TWENTY-THREE: POTENTIAL (289 days)
Merlin awoke to the sound of his mother's soft voice. He sat up, his throat dry. He could only see two people in the chambers - his mother and Gwaine. They hadn't seemed to notice him yet.
"Did he really?" the knight asked, laughing. "How old was he?"
She grinned slightly. "Five, the first time. He did it often until he was fourteen. He didn't like it when he got in trouble, so he often attempted to distract me."
Merlin narrowed his eyes. "What are you telling Gwaine about me, Mother?"
She gave him the same overly innocent expression that he always gave Arthur - of course he'd learned it from her. "Your friend was just asking me what you were like as a child."
Merlin groaned. "Mother! Please don't embarrass me." The knights teased him enough as it was.
Gwaine sent him a smirk, which was not reassuring in any way at all. "It's probably too late for that," his friend said.
"What did she tell you?"
Gwaine's smirk just got bigger. Wonderful. Merlin would never hear the end of it, and he still didn't know what exactly his mother had told the other man. Merlin flopped back onto the cot.
"He was very curious about what it was like to raise such a powerful…sorcerer," his mother said, hesitating before saying the word. For so many years, they'd both worked so hard to keep that secret. They both tried not to use the words sorcerer or magic.
He glanced at his mother. She obviously knew that Gwaine knew about his magic. Which probably meant that she knew everything he'd chosen not to tell her. "So you know about…" he trailed off.
She nodded. "I know that magic is legal in Camelot again. I know that your friends know about your magic. I know that you are now the Court Sorcerer. What I don't know is why I didn't learn any of this from you, Merlin. I learned it from a letter the king and queen sent me, inviting me to the upcoming celebrations. They had assumed that I already knew about magic being legal again. They assumed that my son would be excited to tell me."
He winced slightly. He hadn't even considered the possibility of Arthur and Gwen wanting to invite his mother to the celebrations. He knew that he should have been the one to do it. He should have traveled to Ealdor and told his mother in person. But he hadn't, and in choosing not to do so, he'd hurt her mother. He hadn't meant to, of course, but that hadn't stopped it from happening. "I'm sorry. I just…There's been a lot going on. It still feels so surreal."
Gwaine clapped his hands before the following silence could get awkward. "Well, Gaius said that you should get up and walk around, once you've had something to eat and drink." Grinning recklessly, he picked up a jug of wine from a nearby table. He'd obviously brought it with him.
Merlin rolled his eyes at his friend's antics. "He meant water, and you know it."
The knight's grin didn't falter, even for an instant. He just shrugged. "Water, wine, what's the difference? Besides, we need to toast your return to health, my friend. Water isn't suitable for toasts."
Merlin just shook his head. "I don't need any wine right now. Speaking of my health, what has happened with Brennis and Geraint?" he asked.
Gwaine's grin did falter then. His eyes narrowed and he pursed his lips. "They've both been arrested, and Ennis has been released. The searches revealed a half-empty vial of poison in Brennis's chambers. Once Geraint learned that, he told Arthur everything. He claimed Brennis was the one who thought of everything. He had purchased the poison, and he had placed the poisoned blueberries with the rest of your lunch. Geraint was, supposedly, just an accomplice. His only part was to distract you while Brennis placed the poison. The trial will be tomorrow morning."
"I'll need to be there, won't I?" Merlin asked.
Gwaine shrugged. "Possibly. Geraint has already confessed to everything. Brennis is refusing to speak, but the evidence is pretty damning. You might not need to be there."
Merlin had a feeling that Arthur would want him there, though. He would want him to tell the rest of the council what he had told the king. Of course, the final decision would come from Arthur himself.
Hunith, while Gwaine spoke, had picked up a pitcher of water and filled a cup. Merlin took it gladly when she offered it to him. The water felt good as it slid down his dry throat, and it didn't take long for him to finish it off.
He set the empty cup down and swung his legs out of the bed. He had had enough of lying down. He was still a little tired from his spell-casting, but he felt almost back to normal.
His mother put her hand on his shoulder firmly, keeping him from standing up. "Eat first," she commanded, handing him a plate with bread, cheese, and fresh strawberries.
At least it wasn't blueberries. He didn't think he'd be able to stomach blueberries again for quite a while.
The warlock shook his head. He didn't take the plate. "I'll just eat the bread while I walk."
She didn't say anything. She just gave him a look she had perfected over the years of raising him. It was a face that he couldn't argue with, and he always lost against if he chose to try.
With a sigh, he took the plate from her hands and began eating, as he'd been told. He knew that it wouldn't do him any good at all to try to convince her that just the bread would be enough for now. "All of it, Merlin," she warned.
"Yes, Mother."
Gwaine was staring at her, his jaw slightly open. "How did you do that?" he asked.
"Do what?"
"He actually…listened to you. He never listens to anyone."
Merlin scowled. "I listen," he protested.
Gwaine snorted. "All right," he conceded. "You might listen, but then you go and choose not to do whatever it was that you were told to do. Or, you do exactly what you were told not to do. You never take orders. Hunith, what is your secret?"
"It's just something that mothers learn to do with their children."
He scoffed. "Not my mother."
Merlin quickly finished off his cheese and strawberries. Holding the bread, he stood up. He was a bit unsteady, but he didn't fall. He didn't even need Gwaine's stabilizing hand on his arm, though that didn't stop the knight from providing it.
His mother bit her lip, watching him with worry in her eyes. "Maybe you should lie back down," she said.
He shook his head, resolutely looking away from her face. He was worried that she'd look at him with that expression again, and then he'd end up staying in bed for several more hours. He really needed to get up and move around. And he needed to pee.
"I need to stretch my legs, Mother. If I have to rest in bed later, I think I would rather do it in my own bed." His bed was extremely comfortable, and he was finding himself missing it. It hadn't taken him very long at all to get used to such a luxurious bed.
Gwaine shook his head. "Merlin, your chambers are at the other end of the castle."
The sorcerer rolled his eyes. "Don't exaggerate. They're not that far."
"Even so, that walk might be just a bit too far right now."
Merlin took a bite of his bread and stubbornly began walking toward the door. His steps were wobbly, but he was more than able to stay upright.
Sighing in defeat, his mother and friend followed after him. "You'll like my new rooms," he told Hunith. "They're quite nice. As long as nobody has destroyed them in my absence."
Gwaine grinned. "Dera has been keeping them cleaned for you."
Merlin nodded, pleased with that information. It was apparent that Dera no longer viewed him as an evil man. Her punishment was officially over, so it was nice to know that she was still willing to serve him, even though he had no intention of having any servants for himself. There was no need to make them do things that he could with a wave of his hand.
Kerenza was laying on her back on the bed in her mother's temporary room. She stared at the ceiling, while her mother sat in a chair, tinkering with a charmed necklace she was constructing. Her mother had always been talented at protective charms - she wove the spells into the designs as she created them. It was an intricate process that Kerenza hadn't mastered. Her mother was planning to demonstrate and then sell many of them at this upcoming festival of Arthur's. "Do you think I made the right choice, Ma?" she asked. "Coming to Camelot, becoming Gaius's apprentice…"
She felt her mother's gaze on her. "It doesn't matter what I think, my little bean." She cringed at the pet name. She'd always hated it. Well, she didn't mind that her mother called her that. She just didn't like it when her mother called her that around others. She was just glad that her mother hadn't used it in front of the knights or King Arthur or, even worse, Merlin. "What do you think?"
The druid girl groaned. "Ma," she whined. "Don't be cryptic. I want your advice, not questions."
"That is my advice. It's your life, Kerenza. You have to be happy with the choices that you make. It doesn't matter if I'm happy with what you're doing with your life. It really only matters if you're happy with what you're doing with your life. Do you think you made the right choice?"
She rolled onto her stomach so she would be able to look at her mother. She hugged the pillow under her torso. "What do you see in my future?"
Treasa gave her daughter a slight smirk. It wasn't the first time she'd ever asked her that question, and it certainly wouldn't be the last, even though the answer would never change. "You know that I won't tell you."
She made a face. "Ma, just a hint. A tiny hint, that's all I'm asking."
"Kerenza."
She sighed. Her mother always refused to tell her anything about any visions she had regarding her future, unless her life was in danger. She claimed that she wasn't going to influence her daughter's decisions in any way. It annoyed Kerenza to no end. She was fairly certain that her mother enjoyed taunting her sometimes by giving her cryptic hints about her future.
"I just worry that I'm…not the right person for the position," she admitted. She and her mother didn't always see eye-to-eye, but they respected each other and loved each other. She knew that she could tell her mother anything. Well, nearly everything. But she was the first person that Kerenza always turned to when she needed advice. "I don't understand why King Arthur offered it to me, to be honest."
"You're very skilled with healing," her mother said, returning her attention to the necklace on the table in front of her. "I'm sure he could see that."
She snorted, not entirely convinced. "There are others who are more skilled."
"You have potential, Kerenza."
"But I'm still impulsive. I…I overreacted this morning, Ma." Of course, she'd told her mother about her confrontation with the king that morning. She'd gone straight to Treasa after Arthur had left. "I know that I was out of line. I was going to kill those two knights, I really was. I was so angry, and I didn't even stop to think about my actions. If I'm going to keep reacting like that, how can I be a productive member of the king's court? How can I be a productive resident of Camelot if I can't control myself?"
Treasa arched an eyebrow in her direction. "Are you going to keep reacting like that?"
"No! Well, I hope not. But that's exactly what I told myself when I decided to come to Camelot in the first place. I'm doing a very poor job of it so far."
"You are trying, though. Kerenza, I've never seen you make such an effort to act mature and to control yourself. I've been trying to get you to do it for years now, and you have always resisted. But I can see that you're trying. You're making an honest effort. Don't doubt yourself so much. You are a skilled healer. And you have the potential to be magnificent here. You, my stubborn daughter, can do anything that you put your mind to. If you want it enough, you'll do it. You were very confident in your decision when you first made it. Perhaps you just need to rediscover your reasoning for coming to Camelot and accepting King Arthur's offer."
So Kerenza thought about what had brought her to Camelot. She'd had more than just one reason, of course.
Growing up, she'd been told of the Once and Future King, and the powerful Emrys. In many ways, they had seemed like nothing more than myths. They were beings so fantastic that they couldn't possibly be real. That was what she had always though, anyway. As a youth, it had seemed impossible to her that these two great mean could be real.
And then she'd met them, and they were not only real, but they were regular people. She could see their greatness, but she could also see the small things that made them human. They intrigued her, so of course she wanted to learn more about them. She couldn't exactly do that from the forest.
She also wanted to see magic return to Camelot. She wanted to be there to watch the people discover the joy of magic once again. For too long, they'd only known the evils of magic. She wanted to see the light in their eyes when they saw flowers bloom in an instant, or balls of light being juggled, or a broken toy mended, or an injury healed.
She wanted to see the transition as the people of Camelot moved from fearing magic to loving it. She wanted to witness that transition firsthand. And maybe even help with the process. If she could make even one person learn not to fear magic, it would all be worth it.
And most of all, she wanted to help others. She had never really considered pursuing a career - druid society functioned a little differently than that of a city or kingdom, with responsibilities often shifting among the people - in the healing arts, not until Arthur had mentioned it to her. She did enjoy performing healing spells, though. Being able to knit bones and muscle and skin back together was fascinating to her.
Now, though, the job appealed to her, and not because the position would give her a seat on the council. She didn't care one way or the other about being a member of the council. But the job appealed to her because she wanted to do good with her magic. She wanted to save lives. Every druid knew the basics of healing. They didn't need her skills in the druid camp. She could be useful here in Camelot.
A slow smile pulled at her lips.
She felt like she could belong here. She could be happy here.
She would prove to King Arthur that she was worthy of the opportunity he'd given her. She would learn to bite her tongue when she needed to. She would learn when it was appropriate to voice her opinion, and when it wasn't. She knew it would take time, and she would probably slip up on occasion, but she would be better about giving in to her impulses.
And she was going to make a damn fine Court Physician someday.
Someday.
To mersan123: Arthur wasn't discussing his own feelings, so that makes all the difference. ;)
To MugglebornWitchofLothlorien: Whew. Quite a username. No, he wasn't poisoned again. Just recuperating from the large amount of magic he used. Thanks for the lovely reviews!
To NerdGirlAlert: I'm very honored that mine was the first you chose to read. That gives me warm fuzzies in my heart! Thanks so much.
I both liked and disliked this chapter. I felt it was time to explore Kerenza a bit more, get inside her head a bit. Oh, and in case anyone else was confused, Kerenza could potentially become a council member because she's Gaius's official apprentice. Gaius is on the council because he's the Court Physician, so if she becomes the Court Physician after him, then she'll be a council member as well (this point came up in a PM, so I figured I'd clarify here, too).
And Kerenza hasn't realized that she's calling him Merlin, instead of Emrys, in her own mind. She'll realize it eventually. I just wanted you guys to know that it wasn't a typo or anything.
