-Thirty-Two -
Confessions
The Witch Finder approaches, the voice had said to Morgana. She watched out her window the following day as his clattering wagon came into view. The metal cage attached was a clear statement, and Morgana held her head a little higher. The Witch Finder no longer scared her like he used to. He just looked like a bitter old man who spent his life consumed by hatred. She almost pitied him. She waited because she knew exactly when to confess to Uther. She owed a lot of people for her past crimes and even if she had not yet committed them in this lifetime, she still sometimes felt them weighing on her, dragging her back down to a place she didn't want to go. The Witch Finder claimed he was cleansing the lands. Well, perhaps Morgana was cleansing herself. She didn't need to hear his sanctimonious speeches. She knew just what she'd done, how she'd gone wrong. Maybe she had already atoned for it, but a part of her knew she'd keep atoning until the day she died.
It was later when the Witch Finder had done his investigating and had made his conclusions that Morgana finally came down from her room. Uther and some of his council had gathered in the throne room. Arthur, Gwen, Ryll, Merlin, and Gaius were also present. Merlin looked anxious, and Morgana knew he had good reason to be. The Witch Finder turned to accuse Gaius just like he had before and Merlin jumped in to defend him just as he'd done before.
"It was me," he said. "I'm the sorcerer."
"It was neither of them." Morgana spoke clearly. Everyone turned to look at her, equal looks of surprise on their faces. Then fear on the faces of her friends. Ryll and Merlin knew what she was about to do.
"No," Merlin said softly.
Ryll went still but then gave Morgana the faintest of nods. She knew why she was doing this. It gave Morgana the confidence to continue. "It was neither of them," she repeated. "It was me."
There were gasps. Uther looked like he might fall to his knees. The Witch Finder looked surprised.
"Morgana, no," Merlin said. "Don't do this." His eyes held a desperation, and Morgana smiled at him. She was lucky to have a friend like him.
"I'm tired of hiding who I am," she said to him. "I've known for awhile now." Merlin narrowed his eyes in confusion, but Morgana didn't have time to explain. She turned to Uther.
"I don't believe it," he said. "Why are you defending this…servant?"
"Merlin is more than a servant; he's my friend," Morgana told the king. "I can prove it was me." She conjured up her magic and a horse made of smoke filled the air above them. It reared up and then vanished. Morgana kept eye contact with Uther so that he would see the amber glow in her eyes. "It was harmless," she said. "I would never hurt anyone."
"Morgana…" Uther seemed speechless. Arthur as well, standing with his mouth open.
"Ah ha! She has confessed!" the Witch Finder said triumphantly.
"Leave us," Uther growled.
"But Sire-" the Witch Finder protested.
"NOW!" Uther bellowed. The room cleared. Gwen, Ryll, and Merlin hesitated.
"I'll be okay," Morgana said to them.
"We're not leaving," Ryll said. She turned to Uther. "Morgana has never hurt anyone. She has a kind heart. You cannot judge her based on your poor opinion of magic."
"I want to speak to my ward alone," Uther said. His tone was softer now, and Morgana could hear the pain in it.
"We'll be right outside," Merlin said. He took Ryll's arm and gently led her away. Gwen threw Morgana a worried look before following. Arthur stayed, but Morgana was glad he was there. The hurt in his eyes was undeniable, and Morgana toughened herself to it.
"Morgana, how is this true?" Uther asked. He didn't believe her. His mind was rejecting the truth even though she'd shown him her magic.
"My mother had magic," she told him.
"Vivienne… I never knew…"
"How long have you known?" Arthur asked her.
"I started having dreams that came true," Morgana told him. "Actually I've had them since I was a child. I just didn't realize what they were. Recently my magic started acting up. The fire…"
"You know the laws," Uther said. "You used magic in front of the counsel, the Witch Finder…"
"Because I'm trusting you to make the right decision. I'm your ward. I'm like your daughter." He flinched at the word. "I've never hurt anyone with my magic. I didn't ask to be born this way. Now I'm asking you to make a decision. You can punish me, put me to death like you have to others before me, or you can treat me like family and accept me for who I am." Her words hung in the air. She knew what she was asking him.
"It's not that easy," Uther said. "You revealed yourself in front of people. In front of the Witch Finder. You could have just spoken to me alone. Why did you do that?"
"Because I don't want to be hidden away. I don't want to be swept under the rug. I'm asking you to make a decision. Will you learn to accept me the way I am or will you persecute me like a common criminal?"
"Father, we can't let the Witch Finder hurt her," Arthur appealed to his father. "Morgana has never done anything to harm us or anyone."
"Even if I accepted her, other people won't," Uther said. "They'll come for her."
"You're the king," Arthur told him. "Stop them."
Uther pressed his fingers to his head. "We have to fix this. We can tell them it was a trick. A trick of the light…"
"You're not going to explain it away," Morgana said. "I don't want it to be covered up. I want things to change. Magic isn't evil itself. It's people who have the potential for good and evil. Do you think I have the potential for good or for evil? How many more people have to die for your myopic beliefs?"
"Magic has hurt this family," Uther said. "Magic killed my wife. You would have me forgive those who have hurt this kingdom and would do it again?"
"I would have you open your eyes and see the difference between those who mean harm and those who do not. I would have you put aside your blindness to magic and realize that not all who have magic want to hurt others. I didn't ask to be born this way and nor did they. Can you imagine how they must live in fear? Can you admit that innocent lives have been taken all because of a prejudice? I'm sorry about Ygraine. I am. I lost my mother and my father. I understand loss. You haven't moved on though. It's time to let go."
Uther raised his eyes to hers. They were watery, but she couldn't read the emotion in them. "Word will spread. The people will rise up against us. I must take action."
Morgana met his gaze, but he looked away first. "Guards." The command was strong.
"Father no!" Arthur said. The guards entered the room, and Morgana could hear Ryll and Merlin asking what was going on. "You can't do this!" Arthur protested. Morgana did not try to fight. She stood watching Uther.
"I'm disappointed," Morgana said softly. "I was naïve to think you could change."
"I won't let anyone harm you," Uther told her. "I just need to get things in control. When this blows over-"
"It's not going to blow over," she said stiffly as the guards took her arms tightly in their grasp. "If you do this then you cannot go back."
"I will speak with the Witch Finder," Uther told her. "He will not harm you. Take her to her room," he told the guards. "Stand guard outside. She is not to leave. Her maid may tend her, but no other visitors are allowed."
Morgana didn't struggle as she was pulled from the room. She heard Arthur arguing with his father behind her. Merlin, Ryll, and Gwen watched her pass with open mouths. "We have to help her," Ryll hissed to Merlin.
"We will," he said back before Morgana was pulled away from them. She was shut in her room. The curtains had been replaced and there was no evidence of a fire. Morgana sat down on her bed. Her heart was pounding out of control. Whatever calmness she'd shown on the outside, she didn't feel it on the inside. She was trembling, she realized. She clasped her hands together. This wasn't real, she kept telling herself. It was some sort of vision. It felt real though. The fear and the hurt and the pounding of her heart in her head. Perhaps she'd acted boldly because she thought this was a vision but what if it wasn't? What if she was stuck with whatever outcome her actions caused?
I stood up to him, she told herself. I told him the truth and he didn't accept me. But he also didn't throw me in the dungeons or sentence me to death. She wasn't sure if what she felt was relief or disappointment. Both maybe. At least she didn't feel trapped anymore. Her secret was out, and she didn't have to sit and wonder what Uther would do if she told him the truth. It was as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.
Gwen came in a few minutes later to see if Morgana needed anything. "Ryll and Merlin and Arthur are petitioning Uther, but he sent them away. I don't think he knows what to do. He does care about you, Morgana. But he thinks he'll be seen as weak if he pardons you."
"I don't want to be pardoned. I haven't done anything wrong. I want him to rethink his hatred of magic. I know it's asking for the impossible, but it's time. Too many people have died."
"Just hang in there," Gwen said. "He's sent away the Witch Finder. He had the guards escort him out of the city. He said he needs to deal with this himself."
"I'm okay, Gwen. I'm not regretting anything."
Gwen was quiet for a moment, biting her lip. "You didn't really cast that smoke horse – the first one – did you."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you cut off Merlin just as he was confessing."
"He was protecting Gaius who was wrongly accused," Morgana said carefully. Merlin's secret was his own, but if Gwen guessed it… The girl was quick and observant.
"You aren't careless," Gwen said. "You know to be careful."
"Neither he nor Gaius deserve to be punished," Morgana said. "Not for any reason."
"Is there anything you need?" Gwen asked, dropping the subject.
"No, thank you. I'm just going to try to sleep. Let Uther think everything through. Maybe in the morning he'll have some clarity."
"I hope so," Gwen said. She squeezed Morgana's hand before leaving the room. Morgana lay down on the bed, not bothering to change out of her dress. She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew she was being shaken awake.
Merlin and Ryll were both there, and Ryll called her name out urgently. "They're coming for you," she said. Her eyes were wide with fear.
"Who's coming?" Morgana asked, suddenly wide-awake.
"The people. The Witch Finder. He gathered them. The guards tried to stop them but they were overwhelmed."
"Uther sent us."
"What?"
"Uther sent us to get you out," Merlin repeated. "Come on. We have to go now."
Morgana followed them out of her room and down the hall. The guards had abandoned their post and they were alone in the corridor. They hurried on until they reached the throne room. Merlin pushed the doors open and Morgana found herself facing Uther. He looked as if he hadn't even gone to bed. He was still fully dressed though looking weary. He turned to look at her.
"Morgana. I'm sorry. I didn't expect they'd come in such numbers… I sent the guards and the knights to keep them at bay, but they're breaking through."
"I need to leave the castle. I can draw them away."
"You need to leave, but you're going in secret," Uther told her. "I'll deal with them."
"Why are you doing this?" she asked.
"Because even though you have magic, you are like a daughter to me…" He paused as if he wanted to say more, but now wasn't the time. Because you are my daughter, he wanted to say. Morgana already knew that. "You are a good person and your magic does not make you evil."
"Does that mean you'll consider changing the laws?" Morgana asked.
"It takes a long time to change laws that have been laid down for so long. You see what the people are doing now. They aren't ready for that."
"Excuses," Morgana told him. "You're the king."
"Please forgive me," Uther said. "I've made many mistakes and I've taken innocent lives… I don't want to see you hurt though. I need you to be all right."
"I forgive you," Morgana said. It was a simple statement but she found she meant it. She didn't want to hold a grudge anymore.
"Now you must go." Uther blinked away his emotions but she could tell he hadn't been expecting her forgiveness.
"Come on. I know a way out of the city," Merlin said, taking her elbow. Morgana let him lead her away, following him and Ryll through a series of tunnels. They were dank and the air was close, but soon she could feel fresh air and saw the forest up ahead. Merlin opened the bars blocking the end of the tunnel with a set of keys.
"I'm coming with you," Ryll said.
"No. You need to stay in the castle. Both of you. Arthur needs you, Merlin, and the kingdom needs you, Ryll."
"Please be safe," Ryll said after a long moment. She pulled Morgana into a hug. "I want to come with you."
"I know. I don't know what the future holds, but we'll see each other again. That much I know is true." She gave them both a smile before disappearing into the darkness. The forest swallowed her whole. She started walking away from the kingdom, no destination in mind. She had no idea where to go. She wanted to find a way out of this vision. She didn't know why she was here anymore. What had the caves wanted to show her? She knew the truth now of what would happen if she told Uther of her magic. She could have told him in a dozen ways but she'd told him in the way that would test him most. He could not deny it with witnesses. He had to act. She'd forced his hand, and in the end he hadn't wanted her death but her safety.
She walked for hours in the dark forest, alone with her thoughts. Then the raucous sound of distant shouting split the silence of the night. They knew she'd escaped the castle. They were coming after her. She started to run.
She saw torchlights in the distance, bobbing like wraiths. They were gaining on her. She'd spent all that time dawdling when she should have been running. She'd begun this vision in the forest. Could she find the crystal again? She turned left, winding her way through the woods she had grown up in. She found familiar landmarks and trees and then the glint of the crystal caught her eye. Help me! she thought frantically as if the crystal could read her mind. As she drew closer she saw someone standing behind the crystal. Her eyes widened at the sight of Lancelot. Was it another illusion? She heard him call out her name. She came forward and laid her hands on the surface of the crystal, but it was solid. He pressed his hands against hers, but she could not feel him. He looked around the cave and motioned for her to step back as he grabbed a large rock. He pounded it against the surface of the crystal, but it didn't even crack.
"I'll get Merlin!" he shouted to her though his voice was muffled. She nodded and he turned and ran. The lights were getting closer. She could either run or she could stand and fight. She was tired of running, tired of hiding. But could she fight them alone? Summoning her magic, Morgana called upon the only person who might be able to help her. Mother! she called. Help me.
She could hear shouting now. They had spotted her. The lights bobbed closer, blinding in the darkness. She felt like a deer caught in headlights. She had nowhere to run now. Just before the hunters reached her, something appeared in front of her. There was a fierce wind and the torches spluttered out leaving them in darkness.
Morgana felt a hand on her shoulder. "I'm here," her mother said. "I'll protect you."
