No action in this chapter, but I will be bringing some in later. Promise. Probably in the next few chapters. Most likely not in the very next one, but…maybe. I really am going one chapter at a time. I don't have any of the future chapters planned out yet (except the epilogue, and even that's just a vague idea). Anyway, enjoy.
THIRTY-TWO: SCARS (260 days)
Arthur made his way through the main courtyard, toward the castle. As soon as he got the chance, he was going to have Rolan draw him up a nice, hot bath. He needed it, after this morning's training session. It had been too long since he'd personally helped with the training of his knights. Leon was usually in charge of that, now that Arthur was the king. But he felt it was important for him to personally work with his knights whenever he could.
Glancing up, the king saw Merlin at the top of the stairs, just coming out of the castle. He was about to call out to him, when he saw his best friend suddenly still. Frowning, Arthur looked around until he saw what had captured Merlin's attention.
Kerenza was walking toward the stairs, a medicinal bag over her shoulder. She looked up, saw Merlin, and stopped as well.
They stared at each other, neither of them moving, and then they both turned on their heels and went back in the directions they had come from. Arthur sighed, wondering why they were still avoiding each other. They had been for a while now, and he was going to figure out why, damnit. Surely it wasn't because of the chat he and Merlin had had. He hadn't meant for them to stop spending time together. He just wanted them to stop their public displays of affection.
He hurried to catch up to Merlin, pushing aside his need for a bath for the time being. As soon as he was close enough, he grabbed Merlin's sleeve.
"Arthur!" the sorcerer objected, as the king began pulling him toward his chambers. "Arthur, what are you doing? Let go of me."
Arthur ignored him, as he usually did.
"Arthur, you stink. And if you keep touching me, I'm going to stink, too. Let go."
"Merlin," Arthur growled in warning, "shut up."
Merlin didn't. He kept a steady stream of chatter as Arthur pulled him through the castle. He made sure to insult the king several times during their walk, trying to get a reaction out of him.
So Arthur gripped one of his ridiculously large ears instead of his sleeve, which shut Merlin up.
After a few more minutes, they arrived at Arthur's rooms. The king opened the door and pushed Merlin inside. He pointed to a chair. "Sit," he commanded.
With a scowl and a glare at the king, Merlin rubbed his ear. He didn't sit. Of course. The man never obeyed, no matter the order.
"Start talking," Arthur said. He folded his arms over his chest, and leaned against the door.
"Talking about what?"
Arthur nearly growled. Merlin was playing the idiot, and he didn't appreciate it. "You know what. It's been two weeks since I saw you in the hallway - acting entirely without propriety or discretion, as we've already discussed - and you and Kerenza have been avoiding each other since then. Did something happen? Besides the obvious?"
Merlin snorted, for some reason finding that amusing. Nothing was amusing about his and Kerenza's improper activities. "I don't want to talk about it," he muttered.
Arthur studied his friend, a disturbing thought occurring to him. What if Kerenza was...? He and Kerenza hadn't been courting long, but it was long enough to make it possible. And Arthur knew that it was possible for magic to discover the condition sooner than any physician could, so there was a chance that Merlin and Kerenza already knew, if that was the case.
"Is Kerenza with child?" he finally asked. Perhaps that was why there were acting so strange around each other.
Again, Merlin snorted. "Of course she's not with child."
Arthur arched an eyebrow. "Are you certain? It's highly possible, with the way you two have been carrying on lately." He wasn't even sure when exactly they had started carrying on.
The sorcerer began pacing in front of the fireplace, obviously frustrated. "You're so…stupid. It was a game, Arthur. Kerenza and I never…We didn't…We haven't had sex! It was all a show, to make you uncomfortable enough to stop meddling in the love lives of everyone around you."
The king narrowed his eyes. He should have realized. For all his talk of destiny and serving Arthur, Merlin seemed to live to torment him. "A show? So you aren't courting?"
"We are. We were. I don't know anymore. I think we still are, even if we aren't communicating well right now." Sighing again, Merlin flopped into one of the chairs at Arthur's table. He scrubbed his face. Unfolding his arms, Arthur moved to sit beside him. Quietly, the sorcerer said, "It's not a game anymore. It never should have been a game. We knew how we felt, though, and we were having fun tormenting you. And then, she said that she loved me. And things suddenly became much more real. And I realized that we shouldn't have made a game out of our feelings."
Arthur nodded in understanding. "You don't love her," he guessed. Normally, he hated discussing emotions. He was a warrior. Emotions were for girls. But this was Merlin. Besides, they weren't talking about Arthur's emotions, so that made it all right.
"I do love her. I think I do, anyway. That's the problem."
Arthur frowned. "Let me get this straight. She loves you, and you love her? Why is this a problem, exactly?" It wasn't as if Merlin and Kerenza had the same obstacles to overcome that Arthur and Guinevere had had to overcome. They didn't have to fight tradition to be with each other.
"Have I known her long enough to truly be in love with her? I've only known her for about a month and a half, if you don't count the time between when we actually met and when she moved to Camelot. We've only been courting, officially, for three weeks, though Kerenza would say it's closer to four weeks - and we've hardly talked at all for the past two of those weeks. I just -"
"Merlin. Kerenza is the type of person who is very easy to get to know. You may not have known her very long, and you may not know every little thing about her, but I think that you do know her."
The sorcerer sighed. "I just want to be certain. The last time I thought I was in love, I - never mind. I just want to be certain this time."
Arthur scoffed at that. "You've never been in love."
Merlin laughed. "I have. Once. There's still so much about me that you don't know, even after all these years."
"Yes, well, you excel at keeping secrets, apparently," Arthur grumbled. He thought that they had gotten to a point in their relationship where there weren't anymore secrets. He'd made Merlin tell him everything after they'd rescued him from Morgana. How were there still things that he didn't know? "It was a girl from Ealdor, wasn't it?" That would make sense. If he had fallen in love before he ever came to Camelot, then it wouldn't seem like such a big secret. Arthur hoped it was a girl from Ealdor.
Merlin just shook his head. "No, and I'm going to tell you who it was. It would only upset you. Arthur, if you don't even know me after several years of spending every single day together, how can I possibly know Kerenza after a month and a half?"
Arthur rolled his eyes. His friend could be such an idiot at times. "I may not know all of your secrets, Merlin, but I know you. You probably know her well enough. Kerenza is…She is very blunt and she doesn't hide things. From anybody, as far as I can tell." Arthur squirmed in his seat. He was beginning to get uncomfortable with this topic, even though they weren't discussing his own emotions. So he suggested, "But you shouldn't be talking to me about all of these girly emotional things. You should talk to Guinevere, or even Hunith."
"You asked me, Arthur," Merlin pointed out.
The king chose to ignore that comment. "So why were you and Kerenza trying to make me uncomfortable?" They went through a lot of trouble to do so. He couldn't fathom why they would put their own reputations at risk just to embarrass him. Then again, a lot of the things that Merlin did confused him.
The sorcerer rolled his eyes. "You're a terrible matchmaker. You needed to be stopped."
"I am not terrible. You and Kerenza love each other, don't you?"
"Our attraction to each other had nothing to do with you, you arrogant prat. We liked each other before you stuck your royal nose into our business. You led Lady Carys to believe that Mordred was interested in her? And Gwaine and Lady Seren? Do you honestly believe those are good matches? Were you even thinking?"
Arthur huffed, refusing to admit that Merlin might be right. Maybe. Instead, he asked, "Don't you think that undressing each other in the middle of the castle was going too far, though?"
"That was Kerenza," Merlin muttered, scratching the back of his neck. A blush was slowly filling his cheeks. "She felt all the scars I have on my chest, and -" he broke off suddenly, as if he hadn't been paying much attention to what he'd been saying, and only just realized what he'd actually said.
"Scars? You don't have any scars. Not any noticeable ones, anyway." Arthur had never seen any scars on his former manservant. He'd also never seen his former manservant without a tunic, except for that time two weeks earlier. But he had looked away almost immediately. Merlin had been in battles, of course. He'd been injured, Arthur knew that. But Arthur could only think of a few times that Merlin had actually been wounded enough to leave a scar, though. And even then, the scars couldn't have been that bad.
He'd never really thought about Merlin's injuries. He usually came out of their fights unscathed. "Doesn't your magic…"
"Heal scars? No. Of course not. I can heal wounds, but they'll still scar."
"There can't be that many, surely."
Merlin actually seemed amused by that. "Why? Because I'm not a knight, you just assume that I never get into 'real' fights and get hurt?"
"I just assume that you never get hurt because you never do! You come out of every battle with that ridiculous smile on your face. Nobody injured enough to leave a scar smiles like that."
With an amused quirk of his eyebrow, Merlin stood up and pulled his tunic off. Arthur felt his jaw drop. He had his own share of battle scars - every knight did. But Merlin wasn't a knight, and he had far more scars than the king would have expected. Most were just pale, thin lines, most likely from swords. They did get attacked by bandits on a somewhat regular basis, so he supposed that wasn't surprising.
But there were two that drew his attention more than the others. One he had already known about. It was just above Merlin's left pectoral muscle. It had been from a mace, Arthur remembered. It was the injury he'd sustained just before he'd gone missing for a couple of days, only to reappear in a bog in the forest. It wasn't a very large scar. Merlin had told Arthur that Morgana had healed it, and it looked like she had done a very good job.
The most obvious one also looked rather recent. It was in the center of his chest, a ragged circle of angry and uneven skin. Whatever had caused it must have been extremely painful.
"How did you get that one?" he asked, pointing to the scar he meant.
"Nimueh," the sorcerer answered simply. "She threw a fireball at me."
"Nimueh?" Arthur remembered Merlin telling him about his confrontation with the sorceress. He had not mentioned her throwing fireballs at him, though. "But that was years ago! That scar doesn't look that old."
Merlin shrugged. "It was a magical fireball. The scar never healed quite right." He started to pull on his tunic.
"Wait," Arthur said, stopping him. Now he was curious. How many other scars covered his friend's body? Just how many times had he been injured, and none of them had the slightest clue? "Do you have any on your back as well?"
After a short hesitation, Merlin turned around. There weren't as many scars on his back, but there were still several. There was a large one on his lower back, dark in color, with tendril-like veins spreading out from it.
"Serket sting," Merlin answered, even though Arthur hadn't asked yet.
"When did you get stung by a Serket?"
"I told you about this. Morgana and Morgause had put me in magical chains and left me in the forest."
"You said that Kilgharrah rescued you. You never said anything about Serkets," Arthur accused. Why had he not known about any of these events? He had assumed that Merlin had told him everything. He had apparently assumed wrong.
Merlin shrugged again. "I…might have left out a few details."
Arthur stared at him, a little angry with his friend. "And how many other details have you left out from everything that you told me that you've done over the years?"
Merlin just grinned impishly over his shoulder. Then he pointed to a thin line at the base of his neck. "This is from when Morgana used the Fomorroh on me. The Fomorroh itself didn't actually leave a scar, but the cut Gaius had to make to get it out did."
Arthur shook his head, even as the sorcerer put his tunic back on. He knew that Merlin was the type of person to suffer in silence, but this was just ridiculous. How many times had Merlin been severely injured, only to arrive back at work, smiling cheerfully and pretending as though nothing had happened?
"Percival would be jealous," the king stated, because he really didn't know what else to say. The knights often compared their scars, trying to outdo one another. Percival was the most competitive in that regard, closely followed by Gwaine.
Merlin snorted, shaking his head. He sat back down. "I've never understood that. Why are men so proud of their scars? I…don't like mine. They're ugly. Why do you feel the need to boast about them? It's stupid."
"Merlin," Arthur chided, as though speaking to an ignorant child. "Scars are signs. Signs of strength and courage and endurance. A scar means that you survived. It means that you were stronger than whatever tried to kill you. Every warrior knows this."
"Well, I've never exactly been a warrior."
Again, Arthur shook his head. "Perhaps not in the traditional sense. But you are a warrior. Never doubt that." The king stood, clapping Merlin on the shoulder. "Now, find a way to fix things with Kerenza, and quickly. You have a week before we leave. You should probably get things settled with her before we leave."
"Leave? Where are we going?"
"I want to personally see how some of the outer villages are handling the recent changes. You're coming with me."
"That's a given. It's my job to protect you. I go where you go."
Arthur scoffed. "I don't need to be protected," he said, more for argument's sake than anything else. The world wasn't right if he wasn't arguing with Merlin about something.
Merlin just rolled his eyes.
The boys needed some bonding time. It's been lacking.
To xxxLeanniexxx: Dying. I'm seriously dying of laughter after reading that. Can you just imagine Hunith's reaction to a letter like that? Oh, gosh.
To Peaceandunity: You make a really good point. I know that my pacing sucks sometimes. Unfortunately, I've kind of already set the pace for this fic. But I'll do what I can. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, though.
To twinterfiction: Thanks. I hope this chapter brought back some of that bromance. I do have to politely disagree (and I really do mean politely; I respect your opinion, even if I don't fully agree with it, which is part of the reason I included those doubts in the conversation in this chapter) about the fast relationship, to a certain extent. Merlin had been willing to leave everything for Freya, remember, after only knowing her for a couple days - and they'd hardly even talked in those two or three days. So I think it does fit with his character. Also, courtships (as far as I know; I'll admit that I wasn't finding much good information online) in the medieval times were fairly short. Engagements were even shorter. It's fast for our time, but I don't know that it's that fast for those days. Those are my reasons behind letting their relationship move as it is, at any rate.
To Juliana Brandagamba: Thanks! I feel like we never got to hear about Arthur's childhood in the show. I just can't imagine Uther having many interactions with him as a child.
To NerdGirlAlert: Yes, she is. As much fun as that little talk would be to write, I'll leave it up to your imagination (and if xxxLeanniexxx wants to write this out for us, I'd be perfectly okay with that - I loved her letter to Hunith). I just didn't feel it fit in anywhere.
To OechsnerC: It's coming. Eventually. There will be some action.
To guest: Yes, it was way too bold for that era. If she hadn't felt his scars, she wouldn't have taken his shirt off. Probably. Maybe.
To guest: I actually didn't know that about kings, though I feel like I should have. It makes sense.
To SisterOfAnElvenWannabe: I hope it was enough of Mordred for now.
To mersan123: Different in a good way, I hope.
To TheDarkestDreams: Thank you! Arthur makes some of the best facial expressions (I was just watching A Servant of Two Masters, and Arthur has the perfect Derp face when he first wakes up). And I'm glad that you're shipping Merlenza! It means that I'm doing something right.
