Another month passed. Sebastian caught Mey-Rin looking at herself in the mirror. He stilled. He smelled the air. Nothing by the deep vanilla which was her ever-present smell. He opened the bathroom door and met her eyes in the mirror.
"You are past your start date," he whispered. He calculated. "A week and half."
She nodded.
He didn't want to hurt her as he took her into his arms and hugged her. Were they finally pregnant? Would the conversion start soon and they would not have to seek out the beasts who would do it cruelly and viciously? Could it have happened, five months into them actively trying? He pressed his lips to her head and she wrapped her arms around him.
"Don't celebrate yet," she said, pulling back. "I could just be late. I'm under stress."
He stroked her cheek and saw the resigned hope that was in her eyes. "Even if it comes in a day or so, this is a glimmer of what we will feel when we know for sure it is you pregnant."
He kissed her and she sighed. It is a perfect day, he thought as he flipped the pancakes he had decided to make for the whole staff when they got to the manor. I could be a father!
His elation was not overlooked as he brought the breakfast to his young masters' bedroom.
"Pancakes? Are you tricking me into liking you at this hour?" he muttered as he sat up. He rubbed his eyes and took the offered cup. "China Rose? Are you buttering me up for something horrible? What did Finny do? Is the kitchen on fire? Is Mey-Rin pregnant?"
Sebastian stilled and looked down at his master. Ciel took a sip of his tea and looked up, noticing the demon not moving. "Oh, shit," he cursed.
"It's not for sure. It could be just an error," Sebastian said quietly. From how Ciel looked at him, Sebastian was sure there was delight dancing in his eyes that he was getting his hopes up for a good reason.
"If it is meant to be," the teenager said, suddenly quiet. He shook his head and turned to look at his butler. "No, I should be happy. I am happy. You have found someone who makes you almost human. And I should be glad for that. I have seen you everyday, almost every waking hour, for five years, and there has been a sorrow, a waiting, in your eyes. I know you wish to eat my soul and be done with me - I can be a bit demanding - but when you and Mey-Rin began to grow your feelings toward each other," he paused and shrugged his shoulders a bit. "I should be thankful and wish I could be as every bit as in love as you two are."
Sebastian took the cup from his young master and smiled. "Thank you, my lord. You and Lady Elizabeth will find happiness together and you will learn to love her as deeply as you do me."
The deep red blush and sudden anger in Ciel's blue eyes made it clear that his words cut deep, as he had intended. Sebastian could not love the boy as he loved Mey-Rin; their positions were too vastly different as were their beginnings of their relationship. He was a master and slave, of Earl Ciel Phantomhive. He was merely a slave to Mey-Rin's feelings, and his own self-realized ones.
"Do. Not. Speak. Of. That."
"Yes, my lord," Sebastian said smoothly and with the liquid velvet tone he used as a humble apology. "May I redirect your attention to the day's agenda?"
"No, I wish to eat my pancakes."
He sighed. "Yes, my lord."
Mey-Rin was back in the wash room, her back to him as he slipped in and surveyed the pile of dirty laundry. He saw the sheets from their bed.
"My dear?"
She turned and broke down in wailing tears. He saw the sheets she had been furiously cleaning; the unmistakable menstrual blood came into his nose.
"My lover," he sighed as he gathered her into his unearthly arms. He felt her weight, firm and deep on his chest and how she clenched at the back of his tail coats. He ran his hands in tight circles on her lower back, knowing that her pain, both physical and emotional were tightening the muscles there. He had spent many nights with her on her menstruation curled up in pain, kissing her and cradling her as she cried about her defective body.
"I was so sure! I was so positive it was this time!"
"I know," he whispered. So had he. He closed his eyes and felt the prickle of tears form. He pulled his emotions back; he had to be strong. Oh how many times had he thought the same thing, only to be driven insane by his feelings of loneliness and isolation? He was a demon, demons were strong - only the weak were emotional and swayed into the arms of humans. He pulled his lover deeper into his arms. He would take the weakness if it meant he had this woman in his eternity. He lifted his eyes and gave a small smile.
And that bratty young Earl. He loved him too.
He let the tears fall into the hair of his beloved.
"Let us not wait - I can't wait! I need to be with you. I need to be with you for eternity!"
He pulled back and looked down; his maid was weeping silently now, hard lines and determined eyes shining into his. He choked back a moan; the look he saw was the one she had when there was predator in her sights and was about to be shot. It had been him who had been shot down and dragged into her life, eaten alive and made to be stuffed full of emotions he had denied so many lifetimes.
He stroked his thumbs over her face and slowly shook his head. "No, my sweet Mey-Rin. No, we will not go to that lengths. Not yet. My sweet woman, not yet. Please. Please we have seven months and then -"
"I can't do this waiting game! Seven months! The young master will be almost prepared for his wedding to Lady Elizabeth - the last thing they need is us disappearing to Hell and coming back perhaps in time." She pushed away and shook her head firmly. "No, this time, this time we do it. I don't care about the pain."
"But my love," Sebastian said, stroking her hard face and softening his, "the pain will be unbearable - for me."
"And this isn't!" she roared into his pleading face. He winced as if he was slapped. "I am the one who will be carrying the child my body can't seem to produce! I am the one who will be in pain for nine months until I drop our baby - and who knows how I will be changing along with growing a baby! Perhaps the torture you talk about that is my conversion at the hands of a demon is better. Sounds quicker and easier at this point!"
"You really wish to be cut apart and raped?" he pushed his face into hers and hissed at her. He hardened his own face and tone. "You want another demon's cock in your broken body, drawing every once of feeling and passion, desire and longing, out? You want another demon to possess you and give you nothing but liquid heat for the end of eternity, not being able to bare my child? You want to risk not feeling for me when I look at you? You'd make me suffer as you turned away and took another lover, breaking our earthly bond for sure and forming your own contracts with humans and demons?"
She crumbled a bit. "That would never happen. I love you too much," she whispered.
"Aw, fuck, Mey-Rin," he responded, frustrated. "It would be that way later, if not sooner, if we let the demons have you. Please, let us try for the remaining seven months. Let me convert you to a half-demon, let my seed and my baby melt a bit of your humanity. I want that claim on your body, and soul, as mine. Wholly," he added, kissing her, "and without question." He kissed her deeply again. His body ached for hers, but he knew she would not allow him on her. She was too fresh into her cycle and too depressed to take any comfort or delight in his body. "This pile needs to be done," he said finally. "I will wash as you wring it out?"
She pulled back and studied him. "I hope to be as patient as you, my love."
He smiled. "What kind of husband would I be if I didn't tolerate your moods and show you my undying devotion and love?"
She slid a hand up his chest and cupped his cheek. "I love you."
They worked on the pile, stopping when the pain was too much for her to stand, and Sebastian fed her tea and biscuits to settle her stomach. He knew she was also wishing that this routine was for a child giving her a hard time as it grew, not the utter sinking disappointment in not getting pregnant. He gathered Mey-Rin into his arms that night and once more silently wept for the child they never had that month. He also silently shed tears for the hardest seven months he would have to endure. He would never wish the pain Mey-Rin was willing to go through to become bonded with him body, soul, demon, with him, on anyone - not even the most hated demon or human.
But he also smiled as she snored softly at the willingness of her resolve. The woman was stronger than he had ever suspected, and loved him deeper than he could ever have imagined.
I'm so, so, soooooo sorry! On a real note though, I can't imagine for a moment the pain that anyone goes through when they are trying to have a child. I tried to imagine in my limited imagination what it's like. And to you, kind souls, I hope someday your joy is realized. Ya'll are some of the most amazing peeps!
On another side note, perhaps my favorite line of almost all Ciel time is "No, I wish to eat my pancakes." It cracks me up every time I read this chapter. :P
