When youre broken
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in your self
When you're broken
Emma sat in the OB-GYN's office In Portland, her hand on her stomach. Since Killian, her brother and friends all had work, Liam offered to go with her. The ride there had been pleasant, talk of his life in England and her future here. Ever since dinner the other night he had wanted to ask if she was sure Killian wasn't the dad, sure there was no way it would be possible. He just didn't know how to bring it up.
Coming back from the coffee stand he sat down and handed her a hot chocolate with cinnamon on the top, a new thing she had become addicted too since he was in town. Emma had been enjoying spending time with the other Jones brother. But she knew they would soon need to talk about the look he gave her.
"You don't have to come back to the room with me. They said it wouldn't take long when I signed in." Emma said as she looked to him. Liam took a drink of his coffee before he gave her a smile.
"It's your choice. I'll be right here either way, Killian said he'd kill me if I left." Liam said with a small laugh. Emma joined in as she looked to him.
"Okay thank you. On the way home, can we stop and get dinner? Killian said there is a great place here and it could be good to get something before we go home?" Emma said as she looked out the window watching the rain fall. Her body was nervous; she was scared of what would be said. Killian tried to help her prepare but it wasn't the same.
"Emma Nolan?" The nervous said giving a cheerful smile. Emma got up and handed Liam her cup, Liam promising that it would be good as he watched her walk back with the nurse. Emma followed the nurse and tried to keep calm as she was weighed and had her height measured.
Sitting on the table the nurse asked her a few questions about her health before leaving the room. Given Emma was adopted she had planned to have the genetic testing done when she was far enough along. As the nurse left, Emma laid back pulling her shirt up and rested her hand on her stomach. The nurse said she could be 5 months along but Emma wasn't too sure. They did girls nights so often she didn't remember the date, it didn't help that she was beyond drunk when it happened. The doctor came in and gave her a smile, Emma sitting up returning the smile.
"Hello Emma, I'm Doctor Tamara Cassidy, how are you?" She asked as she shook Emma's hand before sitting down turning the ultra sound machine on.
"I'm good, nervous but doing well." She said looked over the machine.
"How has the pregnancy been for you?" Dr Cassidy asked as she instructed Emma to lay back and lift her shirt, Emma doing just that.
"It's been okay. The morning sickness is hard though, my friend who is pregnant as well says that it happens." She said as Tamara started. Emma held her breath until she heard the baby's heartbeat and tears filled her eyes.
"Do you want pictures?" Tamara asked smiling as she looked over the screen. Emma's eyes never leaved the screen as she nodded.
"Um, how far along do you think I am? My doctor, Dr Jones, wasn't too sure." Emma said softly as she brought her hand up to wipe her tears away. Tamara looked over the screen and glanced to her chart seeing the information she gave the nurse.
"Im going to say about 5 and a half months." She said Emma nodding. Boston's girls night. After the ultrasound and finding out the gender, Emma and Dr Cassidy talked for a few moments. She set up another appointment as she put the envelope of pictures in her purse before headed to Liam smiling.
"Ready to go?" She asked as he stood up and handed her her cup back. Liam nodded and walked out with her opening the car door. As Liam got in he looked to Emma watching her a moment.
"Its Killian's isn't it?" He was blunt and made Emma laugh. Sitting back, she set her cup down in the cup holder before she looked to him.
"I'm not too sure. I remember girls' night in New York almost 6 months ago. We had one to Rabbit Hole and it was amazing. For once I let go and just had fun. I don't remember much of the guy; his eyes were incredibly gorgeous, and bright. His voice made me smile and for some reason I felt safe with him. I wish it was Killian. I feel the same amount of safeness with him. I look in to his eyes and see the same shade from that night. But I doubt it." Emma said as she placed her hand on her stomach feeling her baby move.
"Killian did live in New York. Have you considered him as the dad? I mean okay maybe I'm stretching Lass but the way he looks at you, the way he wants to be there I'm sure he is the dad. I wonder if he remembers that night." Liam said with a small laugh. Emma joined in shaking her head.
"I don't know, I'll talk to him tonight. But until then let's go I'm starving." She said with a smile, Liam laughing and starting to drive. As they stopped for food she told him about the appointment, how she was measuring right along, how healthy the baby was. She was excited to become a mom and Liam could tell that easily now.
When they got home, Liam carried the food in as Emma lunched the door and moved aside. She could hear Killian moving things in the other room, leaving her to wonder about him not being at work. She grabbed the envelope from her purse and headed down the hall to the back room, a room she had no clue what he used it for. Emma knocked on the door smiling as Killian poked his head out.
"Hey you're back! I'll be out in a moment." He told her smiling as he closed the door, Emma laughing. As she sat down at the table she started looking over the pictures, Liam joined her.
"So what are you having?" He asked smirking. Emma laughed shaking her head.
"Nope I'm not telling yet. I don't even know myself honestly; Dr Cassidy sealed it in the envelope. My mom is planning a party this weekend for me to announce it. I told her she doesn't need to because It's not that big of a deal but she says I need it." Emma said with a shrug.
"Look at the little peanut." Killian said over her shoulder smiling. Emma looked up to him, a grin on her face. He looked happy seeing the pictures and Emma glance to Liam wondering if it could be true. Putting the pictures away, Killian sat down joining them at the table. Liam handed him a takeout container, handing one to Emma as well.
"You guys can make it to mom's right? Everyone's going to be there but I'd really like my Jones brothers there." She said smiling. Liam winked at her nodding, Killian shaking his head in amusement before nodding. Both shared a look when they realized she said her Jones brothers. They could get used to her being permanent in their life.
"I'm there I promise. Liam what is the look on your face for?" Killian asked smirking as Emma got up to get a drink.
"Where were you 6 months ago? In New York right? But where?" Liam asked, Emma trying not to laugh as she heard them. They were beyond amusing together she loved it. As she sat back down she watched Killian try to answer his brother.
"I might have went out with the guys after work, to the Rabbit Hole I believe. It was pretty insane. Neal says I was wasted but I don't remember much after a few drinks. Why?" Emma glanced to Liam before looking to Killian.
"What night? Do you remember?" Emma asked curiously. She had texted Mary Margaret earlier in the day and was given a night, Match 23rd. Killian looked at them trying to figure out what they were up too,
"March sometime I'm not too sure, I'm sure if I call Neal he could tell me more." Killian said, Emma looking to him before looking to Liam.
"You could be right." She said before Killian finished eating watching the two of them.
"Okay someone want to tell me what is going on here." He asked as he stood up and cleaned up the table, putting away any leftovers.
"I think you are the baby daddy." Liam said, Emma loving how blunt he was. She turned in her chair and looked to his face watching him.
"Why would you think that? I've only known Emma maybe 2 weeks now." He said as he looked to Liam. Liam smirked as he stood up moving towards his little brother.
"Well first things first, you both were in New York in March, at the same club. Neither remembers the other from the night, but Emma does remember his gorgeous eyes, as she put it. I really think you could be the dad. Any way someone took pictures from that night?" Liam said as he looked to them, Emma grabbing her phone and texting Ruby.
"We didn't take pictures but I'm not even sure it's possible." Killian said as he finished cleaning up.
"Holy Shit." Emma said as she looked up from her phone and looked to Killian.
"What is it?" He asked moving to her, Liam joining as well. Looking over Emma's shoulder to the phone all three looked at each other before Emma placed a hand on her stomach. Killian looked to the photo, which showed a blurry brunette Emma and Killian kissing, before he looked to Liam.
He was going to be a dad.
Emma sat with her mom in the living room, showing her the pictures she got when she had the ultrasound done. After finding out Killian was the dad, he headed to the spare room while Liam followed to talk to him. Emma wasn't sure she should be there right now and left a note saying she was going to see her mom, no need to worry either Jones about where she went.
"So what's the gender?" Ruth asked with a smile, Emma laughing and shaking her head.
"No way mom. No one is going to know until Saturday. It's what you wanted." She said with a laugh as she smiled. Ruth laughed shaking her head.
"Fine fine. But I'm still going to ask every time I see you." Ruth said laughing. "Alright so I have ordered the food, and the cake, plus everyone will be here minus aunt Caroline. She isn't welcomed here right now." Ruth said as she picked up a note book.
"I have ordered some things for the baby, which I'm not telling you what. But I can promise you between me and the girls, you may not need to get anything for the baby." Ruth said with a laugh. Emma laughed shaking her head.
"Little peanut will be so spoiled." Emma said smiling as she rubbed her stomach. Ruth smiled watching her daughter knowing there is something wrong.
"Emma, what is it?" She asked as she moved to sit by her daughter wondering what was going on.
"I know who the dad is. Part of me is happy to know but at the same time I'm scared that now that he knows he will leave too." Emma confessed smiling sadly. Ruth wrapped her arms around her holding her close.
"Who is it?" Ruth asked softly as she rubbed her arms.
"Killian." Emma said looking up to her mom. Ruth nodded sadly watching Emma wondering what her reaction was.
"Well it could be a good man Em. He has been here to support you even without knowing he's the dad. I'm sure he will still want to be there. What did he say when he found out?" Ruth asked kissing her daughters head.
"He didn't say anything. He just left the room. Liam said he does it when he's upset, shuts down. I haven't heard from either yet." She said softly as she held her mom close. Ruth hugged her as she hummed a song, Emma falling asleep slowly.
"What the hell was that?" Liam asked after an hour of sitting in the spare room.
"What was what?" Killian asked as he moved the dressed in to the closet, giving the room more space.
"You leaving Emma like that. Dude, you just found out you are going to be a dad and I get hat. But to just leave and not say a thing? Come on I thought you weren't an ass anymore." Liam said as he got up and started helping Killian move the bed closer to the wall.
"What do you want me to do? Scream and be excited that I'm a dad? I have been helping her for two weeks, trying to just being there for her. Part of me felt like I have seen her before but I didn't think that t was possible. Then you come along and ask questions and I find out I'm going to be a dad, something I've always wanted but never thought would be possible. I want to be a dad but I'm scared to fuck up. Our dad wasn't the best example for me. It's hard to get excited when I keep feeling like ill fail her and the baby. I keep asking myself a million what ifs and none give me the answer I want." Killian said as he sat down on the bed, looking to Liam. Liam took a deep breath and shook his head.
"You are more of a man than our sperm donor ever was. You stepped up to help someone that needed help. You smile more when she is around. You are going to be a great dad and you don't need to worry at all. Killian you will be an amazing dad. You are going to be there for your child and I don't want you to feel like you can't do this. I promise you you will fail, but every time you fail you will grow with it. You will be a great dad; Emma will just love for you to be there." Liam told him as he got up and hugged his brother for a moment. With a nod Killian took a deep breath.
"I guess I should talk to her then? Is she still here?" He asked as they left the room, heading to the kitchen. Reading the note Killian sigh out. "Headed to her moms, I will call her later or talk to her when she gets home." He said as he set the note down and took a seat at the counter.
"I'm going to head back to the inn for the night. Ill talk to you in the morning, let me know when Emma comes back." He said hugging his brother before he headed out. Killian got up and headed back to the bedroom he was putting together for Emma. He wanted her to have a space that was her own but now it didn't seem enough. He wanted to give her and their baby more. She deserved it.
Heading to his room he sat on his bed, lap top resting on his thighs. He started going through the for sale ads, needing to find something perfect.
Emma and their baby deserved only perfection.
Emma woke in the morning, her body sore. The couch at her moms wasn't like the one at Killian's. As they had breakfast, Emma knew she needed to go back to the apartment and talk to Killian. It was weird how they left things and she knew they needed to talk about it all.
"Not hungry baby girl?" Her mom asked as she picked up the plates putting them in the sink. Emma shook her head as she stood up.
"No. I tried to eat but it just doesn't taste like food. I'm needing to get home. I haven't talked to Killian since he walked way and I left." She said as she moved to her mom hugging her. Ruth promised they would get together soon before she headed to grab her things and leave the house. The walk back to the apartment wasn't too bad, but she knew that when she got back she wanted a shower and to et off her feet.
Tamara had called her cell and left a message that morning to let her know blood work came back good and that she was excited to see her at her next appointment in a few weeks. Walking in she closed the door and slipped her shoes off before going and taking a seat on the couch wondering if Killian was awake yet.
Killian walked in to the kitchen stopping when he saw her.
"Good morning." He said a bit nervously as he made his way to the living room, sitting down in the chair across from her.
"Morning. Sorry I didn't come home last night, I feel asleep at moms and just stayed out." She said with a small laugh as she curled up with her blanket.
"It's okay. Liam chewed in to me for not saying anything to you before I left the room. I am sorry that I did that. I have a problem of walking out when I get upset. I felt nervous that I would end up being just like my dad was, that I would end up walking away from you and our baby. I didn't want you guys to be let down because of me." He told her as she listened. Emma cleared her throat as she let her eyes moved over his face.
"You won't let us down. I just want you here for our baby. I don't need anything from you but that. Just be here and let our baby know their daddy is there. You won't be your like your father because even before you knew you were the dad, you wanted to be here for me. You took me in and helped me when I felt alone. That is what I want." She told him giving him a smile.
"I can try to be there. I can't promise I won't fuck up." Killian said with a small smile getting up and moving to her side. "I will be here for you too Em. I feel something for you, I felt it that night but I wrote it off, made myself think it was nothing." Killian told her. Emma moved close to him and took his hand placing it on her stomach.
"I felt something too. I don't want to rush anything now that we have a little peanut." Emma said as they both rested their hands on her stomach. "We okay now?" She asked after a while, her eyes looking down to her stomach before looking to him.
"Of course we are okay. Remember how I told you I have a surprise for you? Well come with me." He said as he stood up and helped her up, leading her down the hall way to the spare room, the door closed.
"I know it's not much right now. But until I can find us a house with more space," Killian said as he opened the door showing her the room he put together for her and the baby. The bed was made, flowers in a vase on the night stand, and space for a crib in the corner. Emma felt tears in her eyes as she looked to him.
"You did this for me?" She asked as she looked to him, smiling as she did.
"I did. This is your home too. It's not much but if you want to continue staying here it's yours. It's all up to you." He told her with a smile as he watched her. Emma pressed a kiss to his cheek and she smiled.
"There is nowhere else peanut and I want to be." She told him smiling as she gave him a hug, Killian smiling as he hugged her back keeping her close to him.
Emma felt like she blinked and Saturday was there. Standing in her bedroom she tugged at the dress Elsa told her she should wear, and sat down to pull her sandals. After ten minutes of trying she gave up and threw her shoe at the wall.
"Love, everything okay?" He asked curiously as he came in to the room picking up her shoe.
"They don't fit; I can't bend to get them on my feet and I'm really showing now." Emma said as she stood up and placed her hands on her stomach again. Killian smiled watching her, his eyes moving down to her stomach before back to her face, the glow on her face making him smile more.
"Stop it. You look fine. Let me help you get these on okay? Liam will be here soon to drive us over to your moms." Killian said as he knelt down and helped Emma in to her shoes, before standing and giving her a smile. Emma smile wiping her tears as she looked to him.
"Thank you. Sorry I'm all over the map with my emotions. I blame your child." She said as she gave him a hug, placing a kiss to his neck as she did.
"Hey I hear it's all worth it. Come on lets go." Killian told her as he led her out of the apartment and down to the street, Liam pulling up as they got there. Killian helped her in before he went around and got in himself. The ride to her moms didn't take too long and by time they got there, she had to pee again. Liam laughed as she practically ran inside, Killian shaking his head with a smile.
Ruth welcomed them both in with a hug, thanking Killian for everything he had done for Emma and the baby. Emma came out of the bathroom with a laugh making her way to the living room where everyone else as, moving around hugging them all. Ruth had planned games and ordered a bunch of Emma's favorites and made sure there wasn't a dull moment. After the games were done, Ruth stood and called everyone to quiet down.
"As you know Emma found out the sex of the baby this week and now she has had her food and games I want to know!" Ruth said earning a laugh from everyone. Emma stood up and gave a nod as she pulled out the envelope.
"Alright only because mom is tired of waiting I'll tell you guys. But there is something you need to know first and I need everyone to promise not to kill me or Killian." She said, earning looks of confusion as she spoke. Taking a deep breath she smiled as Killian's hand slipped into hers.
"I found out who the dad is. It's kinda surprising and shocking that this happened. But after some math and thinking, and a picture ruby sent, it turns out Killian is the dad. It know it's shocking but it's kind of a relief to know who the dad is." Emma said as she took his hand in hers, before looking to the room. No one seemed too shock and if they did they hid it well.
"Alright, So now that that is out of the way, it's time for the gender." Emma said as she opened the envelope, letting her and Killian see it first for the first time each before they looked to their friends and family.
"IT'S A GIRL!" Emma said with a laugh as she felt tears in her eyes. She placed her hand on her stomach smiling as she realized she was going to have a daughter. Killian kissed her cheek as he hugged her, placing his own hand on her stomach. Their friends and family were just as excited as they all took in the news.
The rest of the party was full of laughs and fun. Emma ate until she was sure she was going to pop the baby out there. Liam and Killian loaded all the things into Liam's car as Emma sat in the kitchen with her mom and brother.
"I'm going to be an uncle, to a little girl." David said with a laugh as he put his hand on Emma's stomach. Emma laughed as she looked to him shaking her head.
"She is going to be spoiled, don't go too overboard though please!" She begged with a laugh knowing it wasn't going to matter; he would spoil her either way. Ruth smiled and kissed their heads.
"I am so happy you guys are all good again. It makes my mom heart happy." She said with a laugh as she smiled. "But for now there's something I need to tell you both. That I'm going on a trip for a while, New York. But I won't be gone long. Just a week or two." Ruth told them, Emma raising her eyebrow as she looked to David before looking to her mom.
"I think you should it will be good for you to get out of here for a while. But can we ask why?" David asked smiling.
"There is a show on Broadway I want to see and a doctor up there I have been talking to, romantically." Ruth said with a small grin.
"Good for you mom. I think you will have fun." Emma said as she kissed her moms cheek. "Don't hate me but I want to get home, I'm tired and my back hurts. I promise to call you tomorrow after class. Can we do dinner before you leave though? The three of us like when I first came?" She asked smiling, David smiling as he looked between his sister and mom nodding.
"I'm down for that too!" David said as Ruth smiled watching them.
"What kind of mother would I be if I said no to that! I am still working on the dates and we can figure it out then." She said smiling. Emma kissed her moms cheek and her brother's head before she headed out of the house, slowly of course.
After a shower and changing in to sweats and a tank top, Emma sat on the couch the TV on for back ground noise.
"Are you hungry?" Killian asked with a laugh as he came in to the living room, sitting beside her. Emma laughed and hit his arm shaking her head.
"I think I gained more from today. Poor little peanut is going to come out all fat and sad." She said as she felt tears in her eyes. Killian looked to her as she laughed shaking her head. "I'm not even sure what I'm crying. God this is stupid. This child is making me cry over nothing." She said with a laugh as she rubbed her stomach.
"Hey now, it's all good. Just wait you have 3 months to go." He said laughing as he grabbed the blanket and draped it over her lap. "How about a movie?" He asked curiously as he grabbed the remote and started flipping through channels once Emma agreed.
"Okay, you know what is funny to me? The first time we met, my aunt asked you married her but instead I'm the one who got pregnant by you." She said laughing, Killian joining in with her.
"Aw man I should have married her. I'd be your uncle and baby daddy." He teased her laughing. Emma smacked his chest laughing.
"That isn't funny. You're a jerk." She said as she curled up close to him, his arm wrapping around her holding her. Emma smiled as they relaxed back eyes on some movie that was put on but neither really focused on it.
A|N: Ya'll figured out my clue and guess it! I didn't think anyone would but you guys did! Killian was the planned father from the beginning but figuring out how to do it was the hard part. But after some thinking, and tips from you guys I hope I made it work! Emma is staying with Killian, the plan was to move her to Elsa's but I have other plans for Elsa that will come out soon! Shorter chapter than normal I apologize! Ill hopefully have the 4th one up by Friday but it could be Sunday at the soonest. Love you guys! Let me know whatcha thought about this and direction we are going. Just a heads up about the next chapter, it's going to be a bit of a jump, maybe a month or a month and a half at the most. :)
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing! The characters being to the rightful owners. The song is "Broken" by Lindsey Haun.
