So let's get to the point, let's roll another joint
And let's head on down the road
There's somewhere I got to go
And you don't know how it feels
No, you don't know how it feels to be me

You don't know how it feels, Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

Chapter 19: Indescribable feelings

I read the books really fast. In the end Jiraya-Sama really had a good writing style, I was impressed. I wondered how much of the story had been written about his life and how much was imaginary. The fighting techniques, and the strategies were explained quite well. It had been a while since I had an adventure/romance that good. Well it's not that I red fictional books much, since I wanted to learn valuable lessons. But Kakashi-San had called it a valuable teaching material. Somehow it had bugged me, and I had tried to find those lessons in vain in all the light romance and combats.

And there were the other parts with sex.

I knew the theory between the act already. I had read all these books about puberty as soon as I started having all this acne covering my face and all these surges. I also had had a sex ed class where the teacher told us about flowering into women and all that jazz, and why it was important to start consuming the regular medication for kunoïchi. I was asked not to, given that there were a few ingredients I was allergic to in the pill (first time I heard about me being allergic to meds by the way).

But what was in these books was different. The hero was in love with a girl he wanted to notice, and they were childhood friends. But she was too much into her work and only acted friendly with him. So he tried to forget her with other women and work, taking mission after mission, getting involved with a girl after the other. He never loved them for them, but he loved their bodies. And there was so much at stake. I felt uneasy while reading it. So very embarrassed that I had to read it when Sasuke wasn't there. I stayed at home, pretending I was still exhausted after the switch with Ino.

But in reality I was laying on my bed, getting excited about paper women when the hero came at them. He told them silly phrases, rescued them from their enemies. There were so much details in these pages. Too much I thought I would not stop burning from the inside. I found myself looking for some alien satisfaction I couldn't quite place. I wanted to be kissed like these girls on the paper. I wanted to be loved like they were. I wanted it so much. These words echoed with the void inside of me.

I read the books all in one go.

I thought about these words while doing an intensive afternoon training. I wanted to be alone.

There was something I couldn't understand about this. These words were like kunai slicing my very soul. I felt so uneasy. There was definitely something I couldn't understand about these words. So after I came home and saw the three books laying on my bed, I reread them, carefully cramming notes on parchments on the side. Could words make someone sick?

I felt like facing one of these incomprehensible subjects I sometimes stumbled into in the library. These subjects you can't understand without the right state of mind. I annoyed me. I had always prided myself on my ability to analyse the situation. But now I was at a total loss…

I looked outside. Maybe I should…

I bolted out of the apartment, finding my team outside.

"We're leaving tonight." Neji-San said. "I thought we could…"

"Could you come back later? There's someone I have to see." I said fast. "Please excuse me for my rudeness."

I ran even faster. I ran as fast as my legs could carry me. I didn't understand. I didn't understand and that was so frustrating. And… It hurt so much, my heart, the gap. I hurt. I skidded into a stop near the KIA stone. I was right. Kakashi was there, his back facing me. I handed the books to him.

"You sound distraught." He said turning to face me.

"Take them back! Please!" I heard myself crying.

There were tears rolling on my face, and I didn't understand why. I had never cried before. Not even when I had been swallowed by darkness, not even when I had been surrounded by burial urns. Never. But I was feeling like this after reading these books.

Kakashi-San cocked his head to the side.

"I never thought the Icha Icha series could have such an impact on people. I expected a reaction from your part, but not this one…"

He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and started cleaning my face. My arms were still frozen to give him the books back.

"I don't understand." I said. "I was reading, and…"

"Calm down, Yanagi-San. You don't even have shoes on. Your feet are all hurt."

I hadn't noticed. They were covered by red dust and several wounds were opened, leaking blood.

"Let's sit down near the river and then I'll carry you home." He said. "think you can walk to there?"

I nodded. Immediately we were walking. Now that I was breathing a little more freely (with a sharp pain inside one of my lungs), I felt the wounds on my feet. There was a lot of scraped skin, and some scratches even went up to my knees as I had been running carelessly. We walked to a nearby stream. On my skin, the frozen feeling of water was a bliss and a torture at the same time.

"So you got excited by the books. But when did you start being hysteric?" he asked bluntly.

I went red. How did he know I…?

"A man always knows." He said tapping his nose through his mask.

Damn him being a dog master! I looked away and folded my arms.

"I don't know why I reacted like that." I said. "It's just that…"

I huffed.

"I know I don't understand much about sex and all that jazz. It's like everything that revolves around love and stuff just… went away in that black pitch I have in my head."

"Love's a complicated thing, Yanagi. Some people never understand what it is."

"I know what love is, but I just can't understand it. It's just so alien to me. I know I have feelings for lots of people, for my friends, for my family members… But it's like…"

"How screwed are you?" he huffed.

I kicked my legs in the water.

"No wonder people try to get at you when your mind is so weak."

I laid in the water, covering my eyes from the sun. I felt him near me.

"Are you?" I asked.

"Am I what?"

"Trying to get at me. I don't know what you're looking for."

"Told you, I promised Obito."

"He seems like an important friend to you. You said you didn't want to fail him anymore last night. What had you done that requires your presence near the KIA stone every day since what, it was the third war, twelve years?"

He remained silent.

"I don't think we're close enough to talk about these things." he said after.

"Are you implying we might get closer?" I replied, like he did the night before.

"Do you want to?"

"Aren't we already?" I asked honestly. "I have this strange feeling we understand each other more than most people."

I found myself smiling slightly. Some people won't be happy about that. Starting with Sasuke. And Gai-Sensei.

"Then maybe I'll get to know why these books made you cry. That wasn't my intent when I lend them to you."

"You wanted to get a good laugh at me, didn't you? So there. Laugh."

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you."

I sat up and looked at him. His grey eye was watching me.

"Heh? That was surprisingly honest." I said.

"I don't know who you are taking me for girl, but I'm an honest man."

"An honest man wouldn't give porn books to a girl for her to learn."

He chuckled. I looked at the stream that had cleaned my wounds. I got my legs out of the water, blocked them up with my arms, and focused on the thin layer of water. I let chakra ran through it and heated everything up. My skin was reddening as the water evaporated.

"Nice skill." He noted.

"Thanks. Speaking of skills, you stood on my ceiling, and on the windowsill with chakra. How did you do that?"

"You don't know? Even if you control your chakra well enough like that?" he said.

I shook my head. No I didn't. Kakashi-San extended his legs and put them on the stream. He was pushing chakra on the surface. He stood up on the stream. Incredible! Without thinking I flickered my Sharingan on and saw the amount he was using. The chakra output was really low and regular. I put my feet back on the water. They were humming with energy, but I kept it still, like a tiny platform. The ground was wobbly under me. I went down in the water when I tried to get up.

Kakashi-San grabbed my shoulders. I had water up to mid-calf.

"Your flow is irregular and too low for your mass." He explained. "See how you're going up with more chakra now. Stop, that's about the right amount."

He let me go. I made some wobbly steps.

"Does that mean I'll need more chakra if I use my training weights?"

"Exactly!"

"I suppose it's the same thing if I want to walk up to walls, or trees or something?"

"You're correct again."

"And what about sand? Or snow? Or ice? Is it just a change in the amount of chakra used?

"As long as you use the environment to make a sustainable platform, you'll be good, Yanagi. Water is the trickiest, because it's not solid. Sand are kind of the same as water, only easier because a bit solid, though you have to make sure not to melt the snow. As for ice, the problem is that it's slippery. Everything depends on the thickness of it. If it's too thin it'll break and you'll be facing water. If it's thick, you'd have to find the micro asperities so stand still, but you can also use your chakra to glide on it."

I nodded, mentally taking notes on what he was saying. He invited me out of the water and took two rolls of bandages from his back pocket. I dried my feet with chakra again and rested my legs on his, still sitting in the grass. He started bandaging my wounds.

"Now that you've calmed down, mind telling me what distraught you in these books. You're not that ignorant on these matter, and it was a cruel joke I did to you. I should have thought you might have a block about these things, especially considering I am a lot like you."

"Heh! Now you're rambling about useless things." I said. "And I told you, I don't know what it was. It was an alien feeling. I know it wasn't about the sex scenes in it. It's the story itself. It looked a lot personal, and I…"

"It's a lot of Jiraya-Sama's story, but he might have picked some stuff from somewhere else. What of the story? It's a common plot in most novel."

"I don't read that kind of novels. Romance books are too mushy for my taste. I don't like them."

"But you liked the one you read."

"Yes, because it was personal. I really felt sympathy for the main character. I really understood the story somehow. And I can't know why. I mean I don't have any long lost relationship or childhood friend I'm in love with."

"Not even Hyuuga Neji? I thought that was what your little cousin implied. Give me your other leg."

"Outch! Be careful you mongrel! No, Neji-San and I don't have that kind of relationship. I had a hard time with him being my teammate. Still do actually. But I don't have feelings for him."

"I believe you, but maybe he does and it made you think much about the story."

I mulled about that idea. No, that wasn't right. I had felt it had been very personal, something way closer. Something about Brother perhaps? I couldn't say. Brother never told me he had had any love interest. I shook my head.

"I don't know. It just happens when I thought about that. I mean the guy is really dedicated to the girl, even if he had even stronger ideals. The girl is important to him, but it's not the most important thing to him."

"Are you sure we read the same story?" he wondered.

"Don't be like that! I told you what I was thinking like you asked!"

"I'm just asking questions!"

"I tell you that I don't know. I felt that I should give you your books back. Maybe… Maybe there will be a time when I'll need them again."

"You know it's not shameful if you want to have a good time by yourself by reading books…"

I tried to hit him with my other leg but it was impossible. We ended up fighting in a light Taijutsu spar. Well light for him I presumed; I was no match for him. For a while I let go everything that I had in me. I felt like it was cleansing me.

"I think Gai-Sensei was right about you." He said, freeing himself from my arm lock. "You're diligent and you are too hard on yourself. These are good qualities."

"He said that?"

"I'm paraphrasing. There might have been some remarks about having a bunch of youthful students."

I avoided a leg sweep and tried for a punching combo. I barely avoided the palm he threw at my head. It was way harder than I had thought to be against him in Taijutsu: he knew the Uchiha style by heart, and I didn't want to try any moves from the Academy style. It only left me with my guts and my instincts. There was something exciting in this.

"He's always talking about you three when he's with me." Kakashi-San said. "Luckily I got his best student all for myself. That made him quite jealous."

"You're saying it like you're happy about it." I groaned as I was forced to roll out of his way. "I'm nowhere near that good. I just happen to be the top student of my promotion."

"No, Hyuuga Neji is the top student. You're too good to be considered among them. You could have graduated way earlier." He said and he had me hard in the abdomen. "Correct your stance next time if you don't want me to hit you again."

"You're cheating! That was way too fast for me!"

"I didn't know there were rules here. I'm merely having my fun with you. Here, you die again." He pointed out and a kick had me hard in the chest.

"Bastard!" I swore. "Bet you've gotten your information by stealing my files again."

"Oh, no. This one I had when I fucked your little cousin's Sensei."

I went red and stilled. He did what to Iruka-Sensei? His fist landed in my face.

"Got your nose." He mocked playfully. "You can't afford to be distracted by that much."

"Augh!" I moaned, clenching my face and hoping my nose hadn't been broken.

I took a few steps back. My field of vision was spinning. Kakashi-San approached me with concern. He gently put his hands on mine.

"Did I went too far? Here, let me see."

I released my face only to butthead him. I clenched my fists around his collar and threw myself at him to destabilize him. He stumbled back.

"Can't afford to be distracted, heh!" I said.

His hands went to seize my waist as we fell on the ground. Suddenly I felt the cold bite of steel in my inner thigh.

"If I cut here, you bleed to death." He said. "Don't be so hasty to lose your life, girl. But you thought well to take advantage of my chivalrous nature. However…"

He rolled me under him, twisting one of my arms in a painful position. I spat grass and dirt. His hand thrusted his kunai right near my face.

"I could plant this in your neck and you'd be dead as well."

I struggled against his hold.

"You overestimate your capacities, Yanagi. You're always analysing your oppenents and applying the "right amount of power" against them. You do have aces up your sleeve, but you'll still end up dead if they stay there. Or worse. Most men would be more than happy to jump a reckless girl such as yourself."

"I supposed you're not like most men." I said undulating my body, hoping to unclench his grip.

"I don't do little girls." He said, and I felt the insult sinking right into me. "Oh yes, I do know where your pride lies, and how easy it will be to hurt you. Consider yourself as warned: you rarely seize the occasion to learn from your mistakes in this world."

"Just to satisfy my curiosity, why do you consider me as a little girl? Is it my rank? Is it my behaviour? I don't remember showing you anything that would lead you to think of me in such a way."

He let my arm go. I stretched, earning a satisfying creak from my molested shoulder.

"You never showed me anything that can make me consider you as an adult either. You lived things I would never wish to anyone, and you have functioning brains. See that you use these experience and cunning to stay alive."

I frowned. What were we talking about again? The look he landed on me was hard. I flinched under it, but managed not to turn my head away.

"Don't lose your life for looking too soon for your answers, it's better that way." He said.

"You'd expect me to become like you? I know what it means to be crushed with grief and regrets, but I won't have you dictate what I should you. Where did your search for answers led you to? I want to live, Kakashi-San, not merely survive. I want to live, and I want Sasuke to have a good life. To do that, I need to understand what happened, and I need these answers fast. Many things can happen if I don't make the right choices at the right moment."

"I understand your quest, but as I told you last night, our suspicions about what caused the death of your clan members won't change the fact Itachi killed people that night. Going to him as weak as you are now is stupid."

Yet, I had already done that. I had already met him, and he could have killed me. He could have killed me because I was the crazy girl who lived with his so precious little brother. He could have killed me there, and Jiraya-Sama wouldn't have lifted a finger to help me. No one would be able to help me if I ever happen to cross Itachi-Sama. The only person who apparently did that was Shimura Danzô, and I was much more afraid of him than I was of Itachi-Sama.

"I trust him." I merely said. "I thought you wanted to help me, but I was obviously wrong Kakashi-San. I respect the promise you made to my half-brother, and I'll respect it because he accepted to give you one of his eyes. But you won't stop me from walking the path I chose. We're done here."

I walked away, still not wearing any shoes. Kakashi-San slowly picked up the books I had given him back before following me. He swept me off my feet and I found myself being carried like a potato sack.

"Nice speech, Yanagi." He said.

"You're ruining my effect; you know?" I sighed as he carried me back to the village.

"In any case, I have no idea how you expect to meet with Itachi. He's an S-Rank criminal. I don't know many Genin that run into that kind of people with ease. You'll be dead or worse before you can get a glimpse of him."

"I'll manage, don't worry."

"I do worry. That's why I want you to remain a little girl as long as you can, and enjoy it. Soon you'll become a Chuunin, and it will get much easier for the higher-ups to move you as they please. You will never have enough protection."

"Stop treating me like a little girl." I grumbled.

He jumped from roof to roof until he could get me back to my flat. He sat me on the guardrail when we arrived then.

"I'll stop when you prove you're a woman to me." He said with a straight face. "Seek me when you become a Chuunin, and we'll see."

"There's plenty of time before it happens, about four months."

"I can tell the thirteen-year-old girl facing me won't be there anymore. And I don't think we'll get to see each other a lot. We've been seen together, and people know where my loyalties lay. Remember you still have to convince Danzô you're on his side; you promised the Hokage."

"That I did." I nodded.

"Next time I see you, I expect you'll be wearing a green jacket." He said.

He jumped off. Soon after I saw his blurry form disappear. Immediately after I felt other people landing behind me. And there I was trapped with my team asking what I had been doing with Hatake Kakashi, our Sensei's rival. Neji-San inquired about the messy bandages around my legs.

"Forgot my shoes." I said, shrugging.

"You really are something, aren't you?" he said, and I decided I didn't like the gleam in his moon-like eyes.

I followed his gaze to my chest. No, I wasn't wearing my chest binder today, just a normal bra to feel a little bit at ease. I glared at him, crossing my arms before my chest. I could swear the boy was waiting for me to throw myself at him.

"Now that you are all here my youthful students, let's move! We can do a bit of training together before leaving Konoha!"

"Wait a minute, I have to get my gear." I said. "It's already packed, I just have to put my coat and take my bag."

"I believe you need a shower, my youthful student. You've been training hard, I see."

"Nah, just making things clear with Kakashi-San. We've had a long discussion about our respective political views."

I opened the door.

"Make yourself at home if you want to. There's still coffee in the pot, but it's cold, or you can help yourself and take a cup of tea in the cupboard."

"I didn't take you for a politician, Yanagi." Lee-San said. "What kind of training did you do with him?"

"Taijutsu, mostly. We talked quite a bit as well."

"I expect you're not thinking he's better than your Sensei." Gai-Sensei said.

He came close to me as the boys were taking their shoes off. A shudder ran down my back as Gai-Sensei's face changed into a terrifying mask. I trembled before him. He was angry. He was very, very angry. At that moment I couldn't say whether I was more frightened by Kakashi-San's smiling face or Gai-Sensei's stern one. There was smoke coming out of his ears and nostrils. He was going all red.

Then I remembered a man just called me a little girl, and that that man was the rival of the person before me.

"Of course not! He's a horrible person." I said.

"Yanagi-San, you're obvious when you're trying to manipulate me." He said. "You're a bad liar as usual. But you're doing it on purpose here."

"Oh, I'm not trying to manipulate you, Gai-Sensei. I merely know what you'd do when I'll tell you what he's been up to." I said.

"What had that man been doing with my pure useful student?" he grumbled.

"Alas, Sensei I cannot tell you, I've been traumatized by the experience." I said with the most dramatically tone I could afford, quite like the times Naruto-Kun was begging me to train him so he could defeat my evil cousin (he had done it for quite a while when I had been Ino). "I need some time alone. Will you give me a few moments to cool myself down?"

"Of course Yanagi-San, but if you were so kind as to explain everything to me, I'd be grateful to you. I will not anyone lay a hand on my gentle students."

At that moment, Sasuke opened the door as he was coming back to school. He stared at the shoes in the entrance, then at my team.

"Is that other man gone?" he asked.

"Great timing Sasuke." I said. "I was about to tell my team about Kakashi-San."

"Was that his name? That bastard! He had the nerve to come at you… And what's he doing here?"

He pointed at Neji-San. The boy nodded sharply at my cousin. I still had no idea why.

"Little Sasuke, you will tell me what my rival has done to my pure student!" Gai-Sensei ordered.

Sasuke cringed at the "little", and even more at the attitude of my Sensei. It was the first time he was meeting him.

"He tried to sully my cousin last night."

And hell broke up in my kitchen. I was happy I had that camera in my hand. Sasuke was ranting to my Sensei and Neji-San about me being assaulted by the Jounin in our kitchen. Being quite obnoxious to the situation, Lee-San stood next to me.

"You're enjoying yourself, aren't you?" he muttered.

"Of course. Mind taking some pictures for me?" I asked, handing him my camera.

He looked at me, his eyes widening.

"You're… you're trusting me with this? I thought it was your most precious possession… You're always taking pictures with it, even during missions."

"You know, I used to believe I needed it to know what was true and what wasn't. But I was told by someone that reality was the sum of the others viewpoint, all we need is to find that correct guide. If I am to walk the path I want, I don't need petty tricks. All I need is my brains, and a lot of faith."

He beamed at me. I grinned back. His beam twisted a bit.

"I guess I still am not good enough for the smiles, then."

"Well, at least you got the youthful moment. So how do I take the pictures? I just push that button here and it prints itself?"

"You got it! Now you only need to compose your image, and that's the trickiest part. But you learn by practising, so good luck!"

I closed the door of the shower behind me, exhaling a long sigh. I looked at myself in the mirror. Dark rings were under my eyes, and I wished I had slept. Fortunately, I knew how to hold my own without a night of proper rest. I rapidly cleaned the dirt out of me, putting my battle attire on. My hair was definitely growing. I wondered if the curls were nicer than the ones when I was a child. It seemed to be that way, maybe that was because of puberty. I had nothing to clip my hair with, and It wasn't long enough to be tied. I managed to get them off my face with my ninja headband.

Gai-Sensei was gone. I looked questioningly at the boys. I learned our teacher had been gone for a while to make a point to Kakashi-San. Lee-San had taken marvellous pictures. He handed some more discreetly than others. Oh, blackmail material I see. He handed my camera back, and I packed it with my tools. Sasuke was nowhere to be seen. Neji-San informed me the boy had been gone sulking in his room.

"Did Sensei said where our mission would be?" I asked while taking some rice off the cooker. "I'm making onigiri. Want some?"

"Near Uzushio apparently." Neji-San said. "Don't put anything spicy in it and I'll eat it."

"That doesn't help me much." I mused while putting some salmon leftovers in the one I was doing before giving it to him. "Anything in particular Lee-San?"

"I'll take anything you do, Yanagi-San! All food is sacred!" he yelled.

"Here you go!"

"It's good." Neji-San simply said and I nodded. "I didn't know you were good at cooking."

"It's the only thing I have learned to do properly. The rest is edible, according to Sasuke."

"I wouldn't mind you packing a bento for me, or two." He casually said.

"You'd be awfully disappointed. I can't do much, actually. I'm always training, and it seems that even if cooking books exist, we don't really agree."

"Well, we're happy you're feeling better than before. I wonder what youthful things you've done in the Yamanaka clan."

"I met people, talked with others, trained with some… Nothing fancy" I said, shrugging.

"Then it must be fate."

"Don't brought this up, please. You know how these conversation always end."

"Ik ish bwewy goog Yagagi!" Lee-San managed with his full mouth.

"Mikoto-Sama's cooking is legendary. I only managed the onigiri though, and they're not as good as hers were."

Neji-San cleaned his hands as I was putting an onigiri on the side for Gai-Sensei before finishing the rice. I expected Sasuke to know how to use it while I'd be gone. It wasn't that difficult, he should be okay. And he was grown, he could do his own food.

"Anyway, we've been asked to retrieve some scroll near Uzushio, that will be our mission."

"Uzushio? Isn't that the village that fell during the Third War?" I asked.

"That's it." Neji-San confirmed

"I don't remember that from our classes." Lee-San said. "I thought it was the Whirlpool Country who fell under an Iwa's attack, and that is why we have this whirlpool emblem on the custom uniforms."

"Uzushio was the ninja village of this country. The Uzumaki clan came from there. Maybe I'll take a souvenir for Naruto-Kun."

"You're calling that boy Naruto-Kun? The whole village hates him, and you would call an orphan boy that way. You call your teammates with a San!" Neji-San hissed.

"He's just a boy, leave him alone! And I quite like him!" I protested. "What is wrong with you! You're a Hyuuga. I'm an Uchiha! It's quite a miracle we managed to make this team work."

"You said we were friends." He said quite sharply. "Doesn't that mean anything to you? And now we're having this last mission together. Who know where you'll be send to after? I asked around. I know there's quite a bit of people who wants you to work for them."

"What is it to you? It's not like I was getting away. We will still see each other between our missions. We can train in the evenings if you'd like. I fear that I won't have any time in the mornings. I can train with Lee-San's as well."

"But it won't be like before." Neji-San said.

I looked at him. I looked at him as if I had never seen him before. He looked like he was begging me to stay with them. My throat went dry to the plead in his moon-like eyes. They reminded me of the night we spend at that inn all those months ago, when we'd barely been Genin for a while. When was it? Last June? Three months ago, when I still despised him, even though I regarded him as a good training buddy. It was so long ago.

Kakashi-San was right. What will happen of me after three or four months under Shimura Danzô's teaching?

I noticed that Lee-San had curiously been gone since he had finished his onigiri, leaving me alone with Neji-San.

"You're right. I won't be like before. For what I want to do, I need to get stronger, and that doesn't often go with better."

"You're already changing; you know? Before, I knew you didn't really like me but, in the Academy we often worked together. Then We were put in the same team and I watched you becoming stronger. We had never fought each other, and you were just a tad better at Taijutsu than the other girls. But just like every subject in school, you bested me very soon."

"I thought… I thought you were underestimating me. I thought you were slowing you moves on purpose."

"I never did. I wanted to have something that would make me better than you. So that one day you'd admire me like I've always admired you."

Damn. I had never thought he had been so jealous of my talents. I was better than him in lots of subjects because I trained a lot to be the best, to finally had a chance to ask the questions I wanted to ask to Itachi-Sama. I hadn't thought of the envy it could cause to my friends.

"Maybe your training regime isn't adapted to you. Maybe if…" I suggested.

"I am not talking about that!"

"Then what are you talking about?"

"About us! About our relationship! I've been… trying for years to get your attention! And when finally, you look at me as a friend, you just go away on you little path, and you leave me behind!"

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't think you wanted to be my rival so much. I know there's history between our clans about rivalry. Is that Gai-Sensei and Kakashi-San inspiring you?"

"I don't want us to be rivals!"

"I thought you wanted recognition from me! I don't know any other way to attain it."

"Really? And what about Sensei's rival and you? What's between you two?"

"Between Kakashi-San and I? Nothing much, just some sort of weird understanding and old promises to be kept." I shrugged. "I don't understand why you're so angry. What are you trying to say?"

"Nothing much? He was almost having sex with you on that kitchen floor! Your bloody cousin saw that! I may not like him much, but I'll trust his words for that matter."

"Well, that was… I don't really know what that was. Kakashi-San is a very strange man, and he has his very own… odd… graphical way… to… teach? He was giving me a lesson because I was overestimating my own strength. As a matter of fact, I did learn. He taught me the same today as well. I guess I am that thick."

I learned that I could die on a whim with people of his strength around, or worse. And that I should get smarter than them.

"Didn't you hear me about you having sex with a man twice your age?"

"Oh come on! He's only 26!"

"And does that makes it any better? He's as old as Sensei! What would have you done if he had taken your virginity?"

"What! He wasn't! Besides he said he was fucking Iruka-Sensei!"

"Who?"

"The guy who teaches our cousins. You know? The young teacher with a scar across his face."

"So you're telling me the man who almost raped you is in fact gay?" he deadpanned.

"Who said anything about raping? We had our clothes on! And any guy who ever thinks of touching me that way will burn like a crisp before he can lay a single finger on me. Why are you drawing back?"

"I don't want to be taken in your pyromaniac fantasies."

"Is that so? Then don't worry: I'll need way more fire than I can produce to burn an ice cube like you. So that's all right! I know I'll be safer near you than near Kakashi-Sensei who beds young Chuunin teachers."

There was a heavy silence after that. A really, thick heavy silence. I could grind my blades against it if I wanted to. Lee-San's voice came from the other room.

"Oy! Are you finished?" he asked.

"Yes, you can stop hiding." I said. "I don't see the point of why, by the way."

"He's obviously giving us time for ourselves."

"Why?"

"Because you're leaving the team, and I have things to say to you I couldn't before. Or rather I told you many years ago, but I never reached you."

I blinked at him. Suddenly I remembered the classroom in my first year at the Academy.

Father was still alive, and the Kyuubi had recently attacked the Village. I had stood up to answer a very difficult question of Mizuki-Sensei, and he had wanted to test my limits by showering with other questions. There were angry and bored stares all around me, and that bizarre moon-like eyes who eyed me differently.

When the class was dismissed, I was cleaning my stuff when The Hyuuga approached me from the first time. We had worked together before I remember. I didn't like him. He was too stiff, too cold for my tastes. He was too different from the boys in my clan, so cold and white.

"Yanagi-San." He had said. "There is something important I wish to speak with you."

I had raised my brows.

"I doubt there is anything you say that will make me pay attention to you." I had answered evenly.

I really didn't like him. He was almost as good as I was, and I found that threatening. Yet, because I was a girl, I would never be able to fight against him. I had to bear this threatening-angry-creepy feel about him and could never do anything about it.

I took my bag and folded my yukata properly before exiting the room. He was trailing behind me. I wish I could find Itachi-San as soon as possible. He had promised to treat me some nikuman if we went to his favourite dango shop first. I was almost out of the room when The Hyuuga grabbed my hand and made me spin.

I freed my hand from his grip and frowned at him, unsure of what was happening. He cleared his voice.

"I'm really serious about this Yanagi-San." He said. "Please hear me out."

Then he started talking, and his words sounded like gibberish to me. At the same moment the door behind me slid open and Itachi-Sama entered. The Hyuuga was bowing to me.

"Yanagi?" Itachi-Sama called before eying the boy before me. "Am I disturbing you?"

Itachi-Sama's tone was curiously sharp and cold. I didn't understand that. And why was The Hyuuga bowing to me.

"I think he's waiting for an answer." My cousin muttered to me.

"An answer to what? I didn't understand a word of what he was telling me!" I exclaimed.

The Hyuuga's head went up, his eyes were round with stupefaction. His cheeks were slightly red with embarrassment.

"You… You weren't listening?"

"Well…" I started, then I remembered I wanted nothing to do with him. "I did tell you there was nothing you'd say that would make me pay attention to you, did I not?"

"Yes, you did." He said gritting his teeth. "But I'm also serious about you."

"What for? Rivalry?" I asked cocking my head to the side.

"Did you not understand that I…" he started yelling but Itachi-Sama put me behind him.

"I suggest you don't yell at my cousin that way." He muttered. "And I think you should go."

Itachi-Sama's hand was warm around me. I still couldn't feel it. The Hyuuga's eyes were staring harshly on our tied hands.

"So that's how it is…" he muttered and was gone.

I turned to Itachi-Sama.

"What was that?" I asked him.

"Don't worry about that Yanagi. Let's go home now."

Itachi-Sama seemed curiously happier than usual.

"I remember! You wanted to be my rival since the first year of the Academy!" I said to him. "Only I couldn't acknowledge you at that time."

"You're understanding it wrong! First you hadn't listened to my declaration, and then your cousin arrived and he made me leave!" Neji-San yelled.

"Yes, but now that I know you've been wanting to be my rival for so long…"

"This is not about rivalry!" he said. "If your cousin hadn't been there at that moment, then…"

"Then what?" I asked.

He wasn't clear at all. He took a few steps towards me. His breath was tickling. Why did he need to be so close to talk to me? I walked back, and he advanced again with annoyance in his look. And then I hit the opposite wall and he caged me with his arms. I started feeling insecure.

"What are you doing?" I said with a steady voice.

"What do you think I am doing, Yanagi?" he muttered, and he had dropped the suffix.

We weren't that close for him to… Granted he was my friend, but we hadn't the same relationship I had with Tenten or Ino. I pushed him back but he held on. Did he really want me to use my strength against him?

"I don't know and you're seriously freaking me out!" I groaned. "Back-off!"

"I'm starting to have enough of your little game Yanagi! You're doing that on purpose, and I won't stand that anymore."

"Seriously, I have no idea what you're talking about!"

Then the door opened at the same time as the window did.

"Are you finished now?" Lee-San asked.

"You bastard! Hands off my cousin!" Sasuke yelled.

"Dynamic entry!" Sensei shouted.

And hell broke loose.


Hey guys! I recieved a lot of lovely reviws from all of you, so thanks a lot!

Lumiax: Yeah, Kakashi and Yanagi together make a good mix, especially with her being that oblivious

Radiopoisoning: Yanagi and her team are 13, Sasuke and his promotion are 11, Kakashi and Gai are 26 and Itachi is 17.

Guest: You bet Sasuke is content with Yanagi's innocence. He's very protective of her.

Songfern1128: Yeah, Yanagi is half Kakashi's age, but I don't think he cares much :D And if you ask him, he'll say he was only teaching. Poor Team 7.

FallenAngel231312: What is sad? The fact Yanagi can't understand love?

Leia-Chan: You get the main stuff. Kakashi's a perv (everyone know it), and Sasuke was cute when he was little (and then puberty came)

fuchsdeifeswuid: (seriously it's hard not butchering all your names) Thanks for your support :)

Girl-luvs-manga: Before Yanagi gets a clue, I think you'll have to wait until the Chuunin exam. After that she'll still have difficulties with flirting.

By the way, I don't think this story will be a YanagixNeji.

Just keep reading, just keep reading, just keep reading, reading, reading...

And don't forget to review :)