When you're broken
When you're broken in a million little pieces
And you're tryin' but you can't hold on anymore
Every tear falls down for a reason
Don't you stop believing in your self
When you're broken
Emma rested back on the couch sighing. David was giving her the cold shoulder once he found out that Elsa was the God-Mom and he told her it should have been Mary Margaret. They fought about it, Emma told him she was closer to Elsa and it was up to her. David told her Mary Margaret had been there for her through everything and she was hurt by Emma choice.
It was killing Emma that she wasn't talking to her brother; given right now she needed him. With a long sigh she got up, ignoring the small pain she got as she did, and headed to the kitchen. She was bored of being home, she already did all her school work, cleaned up and organized everything for the baby that as delivered that morning.
Stopping at the counter she held her stomach as she felt more pain. Knowing she needed help she grabbed her phone and pressed Mary Margaret Margaret's number, tears in her eyes as she waited for her to pick up.
"Emma?" It took Emma a few moments to get through the pain, tears down her face.
"I-I need help, I thi-" She trailed off realizing she was having another contraction.
"I'm on my way, just sit tight." The line disconnected as Emma rested both hands on the counter trying to do the breathing Tamara taught her. Within 5 minutes, Mary Margaret had walked in and moved towards Emma.
"How far apart?" She asked as she set her keys down, helping Emma sit down.
"5 minutes, fuck it hurts." She said as she closed her eyes and tried to just breathe through it.
"Okay, let me grab that bag and we will go to the hospital." She said as she headed down the hall, grabbing the two bags before going back to Emma.
"Mary Margaret I'm so sorry. I know you are hurt that I asked Elsa. I'm sorry." She said with tears in her eyes a she stood up, Mary Margaret shook her head and helped Emma up wiping her tears.
"It doesn't matter to me. As long as that baby girl is healthy, I'll be a very happy aunt." She told her smiling as she helped her out of the apartment and down to her car.
"David said I hurt you, I didn't want to do that. It was so hard to pick and fuck," She said as she sat back and placed her hands on her stomach, it wasn't so painful.
"Emma, it did hurt for a few minutes, but like I told your stubborn brother, there will be more kids and it doesn't bother me. Let's just focus on getting her here okay?" Mary Margaret started the drive to the hospital, Emma nodding as she grabbed her phone and texted Killian.
"Your daughter is coming early. MM bringing me in." She sent before she focused on anything but the contractions.
After being checked in, and most of the family having been texted or called, Emma rested back on the bed almost in a panic.
"Where is he? He can't miss the birth." She said through tears as she closed her eyes and did her best to keep breathing. No matter how many text she sent, Killian hadn't replied. She had Liam down looking for him and just hoped that he came soon. Their daughter wasn't going to wait much longer.
"He will be here Em, just give him time." David told his sister a she held his hand, given the birth was happening neither could stay mad at the other any longer made up.
The nurse had been in and out of the room, checking in on Emma and making sure she was okay as they just waited. Just as she left again, the door opened and Killian ran in, his clothes messed up and his hair sticking up all over the place.
"I'm here love, I'm sorry. I was resting in my office. Is everything okay?" He asked taking David's place at Emma's side, kissing her hand. She nodded as she relaxed knowing he was finally there.
"You're here." She said softly as she brought his hand to her lips kissing it, holding it tight as she another contraction came through. Tamara came in giving them both a smile.
"Emma, Killian, it's great to see you both. Let's see how far along you are and we can go from there." She said as she asked everyone but Killian and Ruth to leave, as she started lifting Emma's gown seeing how far along she was. Emma kept Killian's hand in hers, just wanting this to be over with so she could hold her daughter in her arms.
"9 centimeters, you are almost there Emma! How is the pain? The nurse told me that you don't want an epidural?" Tamara asked softly smiling Emma nodded as she looked to her.
"I want to go without the meds. The pain sucks but it could be worse. How long do you think it will be?" She asked curiously as she adjusted in her seat looking up to her. Tamara shrugged giving her a smile.
"Any time, or for a long time. It just depends on her." She said with a small laugh. Emma nodded as she watched her leave, letting them know she will be back soon. Emma looked to Killian giving him a smile.
"She could be here tonight, Kill. November 21st could be her birthday." Emma said smiling before she bit her lip. "Of course she is going to be early. What if she isn't ready Kil? What if this isn't good?" Emma said as she closed her eyes worried.
"Em its going to be okay love. If she is ready she will come. But don't worry okay? I was born early and im great." He told her smiling as he looked to her. Emma laughed as she kissed him, glad he was able to make her laugh when she was stressed. Killian went and grabbed their friends to come back in as they waited. Liam did his best to keep jokes going, Elsa and Mary Margaret already planning shopping trips with the little one. Tamara came in an hour later, smiling as she kicked everyone out to check on Emma.
"Are you ready to be a mommy?" She asked, her nursing staff coming in to help set up now that Emma was at 10.
Elsa stood looking out the window, worried about Emma. It had been a while since they were asked to leave and she wondered if everything is okay.
"You know she's fine." Mary Margaret said as she came to stand beside her. Elsa gave her a smile as she looked to her.
"I know. I just worry." She said softly as they stood together. "Listen, about the godmother thing, Im sorry Emma asked me. I didn't know." She said softly as she looked to Mary Margaret. Mary Margaret smiled shaking her head.
"Don't be. Everyone is worried and upset for me and am not. Emma and I are close but not like you two are. But don't worry, like I told Emma there will be more kids for me to be god mom of. I'm just excited to meet this one." She said smiling as she hugged Elsa close. They started talking about baby clothes they had bought for the little one; both so excited to see her soon.
Liam continued pacing by the door, excited for his niece to make her appearance into the world. The room was filled with everyone waiting for the birth except for Ruth and Killian. Ruby and whale in one corner (Whale was currently on break), Mary Margaret and Elsa at the window with Anna, David and Robin waiting on the couch and Regina feeding Henry. Graham, Tink, and Jefferson were just getting back from the café when Killian walked out of the delivery wing grinning and looking tired, granted he just worked almost 12 hours straight.
"She's beautiful." Killian said smiling as he looked to everyone. Everyone followed him back, stopping as they watched Emma in the bed holding the small purple bundle in her arms. Looking up she smiled and looked to her friends and family smiling.
As they all gathered around the bed, Killian took his spot on the bed next to her, wrapping his arm around her. Emma smiled as she realized how loved she was in that moment, and how much love was in her for this small baby.
"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Ashton Ruth Jones." She said smiling as she looked from her daughter up to Killian. Emma looked to her mom as she gave her a smile before handing her daughter over. Curling in to Killian she closed her eyes and rested against him, determined not to fall asleep.
"She is so beautiful Emma. You both made a beautiful baby." Ruth said smiling as she held her granddaughter. Each person got a chance to hold her, Killian holding Emma close as she slept against him. After a while it was just the three of them, Emma sleeping in her bed and Killian resting back on the couch bed against the wall, Ashton resting in his arms.
"I love you more than anything already little one. I'm scared to be a father like my own but I promise you I will do everything in my power to be the best father that I can to you. You deserve nothing but the best from me. You and your mom are my world now; I promise you nothing will ever change that." He told Ash as he kissed her small head. She loved the way she looked when she was asleep. He shifted her in his arms as he laid back and fell asleep, Ashton close to his chest sleeping.
Emma woke in the morning, her body sore and tired. For a moment she was panicked, unsure where Killian and Ashton where, but looking to her left and seeing them both sound asleep she calmed smiling.
The nurse came in and helped Emma get cleaned up, and took some vitals before Emma lifted Ashton from Killian, who was still sound asleep, and helped the nurse. The nurse, Judy, walked Emma through how to change a diaper and smiled as Emma did it herself.
After Judy left, the nursing lesson was harder than she thought it would be, Emma held Ashton in her arms smiling.
"You are beautiful. I hope you have you dads eyes, that blue is my favorite. Though as long as you are as compassionate and caring as him I think you will go places. I know you will go places in life, your dad and I will make sure of it. You can be whatever you want to be and do whatever you want to do, with in a reason of course." Emma said with a small laugh before she bent down and kissed her daughter softly. Hearing shifting on the couch she smiled and looked over seeing Killian waking.
"Good morning handsome." She said smiling as he moved towards his girls, kissing them both. Emma smiled against his lips as she kissed him back before handing Ashton to him.
"Any word on when we are able to go home?" He asked smiling; knowing both wanted to be home with Ashton. Emma nodded as she got out of the bed and stretched.
"In about an hour, testing has been great so far, waiting on one test since she was born early. But she nursed amazing and she is perfect." Emma said smiling as she went through the diaper bag and pulled out an outfit for Ashton handing it to Killian to dress her.
"I can't wait to shower. And eat real food." She said with a laugh as she looked over at Killian dressing Ashton, fumbling and trying to be careful with her. Emma laughed softly as she move over to her boyfriend and daughter smiling.
"Ashton won't break Kill, I promise." She said with a laugh as she helped him, walking him through it like the nurse had with her laughing as Killian made jokes to their daughter. Emma sat down as Killian held Ashton, filling out the paperwork. The nurse was in and out of the room, taking the papers and giving Emma any information she would need. As Emma buckled her in to the car seat she took a moment to take it all in. She was about to be taking her baby home and she was scared. They would be alone with her with no help. Killian kissed her head letting her know in his own way that they would be okay.
The first few nights home where hard for Emma. She had no clue what she was doing most of the time, okay all of the time. Most times she sat with Ash on her lap, watching her sleep, or trying to decide what her cries meant. Killian helped out as much as he could, but Emma wanted to do a lot on her own.
"Are you sure I have to go back?" Killian, who stood near the closet as he dressed for work his first day back now that Ashton was a week old, asked with a small laugh, finishing tying his tie. Emma laughed from her spot on the bed, Ash lying in her arms.
"We will be fine kill. Mary Margaret is coming by today to help me out after lunch." She said with a smile to him before looking to their daughter. Killian moved to them kissing her softly before he looked to Ash. A few days ago they got the DNA test results back and Emma was almost scared to open then, to read he wasn't the dad. But he smiled as he kissed her, the paper confirming what they already knew.
"I know you will be. You're an amazing mom. I just don't want to leave you guys. Don't get mad if I call a million times before lunch." He said as he sat to put his shoes on. Emma laughed as she laid Ashton down on the bed, enjoying that she was asleep.
"I won't get mad. I may not answer after a while. But when you come home you can be on duty and I can sleep." She teased smiling. Killian glanced to her smiling as he kissed her.
"Sounds like a plan. I will see you both tonight. Don't miss me too much." He teased, giving her a wink causing her stomach to fill with butterflies. She walked him out, making sure he had his lunch before she moved back to Ashton smiling as she laid beside her. Seeing her daughter Emma knew she was already a better mom than her birth mom. Carefully lifting her she carried her to her swing and set her down before she started cleaning the living room, stopping when she saw the envelope under the couch, the third one she brought home and forgot. Setting Killian shoes that had been under the table aside she say down and opened it.
"Emma.
You're mom came to me and told me you were going to be adopted out and my heart broke. I didn't realize I would want to be a dad until I heard about you and now you are going to be gone. It's hard to know what kind of life you will have, a good one I hope. One day you will read this and maybe you will hate your mom and I for leaving you but I tried to fight it. I know I will always think about you. I hope you look for me someday, I will want you in my life even if I'm old and married and you are in your 20s. I'll look for you but other than knowing you are to be named Emma, I have no clue how I'll find you. I know it isn't much but I started a bank account for you. This way I know you will have money. It's not the same as me being there for you I know. Every year on your birthday I'll put money in. Each time I think of you I'll put money in. Holidays too. I wish I could have been your dad. But know I love you my little princess. Always and forever.
James Brookes
Bank info..."
Emma felt years in her eyes as she read it over and over. Her dad wanted him. His name was James and he wanted her. Or at one point he did. Seeing the bank info she called after debating it, curiosity wining out.
Emma listened to the teller and answered the questions, thankful the answers were on the paper for her. Hearing the total she asked when the last deposit was made before thanking the teller and hanging up.
She put the letter in Ashton dresser drawer and checked on her sleeping princess before she finished cleaning, letting the money total settle in to her brain.
Mary Margaret stopped by after 11 and helped Emma with Ashton so Emma could make herself lunch and put dinner in the crock pot.
"How is she at night?" Mary Margaret asked holding her niece, her eyes full of love. Emma laughed as she set a mug of tea in front of Mary Margaret smiling.
"She sleeps all night. Only cries a few times but I finally know which cry means what. Killian usually gets her but now that he's back at work I'm sure he will need more sleep and I'm okay getting up to get her." Emma said as she sat down fighting back a yawn.
"I'm sure he will still want to help as much as possible. When do you start school again?" She asked Emma smiling Ashton drifting back to sleep.
"Next week. I'm nervous since I'll need to leave her with mom for a few hours a day bur I know it will be okay. Only 3 hours a day." She said as she kissed her daughters head.
"Mom will love it. Regina already said she will be there to help and I'm sure Henry will love having a friend to play with." Mary Margaret said with a laugh. Emma watched her sister in law for a moment before she smiled widely.
"You have a secret!" Emma said as she took her daughter and carried her to the pack and play, Mary Margaret following her into the living room with their mugs.
"How did you know?" Mary Margaret asked laughing sitting on the couch. Emma sat beside her, shifting to get comfy.
"Your face is glowing. So tell me. What's your secret?" She asked taking her mug with a thank you before she took a drink.
"Don't tell anyone. I haven't gone in to have any testing done, but I'm pregnant." She said softly as she looked to Emma who was grinning.
"Finally!" She said with a laugh as she hugged her.
"I was worried about telling you. I don't know why." Mary Margaret said laughing. The conversation turned to work and school and life, and not too long after Mary Margaret had to get home. Emma hugged her close and promised not to tell anyone. Closing the door she smiled and headed to the kitchen to check on dinner before she checked on Ashton. Seeing her still asleep Emma smiled and grabbed her lap top, starting it up.
Opening Google she types in her dad's name waiting as the page loaded, two results came up. One, a lawyer in New Jersey who was too young to be Emma's dad, and the other Emma knew was her dad. He was a cop from a well known family in Portland making Emma laugh, that they both lived in Maine. She looked for his email smiling when she found one and quickly typed out an email asking if he was James Brookes that had a daughter at 18 given up for adoption and included that she was the daughter looking for him before sending it too scared If she waited she would chicken out. She closed her lap top as Ashton woke with a piercing cry, Emma quickly grabbing her daughter and taking her to be changed and fed before laying in bed with her, hoping Killian would be home soon. She needed to talk to him and soon.
Killian walked in to a quiet apartment, wondering where Emma and Ashton where. The kitchen smelt amazing, reminding Killian he hadn't eaten since breakfast that morning. He placed his things on the table and headed down the hall knowing he could find Emma in his, well their room.
Opening the door he grinned seeing them curled up in bed. He carefully moved close and kissed ber head, smiling as her eyes fluttered opened.
"You're home." She said softly as she sat up. Killian kissed her a few times grinning as she kissed him back.
"Aye I am. I know I'm a bit late, but I'm home. Dinner smells great." He said as she stood up, pressing close to him for a hug. His arms wrapped around her smiling as he held her.
"There was another note in the box. I forgot about it and found it today when cleaning up. It was from my bio dad. He wanted me. He wanted to be a dad. He wants me to find him and left me a bank with a lot of money. Like a lot. I Googled him and I think I found him. What if he's changed his mind?" She asked looking to him.
Killian looked to her as she spoke, his heart breaking when she asked if he changed his mind.
"We won't know that until you talk to him. If for some reason he did change his mind then his loss. you are an amazing person Em. He would be lucky to have you in his life." he told her smiling. Emma kissed his chin as she watched him.
"I emailed him. He lives in Portland. how weird is that, we both ended up here in Maine. He's a cop, and from what I saw he's married. i can't tell if the women is my mom or not but he seems happy." She told him as she led him to the kitchen, smiling as she started dishing the crock pot mac and cheese on plates.
"I admit it is pretty funny that you both end up here. Hopefully you hear back from him soon." He told her smiling as he took the plates from her carrying them to the table. Emma smiled and opened the fridge looking for something to drink when she heard Ashton. Frowning she closed the door until she noticed Killian heading back there. Emma smiled and watched him for a moment; She loved seeing him so involved in their daughters life even at a week old. Emma sat down at the table and waited for him, checking her email. Killian came back and set Ash down in her swing, smiling as she watched them for a moment before she was back to sleep.
"Our little sleeper." Killian teased as he looked to Emma. "Em what's wrong?" He asked softly seeing her face,
"It was him, he wants to get together and meet if i want too. He said he's glad i read the letter and found him and that he hopes I've had a good life. He seems sincere, like he does want to be here for me now." Emma said as she picked up her fork, taking a bite.
"I think a trip to Portland soon could be planned. Only we will have to either bring Ash and a baby sitter, unless you want to take her to the meeting with your dad, or leave her with your mom for the night. Its all up to you." He told her as he ate, wolfing it down quickly. Emma laughed at him eating, shaking her head,
"I think we can just bring her to dinner with us. I have no reason to not trust him. But if it gets too much ill have you leave with her. I'll let him know and see what works for him." She said as she put her phone away, wanting to spend time with him during dinner. He told her about his day, leaving out any detail that would make her sick. After dinner, Killian leaned up and Emma took the swing to the living room and sat down turning the tv on. Emma replied to James letting him know she would like to meet him if he was still up for it. Killian joined her a few moments later and pulled her close kissing her head.
Emma held Ashton close as she rubbed her back, for the last 3 hours she seemed to be more fussy than normal. Killian had already left for work or she would have him help but for now, she was alone. Rubbing her back she bopped up and down closing her eyes.
"Princess i don't know what is wrong. Please just tell me what you want." She said with tears in her eyes. "I don't know what you want. I can't do this." Emma cried as she held Ashton close. The neighbor knocked on the wall, screaming at Emma, which only brought on more tears. Emma set Ashton down and moved away from her, both crying more. The banging continued and Emma couldn't take it anymore. She placed Ashton in the car seat and grabbed the always packed diaper bag before she left.
She drove for a while, before coming to a stop at the house Killian had been looking at. Ashton had calm down some with the ride, her cries now soft and happening less.
"I'm no good at this mom thing Ash. I barely had one when i was your age and I'm hopin that we can do this together. It sucks how much i need someone to help me but I think you and I can make a great team." She said softly as she rested back in her seat, Ashton now sound asleep in back. Her phone buzzed and Killian's face on the screen made her smile as she answered it.
"Hey handsome." She said softly, doing her best to keep the tone happy.
"Love you scared me. i have been trying to call you for a while now. Is everything okay? I came home to a noise complaint on the door and a very angry landlord threatening to evict us. Then I don't see you or Ash and I just worried." He told her softly, Emma smiling loving he was so concerned.
"I'm sorry Kill. Ash wouldn't stop crying and the neighbor was being a complete jerk so we went for a drive. We are fine though." She told him as she started the car up. "Though I think it is time- wait what are you doing home early? It's not even noon." She said as she put the phone on speaker and started driving back home.
"Oh I wanted to come home at lunch and check on you guys. But what were you saying? You think it's time for what love?" He asked softly as she drove.
"We need to move. I hate the apartment and the neighbors. Plus that house we looked at is still for sale. 4 rooms, big back yard, amazing neighbors. What do you say?" She asked smiling as she parked, leaving the diaper bag but grabbing Ashton out and headed up stairs. Killian smiled as she walked in to the apartment, both hanging up the phone, he took Ashton and kissed her head holding her close.
"I think it's a great idea. I will call and make an offer before i go back to work. Does she feel warm to you?" He asked feeling Ashton's head, Emma feeling for herself and frowning, tears in her eyes.
"I didn't notice. How could I have not noticed?" She asked softly shaking her head. She moved away from Killian and Ashton needing a moment in the bathroom.
Killian watched Emma walk to the bathroom and frowned. He knew Emma was having a hard time, he didn't blame her he had the same freak outs as her just more privately. He knew she needed him strong. He turned his focus to Ashton, taking her temp and taking her jacket off. Killian knew since her temp was normal, only of few degrees, that the jacket may have been what as warming her. He set her in the swing with a kiss before he headed down the hall. He knocked on the door before trying the handle frowning when he noticed it was locked.
"Em can I come in? Ash is fine love." He said as he listened to her move about the bathroom. She opened the door and moved to his arms hugging him close.
"I suck at this mom thing. I couldn't soothe her, she felt warm and I didn't know it, and she doesn't seem to want to nurse. I'm a horrible mom." She said into his chest as she cried. Killian held her close rubbing her back, shaking his head.
"You are an amazing mom love. It was just her jacket making her warmer than normal, plus I may have overreacted some. We can call Tamara and see about going in, see if she can help with the nursing because I'm lost on that one." He said as he kissed her head. "Never think you are a horrible mom. Ash loves you." He told her giving her a smile as she looked up to him. She loved how he never made her fears feel small. She kissed him hugging him close.
"I'll call Tamara and see if we can get her in for her one month check up this weekend since we will be up there to meet James." She said as she rested against him. "Talk to Elsa about the house and call your brother. He's called my phone a few times today forgetting you had work." She said with a small laugh.
"Aye aye captain." He teased kissing her smiling. They moved to the kitchen and Killian grabbed something to eat as Emma called Liam, putting him on speaker. As Killian ate they talked with him, Killian teasing his brother and Emma laughing.
After lunch, Killian headed back to work and Emma moved to the living room, a bowl of Cereal on her lap. She worked on school work, even though she was going ahead. Setting her bowl on the table she picked up Ashton for a break and tried to nurse her, though she didn't eat much. Emma held her daughter close as she finished eating; loving the small smiles Ashton wore, though she knew it was most likely from gas she didn't care. She called Tamara's office and made an appointment for tomorrow at 2. She texted Killian the time, already knowing he had it off since they were heading to Portland in the morning. She laid with Ashton on the couch, singing softly to her daughter as she slept, Emma falling asleep too.
A|N: Im so so sorry this took longer to get up than planned! My new tablet wasn't working so I returned I and decided against tablets for while. I hope to have a new chapter up soon, by next Friday at the latest.
But what did you think? Love or hate the name? I played around with 5 before I decided on Ashton. Alivia was next and Aspen was the third idea. Next chapter Emma meets her dad nad more at home life with Ashton.
Also, I will continue this story until Ashton is about one or so. With that being said, I will be moving her age up some every chapter I write so it doesn't take us years to get there. Hopefully you all understand.
Leave me reviews and let me know what you think! Reviews always make me happy!
