-Twenty-Six-

Clarity

Ryll found Arthur sitting on a bench in Merlin's garden looking lost. Either in thought or in general, she wasn't sure. He stirred when she approached, looking up at her with conflicted eyes.

"Can I sit?" she asked him, receiving a nod in reply. He scooted over to make room for her. Ryll didn't speak at first. She gazed out over the garden. Merlin's yard stretched out beyond his house in a mixture of lawn, trees, and flowers. It was carefully tended, and everything seemed to glow with color. Ryll wondered if he hadn't used a touch of magic when planting the seeds. "It's beautiful here," she said. A part of her realized this could be her home if she wanted it to be. She'd never thought of anywhere other than Camelot as home, but she could see herself living here. There was a familiarity to it and when she glanced back at the house there was a tingle of recognition as if she'd seen that very same door before. She shook the thought away, turning to Arthur.

"Before you speak, let me just say that I'm not mad at Merlin for writing those things," Arthur said. His eyes were honest, but she could still see hurt behind them. "Camelot was never black and white. It wasn't just good and evil like the books paint it to be. I found a book on Camelot," he added. "Merlin has quite the collection."

"Sometimes we had to do things that maybe weren't right but they were for the right reasons," Ryll said softly. She knew she had.

"That doesn't make them right though. A right and a wrong don't make it right."

"A king has to make those tough decisions though. It's part of being the ruler of a kingdom. You don't have the luxury of always making the easy choices, of always saving everyone. It's part of what made you a great king."

"It's funny that here we are in a completely different time where I can be whoever I want to be and yet I'm still wanting the approval of my former servant."

"Merlin was never just your servant," Ryll told him. "He's your friend. He always has been. He's always been one of those people who make you want to be the best you can be. He inspires greatness, as do you. The reason Merlin wrote that paper is not because he thought you were a lesser king, a lesser person. It's because he was second-guessing himself. Your lives were so closely entwined in Camelot. You did a lot together."

"So he was second-guessing both of us because we both acted together for a lot of the things he feels guilty for," Arthur guessed, understanding softening his face.

"The past leaves scars on everyone, but we can't let them dictate our lives. It's easy to let our mistakes carry us down a road we don't want to travel. Morgana would understand that. Out of everyone I've met in this new life, she has been the most determined to overcome her past."

"Then she will be my inspiration to do the same. I'm not ashamed of my past. I know I did the best I could even if it was a difficult decision. But there's always something new to learn. I don't pretend to know anything about this world. I'm not a king here and so I need to forge a new identity for myself."

"You're not alone. I think we're all wondering just where we fit in." She turned as the back door opened and closed. Merlin stood there, hesitating, but Ryll waved him over. "Talk to him," she told Arthur. "He can't bear the thought of you being upset with him."

"Hey, sorry to interrupt," Merlin said, approaching them. "Morgana just called. She, Byron, and Lancelot are headed this way."

Arthur stood, and Ryll thought she saw anxiety mixed with the joy in his eyes. "Lancelot?" he asked.

"He's come back," Ryll told him. "I saw him once before I remembered who he was. And Byron. I haven't truly spoken to him since he died." She said the words bravely though her heart still clenched at the thought.

"It will be good to see them," Arthur said. "All of them. I may have made peace with Morgana in our last life, but this time I want to try to get my sister back."

"We all have a lot to discuss, but I'll leave you two now," Ryll said. She squeezed Merlin's hand as she passed and he gave her a nervous smile. "He doesn't have a pail or a pillow or anything to throw at her head," she mock whispered, smiling back at Arthur. She made her way back into the house, fingers trailing over the doorframe. She frowned, an image flashing through her mind too quickly to grasp. The familiarity returned, but she couldn't say why. She shut the door behind her and left Merlin and Arthur to talk.

"I'm sorry you had to see that," Merlin said at once, hovering by the bench. Arthur stood to face him.

"But not sorry that you wrote it?" he asked, and Merlin couldn't tell if he was still angry.

"I had a lot of years to reflect," Merlin told him. "I struggled sometimes with what I'd done in the past. If I'd done something different would it have ended better? Would Morgana have still turned against us? Would we have lost Lancelot? Would Ryll…" His voice broke even after all these years. "Would she have still died?" He forced himself to say it.

"You can't go back and change things," Arthur told him. "And you shouldn't regret what you've done. You were right. All of it. We weren't always heroes but we did the best we could. I'm not mad at you, Merlin. Of the two of us, you always had the most clarity. You saw through my prejudices and shortcomings to what needed to be done, to what was right. I let those things blind me to truths I should have seen."

"I was blinded too. When you get a destiny, it gives you a very one-tracked mind. I was always so focused on this one particular destiny that I didn't realize that the ending was always based on the choices I made along the way. It wasn't set in stone and sometimes I made the wrong choice because I thought it was the only choice."

"Perhaps now in this life our eyes will be opened," Arthur said, smiling slightly.

"Morgana said she had a lot to discuss with us. I'm hoping we'll stop feeling like we're wandering around with our eyes closed."

"I keep thinking this is a dream. Lancelot alive. My friends coming together." His eyes grew distant. "I just wish I knew where Gwen was."

"We'll find her. If she is in this world, we'll find her." Merlin hoped that was true. He didn't know how many more people were out there. He didn't understand how it all worked. He thought he'd been blinded by his destiny but now he was lost without one.

Morgana, Byron, and Lancelot arrived a little after ten. Ryll met them when they drove into the driveway, her joy uncontained as her three dear friends got out of the black car. Lancelot got out of the driver's seat but Byron, who was sitting in back, raced past him to grab Ryll in a bone-crushing hug. He lifted her clean off the ground, and she squirmed against him, laughing, her arms trapped. He finally put her down, grinning.

"Sheesh, we worked together all these years. You'd think we hadn't seen each other in a few hundred years," she joked.

"This is different," he said, putting his hands on her shoulder and studying her as if she'd changed since the last time he'd seen her. "You got rid of the blue," he added, studying her hair.

"Merlin did." Byron's eyes slid past her to Merlin. She saw something pass over his face for a hint of a second before vanishing. Arthur appeared at Merlin's side, hanging back a little. Byron let go of Ryll and bowed to Arthur.

"That's not necessary," Arthur said, coming forward and reaching out a hand to Byron. He pulled Byron up. "I'm not a king here."

"You're still my king," Byron said, his voice reverent. He turned to Merlin, but Ryll's attention was distracted by Lancelot as he came over to her. He was suddenly blurry, and she realized she was crying. He came forward and wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest, breathing in his familiar scent. She tried to hold back her sobs, shaking silently as he held her. She couldn't believe she hadn't recognized him when she'd first seen him, when he'd come looking for her at the White Dragon. But back then she had been Liz, not Ryll and had not remembered her friendship with Lancelot. Finally she stopped crying, wiping her tears away.

"I'm so glad you're here," she said. "I never thought I'd see you again."

"I never thought I'd get to live again," Lancelot said, his dark eyes dancing with happiness. "Guess we were both wrong."

Ryll beamed at him before turning to Morgana. She hadn't seen her friend since she'd regained her memories. They met halfway in an embrace, and Ryll felt like she had her sister back. "I'm so glad you're all here," Ryll said, putting an arm around Morgana and leading her toward the house. Morgana stopped short when she saw Arthur. Her eyes were wary as if she didn't know how her half-brother would greet her. Arthur hesitated for only a second before coming forward and pulling Morgana into an embrace.

"I'm sorry for everything, Morgana," Arthur said. "I shouldn't have let you slip away."

"I didn't make it easy for you," Morgana returned. She had tears in her eyes, and Ryll saw no traces of the Morgana that had once turned against them. "I'm just glad we can start over. I want to have a proper relationship this time. I want to be brother and sister and love each other like family, not become one another's enemy."

"I'd like that very much." Some of the lost look in Arthur's eyes had gone as he turned to greet Lancelot. The familiarity of friends had that effect, and Ryll felt like whatever questions she'd had this morning didn't matter anymore. Morgana went to grab a carrying case from the back of the car, holding it out to Ryll.

"Owl!" Ryll took the case. "Thank you for bringing her," she told Morgana. "I missed you," she spoke to her cat who responded with a loud meow.

"Well, are we going to stand out here all day hugging or may we come inside?" Byron asked, quirking up an eyebrow at Merlin.

"Come in, of course. You're all welcome. I don't have more than one guest room, but we can figure it out…" Merlin motioned for them to come into his house.

"We're not staying," Byron said a little too quickly. Ryll glanced at him with a frown.

"But you just got here!" she protested, holding him back a little while the others entered the house. "Why would you leave again?"

"Let's go inside and talk," Byron said. "It's something everyone needs to hear. Trust me."

Ryll nodded. "I do. But I also know that you, like me, have a tendency to go off and do something dumb for the sake of your friends."

"I guess that both got us killed in the end." He tried to make a joke of it but neither laughed.

"Not this time," Ryll said. "I've had my life taken from me once. We both had our lives cut short."

"And I would cut it short a thousand times to save you," Byron said fiercely.

"In the end it didn't matter," Ryll said quietly. "It turned out no one could save me. But I'd give my life again for Merlin. It was worth it." Byron's expression darkened for half a moment and Ryll wondered if he still harbored feelings for her. She reached out a hand and touched his shoulder. "I do appreciate how much you fought to protect me," she told him. "You died a hero's death."

"I died a fool's death," Byron said, pulling away. "Not because I died for you – never that – but because I rushed in without thinking. I let my heart get in the way of my head. I'm not going to let that happen again." He walked into the house, leaving Ryll standing on the doorstep feeling the weight of all they'd been through on her shoulders. None of them were the same. Byron had always had a tendency for anguished thoughts, but this Byron was tormented. Ryll felt her happiness dripping away slowly though she tried to put a stopper to it, keep it as full as it had been a moment before when she'd seen her friends again.

"It's not the same," she said quietly to herself. She wasn't sure if that was what she wanted – to pick up where they left off, to go on with their lives like nothing had changed. It wasn't possible. They'd been through too much, weathered too many years. They could never go back. But that wasn't the point of a second chance.

"Are you coming?" Merlin said, poking his head out the door. His smile slid when he saw her face, but she put on a brave smile and nodded.

"I just had to take it all in for a moment," she told him.

"It's a little overwhelming," he agreed. "But it also feels like coming home."

Morgana accepted a mug of tea from Merlin, sipping quietly at it while the others glanced around, waiting for someone to speak first. There was a tension in the air she hadn't expected. They all had different stories, different paths that had led them to this point. Their pasts felt somehow unresolved, but it wasn't the past she wanted to talk about.

It was Lancelot who started talking first. He started from the beginning for Arthur's sake. Morgana wasn't sure how much Ryll and Merlin had told him, but she knew they wouldn't want to overwhelm him. Lancelot explained how he'd awoken one day in this world to find himself bound to Uther. It was like an invisible tether that kept him from disobeying Uther's orders. Whatever magic it was, Uther wasn't behind it even if he used it to his advantage. "He still hates magic. Still thinks it ruined everything before."

"Won't Uther notice you're gone?" Merlin asked. "Can he call you back?"

"I don't know. I've never had reason to leave. Not until now. I was just waiting for someone else to come back. Until then I figured it was best to play along, gather information. Uther has spies everywhere waiting for a hint of Arthur. One of his spies spotted Ryll in Ealdor. Uther sent me to see if it was her and if she had her memories back. I'm unclear on why some people came back with their memories and some didn't, but it was clear right away that Ryll didn't remember who she had been." He turned to look at her. "I reported back to Uther because it was a direct order."

"We all know you're not really Uther's spy," Ryll reassured him. Owl sat in her lap, and Ryll stroked her back as if seeking comfort in the cat's low purr.

"Anyway, then, shortly after, Morgana turned up at Uther's castle. She'd been taken forcibly from Ryll's flat. I couldn't believe Uther had done something like that. If he wanted to earn his daughter's forgiveness, kidnapping her was hardly a good way to start. I helped her get away from him and to Morgause and Nimueh. I thought it was the safest place for her, especially with her magic coming back." Arthur's expression was hard to read as he listened to what his father had done.

"He saved me that night. I was furious with Uther. I could have easily lost control of my magic, but he knew just where to take me," Morgana said.

"I'm surprised Morgause and Nimueh let you leave," Merlin said.

"Morgause didn't want to," Morgana said. "She's protective of me, but she can't keep me under her wing forever. Nimueh seemed to understand more than her." She then told them of her and Byron's encounter with the woman from the Crystal Caves, how she'd told Morgana of a prophecy, claiming Morgana to be the one it referred to. She stopped before telling them about the suggestion that they visit the real Crystal Caves. "I didn't believe her at first," she was quick to say. "I'm not sure I do now."

"I do," Ryll said, the first to speak. Morgana gave her a grateful smile. Ryll had always been quick to defend her, even when she didn't deserve it. "Why not? It's time for Merlin and me to step back. We had our destinies. It's time for someone else to shape the future."

"I think I know what I need to do next," Morgana said, glancing between Byron and Lancelot. Lancelot gave her an encouraging nod while Byron frowned. Morgana forged ahead, elaborating on their visit to the crystal gift store. "She said the answers we seek are in the Crystal Caves. The real ones." She turned to Merlin. "I was going to do a locator spell, but you must know where they are."

"They're blocked," Merlin told her. "I tried to get in years ago, but I couldn't. Even magic couldn't remove the rubble. It was almost as if it was protected by a strong enchantment."

"Maybe it's waiting for the right person to open it," Lancelot spoke up, his eyes set on Morgana. She flushed. "I'm not even sure what my magic can do anymore."

"More than me," Ryll said wryly.

"If we can get into the caves, we should be able to solve that," Morgana told her. She'd give Ryll her own magic if it was possible. Ryll had always used magic more sensibly than Morgana had.

"We don't know what will await us there. We've learned that Uther seeks to destroy magic by destroying the caves," Lancelot said. "I'm not sure how. Especially if no one can access them."

"I need to speak with him," Arthur said. "I know tensions are high and everyone is trying to work toward a different goal without stirring the waters too much, but what he's doing is wrong. It's not his right to make this decision."

"Well, I think that would come better from you than any of the rest of us," Ryll said.

Merlin looked unsure and Morgana could see how much he wanted the king to stay right here where he could keep an eye on him. He couldn't coddle Arthur like Morgause tried to coddle her though. Arthur could make up his own mind, and he was the best choice for trying to make Uther see reason.

"I think that's a good idea," Morgana said. "He's been looking for you. He wants his family back together, but only when magic is destroyed and I'm no longer 'tainted'."

"You're not tainted," Arthur said. "It might have taken me a long time to realize that, but I'm not making that mistake again." He turned to look at the others. "All of you save Lancelot have magic, and all of you have been the truest friends I could ever hope for. If there are answers in the Crystal Caves, then that's where you need to go, but I have no business there. This isn't about me. I need to speak to my father."

"There's still so much to teach you," Merlin protested.

"And I will have time to learn, but right now that's unimportant. I know enough to get by. I won't have a heart attack when a car drives by or someone turns on a television." Morgana smiled at her brother's usage of modern words. They sounded strange coming out of his mouth, but their lives were anything but normal these days. "Have you come across anyone else?" Arthur asked. "Some men tried to stop us when Merlin and Ryll first found me but then another group intervened."

"Those were your knights," Lancelot told him. "They're all here and they still serve you, throne or not."

Arthur looked pleased, but Morgana knew he was silently wondering if Gwen was anywhere to be found. She didn't want to break his heart by telling him she couldn't locate her with magic. "We want to go to the caves as soon as possible," she said. "The knights are distracting Uther's efforts to destroy the caves, but I'm not sure how much time we have. We need to move quickly."

"Then we'll leave as soon as possible," Ryll said.

Byron gave Morgana an angry look, but Morgana just shook her head. Byron could try to keep Ryll from coming, but she wasn't going to. It was her right to come. It had to be her decision.

"Is there a problem?" Ryll asked, looking between Morgana and Byron.

"I don't want you getting hurt again," Byron said stiffly.

"So you don't want me to come?" she asked.

"I don't want you to be put in danger. I don't want you to get hurt protecting one of us. I don't want you to..." He cut off his words.

"To die," Ryll finished them for him. "I don't plan on dying in this lifetime. At least not yet."

"You don't have your magic, and we have no idea what we'll be facing," Byron argued. Morgana wished he'd give it up. There was no reasoning with Ryll when it came to quests like this.

"So I'm defenseless without my magic?" Ryll asked. Her tone was light, but Morgana saw an impatience burning behind her eyes. "Did I use magic as a knight?" she asked.

"That's not what I meant. I know you're not defenseless. But the Crystal Caves are magical. Old magic. A magic I can't even begin to understand."

"Then we get my magic back. If that's what you think will keep me safe. But why would I be in danger with you and Lancelot and Morgana and Merlin at my side?"

"Some one needs to drive Arthur back to White Castle," Merlin pointed out.

"I'll do it," Lancelot said. Morgana turned to him, a rush of disappointment surprising her. He looked at her when he spoke. "I trust Merlin, Ryll, and Byron to keep you safe," he said. "More than that I believe you can take care of yourself. I don't have magic. I don't belong in those caves. Let me bring Arthur back to his father. I can keep an eye on things back there. You can call me any time, and I'll be there as quickly as I can. I promise."

Morgana nodded. "Okay," she said, wishing he could stay with them. She'd grown used to his presence. It was familiar and comfortable to her somehow. He made her feel confident in a way she could never achieve on her own.

"We can all leave tomorrow morning," Merlin said. "It's a two hour drive to the caves from here. Anyway, you just got here." Morgana thought he probably wasn't quite ready to let Arthur out of his sight either. She found herself wishing they could stay together as if they'd never find each other again if they parted. She knew that wasn't true, but this wasn't Camelot and the world seemed so much bigger, ready to swallow them whole. "Will you at least let me give you a few more lessons on the modern world before you go off?" Merlin asked Arthur who rolled his eyes.

"Your lack of confidence in me is not reassuring," he said to Merlin.

"Maybe it's just nice bossing you around for a change," Merlin suggested with a cheeky grin.

"Don't get used to it."

...

After they had lunch Merlin dragged Arthur off for a modern world lesson while Byron and Ryll caught up. Lancelot had disappeared so Morgana went in search of him. She found him standing in Merlin's backyard under one of the shade trees that stood like a giant sentinel at the edge of the property. "It's so peaceful," he said, turning to Morgana. She joined him, gazing out on a small river that ran behind the property.

"It is," she agreed. "It's a place where you can forget your troubles."

Lancelot turned to her. "What troubles you?" he asked softly. There was genuine concern in his eyes, and Morgana soaked it in. It had been a long time since she'd had that from someone.

"I just feel like we're getting close to the end and I'm afraid of what it holds," she told him.

"I don't think it's the end we're getting close to," he told her, turning to face her. "I think we're getting closer to the beginning."

"The beginning of what?" Morgana questioned him.

"Our lives," he replied with a faint smile.

"I like the sound of that," Morgana returned the smile. "Maybe I just have this fear that everything will turn out like it did last time. These alliances we've formed, will they lead to the result we want or will some of us always be enemies?"

"Some of us meaning Uther? I don't know. I think it's important to realize that you can't make up his mind for him. Don't try to put that on your shoulders. I hope Arthur can influence him but, in the end, Uther has to decide what he wants to become of this life. He has no right to ruin your life though."

"Yours either," Morgana said. "I'm going to try to free you. You deserve better. After all you've done for me, it's the least I can do."

"You owe me nothing," Lancelot said softly. His eyes were set on hers, and she found her cheeks growing warm under his gaze. He'd done everything to help her even after what she'd done to him in their past life. There had never been any hesitation. That was the kind of person Morgana wanted to be. She moved a step closer without making a conscious decision to do so.

"But I want to do this," she told him, her voice barely above a whisper. "I want to free you." Her fingers brushed his hand, and he entwined his fingers with hers. She blushed at the contact, but he didn't let go. They stood that way a long time until the sun began to set and the chill in the air drove them back inside.