Warning: This chapter has not been edit by a beta, read at your own risk.
Yes, you read that right. Here's the deal guys, I gave this chapter to my beta a month ago and they keep either forgetting to do it or are too busy. So, I looked it over once more and have posted it because I hate making you guys wait for so long. Again I would like to look into a different Beta, just because of this mess that had happened. Whats in it for you if you beta my work? you get to read it early and I'm likely to talk about things if you have questions!
Any way, Let me give a thanks to: Counting Sinful Stars, Rylenae, and Pourquoibella for you reviews!
Another small warning: This chapter gets into some adult themes, you have been warned!
Enjoy!
D.R.O.H
Chapter Ten: Relationships
I started with the easier stuff, which was basically retelling him the last two days of my life. I tried to be unaffected by bring it back up, but I still felt a bit hollow as I spoke. I told him first, about my mission, the interrogation and what I had found out from Kuro the demon. When he asked me how I had done it, the mention of the power I had used seemed to be enough for him; after all, I was sure he had seen all of Kuronue's spells and powers first hand.
From my discovery with Hiei I told him about my journey back to the ranch and about the bone carved bead and hidden journey. The arm around my shoulders had tightened when I had spoken about burning down the ranch, leaving nothing behind but ashen runes.
When I got to the retelling of what I had learned about Koenma, things got a bit more difficult as I tried to explain everything. Apparently – thought I'm not sure how – Kurama already knew about the tie between the Soul Detective and their partner, though he didn't ask how I felt about Kuronue. Maybe he knew I going to talk to him about it? I wasn't sure, but Kurama always seemed to know how to go about things.
Finally, I told him about how I came to be at his house. About my run in with Miyumi and how suddenly I'd realized how much I had missed. "I guess I never really took into account the time I spent up at the ranch. Being around a master of time like that, even when he doesn't use his powers, can leave you out of place. " I sighed leaning into his shoulder as we sat on the bed. "I often wonder if I'm really living a life. It's like when I'm in this world, around people who don't know what I really do, I have to play this part in a script. I know I don't have too, and I've been trying to make the most out of the life that was given back to me. I don't know, I guess I just got overwhelmed."
"You have a right to feel that way." Kurama said easily. His hand, the one on the arm that was around my shoulder's rubbed my upper arm absently as he spoke. "Those who work for Spirit World, they can't live normal live, at least not completely. They know too much about how the world truly works, they can never go back to their normal, obvious lives. " He raised his free hand, looking upon it as if it would tell him the answers to the universe. "It's part of the reason I locked away my demon form. It had its ramifications, which I'm sure you've seen, but at least then, I don't have to keep that a secret to. "
I chose not to stay anything about his loss in power, though I'm sure if Kuronue could hear this he would have chipped in. Instead I reached up with my hands and placed them other his raised one, tugging it back down and holding it there. "You don't work for Spirit World any more either though." I pointed out. Both him and Hiei had been released from their debt when Yusuke had been fired from his job at Spirit Detective. As far as I knew, I was the only one in our circle of friends besides Botan who still worked under Koenma. "That has to count for something"
"That's true, and it has become much more simple." The hand I held curled around my top one. "But I still know everything Izumi. Even with my true self locked away I am still a demon in truth and you and Hiei and everyone else, your all in as deep as I in the truth of the worlds. I would have to sever all of that if I ever wished for a simpler life." He leaned over suddenly, startling me as he placed a kiss to the side of head, near my ear. "I'm not willing to give those up though. Not for anything."
A shiver ran up my spine, and not from the cold – though I had warmed up quiet a bit since changing out of my shirt – and I smiled looking down at our hands. He always made things seem so much simpler. I always had a clearer head when we talked. It was one of the things I took great comfort in, and I would need it now, even more, because now, the easy stuff was over.
"I wouldn't either." I agreed as he pulled back to look at me again. My eyes flickered to him and then to our hands again. It was silly to be nervous around him, but what I was about to bring up, was something I had never really spoken about to anyone besides the party involved. "I trust you Kurama, which is something a lot of people don't truly get from me. And I know, that you have returned that trust." I waited for a moment, and saw him nod his head. "I know because you have trusted me to tell you things about my life, things I haven't shared about this one… and the one before I came back from the dead. I haven't been fair to you though and I realize that now. "
"Izumi-"
"Please, don't try to tell me it's alright. Because I know it bothers you. That night, when you helped me with Saitō, I over heard what you two said to each other." I confessed.
The redhead tilted his head, and I felt his eyes burning into the side of my face. "I figured as much. There was a small change in the way you moved when you came back in. I'm sorry you had to hear that though."
"No it's alright. I think I needed to hear that." I sighed. "When we were in Spirit World, Kuronue pointed something out to me, and it made me come to the conclusion that I was being too careful. I was too afraid to tell you anything because I thought you might think of me differently, that you might…" I bit my lip, unable to finish, though Kurama seemed to understand, as his hand around mine tightened.
"What ever you've done Izumi, I would dismiss you on it. You have learned a great deal about me, about the things I have done, as both a demon and a human. How could I leave you, when you have stayed by my side?"
I smiled again, wondering once again how I had ended up with him. As corny as it sounded, some times he was just too much. I loved him for it though. "That's good to know…" I muttered shifting slightly, and the arm around me moved from my back so I could lean on the wall better. "I can't tell you about my other life, not yet, mostly because even after all this time it still haunts me. Only two people know about that and there was no way around them, but I will tell you, I promise. What I can do is tell you what I'm sure you've been wondering since that night. I never explained my connection to Saitō very well, other then that we were friends, good friends. There is more to that though."
I paused wondering how to go about telling him. Should I just get straight to the point? That seemed rather blunt, and he might not understand my reasoning if I did.
"Why don't you start from the beginning then." He suggested, and I nodded my head, figuring that might be the easiest.
"Alright. As you know, the first year or so after I was brought back was spent at the ranch training and becoming use to my new life and Kuronue. It wasn't till I was seventeen that I started my work for Spirit World. I met King Enma for the first time then, and was assigned mission soon after that. A few mouth in, I was assigned a 'confirm and clean up' job, as we call them. That's how I first came into contact with the SDF. Five of them were signed the same job, and one of them was Saitō. They were all rather distant with me; the only friendly one was one of the girls, Ōhō. She would talk to me on occasion if we were assigned the same missions. Over time, I think that we came to a silent agreement that we were friends, and the SDF did become a bit friendlier as time went on and they saw I was useful.
I didn't really meet Saitō till almost a half a year later. I had gotten lost on my way to the healing wing of Spirit world. The mission I had just finished had turned a bit sour, and while I had taken down the demon in question he had managed to sink his teeth into my arm." Absently, I used my free hand to roll up the left sleeve of the shirt and pointed to a light scar on my upper forearm near the elbow. It was an arch of dash marks, where the demon's teeth had cut into my skin. Thankfully I had gotten him off before he could hurt the bone or take off my arm.
Kurama eyed the scar with mild interest but stayed quiet, so I pulled the sleeve back down and started my tale back up again. "He told me later on that he had almost let me keep wondering, but when he saw that I was bleeding to the point of where I was leaving a small trail of drops every where, he intervened. That's how we met really; he introduced himself again, and took me to the healing wing, but instead of going to look for a healer, he helped me himself. He's a bit like Botan; he can use his spirit energy to heal if he concentrates on it. Nowhere near as good as Yukina, but still, it was more then enough for the wound.
After that, we just became friends pretty fast. He started requesting to be one of the SDF agents that were on the missions they worked with me on. He kept me company on long ones where they were stakeouts and we often hung out in Spirit World together. It was a good thing for me, I hadn't been doing very well at making friends at the school I had joined in human world." I smirked at him, nudging his shoulder, and he laughed slightly. "And Kuronue and I during that time, didn't get along very well. We… had a lot of different views that clashed in the beginning, and he liked to make me feel inferior. I think he was still a bit angry that he was basically being used, but he did get better over time.
It wasn't till after I turned 18 and we had started high school, that things really changed. It was a mission, one with the SDF, only a small squad though. Saitō was there as always, and we were in Human World for once. We were looking into a rumor about Human's taking demonic DNA and splicing it with people. I snuck in first, as was my role. We had to make sure first, before causing a scene. What I found though still haunts me to this day."
I shifted again, my mind shying away from the memories of that day. I focused on Kurama's hand though, on the pressure it gave my own, and pressed on. "The rumors had been true. The lower levels of the building were filled with test subject. They were mostly deformed, or dying from the treatment they had been given. I remember, one girl, probably around my age, had scales running up her arms, but there was blood flowing from them, because they had broken through her own skin to get there.
"We attacked of course, but some of the human had been turned into mindless abominations, and the people running the lab set them on us. It was gruesome, and terrible, and I hated it. I had no choice though… I had to kill them or else they would have killed me. I had just finished off another lost soul when I heard Saitō yelling at me. On nothing other then reflex, I turned and used one of the scythes to cut down another one, but it wasn't an abomination that time. I remember it so clearly, the look on one of the scientist face, he was so surprised I'd gotten him. He had a syringe of some sort in his hand, and he'd been so close to using it on me, but my weapon halfway through his shoulder had stopped him. He didn't die quickly, not to me any way, even after I had taken out blade and stumbled backwards." I blow out a long breath, letting my nerves calm. "We finished rather quickly after that. To this day I don't quiet remember how I got back to Spirit World. My mind was into much pain, I had never killed another human before, and that night, I had killed so many of them, both deserving and innocent. I had killed demons before, but humans? It hadn't ever really occurred to me."
It was strange, thinking back on that day, I could parallel it with what had happened to Shinobu, we had both never expected it, and it had been tormenting. Some how though, I had ended up on a different path.
"What happened next?" Kurama asked quietly. He was probably wondering how all of this connected to my relationship with Saitō, but it did. I had needed to tell him this first, if only to make it make more sense.
"The next few days felt like I was a ghost again. I didn't leave Spirit World, just wondered the halls and slept in one of the vacant rooms. After three days, Saitō came and found me. He had seen the whole event take place and now could see what it was doing to me. He took me back to his quarters, so that we could talk without interruption. I'd been there before; several times to just hang out. He tried to talk to me, to comfort me like anyone would. But I couldn't see the reasoning, so, I broke down. I felt like I wasn't in control of myself any more, it was the first time I had really realized how different I had become, and what truly scared me the most, was that, even though I was shocked and sad at what I had done, I didn't feel guilty about it.
"Saitō told me about when he first started off; he'd always felt like he was on the outside of him team, a bit different from the others. He was loyal to them, but some times, he didn't agree with what they did. Looking back, I think he was trying to find common ground in what I was feeling, but in those moments, when I felt so powerless of everything in my life, I saw something in his eyes that made me realize, I did still have control over something. So, I acted out, and I kissed him."
Beside me, Kurama stiffened slightly, but still didn't speak. I wondered if he had seen this coming. Saitō had hinted at it.
"It wasn't that I loved him, well, not in that way, and it was much the same for him. He tried to talk me down from it, tried to convince me it wasn't right, but in the end, both of our need for some kind of comfort and the fact that we had always been comfortable around each other, won out. It was weird, but something about it at the time, felt right. As to what happen next… I'm sure you have already figured that out." I couldn't look at him; my face was so warm I thought I might combust at any moment. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking, but my brain felt like a cluttered ball of yarn as I processed my own words.
I wasn't sure why I was embarrassed to say it, but for some reason telling your boyfriend you'd give your virginity away to someone else, someone you hadn't loved… it was just embarrassing. It was just one of those needed conversations, even if we were two normal people, at some point, something like this, would have come up.
Kurama didn't say anything, but he hadn't pulled away from me either, so I took that as a good sign and finished my little story. "I guess we kind of became what people call 'friends with benefits.' It went on for a while, almost a year, but then, I ended up ending it with him. He was fine with it, I guess he had expected it at some point, but some how even thought it should have, it didn't hurt our friendship at all."
"What changed your mind?"
I twitched; surprised to suddenly hear his voice, though it held no anger in it. His voice was calm like it always was. I looked at him, and while he seemed a bit guarded his eyes glowed with that intense foxlike glint he got sometimes. I lifted my shoulders in a shrug.
"I… a lot of things really. Kuronue and I had become friends and I had gotten a handle on how my job was, gotten over the hard bumps in the road. I just didn't want to do that any more, not when we didn't love each other. Not when there was no future for us, even if we had felt different, the life span of a spirit being even makes demon lifelines seem short." I squeezed his hand a bit. "I also, well, I guess I didn't get to know you, cause, you didn't know I was there really, but." I snorted slightly, annoyed with the burning feeling of a blush that deepened on my face. "My job of simply watching you, the one I had given myself, to make sure you weren't causing trouble, turned into something more. It made me realize I wanted a real relationship, and though I thought at the time having one with you was impossible… it gave me something to look ahead to."
Thought I didn't say it, my mind reeled to another reason. Kuronue had started sharing more and more about Kurama, effectively gaining my interest in him. I wouldn't find out till much later that the bat demon had been pleased when I'd jumped from Saitō to his old partner. He had though, even if I did show interest in him, that the redhead would never return it. His idea had backfired though, during the Tunnel incident, and I had only then really become aware of his intentions and his real feeling for me.
Glancing at Kurama, I fidgeted with my free hand, paying with a section of my hair that was over my shoulder. What did he think of me? It was true that my action had been rather thoughtless at the time, it made me sound like some girl who didn't care about her own purity. Though, really I had never thought it to be a big deal, not till now. My imagination ticked away with sound of the clock n the room, coming up with the most horrible outcomes in moments, but I tried not to think about that. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry as the seconds ticked on.
Finally, he pulled his hand from mine and I winced, feeling as if all of the heat in my body had been sucked away with his hand. No, no, no! He couldn't really be thinking…
"Do you regret it?"
I paused in my fanatic thoughts and felt the muscles in my face pull down. There was that question again. Why did everyone expect me to change my answer? Saitō and Hiei had asked me, the only one who didn't was Kuronue and that was because he already knew how I felt about it!
"No." I said flatly before sighing. "He still asks me that question some times, but my answer will never change. I don't regret it, everything he did, everything we went though, it helped get me to where I am today." I let out a breath, feeling silly, but I wanted him to understand. Kurama was… he was everything to me. I couldn't lose him. I had to find something to say, to convince him it didn't matter.
What ever I might have thought to say next, was forgotten before I could even say them. Suddenly, the redhead's hands were there, his fingers tracing my jaw lightly, before he leaned forward and over to capture my lips in his. I was startled, but I let that fade and dropped my eyelids kissing him back. His hands wondered slightly, sliding one down my neck, the other slipping behind my back. I hummed and I felt a smile form on his lips.
Slowly, he pulled away, his smile still there. "If you don't regret it Izumi, then there is nothing for me to be upset about." He muttered and I raised an eyebrow at him. He smirked. "Am I surprised? Yes, but I didn't even know you back then. It would be foolish of me to think you had never been touched, your responses to my touches aren't that of someone who had never felt it." He sighed a bit. "If you had regretted it, I would have been a bit upset I think, because that would have meant you did it carelessly. I'm not surprised you have no regrets though, that's just who you are."
As he trailed his hand down my side, I flushed again, laughing slightly. "Your not jealous?"
"I didn't say that." He grumbled, brow furrowing. "But, as I said before, I didn't even know you and I'm sure you know from Kuronue's memories I'm no saint."
"That's an understatement…"
He made a strange nose in his throat; almost a growl and he ducked his head to kiss my neck. I squeaked, but closed my eyes again, relaxing to his touch.
"What matters to me," He muttered against my skin. "is that you are mine, now. Nothing can keep us apart." At his words I stiffened slightly, the warm buzz fading as I remember the other things I needed to tell him. He must have felt it, because he raised her head to look at me, his eyes searching. "There's something else?"
Slowly, I nodded my head. "I didn't want to tell you, because I thought I was handling it but… its become too much. You should know any way… I just didn't want to upset you." Swallowing, I had the feeling I would need water after all of this, my dry mouth was beginning to bother me. "Kurama… its just…. Kuronue, he…" I fumbled, my throat closing at the words. This could really hurt him, I knew, but he should know.
"That he loves you?" His words were out before I could speak them, and my jaw snaps shut, my mind suddenly frozen by his words. I felt stunned, like the moment you first get up in front of a crowd on stage. Kurama just tilted his head at me, giving me a look that I couldn't quiet name. "You really don't think I pay attention do you?" He mused.
I shook my head, feeling dazed. "Well, no it's just…"
"You did just tell me your souls worked together because you were compatible mates Izumi." He pointed out, making me sputter a bit. That was true, and I suddenly felt rather stupid for not realizing that. Kurama gave me a small smile, reaching up with the hand that had been on my back to brush blond wisps out of my face. "I had realized it a long time ago. Not long after we started going out. I could tell when you were speaking with him; your eyes become unfocused when the area is safe. I start to realize a pained expression would flicker across it after I would touch you, or a scowl would appear for only a moment after we kissed. I thought maybe it was because he didn't trust me at first, you two must have been close for years, but the way you reacted to what I could only guess was his anger made me draw a different conclusion. It's why I started taking off his pendent when we were together. "
I bit my lip, thinking back to those times. They had only become worse as was time went on, and I hated doing this to both of them. Kuronue was my best friend, the closest person to me I have ever had, but Kurama needed to know. I just hadn't expected him to already figured it out; really it shouldn't have surprised me. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He slowly ran his figures down the length of my hair, acting as if it were silk. "I didn't want to bring it up." He sighed; holding the ends in is fingers. "I also, didn't want to think about how you felt about it." He admitted after a moment.
Oh.
He really was jealous, and worried.
Pressing my lips together I leaned forward and rested my head against his, closing my eyes. I felt his exhale more then I heard it. "You don't have to worry about that." I assured him. "I… I never let myself fall for him. I couldn't. It would have been easy enough I'm sure, but I had seen what it did to my master. He seemed happy yes, but he was so isolated, alone so much of time except for his partner and the animals he kept. He seemed to endure, or maybe there was some trick with time magic, but I never asked. I just couldn't see myself being with some one I could never feel. Never touch." To demonstrate I moved my hands from his back and curled a lock of his hair around my finger. "He could never comfort me like this, or hold me. We could never go out in public." My fingers left his hair tracing over his jaw line before running them lightly over his lips. I knew his face so well; I didn't even need my eyes. "I would never kiss him." I whispered, my word quieter as time went on. "I just couldn't let myself love him, not like that. I do love him though; he's like family, like a best friend. The only person I've truly ever loved like that is you."
His lips parted against my fingers and hot air hit them. "Izumi." Kurama breathed, and I opened my eyes to stare into his, the green seeming darker then before. When he didn't say anything more I gave him a smile. From what I remembered from Kuronue, Kurama had never been in a serious relationship. He'd never been interested, or at least never expressed it. It was possible he had never said such things to anyone but his mother, which really, meant something else entirely. It left me warm and weightless, knowing he tried.
"It's alright. I'm not going any where." I assured him, then made my move before he got too caught up in thought. I removed my fingers and kissed him. The same, groaning-growl vibrated my lips as he engulfed me. His arms and hand suddenly everywhere, his mouth opening mine and I was more then happy to comply.
His hand pushed me down and I broke away gasping as my back hit his bed. Opening my eyes I saw him over me, his chest heaving, his eyes dark with want. I smiled, knowing that such a stare could be frightening, but feeling nothing of the sort. My arms around his neck tightened, pulling him closer and he smirked and leaned down again.
Then, from somewhere beyond his bedroom a sudden, loud, ripping sound, grabbed my attention. It was faint with only my human hearing, but it was a recognizable one. A cough – and not a normal one, but a round of deep, tearing ones – that echoed around the area. The kind that made your chest and throat hurt; made your eyes water and your head spin. Kurama heard it too – probably louder with his demonic hearing – and the spell was broken.
He sighed and straightened, getting off of me and moving to the other side of the bed where he laid down, curling his body against me. I blinked, and flipped over to my side, pressing my back against him. It was probably a good thing really, I didn't want to start moving that fast, not yet, plus not in his parent's house.
Another round of faint coughing sparked the resent memory of what his mother had said. "Your step father is sick?" I questioned, and felt Kurama nod behind me, nuzzling his nose into my shoulder and breathing in. "Will he be alright?"
"Its just a chest cold. He had TB when he was a child, his coughs have always sounded like that." He explained calmly, and I nodded sluggishly, with all my anxiety and adrenaline fading, the last few days were piling up. Kurama seemed to catch that and ran his hand over my top arm. "How much sleep have you been getting?"
I blinked, thinking. "I got a couple of hours at the ranch I think. Slept after I finished with Koenma, but it was filled with nightmares." I admitted sheepishly. I could almost see the frown. He new about my sleep cycles; knew I had nightmares often. He just didn't know of what, and for that I was thankful that he didn't ask.
"Dinner isn't for a few hours, you should try to get some rest."
"What about you?"
I heard him chuckle and he rested his arm over mine. "I'll stay here, I promise."
I relaxed, nodding slightly again and closing my eyes. " 'kay…" I didn't realize how worn I suddenly was till that moment, and I felt safe there in his room. I let the darkness of sleep grab hold of me quickly and it dragged me down with ease.
The last thing I remembered was the sudden feeling of something touching my pant's pocket, pulling something from it, and then the darkness submerged me in its warm, quiet embrace.
