A/N: Thanks for reviewing!
Hard truce biting my heels
The nightmares were decreasing in frequency these days, but weren't gone. He woke up screaming about once a week. Something Steve and the others never mentioned. But then, he was rarely sleeping in the same room as any of them. Having Natalia there was comforting but served as a reminder of how messed up he was compared to her. Even if she claimed to have nightmares as well, he didn't imagine she awoke screaming and terrified. She never had before.
So he stayed silent and motionless while he waited for her to wake up and say it was time to go. His thoughts wandered aimlessly, putting together his memories in a cohesive order. Nothing was gone – just confusing and inexplicable sometimes. Writing them down had really helped give context to everything. Now it was just an exercise to keep his mind busy and not dwell on anything in particular. Not focus on something that might make him want to keep screaming.
Finally, Natalia got up and turned on the light. After a moment, he pulled himself out of bed, troubled by the ache in his bones. Putting on his mission gear was harder than usual as he moved stiffly and Natalia was watching him by the time he was ready.
"You alright?" she asked.
"I'll be fine," he insisted for the second time that afternoon, rotating his left arm subconsciously.
"Did it hurt?"
Her question felt rushed, like she hadn't intended to ask, and she looked momentarily like she wanted to take it back. "What do you mean?"
She licked her lips, glancing away from him. "When you got the new one, I guess."
"No. They did a good job. Just, uh, just some scar tissue gives me a hard time," he explained.
"Did it hurt when… when you lost it?" she asked quietly. When she glanced up, he must have looked surprised because she hastily continued. "In Siberia."
"Oh. Yes."
He could tell she was trying to decide whether to keep asking about this or not and he waited patiently for her to make up her mind. If she wanted to know more about him, he was going to tell her. Maybe it was stupid, but that's what he was going to do.
"How much can you feel with it?" she was asking and he was forcibly reminded of her asking something similar back when they were first together.
But the context was different now. "It's as sensitive as my other hand, I think."
"Then how can you stop bullets with it?"
He fought back a smile at her look of concern. "The receptors are dampened after a certain threshold of force."
This was apparently something for her to consider, as she fell silent for a few moments. "They don't shut down? So it was just a slightly less painful version of Stark shooting your other arm off?"
Her directness was continuing to be a nice change from how Steve usually acted – more like Sam. Though Sam was generally only direct when it was something to tease him about. God, if he knew about Natalia, he'd have a field day.
Clearing his throat, he pulled on his gloves. "That part wasn't so bad," he offered.
"Then what was?"
He met her gaze levelly. "The burning." It took her a moment to follow, then she looked horrified. Having a super-heated hunk of metal grafted onto you wasn't an ideal situation, regardless of whether or not the pain of losing your arm was still coming through the sensors.
"James, I'm so sorry," she told him and he wasn't sure if she meant because it happened or for asking.
"It's fine, Natalia. Let's get going."
Her expression changed back to its usual, business-like façade, and she hastened to grab her things. Then she led the way out of the room and down to a taxi. The sun was just setting as they headed up the river to the warehouse, getting dropped off a few blocks away. He was relieved not to see concern or pity on her face again, nor did she treat him deferentially after what he'd told her. Which was one of the reasons he'd been willing to tell her.
Breaking into the place was easy enough, and he was reminded of the last mission with Steve because of the piles of crates piled haphazardly all around the ground floor. Natalia used her phone to scan them but nothing popped, so they found the stairs. As with the last facility, the bottom floor was blocked off by a finger-print scan.
"Ready?" she murmured as she hooked up her phone to the keypad.
There had been a few sentries to knock out on the way here but nothing major. If this continued to be like the last base, there were likely a lot of people in here. Sometimes he wished HYDRA would change things up a bit. "Yes."
She got the door open and they moved silently to look in. It was empty, so he supposed he should be careful what he wished for – this was clearly a change but probably not a good one. They rarely were, in his experience. They searched the premises and found a computer bay. Natalia plugged something into one of them and they waited tensely while she downloaded information. Computers weren't completely alien to him, but not something he used all that often, so it was interesting watching her navigate to get what she wanted from it.
When it was done, they searched the rest of the building. There were labs and cells that looked like they had been cleared out recently. Natalia frowned at them as though willing them to explain themselves.
"Don't tell me that accountant grew a spine," she muttered to herself.
He considered whether or not he should respond to the non sequitur. "Alright, I won't."
She flashed him a smile then kept walking, both of them on guard for any agents that might still be around. "I was questioning a guy earlier. He said there was a base in Portugal, but he wasn't any more specific than that. Guys like that are usually too afraid of being punished for talking so they don't tell anyone that they were questioned."
"I guess this guy was different."
"I guess," she agreed with a shrug. "Well, this is a bust. Let's head back to the hotel."
Leaving the building proved even easier than entering it, and soon they were in the cool night air. "Well, it wasn't a total loss," he suggested, concerned at her dour expression.
"No?"
"You got some good intel off that computer."
"Excellent point, James," she replied thoughtfully. "Well, I got intel off of it. We'll see if it was any good when we get back."
She didn't seem convinced and he considered what else to say. "She won't be one step ahead of you for long."
That made her stop and look at him. "How can you be sure?"
"You're the Black Widow. You're a legend. No matter who trained her, she has a long way to go to catch up to you," he told her.
She smiled genuinely – a rare sight and it took his breath away. "I'm sure you use lines like that on all the ladies."
That got a laugh out of him. "Yes, all the time. Was it too rehearsed?"
"Definitely. I can tell you've been practicing it in the mirror. You'll have to try a little harder next time."
"I can do that," he said, looking at her intently, and she paused, uncertain.
Then she cleared her throat and kept walking. "So. Hungry or should we just head back?"
"I'm up for whatever you want, Natalia."
Her gaze flickered to him, trying to read between the lines. And he hoped she would. "Dinner it is, then," she said lightly and he nodded.
