Chapter Eighteen: Bonds
I was falling. Down, down, down, so fast I could hardly breathe, hardly think. How was I falling? No wind scraped my form, no sound echoed and ripped in my ears, there was nothing that told me I was falling, but I was. I couldn't open my eyes, couldn't seem to even move a finger, nothing felt real. Nothing at all.
Then I hit the ground.
Bump-bump.
My senses were burning. My eyes watered, I tasted iron in my mouth and something wet ran down my fingers. I drew in a jagged breath and it came back out more like a growl than a sigh. Something curled around my leg and when I finally found my eyelids once more, they opened to the cold dark world of snow and ice that littered the park, same as before.
Bump-bump
Something slithered down from my neck, small and cold, and I caught it in my hand before it passed my ribs. Looking down I saw the once beautiful gemmed pendant now smashed – like a windshield struck by a rock, the surface bore spider-web cracks. It was cold, the ever-pulsing warmth that had always been there evicted in a sudden moment of time.
But Kuronue was…
I was…
There was blood on my hand, running in small rivers from my nails I realized, where my nails – like they had when I borrowed Kuronue's power – had turned sharp and deadly. Except now they didn't feel borrowed, they felt real, a dull ache thrumming from the end of each finger.
A quick glance to the side of my vision confirmed my hair was still blond, parts of it brittle and dark with drying blood. My blood. My boots were caked in it too, ruined beyond hope, and as I looked back up I caught the sight of something hanging behind my feet. I could feel where it started now that I'd seen it, right where my tailbone was. Except it didn't feel like bones and tendons and skin. It felt weightless, like air, with only a gentle buzz at the back of my mind reminding me it was there. It was black and transparent, long and lean with a sudden almost fluffy tuft of hair at the end.
It was a shadow, I realized in sharp clarity, a visible mark of power like Hiei's dragon tattoo and red eyes, or Yusuke's markings. A tail made of shadows I now controlled.
Kuronue had done it then; I was a demon, and I was alive.
…And he was gone.
Bump-bump.
My fingers curled gently around the broken pendant and I let my arm fall to my side, taking in the scenes around me, seeing the people in them for the first time.
I saw Kuwabara first; he was standing, gawking at me, really, with his energy sword burning in his hand, his feet planted in front of the tree Damien was propped against. My brother's eyes were still closed, his breathing still even.
Kurama and Juro were farther away, yards apart and both stock-still. Juro looked like he wanted to scream in frustration and anger, a look most people got when things never went their way. There was an energy around him, something that hummed in the air and made me blink, my sight changing without even a thought. The power that could have prevented this entire event snapped into place and I saw the energy residue of illusions all over the park. Juro himself was outlined in it – a milky, tarnished blue that oddly reminded me of that awful salad dressing – confirming that he was just another ghost of his own design.
When had he managed that, I wondered, eyes searching for the real one.
Kurama was another story. The thorn covered whip in his hand barely stayed in his suddenly lax fingers. His white clothing was bloody, thought I was rather sure it was all mine. His face was blank, not unsurprising, but his eyes were frantic. They stared me down as if willing away a dream or a nightmare, maybe both.
The area around them was even more troubling than what I had seen from in the sky. It made me wonder how much time had passed, and how the broken fountain – a chunk of it thrown feet from the rest – was in such a state when it had taken a crane to lift it into place the first time.
I took all of this in quickly, feeling oddly calm, my breathing even, the pulsing of a demon heart thumping slowly.
Bump-bump.
"This is quite a mess; you keep this up and we'll have an audience," I grumped out, and started forward with even steps, my shadow-made-tail swishing behind me. "This isn't a line of underground caves or an abandoned warehouse you know. You're hardly so careless Kurama."
The fox in question blinked and his hand tightened around his weapon once more, as if me speaking had broken a spell at the rather calm tease I'd just jabbed at him. "Izumi…" my name was a sigh – the release of tension made by ripping grief and anger dulled to a ghost in an instant.
I shook my head and took the moment to widen my gaze around the park. Trails of demonic energy weaved through the air like spray paint, all blue and silver, until I found his hiding spot. Behind the illusion, standing in plain sight, yet not.
Illusions were tricky things, much like shadows and darkness. Maybe that was why I could see them if I knew to look for them, knew to turn on that power.
When I stood in front of the fox demon, both half-turned from Juro and his copy, I raised a hand, the one clenching the pendant, then held it out to him. Kurama took it without words and looked upon it, rubbing his thumb over the shattered stone face with a frown. He didn't seem confused, only pained and saddened.
My hand still lingered in the air near his, and then I touched the back of it, not to tell him I was there, no, but to give him directions. I glided my pointer finger in the direction of Juro's hidden spot on his hand just a fraction of time sooner than the rest of my hand.
A trick, a silent command Kurama had once used with Kuronue centuries ago…except the bat demon had drawn on the back of the fox's shoulder, not his hand.
"You're right," he finally replied to my earlier statement and his hand dropped to the side, the pendant still in it. "I'll wrap this up." His rose whip flashed in his other hand, striking out to slash at the illusion of Juro , or at least it looked like it would. I saw the green whip grow moments before it stuck and went straight through the copy, still flying. It reached out like an extension of Kurama's hand and wrapped around its target in moments, the startled scream laced with pain confirming capture.
Juro was dragged out on his back with a simple tug of the whip from Kurama. Thorns had already worked their way into his skin, the last inch of the whip curled under his chin. I left Kurama's side to take the few steps need to stand over my killer with a bone-deep calmness that nearly scared me.
Is this what it's like to be a demon? Or was I so consumed by this new power – this new self – that I could feel nothing at all to the degree I should have? Juro scowled at me through a wince and I bent down, knowing he could do nothing. He was trapped, his limbs pinned to him still as the dead, for if he moved he most likely would join them.
"I don't understand…" he hissed faintly, eyes wide as I leaned over him. "I killed you…"
"You did," I agreed softly, and for a moment I wanted him to feel better, for him to finally be able to let go of the hate he had for me. No one should end their life with so much anger in their eyes; even I had found peace in my death less than an hour ago. Then that moment was gone, and I reached out to touch his face, to run clawed fingers down his cheek. "But you underestimated the bonds I have carried in this life."
"What good are bonds," he hissed the word, "if they are all gone? What is there left when you are alone." He was lost; I could see it now as he spoke, desperate and grieving for the last person in his life. My hand trailed to his neck, whispering over the vine and stopped.
"I tried to let your sister live," I muttered evenly, wondering if I had already told him that, but not really caring. "I can't give you that same offer, not after what you have done."
Juro gave a humorless laugh and looked at me as if I were still a ghost. "To think you'd be such a pest, such a grievance. I never thought I would regret killing anyone, but I do with you. Things would have been different if I hadn't ended your life then. Don't you think, April?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, not quite grasping at his words. As if not killing me would have ended this night any differently. It was pointless to try and understand. I did know one thing, though, and I leaned closer to him as I moved to stand, let my hand fall from his neck. "That's not my name."
I saw confusion and relief enter his eyes for just a moment and then as I stood and turned, the shadow that made up my tail sharpened, the fluffy hair turning smooth and sharp. It lashed out like a snake, kissing his throat with deadly precision I wasn't aware I had. It was over instantly, crimson flooding out and for a moment, Juro did struggle, his eyes opening wider still before they went lax with the rest of him.
As I turned away, Kurama's weapon vanished and my shadow weapon returned to the harmless appendage it had always been. Strange that I controlled the same powers my best friend had, but somehow they were so different now. I could only guess it was because they were mine.
When I met Kurama's eyes they had warmed slightly, but were cautious, and one glance behind him confirmed that Kazuma had relaxed, but was much the same. They were confused, but then, so was I.
The rippling shockwave of a portal opening stopped any words from passing between us, and from out of the darkness of the park stepped Saitō and the blue-haired bastard Shun-Jung. They both looked to Kurama first, Shun-Jung scowled and took a meaningful step forward.
The switch of my shadow drew their gaze before much could happen and Saitō did a small double take while his commanding officer looked slightly sickened. All four of us simply stared at each other for a long few moments and I wasn't quite sure what to do or say.
Then, mercifully, Kuwabara stepped forward, my brother in his arms again. That snapped everyone back into action and the two SDF seemed to remember why they were there.
"Koenma saw what happened, he sent us to retrieve your brother," Saitō explained, looking me in the eyes. I felt a twinge of guilt bite at my mind for a moment, remembering I hadn't really spoken to him as of late. I gave a small nod, looking at my sleeping brother.
"He'll make sure Damien doesn't remember any of this?" I wanted quite badly then, to reach out and touch him, if only to make sure he was alive and well. If only to make contact with my little brother one more time. I clenched my hands and Shun-Jung snorted.
"Of course, he will, and then we'll clean up the mess you've made," his eyes crawled down me and his face soured even more. He must have been pleased; he'd always thought I was a demon, now he was right. "You should be grateful we don't bring you both in for causing so much trouble. Be grateful no humans wandered in." As he spoke, Kuwabara handed Damien over to Saitō who shifted the boy once before turning to me.
"We could wait, Izumi," he muttered, a hint of sympathy in his voice, concern. "Now that the danger had passed, you could speak with him, make sure for yourself he's well before we return him to his normal life." The words 'he won't remember anyway' hovered unspoken in the air between us. Kuwabara sent me a confused look, as if not understanding; how could he, though? He had no idea that to my brother, I'd been dead and gone for years. I let out a small sigh looking at my brother again, letting my eyes settle on the scratches and scuffs on his face.
Bump-bump
The thump of my demonic heart made my decision easy. "I'm not sure that would do any good. What would he wake up to, other than someone who resembles his sister and is covered in blood?" I looked at my hand, at the cracking, drying stains on it, and then let it drop to my side once again. "it would only bring back the nightmares and the grief he has already overcome. April is a memory best left as that."
Saitō gave a heavy nod and without another word, turned and walked back into the darkness, towards the hidden portal. I knew Damien would be healed and his memory would be tampered with, as would everyone's he knew. His life would go on as if nothing had happened.
"You three best be on your way," The blue haired SDF drawled, making Kurama tense beside me. I wondered briefly if he could change back right now, or if a certain amount of time would have to pass like it had in the Chapter Black incident. "You all stick out like sore thumbs, even you Izumi. I suppose the human is fine, but, well. We all know you're not needed here. Lick your wounds elsewhere. "
I saw Kuwabara puff up, heard Kurama growl low in his chest, but I simply turned away. I had no reason to give the fool what he wanted, and in truth, it was all becoming too much to handle.
I'm not sure when Kuwabara left us, how long all three of us walked in silence towards the park entrance, but he was gone when we reached it. I tried to make a mental note to explain things to him later, before glancing at Kurama. Neither of us was really able to simply walk about the city as we were – bloody and demonic featured – so speed would be our best bet. We used the rooftops as well, making it make to my apartment quicker than I was used too. It felt unsettling, knowing that the power I was using, was mine. That it would simply slip off when I no longer needed it.
Kurama didn't say a word when I opened my door and walked in, taking the side to slip off my ruined boots, the laces cracked red-brown. I turned on the light out of habit, though I hardly needed it now, and walked into my room to change. My hand touched the dresser knobs as and I glanced in the mirror above before suddenly freezing into place.
I looked the same for the most part, ignoring the blood and such, but what drew me in, were my eyes. They had always been hazel, something I had always loved about myself. The rich brown-gold with the ring of green that was like ivy, threading into the brown in tendrils. What I saw weren't vines though, but stardust. Blue the color of the brightening night sky at dawn. A color I had loved…the color I had stared into when he'd said goodbye.
His color.
The mirror shattered. It took me a moment to realize it was my fist that had broken it, as my hand laid still pressed to the wall, glass crumbling around it, my reflection broken and fractured like his pendant.
Everything came tumbling down.
I screamed, not in anger, but in pain, in agony so deep in nearly tore my own heart apart. I felt my hands in my hair then, felt claws digging into my scalp as if trying to keep my head from exploding. The demonic energy that had been so well kept lashed out and I heard things breaking but didn't know what.
No. No, no, no.
He was gone. Kuronue was gone.
My scream came out as a suffering sob and I shook my head back and forth. He was gone. My best friend was gone, and my brother was gone and –
Strong hands pulled my own from my hair and suddenly I was locked in warm arms that held me to him with firm gentle pressure. I shuddered and barely glanced up at him. Kurama's ears were tilted back against his head like a frightened cat, and his eyes – oh, god, his eyes - they held sorrows just like mine must have.
"Izumi…"
I quivered again, unable to really hear him, and pulled away slightly, only to twist and throw myself back at him as another tremor raked my body and something warm slipped down my cheek. It took me a moment of thought to realize they were tears, and then I pushed the thought away and no longer cared. I no longer felt strong or cold or hollow. Just an emptiness that seemed to echo the open space in my mind where he had once resided, and never would again.
"I've got you…" Kurama's whispered words were the last crack in my wall and the tears spilled unrelenting as I sobbed and cried like I never had in this life. I cried for everything, not just the loss of my best friend and having to watch my brother being taken from me once more. I cried for Kyo, my master and friend, I cried for the time I had lost to the life I had lived these past years.
As I gripped on to his white tunic with everything I had, I realized I was sobbing for the wrong I had done to the man I loved as well. "I'm sorry," I whispered between shuddering breaths. "You shouldn't have had to give up what you worked so hard to have." For the humanity he'd let go of in his anger for my death. For the demonic form he now wore even though he'd sealed it away. Would he ever be able to change again?
His arms tightened around me and even though my eyes were closed the tears still leaked out and I felt his forehead on mine. "I should be saying that," he confessed, his throat sounding raw. "If I hadn't been so selfish, if I had listened to you and Kuronue…I could have saved you, saved you both. In the end, he was the one who ended up being the one to keep his promise, to keep you safe. Never again, I promise you that, Izumi, I promise."
I didn't correct him, didn't even try to fight him on it because I knew we were both grieving. My tears didn't dry up for a very long time that night, but Kurama never left my side, not even for a moment. When the sun rose that morning, scarlet red blazing in the dark sky like fire on coals, I found myself nestled in his lap, arms around me, as we lay curled on my bed. I saw the shattered lamp and mirror, the torn curtains all wrecked in my loss of control, but felt none of it now, only an ache that seemed to lessen when I looked at Kurama's sleeping face.
I knew then that the worst was over.
Authors note:
While part of me feels I shouldn't need to, because it upset so many I will briefly explain my reasoning with Kuronue's departure, its not death if your already dead, lol.
From the very beginning I made it rather clear that Kuronue would more then likely end up with the short end of the stick when it came to love, because Izumi refused to let herself fall pray to a tragic tale that all Soul Detectives had before her. Did she love him? Yes, most certainly. He was her pillar of strength, a calming voice and her best friend in the world. That sadly though made her rely on him too much in battle, making her careless. that Combined with her rather compliant nature led to her fatal flaw as a person - one that she never really saw till it was far too late.
Why did Kuronue sacrifice himself? Because he loved her, and no matter when it would have happened he would have still done it once she died. In a way, you could say he loved her more then Kurama. Why didn't he come back to life and get a different girl? OH COME ON PEOPLE, no, just no. That would make no sense...at all.
Plus honestly guys, your getting ahead of yourself - I'll say no more.
Anyway, I promises this is the last of the sadness, well, story wise. There's only two chapters left and I'l be sewing up most of the loose ends in them. what ever is left over with me in the short story that follows this.
anyway, enjoy!
