-Pulls out recording from Mulan-

I live!

Well, sort of?

You know I always promised I would never be one of those authors (the ones that leave you hanging!) but look at the date! -facedesk-

Long story short? I got a job that ended up making me really sick ~.~;

Said job has been quiet and I'm doing a little better day by day I think. Not really asking for forgiveness in my disappearance, just explaining. So I hope there still someone out there to read this~

Also, I found an awesome Beta, so this update is partly due to her contacting me, Thanks Ghost!


Chapter Fourteen: Place in the World

It was an odd sight to see him as such: all smooth skin with scattered red locks left in disarray around him, dark lashes kissing pale skin and a mess of sheets still twisted around his waist. He hadn't moved an inch since I had silently and carefully removed myself to take a shower when the rays of sunlight had woken me. It'd been a taxing act, mostly because I hadn't wanted to move, afraid I would wake him from the state before me.

Unguarded.

Completely and utterly unaware of the world around him, as if he truly felt safe there…in my bed. It was a feeling that left me with a sudden feeling of contentment I hadn't thought possible. I fingered the collar of his button-up shirt – I had pulled it on in a haze of sleepy warmth and then put it back on after my shower because of its smell. I wondered absently if he'd let me keep it; it was long enough on me to be a nightshirt.

Frowning slightly I glanced at the clock and sighed. I should wake him. It didn't matter if we'd been awake most of the night doing…things, we couldn't keep sleeping the day away, not when fear for my brother loomed over me like a waiting storm to shatter a perfect moment.

Slowly, I walked the rest of the way over to my bed and crawled back onto it. I had always thought it a bit silly of me to get a queen size bed – when I'd first gotten here it had been what I was used to from my old life – but now I was grateful for it.

It was like breathing when I interacted with him, so much easier then I would have ever thought. There were no secrets left between us now, and something about that had lifted whatever reservations we might have had.

Pressing my nose to his shoulder blade in a gap between his locks, I nuzzled and then placed a gentle kiss on it, half smirking at the salty taste of his skin. The muscles under my nose twitched to life and his slow even breathing was interrupted by a deeper breath.

Poking my head over his shoulder I smiled slightly when I was met with sleep green eyes. Kurama blinked slightly, still in a daze of sleep, though his hand did lift and trace the frame of my jaw before simply cupping one side of it. His eyes traced my form, over my face, to my still wet hair, to the shirt that hung on my frame and had two button still undone near the top.

"You're beautiful." He said simply, his thumb moving to rub at my cheek. I smiled closing my eyes and leaning into his touch.

"Good Morning to you to." I muttered opening my eyes again. "Did you sleep well?"

His gaze was more focused now; sleep's grip letting go of him as he met my eyes. "Better than I have in years." His lips twitched into a smirk, the ring of gold in his eyes still visible. I wondered if he knew about that. "I'm going to need that back, you know." He pointed out.

I quirked an eyebrow at him, pouting slightly. "You'll get it back before you leave." I teased him, daring him to do something about it because I knew I wanted him to. It was insane. It was stupid. I wasn't some teenager who had just given up her virginity. Saitō had seen that, how easily addicting the euphoria of it all could be for someone so new to it.

This was Kurama though. This was the man I had been in love with for years, the person who's accepted everything about me. He was addicting, he made me forget and lately that's all I wanted to do, even against my own better judgment.

We stared at each other for a whole minute, inches apart, only cloth separating our skin. It was all just too easy, and neither of us really seemed to know in that moment how to stop ourselves. He shifted on the bed and rolled flat onto his back, grabbing at my waist and pulling me over him; in seconds, I was straddling him.

His mouth latched onto mine, an arm keeping him upright and I moaned, my hands already in his hair, tugging, pulling. His free one was everywhere, slipping under his shirt and touching my back. "…Kurama," I whispered against his lips before moving them and nipping his jaw, his neck. It was last night all over again – the wind and lightning in my veins – I bit down on the spot I found hours before and he moaned lowly, nearly growling.

A strong hand pulled my chin up and he kissed me again, hard, open mouth and I nearly collapsed, my shoulder shaking. It was a like having a drug induced high, he made my head swim and I couldn't even think. I was just breathing and touch and loving him all over again. When he pulled back he moved to my ear, biting it and sighing. "I can't get enough of you." He shuttered slightly, one of my hands freed its self from red locks and reached back, skimming his leg. "Never in all of my life…" he continued and grabbed my wandering hand, pulling it in front of me again.

I stopped, looking him in the eyes and I knew he spoke of more than just 18 years in his human body. The heat in my body simmered and I sighed, elated at the look in his eyes. "I love you Kurama, more than you will ever understand, ever know," I whispered resting my forehead to his. "Spirits help me, I would gladly spend the rest of my days right here." But I couldn't, I relented to myself, the dark picture of my brother beaten and bloody shadowing the golden light that swam through my mind, finally pulling my head on straight.

He understood instantly and sat up, easily shifting me into his lap, a hand brushing back my hair. "You are mine," he replied and I couldn't say otherwise because it was true. I was his, had been since we first really spoke in that stupid maze of a house. "At any other time I would take you again, over and over till hunger drove us out." His words sent a shiver up my spine and I moved my head from his and pressed it into his shoulder. His arms caged me there, chin on my head as the weight of what was to come hit us both in that moment. "My need for you is not nearly sated after so much waiting, but we have work to do. I meant what I said last night."

"Yes," I muttered remembering his determined words. I knew he wouldn't let anything happen to me, and I would hardly let this, all of this end. I wanted more and that meant I would need to be alive.

We stayed there for a time before I gently slipped from his arms and left the room so he could dress. Making my way into the kitchen I put a pot on for tea and leaned on the counter for a moment, rubbing one bare leg with the other.

I played absently with the too-long sleeve of his shirt, unbuttoning the cuff and then re-buttoning it. My mind kept re-living the night before, every facet of it. My brother, my story, my choices. My heart seized at the thought of Damian in the clutches of a demon, and after I had done so much to prevent it. I knew I would do what ever it took to get him back, but afterwards? I wasn't sure where I stood any more, for the first time since I'd come back to life, I felt resentment towards Spirit World. Maybe it was time I thought about closing that chapter of my life, but how did one even do such a thing, when that is all you have ever known?

I pushed that thought aside, my mind drifting to other things, happier things. Thoughts that left a warm pool in my gut and made me smile. Every touch, every word, every sound and taste. It was enough to tempt me to go back into my room, push him back into bed and forget again.

Because I loved him.

It was the kind of life I had dreamed about before I had died; one I hadn't expected to ever have in this one. He hadn't said those – not aloud anyway – but I had felt it, seen it in his eyes when he'd looked at me. He was just waiting for the right moment to tell me, and I knew it wasn't such an easy thing for him, to truly let someone in.

Hands on my shoulders woke me from my thoughts as a nose buried itself in my wet hair and breathed in. His hands slid down and captured mine, making me stop in my fidgeting. I leaned into him and sighed, closing my eyes.

"I wish every morning was like this." I whispered, for he wasn't the only one who had slept so soundly. He shifted, the fabric of his pants brushing my bear calf as he moved to kiss the back of my neck for a moment.

"Soon."

It was all he said on the matter, but it left me warmer than before, a spark of hope that could light a fire. "What do I smell like to you?" I wondered out loud as he pulled back slightly, pressing his nose to my scalp again.

"You," he answered quickly, before pausing in thought. "The forest after a heavy rain, clover and river water," he muttered finally, squeezing my hands. "Why did you want to know?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, sighing. "I guess I've always wondered if I smelled weird, because this really isn't the body I was born in." It was hard to explain, because it felt like my body, but I knew it wasn't. My body – April's body – had been blown to pieces, this one had been made, and while it was a mostly functioning body...

"Were you truly so different before?" he mused, and I found it a bit weird that we could talk so easily of my past life after just telling him the truth. It was easy, just like everything else was with him.

"A little. Certainly not as different as you are in your demon form," I quipped and regretted it when he tensed slightly. I wished he would stop denying himself, like the way I had been doing, like I still did in many ways. He didn't have to, not like I did. "My hair was shorter – my mom had wanted me to grow it out, she always liked my hair – I guess that's why I have never really cut it." He pulled back slightly, letting go of one hand so he could look at me. "I wore glasses too. My eyesight had been horrible from day one, but Koenma fixed that when he gave me this body. That's about it though; I didn't really want to look different. Thought I knew I should have, I couldn't do it."

I often wondered if I had been given the chance to think about it, if I would have changed my appearance. Surely having blond hair in Japan was a sore thumb in itself, but it helped my story in the end, people believed I was American, because I was American.

"Glasses?" Kurama muttered, puzzled, and I giggled.

"I'm afraid I'm as guilty as Kaito for pulling that 'pushing glasses up in a cool mysterious fashion' thing."

His laugher echoed through my ear that was pressed to his chest and I winced slightly, pulling away. His free hand was pressed over his eyes as he laughed, almost as if he found the entire thing ridiculous.

He probably did.

I never got to ask though; as the whistle for the tea put sounded, and I pulled away completely, fetching two cups. As I poured the tea Kurama pulled out his phone and smiled at me as it buzzed in his hand. His mother then, because he moved to answer it, leaving the room. I was rather sure if it had been anyone else he would have ignored it.

I couldn't hear him clearly between the walls that hid him, not without Kuronue's powers, but he was talking fast, and for some reason it didn't sound right. I might have thought he was rushing to get back to me, but he never rushed with me, he knew I would be here. I had just finished our tea and taken my first sip, when he came back into the room, his content, happy face shattered with a look of worry.

My hands tightened around my cup. "Kurama…?"

He walked over and shook his head slightly. "That was mother," he started his hand reaching out to touch the cup meant for him, but not picking it up. "My step-father had to be taken to the hospital last night." He was so calm about it, though I certainly reacted enough for him, my back straightening and panic contorting my face. I didn't know the man well, but he had been very nice the few times we'd been together in a room. "He has pneumonia… the flu he had got worse, he's stable but she's been there all night and morning. Kokoda is at school, she made him go."

I nodded slowly, remembering that awful sound of a cough from days ago when I'd first found out the older man was sick. "He must be on pins and needles, poor kid." I cared for the younger boy more than I could have thought I would, but the snowball fight had been a bonding experience and he was so close to Damien's age… it had been easy, just like caring about his older brother.

"Yes," Kurama replied, before finally picking up his cup. "I will need to head to the hospital soon and then pick him up after words. My mother doesn't want him going home alone."

"I can do that," I offered quickly, without even thinking about it. Kurama raised an eyebrow, surprised and I smiled slightly. "You should stay with your mom, she needs support right now, and with the time it would be silly for you to make so many trips." After all, we'd slept most of the day away. "I'm gong to go to Spirit world… talk to some people, start looking for my brother. I can get Kokoda and bring him to you guys. I don't mind…"

Kurama smiled at me, pleased but I saw the concern for me in his eyes. "We will find him Izumi," he promised, and I nodded once more.

"I know, but right now, you should take care of your family… they are kind of like my family too… so I don't mind." They were, I realized suddenly. It had been years, over half a decade since I'd felt the touch of a parent, and Shiori treated me much like a mother would.

"I am pleased to hear that." His hand moved over to pet my hair again. "I will need my shirt back though." There was a laugh in his words, and I knew he knew I had been hoping to keep it. It seemed I liked his smell just as much as he liked mine.

I narrowed my eyes at him half tempted to start something, but knew it wasn't the time. That was over, at least for now. Reality waited for no one. I sighed, putting my cup down. "Alright, I'll go get dressed." With that, I left him in the kitchen and stripped off the last of a memory I would soon not forget.

Spirit world did little to easy any of the tension in my mind, because once there I realized one thing: I had no idea how to even start. Koenma did what he could, sending out the soul reapers to search around the city and nearby places. That was all he could do.

There were no leads, no scent or energy to follow.

So, with anger in my veins I'd left Spirit World, not even bothering to see how Saitō was doing. Kuronue had been quiet the entire time for the most part. He was staying calm for the both of us. It helped keep me grounded as I flew over the city, gliding around buildings. I wasn't even sure what to look for. I just felt I had to be looking.

Damien. Damien. Damien.

His name throbbed in my skull as I landed on a high rooftop and peered out over the city. The sidewalks below were full of people going on with their lives. I scrunched my nose slightly and turned from the edge, pinching the bridge of my nose.

"This is getting us nowhere." I thought with a heavy sigh. Kuronue hesitated in answering and I could feel him debating on comforting me or being honest. He chose the later.

"We don't really have much we can do right now. The demon has us pinned down; my guess is he's hoping you'll do this. He wants you to suffer and feeling helpless is just that."

I grimaced, knowing he was right. "You're not helping," I shot back at him, rubbing my arm. Thankfully Kuronue hadn't asked much about what had happened last night and I tried to keep my mind away from it as much as I could. Even if I would never take it back, that didn't mean I wanted to watch my best friend suffer. "What should I do then?"

"Keep a positive mindset," he suggested. "Don't let your life stop moving because of this."

"How can I? He's my brother!" To even think of going on without him.

"-And the best thing you can do for him at the moment is keep a level head. Think about it, if you try to keep your life going the demon will lose interest in waiting that much quicker. "

I let out a low sigh before a rumble in my pocket caught my attention. I pulled out my newly acquired cell phone and flipped it open. It was a texted from Miyumi. I hadn't seen her since the day I'd picked up my fixed violin and we'd signed up for auditions at a theater down town. Opening the message, I found it was concerning just that.

"You ready for the auditions this weekend? I'm so nervous!"

I blinked at the message and then sighed feeling the smug energy from my partner. He was right, life did keep moving, even if I was in the middle of a panic. I'd almost forgotten about the whole thing really, and it was in two days. I shrugged slightly, knowing I couldn't back out. Using my thumb I messaged her back.

"You bet, and you're always nervous. We'll both blow them away, no worries!" It felt nice to have a part of my life that was normal, even if it was so tiny I often forgot it was there.

Closing my phone I slipped it back into my pocket and turned back to the building edge again. I would just have to keep on going. Kuronue was right about that much, and making myself sick with worry wouldn't do my brother any good.

Glancing at the sun and taking note of the position it was in the sky I realized it was just about time to pick up Kokoda. Vaulting from the roof, my wings caught the wind and I soared onward, leaving the middle of the city and heading towards the younger kid's school