World Domination Simulator
"You just landed on my Railroad. With the addition of the other three, Tamaki you now owe me $8000. But it looks like you're all out of money, shame. Well I guess that means you're out of the game," smiled Kyoya.
Tamaki sulked as he handed his remaining Monopoly money to his spectacled friend.
"Wow Kyo-chan, you're really good at this game!" remarked Honey, whose money was also being slowly drained into the hands of his kohai.
"Well of course. It's only natural that the son of one of the best businessmen in the country would be adept at this childish yet strategic game of property trade. Besides, this is only mere practice until I can really put my skills to the test and inevitably buy out all your companies from underneath you, thus securing me one step closer to total world domination."
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In Which Mori is Edible
AU where Mori is replaced with a stale piece of white bread. Everything stays pretty much the same actually.
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AS&M
"Hey Haruhi!"
"Check out these awesome videos we made for Youtube!" cried the twins.
Haruhi watched the video, though it showed nothing but a blank screen. The only audio was strange, heavy breathing, coupled with muffled laughter from one of the twins in the background.
"Guys what the fuck."
"It's called ASMR!"
"Yeah, apparently loads of people love to listen to these sounds for relaxation of whatever. Like heavy breathing or scratching your head or smacking your lips. It's crazy!" Kaoru laughed.
"Holy shit look at this comment, ' u should record the sounds of u guys fukin'. It's got— good god, 217 likes, and it's by…'silentgiant'. Hm," said Hikaru.
"Guys, that's Mori-senpai's username," said Haruhi.
Mori sweatdropped in the background before sprinting out the room with Honey in his arms.
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What Mommy Says Goes
"But Mommyyy!" whined Tamaki.
"No."
"Pleeeaaase!"
"No."
"But whyyy!?"
"Because I said no."
"But Kyoya you don't understaaaand!"
"I understand that I said no. You really should too."
"B-but…"
"Um, Kyoya-senpai?," asked Haruhi, "may I ask just what you two are arguing about?"
"You know I'm not really sure, we've been at this for two and a half hours and by now I've completely forgotten what it is he wanted in the first place. But if I said no the first time then I'm not changing my mind about whatever it is."
Alternate ending:
"I just wanted to ask if it would be okay if I used the bathroom before the guests got here but now they've all left and I still really have to pee!"
"Oh that's right…. No."
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After School Play Time
"Hey Honey-senpai," asked one of the club's usual guests, "where's Usa-chan? Didn't you bring him today?"
"Oh yeah!" replied the blond. "He's taking a nap in my backpack!"
"How do you manage to fit your bunny in your backpack with all of your books senpai?" asked another girl.
"Oh that's easy! I let Takashi carry my books until I need them for class! That way I can carry Usa-chan and other fun toys to play with Takashi after school!"
"Awwww!" That's so cute!" exclaimed the girls.
'Oh yeah, you think it's cute now…' thought a certain pink bunny from inside the depths of the tiny senior's backpack. 'You try being the one shoved between a pile of candy wrappers and giant pink dildo…'
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Guessing Game
"Um... It's… *gasp* A UNICORN! You're a unicorn!" shouted Honey.
Kaoru shook his head but stayed silent. He went through the motions again, only to be met with more failed guesses.
"A tigershark!" shouted Tamaki.
"An ice cream cone?" guessed Haruhi.
"The existential realization of inevitable death?" asked Mori.
Kaoru smacked his forehead and decided to try a new tactic. He reminded the group of their hints by holding up five fingers and motioning that he was acting out a song. He slid between Hikaru and Haruhi, gave them each a peck on the cheek in quick succession, and then fell dramatically back into the middle of the floor, making a hand heart over his chest.
"Ooh ooh I think I got it this time!" shouted Tamaki. "What you're acting out is…."
Drum beats flooded the room from somewhere. Everyone jumped out of their seats in unison and began to sing.
"KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE!"
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Crossing to the Dark Side
"Mori-senpai! The door!" shouted Tamaki, but it was too late. The mindless, moaning crowd had already broken through their defenses and were approaching at a maddeningly slow pace. There was nothing else the hosts could do.
"I dunno man, it's just the way I was raised," moaned one of the beings from the depths of the writhing bodies.
"It's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve," drawled another, shuffling closer.
Haruhi shivered and moved behind Tamaki. "What's wrong with them?"
"I'm afraid they've crossed over to the dark side," said the blond bleakly.
Suddenly, one lurched from the nearing crowd and grabbed Kaoru by the ankle, dragging him into the throng.
"Hikaru HELP-"
"KAORU!"
"No Hikaru! It's too late, they've already taken him," said Tamaki as he held Hikaru back from rushing into the crowd.
The Hosts were being backed into the corner of the club room, when from the horde of bodies fell Kaoru onto his knees. He slowly stood with a glazed and unfocused expression.
"It's…not…like I have anything against it… Some of my best friends are homos. As long as…like, they don't hit on me."
"No…Kaoru…" wept Hikaru. "What have they done to him?"
"He's gone Hikaru," said Kyoya solemnly, "He's gone. They've turned him into…a heterosexual."
