When You're Broken
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in your self
When you're broken
Emma rested back against the bed, waiting for the nurse to come back. 12 hours, she had been in that bed for the last 12 hours and still no word on what was going on with their baby. Killian was asleep beside her, Emma having told him to sleep after 2 am.
Now at 8, she was hoping to have results. Every test that was ran came back as normal, the doctor told Emma there was nothing wrong, but Dr. Cassidy was on her way in to make sure. Emma rubbed her stomach doing her best to keep calm.
"How much sleep did you get?" Killian asked as he woke, stretching out his stiff muscles. Emma shrugged looking to him before looking back to her stomach.
"I'm not sure, maybe a few hours. I was too worried to sleep. Everything has come back normal." She told him as she ran his hand through his hair watching him.
"Braxton Hicks?" He asked as he rubbed her stomach gently. Emma shrugged resting back.
"I don't know. They think it may have been. Tamara is on her way here to check me herself. They say I need to stay off my feet so much, so walking everywhere is out." Emma said as she shifted to get comfortable again.
"Well you take my car and I'll walk to work. Plus you do need to relax more Em. I need you both safe." He told her as he stood up stretching out his legs. Emma smiled as she watched him, looking to the door as it opened and Tamara walked in.
"Emma, Killian it's so good to see you both! Although I wish it wasn't in a hospital." She said with a small laugh. Emma laughed softly, her hands on her stomach. Tamara moved towards Emma and asked her questions, frowning as she listened to the baby's heartbeat. Emma looked to Killian, her worried face mirrored his.
"What is it?" Emma asked as she bit her lip worried. Tamara shook her head giving her a smile.
"It's nothing, everything is okay. I just want to do an ultrasound, make sure it's all okay." She said as she grabbed Emma's chart looking over it. Emma nodded as Tamara left, Emma closing her eyes trying to keep tears in.
"Killian something is wrong and I don't know why they won't tell me." She said as she cried. She hated knowing something was wrong with her daughter but not being able to know what. Killian wrapped his arms around her as she cried holding her close to him. He knew she was stressed out but he hoped that they could get answers soon. When Tamara came back in, Killian stayed at her side holding her hand as they started the ultrasound.
"Is everything okay?" Emma asked as she kept Killian's hand tight in hers. She was scared and worried it wouldn't be okay. Tamara nodded giving her a real smile.
"Everything is okay. All it was is Braxton Hicks. False contractions. Take it easy and relax more. Your BP is a little elevated, hence me wanting to do an ultrasound, but everything is okay. Your daughter is okay and will go to term." Tamara said smiling as she cleaned up Emma's stomach before putting the wand away. After she left Emma closed her eyes and took a deep breath nodding.
"She's okay, our princess is okay." She spoke softly wanting to make sure it was true. Killian wrapped his arms around her kissing her head. He would make sure she rested, stay off her feet and relaxed more. Emma was given her discharge papers and free to go, Killian wheeling her out to the car.
Once at home, Emma rested back on the couch, her legs kicked up on the table. Her phone was on Google, looking up Braxton hicks and what she should expect. She wasn't too worried, but she knew she needed to be careful or she would hurt herself and their baby.
"Hungry?" Killian asked as she looked to him, setting her phone down. She nodded moving to get up when Killian shook his head. "Stay put. I'll go to Granny's and get food. Do you want anything before I go?" He asked her as he put his jacket back on. Emma nodded giving him a smile.
"My laptop and the blanket from your bed, the cozy one. Oh and maybe water. Please?" She asked smiling as she looked to him. Killian grinned and nodded grabbing all she had asked of before he moved back and set them down. Emma smiled and pulled his head down kissing him. She was lucky to have him. After he left she rested back, booted up the laptop, and loaded up Netflix, smiling as she clicked on Fuller House.
Killian came home an hour later, setting the food on the table before he headed to the living room. Not seeing Emma his heart started to race and fear ran through him.
"Em?" He called out as he headed down the hall checking the bathroom and her room before checking his room. Seeing her sound asleep in his bed he smiled and moved to her, kissing her before he pulled a blanket over her. Heading back to the living room, he grabbed one of the burgers and sat down, loading up the lap top and started looking at the houses Elsa had sent to him.
Emma came out of the room an hour later and carefully sat down beside him, looking at the computer screen.
"That looks like a nice one. How many rooms?" She asked softly as she stayed close to him.
"4 plus a big backyard." He told her smiling as he kissed her head. "How did you sleep?" He asked her softly; glad she was able to get some sleep.
"That sounds big. Where is it at? Alright, it's hard to sleep and be comfy." She said as she shifted forward and grabbed the bag, smiling when she started eating the fries.
"Not far from here, maybe the road behind your moms I think? Maybe a hot bath before bed would help? Get the little one to calm down?" He suggested as he set the lap top on the table and took a fry from her.
"Ask Elsa if we can go see the house soon? If it's one you are wanting to buy that is. As for the bath, that sounds perfect. I need to turn in a few things for school first then I will." She told him with a kiss before she grabbed the lap top and logged in to her school site, starting to make sure she had her assignments done before sending them off.
"Have you picked a major yet?" He asked her curiously, eating the rest of the fries. Emma nodded, shutting the lap top down before closing it.
"I have. I haven't had time to tell you, almost scared to voice it but I have." She told him grinning. "I want to be a teacher. Most likely preschool. I can do most of it online until after the princess is born then I will be going for two classes at the campus. I have talked to the counselor and all that I'm taking work for it. I'm excited." She told him smiling as she stood up, her hand on her stomach.
"I'm proud of you Emma. I know you have been going back and forth on a major but I'm proud of you." He told her smiling. Emma gave him a smile before she headed off to the bathroom and starting the water. Killian sat back thinking about life a year ago. He had been alone in New York, doing his best to enjoy working at the hospital there but it wasn't making him happy. He partied as often as his schedule let him and he never wanted to settle down. But within months of moving to Storybrooke, he had a girlfriend (though he still had to talk to her about that first,) a baby on the way and a job he was in love with. He had a better connection with his patients here than he did in New York.
Smiling he cleaned up the living room, putting the extra food away before he headed back to the bedroom, looking for a book to read. He could hear Emma in the bathroom, talking to the baby, something he loved to hear often, as he headed to the living room again and sat back in the chair, starting to read. He couldn't wait to see what nights with their daughter would be like.
Emma was getting tired of being at the apartment. She hated being alone and even though she talked to her daughter constantly, it wasn't the same. Sighing she showered and pulled on clean clothes, yoga pants and a tank top seemed to be the only things that fit lately, and headed to the living room. Elsa was off for the day and Emma was beyond thankful to have time with her. She just couldn't wait to get out.
Elsa knocked twice before she came in to the apartment smiling. Emma stood and hugged her best friend, both smiling.
"It's been so long since I have seen you!" Elsa said with a laugh smiling. Emma nodded grinning.
"I feel like you see Liam more than me! I would be upset but given I like him, it's all good with me." Emma said with a laugh as she pulled her jacket on.
"Hey now, we have time to talk about Liam AND Killian at Lunch. Let's go!" Elsa said smiling as they headed down to her car. The drive to the restaurant didn't take long and the talk flowed easy between them. Sitting at the table, Emma looked to her best friend.
"Alright spill. I have wanted long enough to hear about you and Liam." She said with a laugh as she looked over the menu. Wonderland was her favorite restaurant in town. It had tons of different styles of food and Emma's favorite, amazing cookies.
"There isn't much to tell. We met when I showed him some apartments and we got to talking. I didn't realize he was related to Killian until he signed the papers. Then we got talking more and next thing I knew he was asking me out on a date and I said yes." Elsa said smiling, taking a drink of her water.
"I have to admit it's amazing to see you both happy. Liam won't stop grinning when you are mentioned and you can't get that smile off your face when I mentioned him." Emma said with a laugh, Elsa doing her best to stop the smile only it didn't work.
"Shut up. I am not that bad." She said with a shake of her head, the conversation pausing as the waiter came taking their order. "So, tell me about Killian. Are you guys dating or what?" Elsa asked, Emma almost chocking on her water.
"Elsa! God I love how blunt you are but come on." She said laughing shaking her head. "I don't know honestly. We haven't really talked about it but I want too. But we just had a hospital visit since the little one wants to pretend she's ready to come out early." Emma sighed as she rubbed her stomach some, taking a deep breath. "I want to think that soon we can have the talk but I'm scared to know the answer. Scared to think that maybe he doesn't want the same." Emma said as she looked to her best friend. Elsa shook her head, giving her a smile.
"He does. Liam told me that Killian mentioned wanting to talk to you about where you both stand but he's just as scared." Elsa said with a grin.
"You and Liam talk about me and Killian?" Emma asked with a smirk shaking her head with a small laugh. Elsa laughed herself grinning.
"We don't sit at night and just talk about you guys but it came up because Liam was off in his head as we were having dinner and so I asked him about he said he and Killian had a long talk about you and Killian and so we talked about it." Elsa said with a shrug, both grinning.
"I know that Liam wants us together, but I'm scared to talk to Killian. He's busy and often he's tired when he gets home from work, I don't want to stress him or worry him any." She said, thanking the waiter as the food was set down in front of them. Taking a bite she rested back, left hand on her stomach.
"Stop being scared Emma. He wants to be with you." Elsa looked to Emma giving her a comforting smile.
"Help me? I have no clue how to do this. I haven't dated since I was 16 and Neal and I lasted a year." She said with a small laugh. "What do I do?" She asked curiously.
"Just talk to him. Be open and honest with him." Elsa said softly. Emma nodded as she ate, trying to think about the best things to say. "Whatcha thinking about?" Elsa asked smiling as Emma looked to her.
"I want you to be the God-Mom." Emma smiled looking to her. Elsa grinned nodding.
"Yes! Oh my god yes!" She said laughing nodding a few times, Emma laughed as she grinned grateful to have her best friend there. They talked about school and work, Elsa telling her about some houses that just went on sale and she was excited to get it up. Emma loved seeing her best friend happy and excited about work. As they finished lunch, Emma ordered some of the cookies to go before paying for their lunch.
They stopped at a boutique next door, Emma smiling as they looked over some of the baby girl clothes. Emma stopped seeing a white onesie with a purple tutu on it. Picking it up, she smiled looking over to Elsa.
"I'm having a little ballerina." She said with a small laugh putting it in the basket Elsa was holding. They picked up a few more things for the baby, Emma smiling when she saw a Captain hook stuffed animal.
"Really Em?" Elsa asked laughing seeing Emma put it in the basket.
"Yes! I love Peter Pan and I know that my daughter will to." She said smiling as they headed away from the baby area. They didn't spend too long there, given Elsa didn't want Emma standing too much. After checking out they headed back to the apartment, Emma resting back on the couch and putting her feet up.
"You don't have to go soon do you?" Emma asked smiling as Elsa joined her shaking her head.
"Nope. I took the day off to spend time with my best friend and that's what I plan to do." Emma grinned at her. She loved that Elsa was her best friend that she was willing to be here. They moved to Killian's room and put on a movie, laughing and talking most of the time it was playing.
Killian got home late, Whale having to leave early to get to an appointment with Ruby, and he was tired. Walking in to the apartment, he frowned seeing all the lights dimmed and a few candles on the kitchen table, dinner sitting there as well. He frowned not seeing Emma, wondering where she was. He walked through the apartment stopping when he saw her in her room, sound asleep.
He headed back to the kitchen and looked at the table, realizing she put it all together for him and he was late made him feel guilty. He should have called her, or sent a text or something. Hearing footsteps he turned around and gave her a small smile as she moved closer to him.
"Em I'm so sorry. I didn't know I was going to be so late. I thought I'd be off in time." He told her as he wrapped his arms around her, Emma curling in to him.
"It's okay. I am just glad you are home now." She said as she looked up to him, placing a small kiss to his lips.
"How about I reheat dinner and we can talk?" He asked softly smiling as she pulled away and sat down. Emma handed him the plates of chicken and veggies smiling. Killian headed to the kitchen and heated their plates up before bringing them back to her.
"How was lunch with Elsa?" He asked as he sat down, starting to eat.
"It was amazing. We went to Wonderland and then headed next door after and shopped some. I picked up a few things for our little one. We came back here after and watched movies in your room and just hung out. It was a good day. I am hoping to get together with Mary and Regina this week too." Emma said between eating. Killian smiled looking to her.
"Well they are all welcomed any time. I'm glad you had fun today. Liam said Elsa was looking forward to it." He said smiling, Emma nodding.
"She was. We talked about life and you and Liam. They are too cute together. I also kinda asked her to be the God-Mom. I know we hadn't talked about it much but she is my best friend." She said softly as she looked to Killian biting her lip, nervous he would be upset about it all. Killian smiled as he took a drink of his water.
"She will be a great God-Mom to A.J." He said smiling, Emma grinning. He was amazing, and she was lucky.
"Have you thought about a God-Dad for her?" She asked as she ate, curious if he was going to decide.
"I have, and I have asked. Liam said he will be the best God-Dad around, and had a shirt made to back him up." He said smiling as he pulled up the picture on his phone of his brother in a t shirt that read "Best God-dad ever!" written in sharpie. Emma laughed shaking her head.
"He scares me sometimes." She teased smiling. Killian shrugged laughing as he put his phone away.
"So A.J huh?" She asked smiling glad they had finally settled on a name. Killian nodded grinning.
"Yeah. It's a good fit for her. Hopefully this one will stick." He teased as he finished eating, sitting back. Emma threw a carrot at him, only laughing when he caught it in his mouth.
"I think it will stick. It's a good name for her." Emma said as she sat back herself smiling. Killian winked before he took a deep breath.
"There's something I've been meaning to talk to you about for a while now but I haven't really known how to say it." He told her as he reached over and took another carrot from her plate.
"What is it Kill?" She asked as she took a drink of her water nervous.
"Where do we stand? I know that we haven't had the talk but we have talked about us and such. All I know is I want you and AJ in my life." He told her softly, giving her a small smile as he watched her. Emma leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his lips.
"We are dating. We are working on us, and we are together. Aj and I will never be out of your life, ever." She promised him smiling. Killian kissed her again holding her close.
"You are amazing Emma Nolan." He told her kissing her again. Emma smiled kissing him back, her hand on his cheek.
Emma sat in the kitchen at her moms, eating a cupcake. Mary Margaret sat on her left and Ruth stood in front of them watching her.
"What?" She asked with a small laugh putting the cupcake down.
"That's your third one." Mary said grinning, shaking her head. Emma laughed taking the napkin from her mom and cleaned up her face.
"I can't help it. Your niece and granddaughter wants to eat everything in sight." She said as she stood up, walking to get a drink from the fridge. Ruth laughed shaking her head as she cleaned her baking mess.
"How is she doing?" Ruth asked smiling as she watched Emma moved back to sit down, Mary setting her hand on Emma's stomach smiling.
"Well I'm almost 8 months now and she won't stop moving. I love feeling her move around when I'm laying down. But when I'm trying to sleep she is a little stinker." She said with a laugh, smiling.
"Have you guys picked out a name yet?" Ruth asked grinning, both dying to know the name.
"We have. It's a perfect name for her. BUT we aren't telling anyone yet. Killian and I want to keep it under wraps until she is here in case I change my mind again." She said laughing as her sister in law and mom frowned.
"But Emma! We want to know." Mary said with a laugh, Emma shaking her head.
"Nope I'm not telling you. He would kill me if I told anyone." She said grinning. They all laughed as Emma finished her cupcake, her hand resting on her stomach. They started talking about Mary and David moving into a house a road over, the near the house Killian had looked at. Mary left to head back to work, and Ruth let Emma know she would be back; she had to run to the store. Emma sat in the kitchen alone for a moment before she headed up to her old room, smiling as she sat down on the bed.
The pink walls took Emma back to being 13 and painting them with David, grinning when she remembered how much work they put in to it and how much she loved the color pink, even the horrible pepto bismol pink it was painted. God she loved growing up in this room. Sitting on the floor she grabbed her old fairy tale book off the night stand and opened it up, smiling as she started reading through it.
Half way through the book, she noticed and envelope, making her wonder what it was. She didn't remember putting anything in it, but as she opened it she smiled seeing her moms writing on the outside. Opening it she started reading over the letter.
"My Dearest Emma,
As I write this, you are sitting in the foster center for the last time. Tomorrow night you will be home with me and your brother and we are beyond excited to have you. You have had a long life for being so young and It breaks my heart. You deserve the best life and I promise you from here on out that is all you will have. Anything I can do to make it happen I will do.
There is another reason for this letter and I hope you will understand why I haven't told you. When your parents left you, they left a key to a security box. The case worker told me it was up to me to tell you and I didn't know if I ever could. The key is in with this letter, and when you are ready to go, it's all up to you. I love you my sweet child. I know life is going to be amazing.
Love, Mommy."
Emma felt tears in her eyes, finding the love in the letter from so long ago. She didn't know how she didn't notice it was there but she never really looked at the fairy tale book. Not since she was placed with Ruth, she never needed it after that because she finally had her fairytale. Hearing the front door open, she stood up leaving the letter and book on the bed and headed down stairs, waiting until her mom had set the bags down before she pulled her in to a hug and held her close.
"Oh love, everything okay?" Ruth asked hugging her daughter back.
"I found the letter, in my fairytale book. I love you mom. I don't care that you never told me, I love you." She said with a small smile holding her mom close.
"Oh baby. I meant to give it to you long ago, but I forgot about it." She said softly Emma looking up to her. "I'm sorry; I should have told you sooner." She said softly. Emma shook her head as she stepped back from her mom and sat down.
"It's okay mom, I promise. It's okay." Emma said softly as she looked to her mom, Ruth joining her on the couch. Ruth explained how she was told about the key and she was always curious about what was inside but didn't ever go look. She explained she noticed that she had always seen Emma with the book and stuck the envelope in there one night. Emma nodded as she listened to her mom, wondering what was going on inside.
Emma stayed a while longer before she left, driving to the bank. Parking Killian's car in front, she headed in side, talking to one of the tellers. Being led back she sat down and looked at the small box in front of her.
Unlocking the box, she pulled out the envelope, looking over it. On the front little one was written but it seemed rush. Opening it she frowned, looking over the letter.
"My little one,
You haven't been born yet, and when you are I know you will have a great life. I won't give you that life and I am sorry. I wish I could, you deserve nothing but the best and I can't do it. I'm barely 16, your dad is barely 18. We can't even be together and I can't give you the life you need. But I have been saving money, it's not a lot but I'm hoping you will get it when you are old enough to use it. I do love you my little one.
-Mom."
In the letter was almost 800 dollars, Emma wanting to cry. Her mom, someone she thought didn't care for her, did. And she was too young to keep her. She set the letter down and wiped her eyes, shocked to see another letter there. Opening it she started reading it.
"Little one.
When your mom came to me and told me she was pregnant, I'll admit I was upset. She is too young to be a mom and you deserve more than this life we have. Your father wouldn't be in your life, neither would she and I can't raise you, not when I'm trying to raise your mom. I know you will get a mom and family. But the life you need isn't here. I can't apologize for this, I hope someday when you're a mom and your child comes to you, you will understand. Don't look for us, we don't need the past coming back to us. You will be okay.
Darlene"
Emma felt anger in her as she realized her own grandma didn't want her around. There was money in the envelope but she was too pissed to care. She grabbed everything from the box, another unread letter, and stuck it all in her purse before standing up, leaving the empty box and key on the table before she left.
The drive back to Killian's was from pure memory as she tried to process it all. Her grandmother didn't want her? She didn't care for Emma, she didn't care enough to have a real adoption, she just set her on the side of the road and walked away. Her hand moved to her stomach as she got back home, the car parked in Killian's spot. Tears flowed down her face as she cried, knowing she would never understand because she would never send her daughter or grandchild away like that. She couldn't.
Killian came home to a silent apartment, Emma sitting on the couch in the dark. A frowned came to his face as he set his things down and moved towards her.
"Em, love, what is it? What's wrong?" He asked softly as he sat down beside her. Emma picked up the envelopes from the table and handed them to him.
"My birth grandmother was the reason I was left on the side of the road. She didn't want me because she didn't want to help raise me." She told him as he read the two letters she handed over to him. Killian frowned as he set them down and pulled her in to his arms.
"That lady doesn't know what she is missing out on. You are amazing Em, I hope you know you are." He told her as he kissed her head, doing his best to just be there for her in that moment. He didn't know what she was feeling but he knew he wouldn't move from her side.
"I was like 10,800 dollars however. I was worth 10,000 to her." She said with a bitter laugh as she buried her head in his neck kissing it softly, glad he was there. Killian laughed with her shaking his head.
"You are priceless to me Em, and the rest of the family we have too." He told her smiling as she looked to him, shaking her head before she kissed him.
"You are corny, but it's perfectly perfect on you." She said smiling as she kissed him, Killian grinning against the kiss. "I'm starving, what is for dinner?" She asked smiling as she got up and headed to the kitchen, Killian unable to stop the laugh as he got up and headed to the kitchen.
"Im thinking ordering Pizza. Liam is bringing Elsa over tonight. So what are you thinking of doing with the money love?" He asked curiously as he grabbed the pizza menu and starting looking over it, Emma at his side.
"I'm not sure. I know I need to get a car so you can have your car back. And It will help pay off some classes I need as well. But I want to save some for AJ. Would I be a bad mom if I spent it all and didn't save any for her?" She asked as she pointed to a 5 cheese pizza she wanted before sitting down.
"You would not be a bad mom if you don't spend it or save it for her. It's your money Em. You do what makes you happy and ill support you." He told her as he grabbed the phone and started ordering for them. Emma grabbed her phone and pulled up Etsy starting to look at baby things, adding a few to her cart.
"I know I will buy things for her with it, I just don't want to be a bad mom like my grandma. What if I turn out like her?" Emma asked as she looked to him biting her lip. Killian shook his head moving to kiss her forehead.
"Don't worry. You will be nothing like her because you are amazing and wonderful and she is nothing." He told her smiling, Emma smiling as she looked to him. She stood up to kiss him, only stopping when the door opened and Liam walked in with Elsa behind him. Emma hugged Elsa both moving to the living room, Emma filling her in on the letters as Liam and Killian talked in the kitchen. Emma placed her hand on her stomach excited to have a quite night in.
A|N: I'm so so so sorry I haven't updated sooner. My tablet died for good last week and I keep a lot of my story writing on it and suddenly I lost a great chunk of this chapter. I do a lot of writing at work on my tablet when I can but hopefully my new one gets here soon!
What did you think of this chapter?! Like, love, hate? Emma past will be a little more explained, she does have another letter to read still so any guesses? I know her past is a big different in this story hopefully you are enjoying a new angle there? As for the name any guess on what it could be? I have three in mind, one suggested, two I fell in love with fast upon hearing them. Next chapter will be up hopefully with in the week or two, depends on my schedule given how insane my life is about to be. BUT I'm working on the next chapter now.
Also I am going on to continue this even after the baby is born; I know that is a concern for a few of you. Originally this was supposed to be just 5 chapters but I can't see stopping it any time soon. After a few more chapters I'll know more on the plan but for now, I will for sure be continuing. Love you all! Just know every review and amazing words I get keeps me going on this story, you guys are just the best and I adore you all! Sorry long note I know I'm sorry!
DISCLAIMER : I own nothing, everything belongs to the rightful owners. Song is "Broken" by Lindsey Haun.
