Um, this chapter is basically ridiculous fluff. I had way too much fun writing it. It may be my second favorite chapter, after Breathtaking, simply because it's so silly. Well, parts of it are silly.


THIRTY: SWEET NOTHINGS (274 days)

Merlin walked toward the physician's chambers. It was nearing midday, so Kerenza should have already completed her morning rounds. He hoped she had. This was too good of an opportunity for them to pass up.

Just before he reached it, the door opened and a girl, about ten years old, rushed out. She skidded to a halt in front of him, barely keeping herself from colliding with him. She gave him a slight curtsy. "Hello, Lord Emrys."

He sighed at the title. He'd tried to get her to not call him that, without any luck. This was the girl that Kerenza had managed to save the last day of the festival. Rowena. Merlin had seen Kerenza tending to her a few times, just to make absolutely certain that the girl had healed properly. Though the mother, Linette, had allowed the continued care, she hadn't been thrilled about it. "Rowena, I've told you not to call me that. Merlin is fine."

She simply giggled and ran off.

Shaking his head, Merlin entered the chambers, making sure to keep the basket hidden behind his back. Kerenza was tidying up the room. "What was Rowena doing here? I thought you declared her fully back to health yesterday?"

The druid woman grinned, nodding. "I did." She held up a garland of red nerines. "She came by to give me this in thanks. She actually remembered the types of flowers that I had summoned the first day of the festival, even though she said that she wasn't supposed to be watching any of the performances."

"I'm assuming she did all of this without her mother's knowledge," he said. It wasn't really a question.

Kerenza answered with a roll of her eyes. Linette was adamant that her daughter stay away from sorcery and magic-users despite the fact that sorcery had saved Rowena. Kerenza wasn't happy about it, but she had accepted it. Linette was one of a handful of people who still opposed magic. At least, within the city itself. Merlin wasn't sure how the people of the outer villages felt. But the festival - and Kerenza's awe-inspiring healing magic - had eased the minds of most of the people of Camelot. And Rowena herself obviously didn't feel any such prejudices toward sorcery. She simply adored Kerenza now.

"Where is Gaius?" Merlin asked, not seeing his old mentor anywhere nearby. He hadn't passed him in any of the corridors, either.

"Sir Roderick was injured while on patrol this morning. Bandits. Gaius is tending to him."

Merlin grinned, pulling the wicker basket around so she could see it. "Excellent. How do you feel about a romantic picnic in the forest?"

"Just the two of us?" she asked, grinning. He knew what she was really asking. So far, in their attempts to unnerve Arthur, they hadn't done too much. Mostly hand-holding, lovey eyes, and blatant flirting, a lot of which they'd already been doing before they officially began courting. They needed to get a little more drastic - Arthur was still too smug. Merlin was thinking that they needed to start some intense cuddling and longer-than-appropriate kissing to really set the king on edge. They already did those things when it was just the two of them. They just needed to be more public about their affection for each other. "Nobody else will be there?"

"Well…" he began, a bit more dramatically than was necessary. "I may have spoken to Rolan earlier this morning."

Her grin widened. "The Rolan who works as King Arthur's personal manservant?"

"Mmm, yes, that Rolan. He was asking me about picnic spots that the king and queen preferred. It has been quite a while since Arthur has taken his wife for a romantic outing. And it got me to thinking that we haven't done anything of the sort. And everyone knows that romantic outings are crucial to a successful courtship. So, picnic?"

She nodded, smiling. "Of course. Let me just grab something first." She placed her flower garland on the table. And then she disappeared into her room, just as the main door to the chambers opened.

Merlin looked toward the door, expecting to see Gaius. Instead, it was Gwaine who came in. "Oh. Hello," he greeted.

"Merlin. Going out?" he questioned, nodding his head at the basket in Merlin's hand.

"Uh…No. It's…for Gaius," he lied quickly. He was sure that Gwaine wouldn't have any issues with what he and Kerenza were doing, but he was sure that Gwaine would get obnoxious about the whole thing. It was better to just leave him out of it. "Just a small…token of my gratitude for all…that he's done for me these last few years."

Quicker than he'd expected, Gwaine stepped toward him and lifted the folded blanket covering the basket. "Do you often give Gaius a handful of freshly picked flowers?"

"Uh…"

He was saved from having to answer further by Kerenza, who had just rejoined him. She was wearing his blue neckerchief. He hadn't seen it on her since she'd started wearing proper dresses. And even though Annis had returned to her own kingdom, Kerenza was still wearing the dresses. He found himself hoping that she kept the neckerchief as part of her daily attire. Perhaps he'd give her the rest of them. He didn't wear them anymore, not with the higher necklines of his new tunics. And they looked rather good on her.

She slipped her hand easily into his and smiled at the knight. "Good morning," she said, though the morning was nearly over by then.

Gwaine's eyes flickered between the two of them. He crossed his arms and stated, "Your plan isn't working."

"What plan?" they asked together.

He shook his head, but he was grinning widely. "I know that you both care for each other a lot, and you truly are…adorable together, but Arthur is not intimidated by your slightly exaggerated displays of affection. He is now convinced that he is an excellent matchmaker, and this conviction of his is making the rest of our lives miserable. For the past two days, he has been trying to arrange a courtship between me and Lady Seren. And he's talking about how good he thinks Mordred and Lady Carys would be good together."

Merlin winced. "Lady Carys is far too…"

"Evil?" Gwaine supplied.

"She's not evil."

"She's evil."

"She is not, but she's not a good match for Mordred. She's too intense for him. She would practically smother him. And Lady Seren? She's far too docile for you."

"I know! Do you see the dilemma? Merlin, you have to do something about this. Princess cannot be allowed to continue this matchmaking tirade of his. He's a terrible matchmaker. Terrible."

Merlin sighed. Of course Arthur would let it all go to his fat head. "Are you saying that we should stop?"

"Oh, definitely not. I love it. But you're going to have to exaggerate even more if you want him to become uncomfortable enough to stop his matchmaking obsession. You're going to have to become the embarrassment of the court."

Merlin arched an eyebrow. "Like you are?" he challenged. Everyone knew about Gwaine's many dalliances, but most just turned a blind eye to it. Gwaine was too skilled of a knight for the court to truly care about his choice of nightly activities.

"Exactly," Gwaine agreed. The man truly had no shame. "They all expect it from me, so it's not that scandalous. But you? You would be the talk of the court. And so would Arthur, because he's been telling everyone that it's because of him that you two are so happy together. In a way, whatever you and Kerenza do is a reflection of the king."

Merlin and Kerenza studied each other. Then they both nodded. "I've been the talk of the court before, when I was made Court Sorcerer. I can handle the gossip."

"And I've never really cared much what others think."

Merlin arched an eyebrow at her. "You cared when Annis thought you were a prostitute."

Gwaine looked at Kerenza, surprised. "Queen Annis thought you were a prostitute?"

The healer-to-be blushed. "It was a silly mistake. And it was Queen Annis. Of course that comment…rankled me a bit. But I don't mind creating a bit of a scandal, if it means knocking Arthur off his self-created pedestal. He may be king, but he really shouldn't be playing with people's hearts. We'll start with the picnic today, and get more and more ridiculous."

Gwaine walked backward toward the door, grinning widely. "They're leaving now. You might want to hurry."


Arthur helped his wife settle onto the blanket Rolan had dutifully laid out on the forest floor. The king made sure there were plenty of pillows at her back while Rolan pulled spread out the contents of the basket. Now the servant was sitting a respectful distance away as Arthur handed a plate to Guinevere.

He smiled lovingly at her, filling her plate with food. If he looked closely enough, he could just make out the slight swell of her belly. She was just beginning to show physical signs of the child growing inside her.

"This was an excellent idea, Arthur. We've hardly had a moment to relax since…Well, since we began the process of making magic legal again."

The king leaned back on his elbows, grinning. "Of course it was an excellent idea. I thought of it."

She grinned, shaking her head at him. She wasn't looking at him, though. Her attention was on something beyond him. "Well, it appears that you weren't the only one to think of it," she said, pointing.

Arthur turned and let his eyes follow the direction of her finger. Arthur and Guinevere were sitting at a high point in the forest, overlooking a thin and shallow stream. Even as Arthur saw the two figures wade across the stream - their shoes held in their hands, along with a basket in the man's other hand - he heard their carefree laughter.

Arthur smirked as he watched Merlin and Kerenza from his higher vantage point. They stepped onto the bank, still laughing, and dropped their shoes. Merlin pulled a folded blanket from the top of his basket and shook it out before laying it on the ground. The two of them sat and began pulling the items from the basket, their bare feet resting in the stream.

It wasn't nearly as elaborate as his own picnic, but the two magic-users seemed content with the spread. "I told you they would be happy together."

She gave him a look. "Arthur. Have you forgotten that I was the one who told you they were even interested in each other?"

He didn't have a response for that, so he looked back at the couple. Merlin was showing off, using his magic to juggle several grapes in the air. Not once did his hands touch the fruit.

Guinevere smiled fondly at the sorcerer. "It is good to see him so happy and carefree. He's had too much weight on his shoulders for far too long."

Arthur silently agreed. Merlin was his best friend. Of course he wanted to see him happy. And it was good to see him not worrying about destiny and the fate of Camelot, at least for the time being.

As he watched, Merlin added a few rolls to his juggling act. Then, with a wide smirk and while the sorcerer was concentrating, Kerenza took off the blue neckerchief she'd been wearing - those stupid neckerchiefs looked a damn deal better on her than they ever did on Merlin. She folded it into a thin strip, and then tied it over Merlin's eyes.

She laughed at his indignant yelp. He lost his grip on the magic, apparently, because the grapes and rolls came crashing down on his head, causing him to yelp again. She leaned down to whisper something in his ear. A slow smile spread over Merlin's face, his eyes still covered, as he murmured a response.

Oh, Arthur wished he could hear what was said. He leaned forward, even though it wouldn't help him hear them better. Not if they were going to keep talking in low voices. Beside him, Guinevere was laying back on the pillows, admonishing him for not giving Merlin privacy.

It wasn't as if Merlin and Kerenza were going to do anything inappropriate, not out in the middle of the forest. Arthur ignored his wife.

Kerenza sat on her knees as Merlin laid back, so she was near his waist. He pulled his feet out of the water, laying them flat on the ground, so his knees were bent slightly. He stiffened suddenly, just for a minute or two, his cheeks pink.

Then he reached one hand blindly to her face, finding her cheek after a few seconds. Arthur watched Kerenza lean into the touch, closing her own eyes. She said something else, and Merlin turned his face, biting his lip. He was shuddering slightly. Then Merlin replied, his jaw tense. He was obviously struggling to keep himself under control.

Arthur knew he should look away. It was beginning to get a little uncomfortable, their intimacy. They really shouldn't have been acting that way out in the open, where anyone could stumble across them. It wasn't entirely appropriate.

And it really wasn't appropriate for Arthur to not look away or at least make his presence known. But he'd never seen his former servant so…flirtatious before. He was curious. He still didn't think that Merlin would let it go too far. He surely wouldn't cross that line.

Would he?

No, Arthur didn't believe Merlin would cross that line. And he really wanted to know what they were saying to each other.

Kerenza leaned even closer, once again whispering sweet nothings to the sorcerer. Merlin shuddered again. He almost looked like he was in pain. His hands suddenly gripping the girl's hips as she pressed a fierce kiss to his lips. Without breaking the kiss, she moved his hands to the laces at the back of her dress.

And suddenly Arthur wasn't curious about what they'd said.

All he wanted to do was to get away from there, as quickly as humanly possible.

He was never picnicking in this spot again.


Kerenza leaned down, after she'd tied the neckerchief around his eyes and the food he'd been juggling was safely on the ground. "The king is staring smugly at us. Should we wipe the smirk off his face?" She made sure to keep her voice low and quiet, so Arthur wouldn't be able to hear exactly what she was saying. From his distance, he would probably think she was whispering sweet nothings to her beloved.

Merlin grinned slowly. "Of course. Is Gwen watching?"

Kerenza glanced quickly, making sure not to move her head. She didn't want the king to know that she knew that he was watching. "No." The queen was lying back against the pillows, her hand resting lightly on her belly. "Lie down," Kerenza murmured, kneeling near his waist.

He did, pulling his feet out of the stream and bending his knees slightly. Good idea, she told him, through their minds. They hardly ever used the mind-speak that most druids were capable of, but it came in useful sometimes. That way, he won't see it if you get a little too dedicated to this charade, if you know what I mean.

He went still, a blush rising to his sharp cheeks. Kerenza!

Don't get so worked up about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of. It's biology. Do something romantic or intimate, quick. You're going to ruin everything if you don't move soon!

He lifted a hand, to touch her cheek, she assumed. He nearly poked her eye before he finally managed to caress her skin. Maybe the blindfold hadn't been the best idea. They probably looked goofy, instead of intimate. She nuzzled into his palm, almost without thinking about it. She closed her eyes, but not before looking very briefly at the king.

"You should see his face right now. He looks like a child on his birthday. He's enjoying this! Maybe it would be better if we just turn him into an ass for our revenge instead. He'd look good with donkey ears," she mused.

Merlin bit his lip and turned his head to keep himself from laughing out loud - she knew the story of the goblin who had given Arthur the ears and voice of a donkey, and she knew exactly how funny Merlin thought the incident to be. His whole body was shaking with mirth.

"Don't make me laugh," he mumbled, his jaw tight with the effort of avoiding doing just that. "Now who's going to ruin everything? Arthur will hear me if I laugh out loud."

She leaned closer to his ear. She knew she probably shouldn't be trying to get him to laugh, but she was hoping it didn't look like laughing to Arthur. And she was enjoying this far too much. She loved to make Merlin laugh. "Maybe not an ass. Let's turn him into a toad. He's got a good toad-face."

Merlin's hands shot out to grip her waist as he clenched his jaw again. He was shaking again, with silent laughter, and she knew that his hold on her was probably the only thing keeping him from doubling up with the mirth. She could see he was close to losing his control, though, so she kissed him fiercely. Anything to keep him from laughing out loud. The queen and king would hear it, and it would shatter the façade.

She moved his hands from her waist to the back of her dress, and that was when she heard it - a low curse, and the clatter of a plate.

Don't laugh, she warned Merlin. Pretend you didn't hear it.

They stayed like that for several more minutes, pretending to be kissing intensely when they were in reality touching foreheads and struggling not to laugh.

When they finally dared to look up - Merlin yanking off the makeshift blindfold - they saw no one. Arthur had hightailed it out of there, taking his wife and servant with him.

Merlin and Kerenza erupted into peals of laughter, collapsing together on the blanket.


Hopefully that wasn't too over the top for anybody. I was writing it at 2 am, if that wasn't obvious. The next chapter will probably be more serious, but I wanted to have this silly one first. And the beginning part, with Gwaine, I was actually going to have Gwen telling Merlin and Kerenza all of that, but it just didn't fit with Gwen's personality. I doubt she would encourage them to be scandalous, but of course Gwaine would.

To NirdGirlAlert: It should be quite entertaining. I had a lot of fun with this chapter in particular. Especially doing the picnic scene from two different perspectives. They will continue with their mischief, that's for sure.

To Lunapok: I know. It's amazing how some people will allow a prejudice to influence their decisions, even in cases of life and death.

To guest: I couldn't think of any other way to get healing magic into the festival. It's not really something you can put in a performance.

To mersan123: He deserves a love life. I've always loved Mithian as well.

To shadowswithouthope: At least the abruptness worked. I was worried about it.

To xxxLeanniexxx: Right? Just like everyone but him knew that Arthur trusted his advice most. And hmmYou sparked an idea about Kerenza's plan, which I did use in this chapter. He does tend to let things go to his head.

To rosiefife: Welcome! I'm so glad you're liking it, and I'm honored that it was your first. And I'm glad that Merlenza has grown on you. But I can understand why you weren't originally a fan of them. Thank you for the suggestion. I do know that I need to develop Mordred and Merlin's friendship. I haven't forgotten about him, there's just so many people and events to juggle, that I haven't shown much of that yet. I probably will in one of the next few upcoming chapters. I'll try, anyway.