For the remainder of our third year, and nearly all through our fourth, Lily and I had continued on with our part-time snogging. We didn't speak much about feelings, or anything like that. Actually, when we were alone, we didn't speak much at all. We explored and experimented with one another, like we were each a shiny new toy. Something that we couldn't stop playing with.

Around our friends and other classmates, we acted the same as we always had. We studied together, played Exploding Snap or Wizard's Chess in the common room and treated each other no differently than we would Marlene or Remus. It was our own dark, sensual secret, which I think made it even more exciting.

By the time fifth year came around, Lily and I had been much deeper into our… relationship? I wasn't even sure if we could have called it that. We certainly hadn't acted like a couple; besides the stolen moments alone with one another, where we turned in to nothing more than wandering hands and lips. Those times that we would run off together and turn into exploding bursts of lust and desire. It was raw, real and simply spectacular.

Lily was intense; it both enticed me and at times exhausted me. Since she was made Prefect, she had much more freedom around the castle. During her rounds, she would owl me to meet her, and she and I would sneak off into a secret corner of the castle, where we would once again become tangled together in a fit of inferno-like passion. She was insatiable, she was wild, she was extreme, and I was not. As much as I loved it, and almost felt like I could never get enough of her, there were times I worried I couldn't keep up.

I loved her, though. I knew it down into the depths of my soul. I would never forget the first time I knew I loved Lily Evans.

***

It was the week before O.W.L.s and I was studying for Defense in the common room. I was going over the Unforgivables, trying to decide which one was the foulest.

Most people probably would have thought that was obvious, Avada Kedavra; the Killing Curse. No. No I didn't feel that way. That's not saying that the prospect of dying wasn't frightening, Merlin no. It was just that after living at Hogwarts and seeing the ghosts there, I knew there was life after death. The fear of uncertainty had been taken away after seeing their pearly, transparent figures floating about the castle. So, no. Death was not the worst of them.

The Cruciatus Curse sounded terrible. Unbearable in fact. But still, not the most horrible of the three. I am certain that I may had thought differently if I was under the spell, but at that moment, I hadn't known what it felt like. All I knew was that the pain wouldn't – couldn't – last forever. It would end. Pain I could deal with.

It was the Imperius Curse that terrified me the most. Just the idea of someone having complete control over your body, and most especially, your mind. That would have been something I could not have handled. I would have preferred to endure the Killing Curse three times over before I'd let someone take me over in that way. Call it the Gryffindor in me, or whatever you'd like, but Avada Kedavra sounded like a warm bath over Imperio.

It was funny that I had felt that way, since it almost perfectly described the power Lily held over me.

My concentration was suddenly broken when I heard a familiar tapping on the common room window. I looked around, thankful the room was nearly empty, save for a few third years talking animatedly near the fireplace. I got out of my seat and quickly rushed over to the window, where perched outside of it was a brown barn owl; an envelope held in its tiny beak. My heart raced, as it always did at the sight of one of Lily's letters, and the heat of desire slowly creeped into my stomach. My mouth twitched thinking of how a silly little bird could elicit such feelings inside of me. It was just another thing that had me feeling as if I was completely mental.

I opened the window to let the bird in, stroked his head in thanks and took the letter from him. It always seemed to be the same owl who delivered the letters and I felt like he had become quite accustomed to me as of late. He hooted softly in response, gently nipped my finger then quickly made his departure.

The contents of Lily's letters never changed. They always read the same way.

Mare,
Same place.
xoxo Lily

The parchment smelled of her; vanilla and apples. It was the most wonderful sent in the world, especially when it lingered on my skin for hours after one of our meetings.

I did not want to delay any longer, I needed to see her. I pulled out my wand and sloppily sent all of my belongings back in to my bag, then sent it up to my dormitory. I took a glance at my reflection in the window, smoothed down my hair and pulled a tube of lip-gloss from my pocket to apply. After deciding I looked decent enough, I turned and more or less ran from the common room and out the portrait hole.

During Lily's patrolling, she had stumbled across the most curious room; she and I had been using it for several weeks at that point. It was on the seventh floor and right across from a tapestry of this man who looked like he tried to teach some trolls to dance the ballet.

The room wasn't always there, however. It seemed to only appear if you paced in front of a solid wall and thought about someplace you needed. Like Lily, for example. One evening, while she was patrolling, she heard James and Sirius coming her way. James had attempted to ask her out at least a dozen times that day and she had not been in the mood to see him. She told me that she had kept repeating in her head, "I just need a place to get away from the prat," while she desperately looked for even so much as a broom closet, when suddenly, an ornate door appeared, quite literally, out of nowhere. Without a second thought, Lily ducked inside of it and was amazed by what she discovered. She described to me the cathedral ceilings, alleyways filled with what appeared to be years and years' worth of discarded items from past students and staff.

The night after she originally found it, she went back. Just to make sure it wasn't a mistake, or odd coincidence. She told me how she paced back and forth in front of the wall asking to see the room she had been in the night before. And much to her amazement, the door appeared once more. Lily ran back up to the common room, where I was sitting and studying, and she literally dragged me out and to her secret room. Amazed was an understatement. I was downright stunned. Not only was it the most intriguing and spectacular thing I had seen in the castle, it was a place where Lily and I could truly be alone.

It was after curfew, so I rushed as quietly as I could through the corridors and prayed I wouldn't get caught by any of the professors, or worse, Filch. It was freezing and I feared my chattering teeth might end up giving me away, because in my haste to leave and meet Lily, I had forgotten my cloak. I wrapped my arms around myself, clenched my jaw shut tightly and started jogging; all the while losing myself in daydreams of what I knew would transpire in mere moments in the hidden room.

Finally I found myself in front of that absurd tapestry and saw the hall was empty. Lily must had already been inside. I walked in front of the wall asking it for what I needed and smiled as I saw the door appear slowly. I looked around to make sure no one was around, and when I was sure the coast was clear, made my way inside.

The warmth that engulfed me the moment I stepped inside was so very welcomed. For the first time since I left the comfort of the common room, I felt like I could breathe properly. Then I heard the familiar sounds of a record skipping faintly off in the distance and the soft twitter of birds which I had never actually seen all the times I had been in there. The room was always lit in a soft golden glow, almost comparable to it perpetually being twilight. Even though it was unfathomably cluttered, there was an elegant beauty to the room.

"Lily?" I called out as I began making my way to the bed she and I had found a few weeks prior.

"Over here!" I heard her yell. My heart skipped a beat.

I walked through the debris for a few moments until I arrived to our spot. Even though I was probably more accustomed to Lily's face than my own, seeing it never failed to take my breath away. She had always been a pretty girl, but now that she was transitioning from the round features of childhood, to the sharper lines of womanhood, she was a splendor to behold. It was almost like the sun shined from her eyes. She was remarkable.

She sat cross legged in the middle of an elaborate four poster bed with a golden comforter and lavish pillows. Her head was buried in a book and she did not notice me at first, until I coughed to get her attention.

Lily's lips turned up in a gorgeous smile when she saw me. "Took you long enough," she teased.

I laughed and sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. "Shouldn't you be doing rounds, Miss Prefect?" I joked back.

She put her book down and edged closer to me then began running her fingers through my hair methodically. I almost purred it felt so wonderful. I always loved when she played with my hair.

"I could always go and continue on with them, if that's what you'd prefer," she said sarcastically.

I snorted. "Oh shut it. You know you'll do no such thing."

I felt Lily's fingers stop and leave my head. I pouted then turned to face her.

"Really?" She raised a challenging eyebrow.

Our faces were inches from each other and I felt every nerve in my body respond deliciously to our close proximity. I leaned forward and placed a light kiss on her lips.

"You won't," I whispered after I pulled back. "Because I'm just too irresistible."

Lily's head whipped back and a musical laugh erupted from her, which I couldn't help but join in. Sometimes it was just too easy to be with her. Other times, it made my heart ache, because we weren't really together.

As we laughed, Lily wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me down onto the bed with her. My pulse quickened and my entire body pulsated with pure need as I felt her pressed tightly against me. Once our laughter subsided, she began peppering soft kisses on my neck and down to my collarbone.

I squirmed underneath her - my whole being ached for more. She paused briefly, only to remove her jumper; I followed suit and removed my own. I had almost come undone as she began lightly tracing intricate patterns, with her fingertips, on my exposed skin. I felt the goose pimples trail after her touch. Soon her caresses became firmer; she massaged my neck and worked her way down my torso. My breath started to come out in heavy pants. She leaned down and kissed me hungrily and I responded by wrapping my arms around her neck and pulling her closer.

At that point all rational thought was removed from my head, and the only things I could focus on were the sweet taste of her lips and the mindblowing sensations caused by her touch. The entire time we held one another, it never felt like enough. I always needed her closer; wanted her to hold me tighter. There was nothing in this world more important than the feeling of Lily Evans pressed against my bare skin, the sound of my name being sighed from her mouth, or the delicious scent that would attach itself to my skin for hours to come.

After an hour or so we finally pulled ourselves apart from one another, both breathing heavily and wearing the afterglow one usually has after a night of passion. Our bodies glistened with small beads of sweat and I couldn't help but to think she had never looked more beautiful.

"I can't believe O.W.L.s are next week," she said after she had caught her breath and looked up at the ceiling with a crease between her eyebrows.

Leave it to Lily to bring up school work after what we had just done.

I let out a small giggle. "Really, Lily? You want to talk exams?"

She blushed then took my hand and intertwined our fingers together. "Well they're rather important, aren't they? I mean, how we do on these exams will determine what N.E.W.T. courses we take, which then decides what we do for the rest of our lives."

She sounded a bit manic, which only caused me to laugh harder.

"What?" she glared at me. "What is so funny?"

I shook my head and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Nothing."

A mischievous gleam filled Lily's eyes as I pulled away. Her mouth curled up in a trouble-making smile as she sat up slowly and crept her way closer to me. "I'll show you nothing," she threatened right before diving on top of me and tickling every inch of me she could reach.

I cried out for her to stop for what felt like hours until she silenced my protests with another kiss, which led to another glorious hour in our bed.

***

Lily and I had parted ways for the evening, she finished her rounds as I made my way back up towards Gryffindor. I was walking and humming happily to myself when I heard a noise that made my heart drop. I stopped in my tracks and looked all around, sure that I heard someone following me. I knew that if Filch caught me out of bed again, I was a dead woman. It would have been the sixth time that term.

I sped up a bit and hoped I could outrun whoever, or whatever, I heard behind me. It was no use. Soon I found myself taken by surprise and face down on the cold concrete floor. At once I knew that was no teacher or staff behind me; I heard their sniggering.

"Disgusting Mudblood. Don't you know it's not good for you to be roaming the halls by yourself at night?" a male voice crooned.

"He's right, you know. You might end up getting hurt." Another taunted.

I could hear my heart beating, I was terrified. I might have had a chance if I had my wand ready, and if the cowards hadn't attacked me from behind. But unfortunately my wand was stuffed into the pocket of my trousers and I was stretched out on my stomach.

I held my breath as I heard footsteps approaching then cried out in pain as one of them kicked me roughly in the ribs. I felt the tears stream down my face when I heard the crack and felt the intense stabbing sensation inside of my body. My rib was broken, I was sure of it.

"Get up, filth!"

With all of my strength, I swallowed down my sobs and tried to remain silent. I was not going to give them the satisfaction of hearing me cry.

Another kick. This time to my head. I saw stars.

"I said, get up!"

One of them roughly pulled me up by my hair and I almost shouted in rage when I saw there were actually three Slytherin boys standing before me. Rowle, Avery, and much to my utter surprise, Severus.

Severus had an unfathomable look in his black eyes. They were filled with a fury I had not quite seen before. And then it hit me; he knew.

Lily and I had made the mistake of kissing each other goodnight outside of our secret room. It hadn't seemed as if anyone was around, but the expression on Severus' face told me we were not quite as alone as we thought we were. Not anywhere near as alone as I was at that moment. A part of me feared that he might have killed me.

Maybe I could reason with him, I thought. Try to convince him he hadn't seen what he thought he did.

"Severus," I grunted. The pain in my ribs was nearly unbearable. "What are you doing?"

A sharp sting crossed my face – Avery slapped me.

"Quiet!" he ordered.

Defiantly, I looked back at Severus and repeated myself. "What are you doing? If Lily knew –"

Apparently mentioning Lily was the wrong thing for me to say. Severus' nostrils flared and he bared his teeth.

"How dare you! You disgusting whore. I saw you! I saw the pair of you! You – you…" he seemed to struggle with finding a word horrible enough to call me.

I tried to wrack my brain for any way to explain what he saw. I couldn't think of anything.

"Severus. I don't know what you're talking about." I thought perhaps playing dumb would have worked.

In a quick, fluid movement, Severus flourished his wand and before I could comprehend what was happening, my face felt as if it was stung by dozens of bees. I felt as it began to swell. Between my broken rib and my stinging face, not to mention my battered pride, I started to cry. The tears fell freely down my cheeks, offering a bit of relief to the intense stinging.

"I will not breathe a word of this, Mary," Severus continued in a chillingly calm voice. "I would not tarnish Lily's reputation in that way."

One of his friends, I couldn't see which one, snorted and mumbled, "Like that would change anything. Mudblood."

Severus continued on as if he had not spoken. "But do not let me see it happen again, or it will be much, much worse next time."

I meant to say something. I meant to tell him to fuck off and what Lily and I did was none of his business, but I couldn't. Before the words could even leave my mouth, a jet of red light left one of their wands and within seconds, I was unconscious.

***

When I woke up in the Hospital Wing the following day, I awoke to Lily sitting stoically next to my bed. She told me how it was James and Sirius who found me laying in the hall and immediately got me to Madam Pomfrey. I knew something changed, because she actually referred to them as "James and Sirius," not "Potter and Black." But I thought nothing of it at the time.

She begged for me to tell her who had done it. Who it was that abused and tortured me so badly. And that was when I knew I loved Lily, because I couldn't tell her. I knew how she felt about Severus. I knew how close they were and how much she cared for him. I also knew that if I confessed it was he who had done that to me, it would have destroyed her. People told her all the time that Severus had changed and was not the same boy she grew up with, but Lily refused to see it. I was not going to be that person who forced her to see the truth. That, and I was a bit selfish. I was afraid if she knew why I was attacked, she wouldn't have wanted to be with me any longer.

It was the first time I lied to Lily. Really, truly lied. For all she had known, I was attacked from behind and never saw who it was. I told her they must have knocked me out before wreaking such havoc on my body. If she believed he or not, I never knew. But I always suspected that deep down she knew the truth. Especially after what happened between Lily and Severus after our O.W.L.s.