FIFTEEN: TRUST YOURSELF (302 days)
Merlin frowned, staring at the tray of food that had been placed on the table in his chambers. First, he had found his bed littered with a very fine, itchy powder. Second, several of his clothes that had been washed were now terribly stained and would need to be replaced. And now, his breakfast. It was quite obvious that some of the servants and kitchen staff were against the idea of a Court Sorcerer. He had no idea who might be behind this, but it was more than likely someone that he knew. Or several someones that he knew.
He tried not to be hurt by this, but he had considered himself friends with the other members of the castle staff. He had worked with many of them for years. He would have hoped that they would have known him well enough to know that he wasn't an evil person.
With a sigh, he left the tray of rotting food behind as he made his way toward Gaius's chambers. He would deal with the annoyances later. It wouldn't take much for his magic to clean the bed or his clothes. He just didn't want to worry about it for the moment.
He didn't bother to knock as he approached the familiar room. He opened the door, saying, "As I'd expected, there are some people who clearly -" he broke off, seeing a familiar figure sitting across from floor by her bare feet.
Merlin's gaze flickered between his old mentor and the druid girl. "You told Arthur no," he accused. He had been a bit disappointed when she'd refused to come to Camelot - especially after that kiss. He certainly hadn't been expecting to see her again so soon.
Kerenza shrugged. "I changed my mind. The idea of being a physician appealed to me more than I thought it would. And I was really curious about the wonders of Camelot. Everyone makes it sound like such a wonderful place. And now that magic is legal again...I thought I'd give it a chance."
"Does Arthur know that you've decided to take the job?"
"Yes. I sent a messenger a few days before I left home."
Huh. He didn't remember Arthur saying anything about getting a message from Kerenza. Wait a minute... "You sent the messenger a few days before you left, and you came here because magic is now legal. That announcement wasn't made until yesterday morning."
"My mother has visions. I knew when King Arthur would make that announcement." She looked him up and down, a frown pulling at her lips. "I thought you always wore a neckerchief?"
He glanced down at his red tunic. Instead of the neckerchiefs, he now wore slightly high-necked tunics - because he'd always hated his long neck and felt the need to cover it. "Arthur insisted they were ridiculous."
"Not on you," she muttered. He noticed that she was wearing the neckerchief she'd essentially stolen from him. He...kind of liked it on her. She turned back to her food.
Merlin sat on a nearby stool. "So you're taking Kerenza on as your official apprentice?" he asked Gaius.
"Yes. She has a natural talent for healing. She's also more knowledgeable in the healing arts than you were when you first arrived."
The warlock nodded, feeling slightly conflicted. He was glad that Gaius would have a capable apprentice to aid him. But he almost felt like he was being replaced, even though he knew that notion was ridiculous. Gaius was like a father to him. He didn't like the idea of someone else taking his place in Gaius's life. He knew that Kerenza wasn't going to take his place, but he couldn't help the thought from creeping into his mind.
He did like Kerenza, though. She would be good for the position. And he had a feeling that she would become a good friend in his life.
He looked back at her. She was dressed much the same as she'd been the last time he'd seen her, with leggings and a simple tunic. He blushed slightly at the memory of that kiss, with her body flush to his.
"You know that you'll have to start wearing gowns, right? You can't walk around the castle barefoot and in men's clothes. The nobles would die of shock."
She shrugged. "And?" She clearly didn't care much for nobles.
Gaius gave her a reproachful look. "Kerenza."
She visibly softened. Gaius had that effect on some people. "I'll wear shoes. But I am not going to wear a gown. Leggings are much more practical. And much more comfortable."
Merlin shook his head, grinning. "She's going to be more trouble than I was, Gaius. Kerenza, when did you arrive?"
"About thirty minutes ago. Once I'm finished eating, I'll change and help Gaius make his deliveries."
"I can show you the route," Merlin offered. It would help keep his mind off his apparent ill-wishers. He would probably have to make his own meals for a while, and not trust the food coming from the kitchens. In fact, he'd be better off not using any of the castle's services for the time being. It wasn't as if he didn't know how to clean chambers and wash laundry. He didn't need to have servants doing those things for him. "I've been helping Gaius for years. I know what needs to go where."
"That's an excellent idea," the old man agreed. "Now, my boy, what was it that you came here to tell me?"
He shook his head. "It's not important." He didn't really want Kerenza to know about his personal struggles.
They made idle chatter, until Kerenza took her bags into the room that used to be Merlin's up until two nights earlier. She closed the door.
Merlin sighed.
"You don't mind, do you?" Gaius asked worriedly.
"No. No, of course not. I just miss being here." Then he explained about finding the tray of rotten food for his breakfast that morning, along with a nasty note. And the clothes and the bed. "I knew it would happen. Or, I knew something along those lines would happen. Even with Arthur's official announcement and speech about the good in magic, people still mistrust it, and therefore mistrust me. It's going to take time."
Immediately, the old physician offered him his own meal. Merlin refused, ignoring his stomach's protests. "I'll fetch something at the market, while I show Kerenza the route."
Kerenza came out just then, and Merlin felt his eyes go wide. Tall tan leather boots covered her feet and most of her calves. She was wearing black leggings, with a dark green, fitted tunic over it. This tunic was more…feminine-looking than her other one, and almost looked like a short dress. A somewhat intricately embroidered short dress. The neckline was much lower, barely covering the swell of her breasts. She had taken her hair out of its braid, letting it fall in soft curls just past her waist.
Merlin gulped, suddenly nervous.
Gaius just laughed at him.
Merlin shook his head in an effort to clear it. He was fairly certain that Kerenza was laughing at him as well. She was probably extremely aware of the effect her clothing had on men.
Arthur stared at his wife, trying to process what she'd just told him. "You're serious?" Guinevere wasn't one to pull pranks on him, but he had to be absolutely sure.
She smiled and nodded. "Gaius had his suspicions, but he had no way to test it. Merlin confirmed it. He was able to sense it with his magic."
He didn't know what to think. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to think. "I can't believe…I need…" He wasn't sure what he needed. He just knew it wasn't in here.
He started to leave, but stopped when he heard Guinevere's worried voice call, "Arthur?"
Arthur turned back and kissed her fiercely. "I love you," he said. "And I am very happy about this. I just need -"
"Merlin," she guessed. "You need to sort out your thoughts, and you need Merlin to help you do it."
She knew him better than he knew himself, apparently. "Yes. That's exactly what I need."
"Go. I understand."
He kissed her again and rushed to his friend's chambers. He burst in without knocking, only to find the room empty. He frowned as he looked around. Remembering the few times he'd seen Merlin's old chambers, and the absolute horrid state the man had kept them in, he shouldn't have been surprised to find them such a mess now. Except that now there were servants who were supposed to keep these rooms clean for Merlin. The bed was in a complete disarray. There was a pile of stained clothes tossed on top of the bed - new clothes that the sorcerer hadn't owned long enough to acquire stains like that. Arthur's frown deepened when he saw a tray of rotting food on the table. Why would Merlin have rotten food?
Arthur's question was somewhat answered by a note on the table beside the tray. The writing was sharp, deep, obviously written in anger.
Your kind aren't welcome here.
Arthur narrowed his eyes and stuffed the note in his pocket. He'd get to the bottom of it soon. He'd known, of course, that some people would be nervous about having a Court Sorcerer. He hadn't expected anyone to lash out like this. But when he found out who was behind all of this - and he would find out - he would make them sorry for their actions. How could he bring magic peacefully back if his people chose to disregard his laws?
Since Merlin obviously wasn't in his own chambers, the king next tried the Court Physician's quarters.
Walking in, he only saw Gaius, crushing some herbs in a small bowl. "Have you seen Merlin this morning?" he asked.
"Yes. He's out with Kerenza at the moment, helping her get familiar with my rounds."
"Kerenza? I wasn't expecting her until tomorrow. Do you know when they'll be back?" He was anxious to speak to his best friend.
The old man shook his head. "No, but I would imagine that they are in the lower town by now."
With a nod and a thank you, he made his way into the lower town. After several minutes of searching, Arthur finally saw Merlin walking through the market. He was laughing and eating a pastry. Beside him was a beautiful young woman with long, strawberry-blonde hair. Her outfit was extremely low-cut. Arthur tried not to stare.
"Merlin! Where is…" he trailed off as he realized that this woman was Kerenza. She almost looked like a different person with her hair loose. "Kerenza. You look…"
She smirked wickedly. "Be careful how you finish that sentence, sire."
He decided that perhaps the safest course for him would be to not finish that sentence. Instead, he smiled warmly. "Welcome to Camelot. Merlin, I need to speak with you. Now." He started pulling his friend away from Kerenza, toward the castle.
Merlin fought against him. "Arthur, you made me drop my breakfast!"
"I'll get you more."
"I can't just -"
"Yes, you can."
"I'm in the middle of a conversation!"
"I'm sure Kerenza will understand. I need to talk to you before the ceremony this afternoon."
He heard Kerenza laugh behind him. "I don't think he's giving you a choice, Emrys. I suppose I'll see you later. Thank you for your help this morning."
Merlin waved over his shoulder as the king continued dragging him toward the castle. "What is it?" the sorcerer asked. "What is so important that you had to drag me away from a perfectly good conversation? She knows some really interesting spells, you know. I was learning some valuable things."
Arthur didn't answer. He wasn't ready to say anything just yet. He wanted to wait until they were out of the crowd.
He could feel Merlin's eyes on him, studying his face. "Ah. Gwen finally told you, didn't she?"
Arthur released Merlin's arm and sagged against the nearest wall. No one else was nearby. He nodded, a smile pulling at his lips. "Guinevere is with child. I'm going to be a father."
"I know."
His smile began to fade as he thought about what exactly that meant. Fear and doubt crept into his heart. He couldn't be a good father. He didn't know the first thing about raising a child, teaching a child. His own father had taught him nothing but fear and intimidation. He didn't want be the kind of father that he'd grown up with. He didn't want to be Uther.
"Oh, no. I know what you're thinking. Don't. Don't let your mind go there, Arthur."
"Merlin, I'm going to be a father."
Merlin gripped his shoulders in reassurance. "Arthur, don't think like that. Yes, you're going to be a father. And you are going to be quite a good one."
"I -"
"You are not Uther."
"I don't know how -"
"You will not make the same mistakes with your son that he made with you. Trust yourself. You have a good heart. Listen to it, and you will be fine."
Arthur felt his panic subside, as Merlin let go of him and turned back toward the castle. This was exactly why he'd needed to talk to the sorcerer. Merlin knew Arthur, and he knew what to say to him. And... "Wait. Son?" he demanded. "You said son. How do you know I'm having a son? There is no way to know the gender of a child before it's born."
Merlin froze, and Arthur could hear him cursing himself under his breath. "Uh…Just a guess, Arthur."
"Merlin…" He narrowed his eyes, several things suddenly making sense. "That's what Treasa was going to say in the forest! She said, 'He will be a very fine…' And then she stopped talking and never did finish that sentence. And you wouldn't explain it properly. What was she going to say? A fine what? Son? Prince? King? Swordsman? Hunter? What was she going to say?"
Merlin began walking again, rather quickly. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about, sire."
"Merlin!" The insufferable man only called him sire when he was being cheeky.
The sorcerer sped up.
"MERLIN!"
So, Gwen has discovered her pregnancy much earlier than most women in medieval/Arthurian times probably would have. According to the internet (which, as always, I take with a grain of salt), most women didn't realize they were pregnant until close to the fifth month, when they first feel the baby moving. Gwen is only about seven weeks along. Back then, they didn't really have any reliable tests to check for a pregnancy. Even a missed period could have a dozen other causes. But Gaius may have a few tricks up his sleeves. And of course Merlin can use his magic to sense the pregnancy.
So my portrayal of the whole pregnancy process may be inaccurate for the knowledge of the time period, but I am taking a bit of leeway here. I've always imagined, based off the show, that Camelot is a bit more progressive than most other kingdoms of that time. I'll try not to get too far off, but I'm limited in my own knowledge. I'll do my best.
And yes, there is a line that is repeated in this chapter. It's not a typo. I did it on purpose. I am so glad that you all seem to be enjoying it so much. I love all the happy reviews that I've gotten!
Oh, but I do feel the need to respond to the guest who reviewed the last chapter. And really anyone else who's thinking along the same lines. Yes, I agree that Merlin and Freya had an amazingly instant connection and an adorable romance. Merlin fell fast and hard for her, and it was really sweet to see that side of him. But I don't think that means that he can't ever love anyone else. That would be kind of depressing. I come from a family with a lot of steps, and so I've seen people fall in and out of love several times. I hate the idea of Merlin being alone and miserable forever and never finding anyone else to love. And Freya wouldn't want that for him, either. So I will help him find love. It may not be in this story (I am planning a sequel, maybe even two sequels), but he will find love again. That doesn't mean that he'll ever forget his love for Freya, or that his romance with her is any less important. That's how I see it anyway.
