's something we need to do. Alone."
"I still don't trust him," Morgause said to Nimueh, speaking of Lancelot as if he wasn't sitting right there. He tried not to let it bother him. In a way Morgause was part of the reason for his own death. She had died so that Morgana could tear open the curtain between the world of the living and the dead. Lancelot had sacrificed himself to repair the rift. But even still, Lancelot found his anger was stale. There was no use for it here in this life. Better uneasy allies with Morgause than enemies.
"Do you trust him?" Nimueh asked Morgana, bypassing Morgause altogether. Morgause pursed her lips but did not speak.
"Yes, I do," Morgana spoke quickly, and Lancelot felt a surge of gratitude. She was the most unlikely ally and yet she stood up for him without hesitation. "I know what I'm doing. I know you're just looking out for me, sister, but you have to let me do this."
Morgause was quiet for a long moment, and Lancelot saw something in her eyes – sorrow, perhaps, that Morgana no longer needed her advice but also pride. "Very well," she said. "But if you so much as hurt her…"
"Morgause," Morgana said, holding up a hand. "He won't."
"I would never hurt her," Lancelot put in.
"Then you may go," Nimueh told them. "Find the answers you seek."
"Thank you." Morgana and Lancelot stood, and Lancelot rather felt like he was leaving an interrogation. He opened the door for Morgana and they walked out to where he'd parked the car. Morgana had a small overnight bag she'd left by the door and she placed it in the trunk before getting into the passenger seat. They would stop by Ealdor to pick up Byron and then continue on to the Crystal Caves once Morgana performed the locator spell.
"Did you call Ryll?" Lancelot asked her as he started the engine.
"I…I didn't… I spoke with Byron and we realized that if we told her, she'd come rushing to help and our main priority in this lifetime needs to be protecting her. She sacrificed everything in the last life. You know how she has a tendency to go rushing off into danger to save her friends."
"Yeah, yeah, I do," Lancelot said, his hand tightening on the wheel as he pulled away from the curb, taking the main street that would lead out of town.
"Well this is our chance to protect her," Morgana told him.
"But she has a right to answers just as much as us – more so even. Do you think we'll meet some kind of danger in the caves?" Lancelot asked.
"I don't know. The woman in the Crystal Caves shop said it was our quest. After we return, we'll take her there." Lancelot was quiet. He didn't like the idea of hiding this from Ryll at all. "Ryll and Merlin are busy adjusting Arthur to the 21st Century. Arthur needs them both right now."
"I think we should stop at Merlin's house before we go to the caves. It's on the way from what you've told me. We're not going to let anything happen to her, I promise, but I'm not going to lie or keep things from her. That's not what she would want. I know you're desperate to protect her, but she's the reason we're even here right now. We owe her the truth." Morgana was silent, but she nodded slowly. "You're still thinking about what Uther saw, aren't you?" Lancelot asked.
"What if in telling Merlin about this we set that future into motion?" Morgana asked softly.
Lancelot tightened his grip on the wheel. "Merlin isn't going to destroy the world with magic," he said. "Whatever Uther saw, it's not Merlin."
"But we don't know what was happening. I'm not saying Merlin would hurt anyone on purpose-"
"He wouldn't hurt anyone period."
Morgana fell silent and an awkward silence ensued for the rest of the drive. When they reached Ealdor and were stopped in front of Ryll's flat, Morgana hurried to get out of the car as quickly as she could. Byron met them on the sidewalk. "What's the matter?" he asked, immediately picking up on the mood.
"I want to stop at Merlin's house and tell him and Ryll and Arthur all of this first hand," Lancelot said. "Before we go." Byron exchanged a glance with Morgana. "She told me about your reasoning for keeping Ryll in the dark, and while I agree we need to protect her and keep her from going off on her own, I'm not going to lie to her or keep this from her. We owe her more than that."
Byron looked humbled. "I just want to keep her safe."
"We all do," Lancelot assured him. "She was my best friend in that lifetime. I still want to do everything I can to protect her, but this isn't the way. And no matter what Uther saw, Merlin can help us."
"Fine," Byron said. "Might as well bring her some clothes and that cat of hers."
"I'll go pack her some stuff," Morgana said. Lancelot watched her go.
"No one has protected her more than you," Lancelot said to Byron. "But imagine what Ryll would say if she found out you'd kept this from her? She deserves answers just like the rest of us."
"She might throttle me after, but at least she'd be safe."
"We're just going to some caves," Lancelot said. "I can't imagine what you and Morgana think is going to be waiting for us there. I was under the impression that magical beasts didn't exist in this time."
"Beasts aren't the only monsters out there," Byron told him.
"Uther is just a man."
"A desperate man who wants very much to save his daughter," Byron added. "And simultaneously destroy magic. He's already putting ideas into our heads about our friends. We can't let him turn us against each other."
"Uther can only do so much." He was just as out of place in this world as the rest of them even as he struggled to get some sort of strangle hold on the world. He was still just a lonely man in a castle without a throne. "He doesn't scare me."
"So who's going to call ahead to tell Ryll we're on the way?" Morgana asked just then, a suitcase in one arm and a cat carrier in the other. Lancelot hurried to grab the case from her. She looked between the two of them and then sighed. "I suppose I'll do it myself since both of you are too chicken to call her."
"I haven't spoken to her since we got our memories back," Byron said defensively. "The last time we really saw each other was…" He cut off, clamping his jaw shut.
"Before you got yourself killed," Morgana finished for him. Byron flashed her a glare.
"To put it insensitively, yes," he said. "Thank you for reminding me."
"We all died in some way," Morgana told him. "We need to put that behind us now and focus on the present. I'll call her, but you'll see her when we get there. Might as well prepare yourself for it." She pulled out her phone and put in the call while Byron leaned against the side of the car.
"I guess we know who's in charge," Lancelot said with a smile.
"No wonder she and Ryll get along so well. They're equally stubborn and they enjoy bossing us around." Lancelot thought he saw Morgana's lips quirk up in a smile from where she stood a few feet away.
"Straight to voicemail," she said a moment later.
"Well it is," Lancelot checked his watch, "7:14 am. She might still be sleeping. Can you use a locator spell to find where she is?" he added. "You can try calling again later."
"This is going to put us back too far," Byron grumbled. "Uther is already a step ahead of us."
"My friends are distracting his men," Lancelot said.
"What friends?" Byron asked. "You never mentioned friends."
"The Knights of the Round Table," Morgana told him. "That's what they call themselves. The knights who were most loyal to Arthur in Camelot. They've been working subtly against Uther."
"I guess that makes you a double agent then," Byron told Lancelot.
"This isn't a spy movie. As long as I'm under whatever magical binding that ties me to Uther, I can't just ignore him." Much as he wanted to forget Uther and focus on the problem at hand, it was always tugging at him, a fine, invisible rope that bound him to the former king of Camelot.
"Have you ever considered that you are endangering our quest?" Byron asked suddenly. "You're putting Ryll in danger just being here."
"Byron," Morgana cut in, putting a hand out between them as if anticipating a fight. Byron would throw a punch long before Lancelot would ever consider it. "Lancelot is not endangering us. Uther doesn't have magic. He can't just use a locator spell or a summoning spell. I want him here. He's proved to be a loyal friend."
"Oh, I get it." Byron smiled, but the smile didn't reach his green eyes.
"Get what?" Morgana snapped, her patience waning. They were wasting time arguing, but Lancelot wasn't sure cutting off Morgana was a good idea.
"You two. At first I thought you were the most unlikely alliance, but now I get it. Only we don't have time for mislaid trust and little crushes."
Morgana's face flushed with either embarrassment or anger. Most likely a little of both. "You're just making assumptions," she told him. "This is neither the time or the place for childish accusations. We need to get going." She turned away.
Byron shook his head but didn't argue. "That was out of line," he said a moment later to Lancelot. "Sorry."
"It's all right. You'd be a fool not to doubt me. I have no allegiance to Uther, but I'm not free of him. You're right to be on your guard. I would never betray Morgana or Ryll or Arthur though. I wouldn't betray any of you." His eyes strayed to Morgana where she had a map spread out on the hood of the car. Her eyes glowed amber for a moment.
"Here," she said, bringing the map over. "She's in a town called Forest Ridge. It's on the coast about four hours from here. Let's get going." She got into the passenger side of the car leaving Byron to share the backseat with a grumbling cat. Lancelot got behind the wheel.
"Well," Byron said, his voice falsely cheery. "Four hours in a car together. This should be fun." Morgana rolled her eyes at Lancelot and pulled out her phone and a pair of headphones. "Right," Byron said. "Good." He pressed his head to the window and watched Ealdor fade from sight. Lancelot couldn't help the trill of excitement that rippled through him. They were going to see Merlin and Ryll and Arthur again. It had been a long time since Lancelot had seen any of them. Last time he'd been a wraith. He'd nearly ruined Arthur and Gwen's lives. He needed to apologize to them.
"Is Gwen in this life?" he asked suddenly. No one had mentioned her name, he realized.
Morgana pulled a headphone out of her ear, fixing him with a sad look. "Not yet. We haven't found her," she said.
"Can you use a locator spell to find her?" he asked.
"I can try." He thought Merlin would have thought of that, but perhaps Merlin was busy enough taking care of Arthur. Morgana pulled the map back out and performed the spell. She shook her head. "I don't know where she is. Perhaps she didn't come back. Of all the people in Camelot, she lived the fullest. Maybe she's resting peacefully." Was that better? To be resting peacefully in the afterlife rather than forging a new life in this new time? Lancelot didn't know, but he felt for Arthur. Without Gwen, Arthur would feel as if half of his heart was missing. "We'll find her if she's here," Morgana assured him. He nodded, thankful for her words. "I owe her a thousand apologies even if I already gave them in the last life. It wasn't enough. She was so kind and I…" She broke off, looking away as if ashamed. "I treated her horribly."
"That's not you anymore," Lancelot told her. "That was before, this is now."
Morgana gave him a small smile before putting her headphones back in her ears and pressing her head against the back of the seat. The car fell silent as the miles rushed beneath the tires. Lancelot kept his eyes ahead and tried not to remember the past.
…
When they arrived back at the house, Merlin found Arthur sitting at the desk in his library. A couple of books sat on the desk as if Arthur had been reading. Arthur wasn't reading now though. He sat staring ahead, and Merlin caught sight of a stack of papers in front of him. He took a step closer, and Arthur turned to him.
"I just wanted to find some ink for the pen, but I found this instead," he said. His eyes were sad, and Merlin couldn't quite understand what he meant.
"You don't need ink for pens. It's already in them. Sorry I forgot to mention that. Were you writing a letter?" he asked.
"I was going to write to my father. I thought a letter might be a good way to contact him. I found these papers though. Your name is on them. You wrote them."
Merlin leaned forward to see just what it was Arthur was talking about. The paper was typewritten, dated fifty years before when Merlin had been pursuing his doctorate in medieval history. His eyes snagged on the title: A Modern Study of Heroes and Villains: Was King Arthur the Hero of the Story? "Oh…"
"I read it. I shouldn't have, I know, but the title caught my eye." Arthur stood. The hurt in his eyes was undeniable. Ryll craned her neck to read the title. Her eyes flitted between Merlin and Arthur. "You should read it, Ryll. It's enlightening really." He moved toward the door.
"Arthur, wait! I didn't mean what I wrote personally. I was just exploring the topic-" Merlin called after Arthur, panic rising. He'd never meant for Arthur to read that. He hadn't even remembered that it was sitting in the drawer. The king paused in the doorway.
"Maybe my perspective was, what did you call it? 'Limited by the biases of my father.' Maybe I wasn't the hero after all." He didn't look at Merlin as he spoke. "It was rather rich to believe myself so important."
"You were important. Did you read it all? I talked about myself a little too, well, the Merlin people think they know." And how no one ever talked about the decisions he had made – the lives he had taken for the greater good. He had questioned himself just as much.
"They already know you're the real hero," Arthur said, "from what I've read in your books."
"That's not what I-" But Arthur had already left the room. "Meant," Merlin finished. He buried his face in his hands. "That wasn't meant for him to read. I'd completely forgotten it was in the desk. It was just an analytical paper."
Ryll put a hand on his shoulder. "He just needs some time. He'll forgive you. He always does. It's not like you meant it personally, like you said. There's the Arthur we know and then there's the Arthur everyone else thinks they know. There's a big difference."
"But it is personal because I do know him. Because my own experiences did go into that paper." He sat down heavily.
"Can I read it?" Ryll asked him.
"You might as well." Merlin handed her the papers, and Ryll took them out to the couch, curling her feet up under herself. Merlin followed her, seating himself across from her and watching anxiously as she read. When she finished her eyes were filled with tears. She set the papers down, and Merlin tensed, waiting for her anger. Instead she put her arms around him and held him, tears running down his neck as she buried her face there.
"So you're not mad?" he asked.
Ryll shook her head, not pulling away. "That was the most honest thing I've ever read, and it took so much for you to write it, I know it did. Arthur hasn't been awake for long. He hasn't lived as long as you or had so much time to reflect. I'll go talk to him."
She pulled away and dried her tears. "Sorry it made you cry," Merlin said, quirking his lips up in a half smile.
"Did you get an A+ on it?" she asked.
"Actually a B. The professor thought I was taking liberties with some of my 'assumptions.' Seems I was a little too chummy with Arthur in some parts."
Ryll laughed. "Well, it's hard to distance yourself from something you've lived. Especially with all the silly, incorrect legends floating around these days."
"Too true."
Ryll leaned down and kissed his cheek. "I'll talk to him. He'll come around," she told him.
"I hope so…" Merlin watched her go before taking the paper and shutting it away in his wall safe in his office. He'd already done enough damage with it. Something vibrated against his desk, and he looked over to see Ryll's phone sitting there. Morgana's name lit up on the screen. He picked it up and answered, figuring Ryll wouldn't mind.
"Morgana, it's Merlin," he said into the phone.
"Hi, Merlin."
"Ryll is out back talking to Arthur," Merlin said. "Did you need to talk to her now?"
"I can talk to you," she replied. "There's a lot we need to talk about. Lancelot, Byron, and I are coming your way. Is it okay if we stop by your house?"
"Yeah, yeah, that would be great," Merlin said. "Lancelot is with you?"
"Yeah, he's right here. We've got a lot to tell you and Ryll and Arthur. He thought it would be best in person."
"Do you know how to get here?" Merlin asked. He was still a little stunned that Morgana had allied herself with Byron and Lancelot. Clearly they'd been busy while he and Ryll had been ushering Arthur into the 21st century.
"Locator spell. We're about two and a half hours out. I could use an address though."
It was so strange chatting to Morgana like this now that she'd gotten her memories back, but Merlin found himself glad to have his old friend back. It had been a long time since he'd called Morgana a friend, but there had been a time when that had been true. "Sure, it's 1486 Forest Road. I guess we'll see you in a few hours."
After he hung up he stood for a long while pondering how strange and yet familiar his life had become. Arthur being upset with him was nothing new, but he didn't like thinking he'd overstepped his boundaries as a friend. They were no longer servant and king, and Merlin wasn't quite sure how to define this new relationship of theirs. He just hoped he hadn't ruined it over some essay he'd written years before when he'd had absolutely no idea that the king would ever read it. He sighed, taking a seat. Now Byron, Lancelot, and Morgana were coming. How would Arthur react to seeing Morgana again? How would Ryll react to seeing Byron and Lancelot? Times were changing. Suddenly his life was turning into something much more complicated and what scared him the most was how little control he felt like he had. Maybe it's time I got used to not being the hero of the story, he told himself. Maybe this time it isn't my story.
Maybe the books would never tell it right. Maybe Arthur and Merlin would always be the heroes of the story, but the books only told one side. To them this life wasn't a story. This was their world, their history, their future, and if he had the power to make it a good one, he would.
