Chapter 17 - Hope
Did he really say that? Did he really mean all of that? I know, I should be angry with him for not telling about the contract. But I my mind was dwelling on the things he said. Was he really done with me? He can't do that. We're best friends. I've known him all my life.
I always assumed when we broke the contract, we would sigh in relief, and then laugh about the whole contract fiasco. I wanted to set him up with H. For some reason, I thought they would make a good pair. Both of them are insanely intelligent, they would have clicked if they got to know each other.
I wanted to cry some more, but I was out of tears and I felt tired because of all the crying I've been doing lately. I was lost in thoughts. I didn't even know where I was going, until I heard the Fat Lady asked me for the password.
"The Toad." I said.
The portrait hole opened and I went in. It was pretty late, I couldn't hear noises from the common room. I decided to go straight to bed. I convinced myself that tomorrow, Draco was going to apologise for his behaviour and I'll throw a tantrum.
I felt someone take my hand and pull me. When I got over the surprise, I saw that Harry had pulled me into his arms.
"Harry, wh-…" His lips were on mine. Though I didn't want to kiss him, I responded to his kiss. Maybe I needed to feel something other that pain and sadness.
"I'm really sorry." His left hand was tracing the fading bruise on my neck. He has been trying to talk to me but I guess he was not able to find words. Even I didn't push for conversation because I felt like he needed his time to figure things out on his own.
"It's okay. It's almost gone. No harm, no foul!"
"I'm not just sorry for strangling you." I could tell it hurt him to say these words. "I'm sorry for hurting you throughout the year. I, honestly, never meant for any of that to happen."
Now, what happened with Harry seems so trivial. Without Draco, everything feels bland. No, I will not think that way. Tomorrow, everything will be fine in between us.
"It's okay. We're just teenagers." I really can't think of anything to say.
"I want to make it up to you." Harry said earnestly. He led me to one of the couches near the fireplace. I followed him though I really wanted to get to bed. He was making conversation with me after so long, I was curious to know what he has to say to me.
"Nat, I'm really sorry about the things I did. I can't believe I hurt you so much. And you have constantly been there for me. I don't want to lose you." The nervousness was evident in his voice.
I wanted to put him at ease but I could not find words to say. All I can think of is a certain platinum blond Slytherin.
"Harry, it's all right. You don't have say these things, I understand."
"No, I have to." He insisted. "That's the thing. You understand. You always understand. And I have done things to only push you away. Ron and Hermione know me as well. But you know on a different level."
Do I like the direction our conversation is taking?
"It's okay, Harry. We all make mistakes."
"I don't want to make another by not having you in my life. You're the only person who knows me on a closer level and I don't want to lose you."
"Harry, you'll always have me. You will not lose me. We will always be friends."
"But I don't just want to be friends. I want us to get back together."
Where is this coming from? How does Harry's brain work? Before I could train my thoughts. I felt his lips on mine again. This time the kiss was different. He was firmer. He held closer and tighter than before. He was putting every possible emotion in the kiss. His hands started moving on my body. His hands stopped on my breasts. He rubbed them gently at first. But he started pressing really hard soon. His lips were on my neck. I wanted to ask him to stop but I just couldn't form the words to say it. I hadn't felt anything like this before. Soon everything he did was sending tingles straight to my little girl in between my legs. It was like he was trying to possess me. It was like he was trying to mark me as his. His hand went down to my thighs. Suddenly, this felt like a bad idea. His hand was going to an area he was not allowed to go to.
I tried to push him off. At first, he wouldn't stop. He began kissing me again. Hoping that my protests would die if he kissed me. But he had crossed a line and I couldn't do this anymore. I pushed harder. He finally stopped. He looked hurt.
When I was able to catch my breath, I told him. "Harry, I'm not ready to go all the way with anyone right now. I'm sorry but that's just not me."
He considered what I just told him, "Don't be sorry. I was the one who pushed too far."
"You have understand that if you want us to get back together then you can't ambush me like this."
"So, we're getting back together." He smiled at me. He looked at me with hope in his eyes.
I can't believe his smile can still warm me up. I'm beginning to question if my brain is wired the right way. This guy hurt me and here I am discussing getting back together.
I smiled though I really had no reason to. "I didn't say that. You just tried to do something I'm not comfortable with and you expect me to think about getting back together?"
"I'm sorry. It will not happen again." He promised. "But can we at least talk about it?"
"There's so much happening right now. Can I think about it first?"
"Of course." Harry kissed me on my forehead. We sat on the couch still very close to each other. Now that my head cleared, my thoughts went back to Draco. Tomorrow everything will be all right. Draco will take back his words. He can't stay mad at me for a long time.
The next day, I woke up on the couch with Harry. I remembered the things that happened last night. I woke Harry up asked him to go to his dormitory. He nodded, kissed me on my cheeks and went up to his dormitory. I didn't know what to make of these sudden displays of affection. Are they supposed to make me go back to him? Was I supposed to return them?
I shook these thoughts off of me. I got ready for the day. I wanted to go down to the Great Hall early and wait for Draco. I will give him a chance to apologise. I'll pretend to be angry for a short while and then we'll be all right.
I went down to the Great Hall as soon as I could. I poured myself a glass of orange juice. I kept looking at the giant doors of the hall, watching everyone that walked in. The other years were starting their exams today. Once their exams were over the vacation would begin. The fifth and the seventh years had free time so I knew most of them would spend their time by the lake.
Then the person I wanted to see the most came in. He went straight to the Slytherin table. I didn't even spare a glance in my direction. Look at me, look at me! He just wouldn't look at me. Dread started to fill my heart. Did he really mean all those things? No, no, no! Harry came into the hall followed by H and Ron. I was happy to see them out of the infirmary finally. I gave H and Ron big hugs. The four of us sat down. Harry sat down next to me, H and Ron in front of us. I kept throwing discreet glances at Draco. He still wouldn't look at me.
By the time the rest of the years left for their exams, I had come to the point where I thought even if Draco looked at me, I would forgive him. I'll even apologise for the things I said to him. What was ticking me off even more was the fact that Draco let Pansy sit a little too close to him. I wanted to save him. But he didn't look as agitated as he normally looks around Pansy.
Harry was trying to gain my attention. "Nat, shall we go for a walk?"
I saw Andy about to leave the Great Hall and decided I needed to talk to him. "Ummm…Harry, I want to talk to Andy about something. How about I catch up with up with you by the lake later on?"
Even if Harry was disappointed, he didn't show it, "Sure, I'll see you later." He kissed me on my cheek.
"I'll see you guys later." I told H and Ron.
I didn't want to stay here for a moment more. I couldn't stand Draco not looking in my direction anymore. It was like I didn't exist for Draco anymore.
"Andy." I called out. When I got close enough, I told him, "I want to talk to you."
I don't know if it was the way I said it or something else, he knew immediately something was up. He looked concerned, "What is it?"
"Let's get out of the castle." He agreed immediately.
The sun shone brightly. When the warmth of the sun hit me, I realised how cold I was feeling inside. Andy and I walked in silence. I leaned on him for support. When we were far enough from the castle, Andy and I settled down under a tree.
"Nattie, you're scaring me. What's going on? You're never been this quiet before." Andy began.
"Draco ended it." I told him quietly. I doubt if he even heard me.
"What? I couldn't hear you."
I told him everything that happened between Draco and I. Andy looked shocked for a while. While telling Andy everything, I started crying. It hurt to repeat the things Draco said.
"It's almost like I didn't exist anymore." I complained to my older brother.
"It seems like he has made his choice, Nat." Andy said.
I looked confused. "What do you mean?"
"He has made his choice for the war, Nat."
I didn't know what to say. "But, this is me. He can't just drop me like the dust on his shoes."
Andy put his hand my shoulder. He looked at me thoughtfully, "I can't speak for him. Do you want me to talk to him?"
"No, this is in between Drake and I. He will come to his senses soon enough. He is not going to choose the dark side during the war. I will not let him." I said hopefully. I didn't convince him.
"I don't think you'll be able to stop him." He didn't convince me.
"I know him. He doesn't want to be a part of this. I'll hide him. I'll make him go to Dumbledore. There has to be a way." I said a bit louder.
He pulled me closer and kissed my forehead. "Nattie, calm down. Nothing has happened till now."
"I feel empty without him, Andy. He has taken a part of me away with him. He is my best friend. I don't know life without him. Bring him back, Andy."
I'm so sorry for not updating for so long! The job was too hectic! I finally found a some time to update now! I'm still working out schedule so I can update more often!
I hope you like this chapter as well! Please read and review! Thank you for reading so far!
Enjoy! Neepa...:-)
