A/N: Thanks for reviewing!
I'm still listening, I'm still loving
Natalia was good. He'd known that already, but it was different actually being in the field with her again. It was her show this time and he was just backup – barely needed backup. He preferred it that way. When she asked him for help because they were under fire, he was happy enough to take care of it in the way he'd been trained to do.
But then that woman showed up – and she'd had the book. And even though he knew Natalia and N'Kana had done what they could to get rid of the stuff in his head, he was terrified. He caught Natalia's eye and she looked so guilty that he almost smiled. Whatever this person could do to him, Natalia would do her best to protect him. And he just hoped that there was no way to make him hurt her.
Then the woman – Belova? – said that word and everything went black.
When he woke up, he was confused. Though, realistically, that was frequently the case these days. It was dark in the room and he was lying on a bed. There was a shadow in the corner – Natalia. They were in their hotel. It looked like she had a black eye and a few cuts on her face.
He sat up abruptly, startling her. "What happened?"
Standing slowly, she turned on the light next to her and she did indeed look roughed up. "I kept the upper hand long enough for her to decide to run for it," was her tired explanation.
He wanted to touch her face, or do something comforting, but he didn't. "I'm sorry," he began.
"Don't be," she told him firmly, hesitantly sitting down at the foot of his bed.
Obligingly pulling his legs out of her way, he regarded her. "If it weren't for me, you could have caught her," he insisted.
"If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have gotten in."
"I doubt that."
She smiled slightly and looked away, that guilty expression on her face again.
"Natalia… It wasn't your fault. I'm fine, really," he reassured her awkwardly.
Her gaze flickered to him and away again while she pursed her lips. "I shouldn't have put you in this situation."
Wishing he wasn't sitting in bed like an invalid, he frowned – at her, at the situation, at all the things he wanted to say but couldn't. "I don't need protecting, Natalia."
"Everyone needs it sometimes," she told him and he reconsidered.
That was true. "You know, I'm always trying to tell Steve that," he offered in an attempt to lighten the mood.
A slight smile crossed her face, and he had the sinking feeling that it was because she was thinking about Steve. "He's pretty stubborn," she agreed distantly. Then she looked him in the eye. "Maybe you should go back to him."
"And leave you alone?" he asked sharply.
"I'll call for backup. I'll get that book back." Her expression was sincere, intense, and he had no doubt that she would do just that.
It was a tempting offer. The words didn't work anymore, but there were surely other nasty things that Karpov would have written down in that book. It hadn't seemed like Belova was particularly bothered by his lack of reaction to the words. So there would be other tricks up her sleeve. Especially if she was intending to be the new Black Widow.
More importantly, Natalia had managed to fend the woman off. And, if it weren't for the need to save his ass, might have been able to capture her. She would certainly be successful if her partner wasn't such a liability. So, logically, it would be better for him to go.
Except he didn't want to leave her. This wasn't like the old days – it wasn't even like when she'd been an Avenger. She'd lost her team and he could tell she was still upset by it. Still hurting. Compromised, as their handlers would have said. Sitting there at the end of his bed, looking toward the window, she seemed so tired. Sick of fighting. He could understand that feeling and would do anything to help ease it.
"If you want me to go, I'll go," he said quietly. "But I… I wouldn't be against staying. To help you."
A strange look flickered over her face and she stood up abruptly. "I'm starving. Let's eat and then we can figure out our next move, James," she suggested.
"Alright," he replied, a little surprised by her reaction. Something new to add to his list, maybe – 'doesn't like people doing things for her.'
It was a relief to leave the oppressive hotel room and be back outside. He always felt better when he could stand in the sun. They walked a few blocks until they found a restaurant. Neither of them were particularly familiar with the kind of food they made here in Rhapastan, but it smelled good. And the staff spoke English.
Natalia chatted easily and made them seem like a couple of tourists – gullible tourists. He didn't do anything to dissuade their hosts of that notion, though if it probably cost them a bit financially. But it was a pleasure watching her – she always seemed to fit into her surroundings. It had been a skill of hers back when they met, and she was even better now.
She must have put on some makeup or something because she no longer looked like she'd been in a tough fight earlier today. Instead of her mission clothes she was wearing a regular t-shirt and jeans. Her hair was down – but it was always down now. He hadn't seen any photographs of it up since she'd left the Red Room. All the Widows had kept their hair up for efficiency purposes. It was such a little thing, but he was struck with the thought of how much had changed since he'd known her before. Maybe too much for his previous experiences with her to be worth anything.
"Hey, James, you done?"
Blinking, he was surprised to find her looking at him intently. "Um, sure," he replied awkwardly.
She cocked her head at him thoughtfully. Her own plate was empty and the staff was looking impatient. He hastily ate the last few bites and got to his feet, uncomfortable at the idea of her being able to read what he was thinking – she seemed to do it so well with everyone else, why not with him?
Thanking the owner, she led the way out the door but seemed in no hurry to return to the hotel. Instead, her pace was meandering and her expression was serene. It distracted him enough to forget his earlier worries, and he smiled at her. When he'd caught up with her, she slid her arm under his and leaned against him, making his heart pound.
"That was a HYDRA front. We shouldn't go straight back to our hotel," she murmured, still smiling.
He stiffened but forced himself to act as relaxed as she was. Or, at least, reasonably close. "What should we do?"
"Take the long way around, double-back when we're sure no one's following us."
Nodding, he tried to focus on that instead of her closeness. They walked for a long time, shopping occasionally and Natalia really sold the tourist thing. He managed to avoid arousing suspicion, at least. It was a challenge to pay attention to anything else when she was holding his arm, smiling at him, acting like they were closer than they really were.
But finally they got back to the hotel and he felt an intense mixture of relief and loss when she dropped the façade. "How did you know?" he asked as she gave their room a quick scan to determine if it was still safe enough.
"The cook in the back was one of the agents you knocked out. I don't think he recognized you," she added quickly, reassuringly.
"Oh. Good."
Satisfied with the results of the scan, she dropped onto her bed to take off her boots. "It helps to actually pay attention to your surroundings, James," she continued with a smirk.
"Hey, I was paying attention," he insisted.
"Yeah? To what?"
He looked away, unwilling to answer.
"James?" Her tone was concerned and he glanced at her again.
"I was just…" He cleared his throat. "I was just wondering why you never dye your hair." That surprised a laugh out of her, and he smiled as though it were a joke and not what he'd actually been thinking. "I mean, you're on the run. Might be kinda helpful not to be so recognizable, you know?"
"Yeah? Is that why you didn't shave or cut your hair for two years?" she shot back, grinning.
He didn't want the mood to change, but he sobered anyway. "If I did that, I'd still look like someone recognizable," he explained quietly.
"Of course," she said quickly, soothingly. "So, James, what's your plan for the morning?"
Her tone was business-like and he had no idea if she cared one way or the other. But he did. "I'd like to help you find and capture Belova."
"Good answer," she replied with a slight smile. "Get some sleep, then, we're leaving early."
