A/N: Thanks for reviewing!
No one taught me better than you
It was hard, leaving Natalia at the gate. But she insisted it would work out for the best, and he believed her. He was going back to the others, back to Steve, to wait. Until he got a call from her to move forward with her plan. He didn't like the idea of sitting safe at home while she was out there working and putting herself in danger. Or worse – what if he had a mission while he was waiting? What if he had to choose between finishing it and helping her?
Not that he had any doubts about which one he'd choose. It was just a choice he'd rather not make. But he kept his worries to himself and got on the plane when she asked. There was no emotional goodbye, just a wave and she was gone. And he suppressed the irrational fear that he'd never see her again. Of course he would. They weren't being forcibly separated by their superiors – just splitting up for a bit.
As the plane took off, he was nervous as always and did not like the way it added to his concerns. What if she was successful without him? What if Yelena was easier to track and take down this time? Would Natalia tell him? Would she invite him on her next job, or would he have to wait to see her until she made her peace with Steve? What if that never happened?
So maybe his worries did have some basis. She was convinced she could work alone, and she wasn't wrong. This might have been the closest he'd ever get to her, and he'd let her send him away. Loss hit him with a jolt and he winced. He should have said something, told her he remembered, told her how he felt before leaving. Last night, when there was time to talk about it. But he'd been so worried, and she looked so intent on her plan that he was tongue-tied and wanted her to get what she wanted.
He understood what it was to be groomed as the best and then be replaced. Well, have the attempt be made, anyway. He knew what she was going through, even if she kept it quiet. If only she would let him be there for her. It didn't have to be like it was before. She just seemed so alone. Her support system was shattered.
Fury was an important person to her and she seemed to still see him from time to time. Same with Barton. But neither were very often, mostly utilizing phone calls rather than meeting face to face. She hadn't seen Steve in months and he was clearly important to her. He didn't know if any other members of the team were as close – probably not. As a trainee in the Red Room, she'd always been surrounded by people. Not necessarily allies, but people like her. People enduring the same stuff.
The fact that she and Bruce Banner had apparently been a thing was a little strange and made him doubt his ability to read her. But it hadn't worked out, so maybe she had just been trying something new. Not that Banner didn't sound like a pretty nice guy, he was just fundamentally different from Natalia. Because, like Steve, like Wanda, he had chosen what had happened to him. Maybe not the specific results, but he hadn't been forced into an experiment.
The Avengers consisted mainly of people who chose to become what they were. Sam, Wanda, Steve, Banner, Barton, Rhodes, T'Challa, Lang. All of them were at least complicit in the steps to becoming heroes. Thor may have inherited his abilities, but he'd chosen to be a hero around here. Surprisingly, the one who could probably relate the most to he and Natalia was Stark – he had been captured and his steps toward super heroing were really just steps toward survival at the time.
Natalia was a survivor. So was he. They'd been taken and turned into weapons against their will. They hadn't volunteered, they hadn't sought any of this out. Not that they hadn't worked hard to prove themselves to their masters, but neither of them had asked to be turned into world-class assassins.
So he wanted to see more of her. Because it was so impressive to watch how she turned a hellish upbringing into something that helped people. Because she was so comfortable in her own skin and he wished he felt the same way. Because there was no one else who understood him so easily. Because he had loved her when he was just their asset. Because he loved her more now.
Sam met him at the airport and he had to admit it was nice to see him waiting by the baggage claim.
"Barnes," he said coolly.
"Wilson."
"How were things with the second scariest woman I know?"
Bucky raised an eyebrow at him as he grabbed his bag. "Second?"
"Wanda," Sam explained. "Natasha's got good moves but I have no idea how much that girl can do. Nice kid, though."
"Good point. It's been … interesting."
Sam smiled slightly as he led the way through the crowds and out the door. "I'm sure it was. You can tell Steve all about it when we get there."
He didn't ask what they had been up to while he was gone, and was content to be driven to the current safe house in silence. Their friendship may have started off on dubious terms, but it was easy now. And Steve would want to hear everything, so it was simpler to wait and tell the story to everyone at once. Everyone interested – he didn't know who else might want details except Barton.
The team was currently staying in a few hotel rooms. Finding places that could fit all of them was sometimes a challenge, which was another reason why they split up from time to time. In any case, Barton was not there but everyone else welcomed him back warmly. It was more than he expected and he was touched.
It was a pleasant evening, telling about what he and Natalia had been doing while Steve and Sam caught him up on their activities. For once, he didn't leave early to go sit outside. As the night progressed, Wanda excused herself to go to bed first and it didn't take long for Steve and Bucky to be the only ones still up.
"So, it was good? Everything was fine?" Steve asked quietly, clearly unable to ask what he actually wanted to know.
"Yeah. We got along really well, actually."
Nodding, Steve seemed to be deep in thought. "Do you think that she'll come work with us sometime?"
"I don't know. I hope so," he added honestly after a pause.
Steve smiled slightly. "You're going to go help her when she calls?"
"Yeah. If she calls."
That got Steve's attention. "You don't think she will?"
He shrugged. "I don't know, man. She might be able to handle it just fine without me." Biting his lip, he considered whether or not he should tell Steve the other reason Natalia might not want to be around him anymore. Or, ideally, the reason she might want to see him again almost as much as he wanted to see her.
"Hey, Buck, you okay?"
"Um, yeah. Just, you know, tired. Haven't been getting much sleep."
Steve wasn't satisfied with that answer, but he didn't press. "Well, if Nat likes working with you, she'll probably come around and lend us a hand. I was pretty worried, sending you to her. But Barton said it'd be fine."
"Neither of you said she was the contact," he replied, surprised Steve had known. But it would have been weird if he'd talked to Barton that long without it coming up, he supposed. It was his own fault for not being part of the conversation.
Raising his eyebrows, Steve looked guilty. "Hey, I'm sorry, I thought you knew. Didn't mean for it to be a secret."
Thinking back to what seemed like a very long time ago but was really less than two weeks, he smiled slightly at Natalia's reaction to him. At the time, he'd been as taken aback as she was. But now he let himself consider that her surprise might mean something. "It's alright. She didn't know, either."
"She didn't?"
It was clear that the idea of Natalia not knowing something was pretty alien to Steve, which made Bucky's smile grow. "Nope. She recovered quickly, of course."
"Of course," Steve replied distantly. "So, wait, she went to a meet expecting Barton and instead got, you know, you?"
"The guy who's almost killed her a few times? Yeah, Steve, looks that way."
"And she was just fine with it? Let you tag along on her mission, spending basically all of her time with you for over a week?"
He always was a good tactician – he might start guessing something close to the truth soon. "Tag along?" Bucky deflected.
"Provide invaluable assistance, I mean," Steve corrected, rolling his eyes.
"Thank you."
Steve shook his head slowly. "I just don't get it. It would have made sense to send you back after that woman had that book – Natasha said she was going to get it?" He nodded. "Natasha is usually so strategic. She could have called Barton or one of us once it looked like you might be more a liability," he continued, mostly to himself. Then he glanced up at Bucky again. "What did you do to her?"
"Nothing," he insisted, surprised. Steve was continuing to stare at him, so he figured he'd better address that. "Thanks for the support, by the way."
"Don't act like you're offended, Buck. You would have done the same thing," Steve replied with a smile. "I guess you just gave her that sad puppy-dog face that women always seem to like. Figured Nat of all people would be able to resist, though."
"Apparently not," Bucky replied with an innocent expression.
Getting to his feet, Steve shook his head again. "Well, I'm going to bed. Try not to charm anyone else into making bad choices."
"I can't make any promises," he insisted seriously and Steve threw one of the paper plates from dinner at him with an exasperated noise. He grinned as he caught it.
