Jayden
Everything stopped the second Emily kissed me. And I mean everything.
The world stopped spinning, the birds stopped singing, my lungs stopped breathing and my heart gets caught in my throat.
I am so overwhelmed by a feeling of pleasure, the feeling of belonging and feeling of right that I don't react. I am frozen in place.
Then suddenly the feeling is ripped from me. I open my eyes to see Emily looking fearful and guilty.
"Jayden I'm so sorry." She clambers to her feet and runs out the gate, towards the forest before I can comprehend what's going on.
I don't know how long I sat there trying to figure out what happened and why Emily ran away from me, but I know it was a while when the others come into the backyard to start training.
"Good morning Jayden, we were wondering why you weren't at breakfast.' Antonio smiles and goes towards the practice staffs racks, Kevin and Mike prepare to spar without weapons and Mia looks around for something.
"Jayden have you seen Emily? I haven't seen her all morning" Mia looks at me worried. This brings the boys attention to us, they look extremely curious to know why they haven't seen their little sister. The word Emily brings me out of my stupor, shaking my head and clearing my throat I prepare to answer them.
"Um I think she's in the forest" was my lame answer. The others start getting increasingly worried.
"Why is she in the forest? Did something happen?" Mike questions.
I can feel my face and neck heat up. "She kissed me, said she was sorry then ran away."
"And you've been sitting here?!" Mike yells. He's definitely mad at me. Emily's position as his younger sister will always supersede my position as his leader.
'Mike!" Kevin chides him and Mike calms down slightly but still looks anxious to go find Emily. He is unable to stand still and keeps looking towards the gate.
"Why would Emily apologise for kissing you? You've been wanting to do that for weeks now." Antonio says, thinking out loud.
Now I'm over washed with guilt. "When she kissed me I froze and I didn't kiss her back. She thinks I didn't want her to kiss me."
"Its ok Jayden. We'll go find Emily and straighten this out" Mia rests her hand on my shoulder to comfort me.
"No, you guys stay here and train, I'll go find Emily. This is something I need to straighten out myself." Mia and Kevin nod, Mike doesn't look happy to be left behind and Antonio tries not to look too happy.
Running into the forest I cant believe how stupid I was. The one person I love, the only person I have ever loved and the only one I will ever love, took the chance that I couldn't and I made her feel like I didn't want her. If she ever forgives me I'll spend the rest of my life making sure she never feels unwanted again.
After 10 minutes of searching, I haven't been able to find her yet. Sitting under a tree to catch my breath I can hear some soft crying in the distance and my stomach suddenly weighs a ton, as those are the tears of the person I promised to myself, would never cry again.
Emily
The tears in my eyes are blurring my vision but I don't care. As I run deeper into the forest I trip on exposed roots, get scratched by branches I cant see but I don't care.
After the fifth time I fall I crawl to the nearest tree, bring my knees to my chest and let my feelings free. I don't know how much time goes past but when I hear a rustling in the distance I jump up and prepare my samuraiser. Though it isn't a nighlok or mooger but rather Jayden looking for me.
"Jayden. What are you doing here?" I ask him while putting away my samuraiser. I surprise myself when my voice doesn't shake or sound vulnerable at all.
"I came to check that you're ok." he nervously shifts from one foot to the other.
'I'm fine." or at least I will. Eventually this overwhelming feeling of rejection will subdue and I will want the best for him and his future, even if it doesn't involve me.
The sounds of the forest are the only things keeping us from complete silence. He looks at everything but me, I keep staring at him. I'm undecided about what I have to do but if I don't do it now then I'll never do it.
"Jayden. I'm really am sorry about kissing you earlier. Its just that I've liked you for a while now and I foolishly thought, in that second that you liked me too. But its ok that you don't. I don't want there to be any awkwardness between us. I'd still like to be your friend."
That got his attention. His head snapped up, his eyes go wide and his jaw slacks. I cant tell what he's feeling though. On the other hand I feel relieved. After weeks of Mia trying to encourage me to tell him how I feel, I've done it. Granted this isn't the response I would have liked to receive. Minutes go past and he's still looking at me with wide eyes and a slack jaw.
"Jayden, we should start heading back." a quick look at the time tells me we are very late for morning training. Still no response. As I walk past him to go back to the Shiba house, he grabs my arm and looks deep into my eyes. He looks relieved, elated and, is that desire? Why would he be desirous looking at me?
Author's note
Again I am so sorry that I haven't updated earlier. My internet has been playing up and I have started a new job.
But I am hoping to get back into the habit of updating at least once a fortnight :)
Thank you so much for staying with me. I really do appreciate it.
Love
KalgoorlieGirl
