A few years passed and by the end of third year, puberty had hit full force. Not only had I noticed the changes in my own body, but I began to notice the changes in others as well. It was probably the most confusing and frustrating time of my life. I started to wonder if there was something wrong with me; something off. My stomach would turn when I'd be sitting in the Gryffindor common room, or at our table in the Great Hall, and find myself secretly agreeing with the boys when they would discuss the perfect way Marlene's jumper would hug her curves, or the way Emmeline's short skirts would drive them insane. But on the other side of the coin, I had also gushed with the girls when they would discuss how fit Frank had become, how toned and muscular James' arms were, or how Sirius' trousers framed his arse almost to the point of perfection. As much as I tried, I wasn't able to deny it any longer; I was physically attracted to both sexes. Was that even normal? Was there something not right with me?

It was a secret that I kept closely guarded. Something I did not want anyone to find out about, out of the fear that they would be disgusted by me. I thought that my dorm mates would certainly shun me; not want me around any longer. But what terrified me the most was the thought of Lily not wanting to speak to me again if she knew the truth. I couldn't lose her.

Mine and Lily's friendship had grown much stronger, as had my feelings for her. Sure I'd dated a few blokes, even Remus Lupin and I had a fling for a few months, until he realized his feelings for Sirius Black. I wasn't really surprised the night that he sat me down and confessed that to me, however. In hindsight, I realized a part of me had already known. I could tell by the way he looked at Sirius. Not only that, but his whole demeanor would change when Sirius was around. It wasn't too different from the way I acted around Lily; the nervous giggling, blushing face, tendency to become extremely accident prone in their presence. I empathized.

I wanted so badly to let Remus in on my secret, since he had trusted me so completely and let me in on his own. It had started gnawing away at my insides, like a filthy parasite, slowly feeding on my sanity. I knew I had to tell someone before I went completely mental, but I couldn't do it. The words ended up becoming stuck somewhere in the middle of my throat. So I just swallowed them back down into the ever growing pit in the center of my stomach.

I tried to ignore it; push it away and out of sight. But it would still pop up, like an annoying alarm, hell bent on reminding me that I was different. I was determined to go on with my day to day life as normally as I could. I attended my classes, did my homework and goofed off with my friends just as any other student would have. I put on a fantastic act. No one ever suspected a thing. To the outside world I had been a somewhat quiet, yet exceptionally clumsy girl who got on well with mostly everyone. Not someone with a raging storm of confusion and anxiety ever present in her soul.

Over the years I'd come to realize that James and Sirius really weren't that bad. Yes, they absolutely were obnoxious at times, but their hearts were in the right place. I had actually ended up pretty good friends with the lot of them; Peter included. Lily, on the other hand, was not as amused by the boys as everyone else had been. That was probably why I was never able to bring myself to dislike James, even though he made his infatuation with Lily no secret. I never saw him as a threat. She hated him too much.

Lily did remain close with Severus, however. I knew that he hadn't liked me any more than I liked him. I always assumed he knew how I felt for Lily, and resented how close she and I were. I was almost positive that he thought of me as competition. Of course we were cordial in front of Lily, since neither one of us would have wanted to hurt her by hurting each other. But, truth be told, I hated him. I hated the hungry way that he would look at her and the way he would try to monopolize her time spent outside of Gryffindor tower. Also, a part of me always felt as if Lily had feelings for him. If she did or not, I never knew. She never acted on them if they were there.

I always hoped that Lily felt for me the same way I had for her. It was the only thing that Severus and I had in common; our unrequited feelings for Lily. Or so I thought… One thing I knew for certain was she had never snogged Severus. But I would never forget the first time I kissed Lily Evans.

***

It was a Saturday afternoon, she and I had decided to sit under our favorite tree near the Black Lake to do some homework, since it was the first warm day of the year after a long, wet winter. The sun was shining brightly when we had first arrived, but all too soon the clouds rolled in, looking threatening. I felt the air turn colder as a cool breeze gushed by, causing me to lose my place in my Potions textbook. I looked up towards the sky and shivered. It was bound to rain soon.

"I think we should head inside the castle, yeah?" I asked Lily, who was sprawled out on her stomach.

While I waited for her to answer, I took a moment to appreciate the masterpiece which laid out in front of me. She had her legs up in the air with her ankles crossed, her wand placed behind her ear and her hair was piled on top of her head in a perfectly undone bun. I couldn't seem to take my eyes from her lips as she gently bit down on her quill; a look of intense concentration was in her eyes as she studied. I simultaneously rolled my eyes and giggled. She hadn't heard a word I said.

"Lily!" I said a bit louder, causing her to snap out of it with a start.

She looked up at me and pulled the quill from her mouth, which turned up into a heart stopping grin. "Sorry, Mare. What was that?" she asked.

I sighed and shook my head. Just because I absolutely adored her, it didn't mean I hadn't become aggravated with her at times.

"I said we should probably head in." I pointed up towards the impending looking clouds. "Unless you'd rather sit out in the rain."

Lily's brow furrowed. "It's not raining?" she formed more like a question than a statement.

I rolled my eyes again. "Obviously, Lil. But it looks and feels like it's going to at any moment."

She laughed. "Alright, alright. No need to get so testy."

I couldn't fight the damn smile that formed at the sound of her delicious laughter. It had been the most beautiful sound in the world to me.

As she pushed herself off of the ground, my eyes seemed to gravitate towards the small opening between the buttons of her strained white shirt. Lily had developed quite beautifully over the course of the year, which caused some of her clothing to not fit exactly the same way they used to. It was seriously distracting at times.

A small drop of rain splattered on my forehead, which I was incredibly thankful for; it helped me take my eyes away from Lily. I wiped it off, and then hastily began gathering my belongings.

"Uh oh. We better hurry!" Lily said as more drops began to fall.

After everything was packed up, I threw my bag over my shoulder and waited for Lily to finish up. It started raining harder. Finally Lily was ready and she and I quickly made our way towards the castle. It suddenly became a downpour and we were sopping wet. There was no avoiding it, but we still ran anyhow.

It felt like it took ages, but soon enough we were back inside the dry warmth of the castle. While we stood in the entrance hall to catch our breath, water dripped from us, forming small puddles around our feet. Lily looked down and laughed.

"We better get out of here before Filch catches us," she huffed. "He'll have our heads."

The school's caretaker was a mad, mean little man. Most people would have thought a small amount of water was no big deal. Not Filch. If we stayed there any longer, we ran the chance of him hobbling after us, screaming about flooding the school. He'd probably threaten to hang us in the dungeon by our ankles, or something along those lines. The man was certifiably bonkers.

I agreed, and she and I scurried up to Gryffindor Tower. We arrived to the portrait of The Fat Lady still out of breath, I huffed the password and we both climbed through.

"What happened to you? Fancied a dip in the lake?" James yelled from an armchair near the fire place.

I opened my mouth to tell him to look out the bloody window, that's what happened to us, but Lily spoke up first.

"Shut up, Potter," she hissed before grabbing me by the wrist and marching up the stairs to our dorm.

"Stupid, arrogant, pig-headed…" she grumbled as we entered. I smiled.

"I think we should probably get out of these clothes, yeah?" I asked through chattering teeth. We were still soaked and I was freezing.

I could tell she hadn't heard me at first. She was still mumbling about James with a scowl on her face. I had to stifle a giggle. She was entirely too cute in that moment.

"I – we? Oh. Yeah. Let's," she agreed distractedly.

We both summoned some dry clothing and headed towards the bathroom, only to find the door was locked. I placed my ear to the door and I heard our dorm mates yelling to one another, and the sound of the showers running.

I groaned and leaned my back against the door. I just wanted to stop being cold.

"Damn. Why would they lock it?" Lily asked, annoyed.

I snorted. "Because sometimes they don't think." We both laughed. It was too true.

"Well I'm not waiting. I'm freezing."

What had she meant that she wasn't waiting? We were soaked down to our knickers, surely she hadn't been thinking of getting completely undressed out here. In front of me? My blood ran cold.

I shook my head. "I'll wait."

"Don't be silly, Mary!" Lily laughed. "We both have the same parts, just get changed."

I felt like I could have vomited. Yes, I thought about watching Lily undress more than I cared to admit, but now that she was going to actually do it… I didn't know how to handle that. I wanted to hex Alice, Dorcas and Emmeline for occupying the bathroom. It was their fault I was currently in this dream yet nightmare of a situation.

Lily laughed again as I stood frozen, not moving a muscle.

"Well I don't want to be late for dinner, so I'm changing," she announced before lifting her shirt over her head.

I knew I should have looked away, but I just couldn't. She was stunning. My heart pounded as my eyes took in the full shape of her plain white bra. I couldn't think straight. The only thing I wanted was for her to release herself of the thin fabric.

She was even more beautiful than I imagined. My stomach constricted in the strangest way. The yearning discomfort was almost painful.

My face grew hot as I began to imagine myself running my hands over her pale skin, and wondered if it was as soft as it looked. I needed to take her in my arms and feel her body pressed against mine. I wanted to pull her hair, expose her neck and gently nibble my way down; all the way to her perfectly toned stomach.

I didn't know how long I stood there staring and fantasizing, but Lily looked up and jumped a bit when she saw me. I quickly took my eyes away from her body and locked them in her green ones. I was sure my face must had been glowing, I was blushing so much.

I was not sure how long we stood there, watching one another, but it felt like forever. Then all of a sudden, something in her expression changed.

"Mary?" She asked uncertainly, but still had not covered herself. She stood straight and faced me full on. I could have exploded with shame and pure desire.

I needed to get a grip on myself.

When she slowly started to walk towards me, I lost the ability to breathe. The right corner of her mouth turned up just a hair. There was a spark in her eyes I had not seen before.

My heart seemed to beat four times for every one step that Lily had taken. What was happening?

"Mary," she repeated, the tone of her voice sounded an octave lower. "There's something – I mean – I've wanted to ask you something." She sounded a little apprehensive, despite the confident way in which she glided towards me.

I gulped. "Y-yes?"

I tried as hard as I could, but I could not stop my eyes from travelling down right below her neck. My entire body felt on fire.

She came to a stop about two feet in front of me; not quite inside my bubble of personal space, but closer than normal conversational distance. She bit her lip in a way that made my insides swirl. I almost felt dizzy.

We stood there silently for a few moments. It wasn't exactly awkward, but there was most certainly a tension building between us. My mind raced with questions of what she possibly wanted to ask me, hopes of what I wanted her to ask me, and thoughts of what I desired.

After what felt like hours, but was most likely only seconds, Lily spoke.

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like – I mean," she blushed as a nervous laugh came from her lips.

Tentatively, yet boldly, she lifted her arm and slowly reached for me. My eyes widened; I heard my pulse pound like a jackhammer in my ears. Very slowly she pushed a strand of damp hair from my eyes and pushed it behind my ear, leaving her palm resting on my cheek. Almost instinctively, I leaned my head into her touch.

"Have I ever wondered what what would be like, Lil?" I whispered hoarsely.

I watched her face carefully. Her brow furrowed and it seemed like she was internally debating something with herself. She took two deep breaths and squared her shoulders. I could almost see the decision to act form in her eyes.

She stepped in closer, I could nearly feel the heat coming from her body. I tried so hard not to get my hopes up. I couldn't let myself believe she was about to do the one thing I had dreamed about for ages. If she didn't, and it ended up being some sort of major misunderstanding, I would had been crushed.

I could feel my body trembling as she gently ran her fingers through my hair, took another step and pressed her forehead against mine. I swallowed loudly.

"Lily?" I whispered in alarm. "What are you-"

I didn't finish my questioning of what she was doing, because Lily silenced me in the most wonderful of ways.

Her lips pressed against mine very softly at first; hesitantly. Like she was asking for permission. The initial shock wore away almost as quickly as it had come on, and before I knew it, I was returning the pressure to her lips.

It was beyond anything I had imagined.

She tasted of vanilla. I assumed from the lip gloss she used quite frequently. Her lips were as soft as the petals she was named for and the feel of them sent shivers down my spine.

What started off as gentle and sweet quickly turned more intense and increasingly passionate. She twisted her hand into my hair and pushed herself into me even more. Our lips moved together fervently before she parted them and I felt her tongue lightly touch my lips. I opened my mouth in response and let her in.

My head was spinning.

Without thinking, or even intending to, I scratched my nails down her bare back and felt myself smile when she made a small noise of contentment in the back of her throat.

I couldn't believe it, Lily Evans and I were full out snogging! Never in my wildest dreams – and I'd had many – had I ever thought it would happen.

Sooner than I would have liked, Lily pulled away. At first I worried, thinking I had not done it properly, but was relieved when I saw she was smiling.

Her lips were red and swollen, and I could tell mine must have looked the same. We both panted loudly and laughed a little uncomfortably.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly. Her face glowed crimson as she cast her eyes to the ground.

"Don't be," I answered in a rush.

Lily looked up slowly and bit her lip.

"I've wanted to try that for a while."

I had to pinch myself. Surely I was dreaming?

"I have too," I admitted quietly, not able to look at her when I did.

It was silent for a heartbeat. Reluctantly, I looked back up at her.

"You have?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.

I nodded.

Surprising me once again, she lunged forward and placed chaste kiss on my lips. My heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest it pounded so hard.

Two more light kisses later, Lily pulled away for good. I couldn't stop smiling.

After that, there were no more kisses that evening. The two of us changed, and when the girls came out of the showers, we acted as if nothing had ever happened. Neither one of us had to say it, but I think we both knew what had just happened should have stayed between us for the time being.

I hoped that after dinner we might have discussed more of what that was, or what it meant, but we didn't. Regardless, I didn't care. I'd felt lighter than I had in my life. Lily must have had feelings for me and would not have deserted me if she had found out my secret. Because, very obviously, she had a similar one of her own.