Thanks so much for the reviews! I'm so glad that you guys liked that last chapter.

And thanks for the idea (you'll see what I mean), SisterOfAnElvenWannabe! I totally used it. Hope that's okay with you

And Gwaine probably would have figured it out if he'd heard more of their conversation. He didn't hear Merlin say "Arthur stew," though he did hear him almost say "someone" instead of "something."


THIRTY-FIVE: WORTH IT (252 days)

"I'm so hungry, sire!" Gwaine yelled suddenly, gripping his stomach dramatically and licking his lips. His voice pulled Merlin out of his thoughts - the sorcerer still had no idea what threats may lie ahead of them on this journey. There hadn't been any signs of anything yet. Although bandits were almost a guaranteed. They were almost always attacked by bandits. "I could eat Percival!" They'd been traveling for several hours now, and this was about the fifth time the knight made an announcement to that effect.

Arthur nearly growled. He was the only one who didn't seem to find it entertaining. "Gwaine."

The knights burst into laughter. Merlin couldn't stop himself from laughing. Even Rolan was struggling to hide a smile.

"I am never going to stop making fun of you for this," Gwaine told the king sincerely. They all knew that he would keep reminding Arthur of his folly for years to come. "How did Merlin manage to fool you? He's a terrible liar."

"He can be a skilled liar, when he chooses to be," Arthur defended, which even Merlin felt was stretching the truth. He had always been a terrible liar, and he knew it. He was fairly certain that the only reason his magic had remained secret for so long was because nobody around him wanted to believe it. It had nothing to do with his lying abilities, not really. His friends were all just extraordinarily talented at ignoring the obvious.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of, sire," Mordred called. "The druids often did the same thing, convincing each other that they'd been possessed by a wendigo. A distant cousin of mine went as far as to actually truss me up and tie me to a spit over a fire pit. I really thought he was going to cook me and eat me. Then again, I was only five. I believed anything at that age. And he did have me tied to a spit."

This comment got another round of laughter from the knights. Arthur groaned in frustration and urge his horse to speed up. Then he paused, and looked back at the youngest knight of the group. "So you knew that Merlin was trying to make a fool out of me yesterday, and yet you didn't think to say a word to me?"

Mordred shrugged. "It was just a bit of harmless fun, sire."

Percival and Leon snorted in amusement.

Arthur huffed, irritated. He glanced back at Merlin. "Merlin, you've been surprisingly lacking with insults this morning. What are you thinking about so intently?"

He had been thinking of Kerenza's warning, and his own unease that had grown since they'd started this journey. Not that it would do him any good to tell the king, though. Arthur would scoff at the "funny feeling" and then choose to ignore it completely. Just as he always did, even though Merlin's "funny feelings" had always been right.

Instead of sharing his actual thoughts, he responded, "I was trying to decide if you would taste better boiled or roasted."

Arthur rolled his eyes. The knights were all snickering again. "Hilarious, Merlin," the king drawled sarcastically.

"Boiling would probably be better," the warlock mused. "I might be able to water down some of the saltiness. You sweat far too much. If we could just get rid of some of the saltiness, though, I'm sure you would taste great."

Merlin could almost hear Arthur gulp nervously. He looked at Mordred and asked, "You're certain wendigos are extinct?"

It was as if he didn't trust Merlin or Gwaine to give an honest answer.

Gwaine roared at that, even as Mordred assured him that they were, indeed, long since extinct.

Arthur shook his head. When he spoke again, his tone was serious. "Merlin, what are you really thinking about?" Merlin simply shrugged, which made the king roll his eyes again and groan. "Don't tell me you have one of those ridiculous 'funny feelings' of yours again? You get them nearly every time we travel."

"Yes, and something bad happens nearly every time we travel. You shouldn't dismiss my 'funny feelings' so quickly." He thought about telling the king that Kerenza had also had a sense of foreboding, and that that was the source for most of his own unease, but he knew it wouldn't do any good. Arthur would likely claim that all women worried, and that Merlin shouldn't take it seriously.

"Don't be such a girl, Merlin."

"Don't be such a prat, Arthur."

The king chose not to reply to that. The group continued on in silence. Leon, Percival, Elyan, and even Rolan seemed to share Arthur's skepticism. Gwaine did look a little more alert than usual. And Mordred seemed to be truly concerned.

Merlin sighed. It was amazing that, even after all these years of Merlin being right, Arthur still refused to listen to him most of the time. At least there were a couple others who were willing to take his concerns seriously.


Kerenza stood beside Gaius as he slowly worked on his concoction. His hands were shaking terribly - he'd been getting much weaker within the last few weeks, at a rather alarming pace - but he refused to allow her to complete the task for him. So she stood nearby, ready to assist if she needed to.

She hated to see his health failing him. She had come to care for him. He reminded her in many ways of her uncle Arlen. But she also knew how much Merlin cared for the physician. He was like a father to her beloved. Kerenza knew it would devastate Merlin to see just how weak Gaius had become, which was exactly why Gaius tried so hard to hide it from his former ward.

Oh, how she wished there were something she could do for him. But there was no natural cure for old age. There were ways of cheating death, using magic, but they were dangerous paths to follow. She was certain that Gaius would never want to step onto one of those dark paths.

Perhaps that was why he so studiously hid his suffering from Merlin. The young sorcerer would do just about anything for those he cared about, even things that he shouldn't. He had played with the powers of life and death before - he'd told her of his dealings with the sorceress Nimueh after Arthur had been bitten by the Questing Beast. The scar on his chest was a physical reminder of his willingness to bargain a life for a life. And while Nimueh had taken advantage of him, and tried to steal a life that he hadn't bargained, Merlin had still been willing to make the trade. A person should not interfere with the natural order of life and death.

Gaius knew, perhaps better than anyone else, what Merlin would sacrifice to save his loved ones.

"How are you feeling today?" she asked gently, as he poured the liquid into a small vial and stoppered it.

Gaius sighed. "I'm an old man, Kerenza. I feel like an old man." He sank onto the nearest stool. "I've lived a long time, my dear. My time is coming, and soon. I realize this."

She knew she couldn't argue with the truth of his words. So she chose not to say anything. She simply sat on the bench near him and gently clasped one of his trembling hands in her own.

He smiled gratefully at her. "I have been fortunate enough to see Arthur take the throne, and to see magic return to this kingdom. I have watched both Arthur and Merlin grow into the great men that they are today. It is an honor to have been able to witness all of that."

That made her smile. "It is an honor." She hadn't had the opportunity to see most of it, but she did get to see them continue to grow and mature every day. She did consider it an honor to be privy to that.

"And I know that, when I am gone, this court will be in good hands. You have made me proud. You will make a fine Court Physician someday soon."

She felt her cheeks heat up slightly. "Am I a better apprentice than Merlin was?" she asked, mostly teasing, although she was curious as well.

Gaius chose to answer her seriously. "In most ways, yes. Merlin is a fast learner; he always has been. But he has also always been distracted by destiny. He is destined to be so much more than a physician. It was really never fair to ask him to try to divide his attention. His priority has always been Arthur. I don't believe that there is anything wrong with that being his priority. The kingdom needs it that way. But it doesn't make for a good physician. Your priority is your patients. You have steady hands. You are hardly ever clumsy. You are able to make quick decisions. You are better suited for the healing arts. I love Merlin like a son, but I believe that he is finally where he needs to be. And you are where you need to be."

Kerenza was touched. She hadn't expected him to say all of that. "Thank you."

He squeezed her hand. "Would you be willing to take this to the queen?" he asked, nodding to the vial he had just finished preparing. "It will help with her aches and pains."

"Of course. You get some rest. I'll take care of this." She stood, taking the vial from the table. She left the physician's quarters, quickly making her way through the castle. When she had first arrived in Camelot, she had been a bit intimidated by the sheer size of the castle. She had been worried that she would never learn to navigate its halls, let alone the winding streets of the lower town. Now, she knew her way around without any problems. She had settled in quite well.

She still missed the forest some days. She missed the freedom of being able to run through the trees, barefoot and carefree. But she was glad that she had decided to come. As much as she missed the druid camp, Camelot had somehow become home to her. And when the castle felt too stifling, she would escape to the woods for an hour or two, to bask in the wonders of nature.

She knocked gently on the door of the queen and king's chambers. "Enter," Guinevere's voice called.

Kerenza stepped inside, nodding once to each of the guards standing on either side of the door. The queen stood at the window, looking down at the courtyard below. Her back was toward the door, though she did glance behind her briefly.

"Kerenza."

"Your Majesty. Gaius made you a potion that should help with the discomforts of carrying a child."

Guinevere chuckled softly. "They've been rather mild so far. I'll count my blessings."

Kerenza glanced toward the window as she set the vial on the bedside table. From where she stood, she couldn't actually see the courtyard, though she knew it was there. "Does it ever get easier?" she asked quietly. "Waiting for them to return?" She knew that they wouldn't be back for a few weeks, but she couldn't help that feeling of expectation they would arrive back home any moment.

Guinevere's smile was both sad and understanding. "Not really. Every time they leave, they take a small piece of my heart with them. They have always returned, but I can never fully relax until they do."

Kerenza sighed. She hated this feeling, this feeling of uselessness. Just like the queen, she felt as though part of her heart had followed Merlin. And she knew, without a doubt, that it would always be like this. Every time he left the city, and she was unable to follow, she would be filled with this gut-wrenching worry. And with the positions that they each held, it was unlikely that she would be able to follow him. As the future Court Physician, she would be needed more often in the city itself than throughout the rest of the kingdom. She would often be left behind as she had been this time.

If she didn't loved him the way that she did, she would never even consider putting herself through such cruel torment time after time. It was torturous. She had never been willing to cause herself so much pain for one young man. It had never seemed worth it to her.

But she did love him, and she would suffer this torment a thousand times over if it meant being with him.

"Kerenza," the queen called softly. She was studying her face closely. "It is one of the most difficult things in the world, to watch them ride out of that courtyard. But watching them ride back into that courtyard is one of the most wonderful things in the world. It is always worth it."

Kerenza smiled. "I don't doubt that for a moment." Merlin was worth any amount of torment, she was sure of that.


So, normally, in medieval times (from what I understand), the queen and king actually lived in separate quarters. They were usually adjoined by a door or something. But in the show, I noticed that it seemed like Arthur and Gwen lived in the same rooms. So that's how I'm setting it up here.

And somehow, the actual threat keeps getting pushed back to another chapter. It probably won't be in the next one, either. There might be a hint, though. We'll see.

To NerdGirlAlert: Yay! So glad that it was better than them actually running into a wendigo, in your mind.

To Hachiko33200: He can be quite foolish. And I have somewhat of an idea, but I'm not totally in love with yet, soI don't know. I'm open to suggestions. And like I said, your English is amazing. I never would have guessed you weren't a native English speaker.

To TheDarkestDreams: Aw, thanks. That does make sense, actually. He can be difficult to capture, so I'm thrilled that I seem to be pulling it off. He's such an open book, and yetkind of secretive. Complicated, yet simple. He's justargh. He's just Merlin.

To guest: I made a list of words like gullible, idiot, fool, etc. Elbillug was the only one that sounded even halfway decent. I mean, toidi was stupid. So was loof, and diputs.

To SisterOfAnElvenWannabe: I'm glad that you're glad. I really was worried that that chapter would be too crazy. And thanks for the idea! I don't know if you meant for me to actually use, but I did.

To mersan123: It's amazing that Arthur still ignores Merlin's "funny feelings" after all this time (even if it is technically Kerenza's "funny feeling" this time). He should know better. He really should. Such a thick skull, that man!

To KIMMIKY: I promise, in this fic, wendigos are extinct!

To xxxLeanniexxx: I was having fun with Arthur's reactions, that's for sure.