Chapter 3: Crusader Rabbit

HM Murdock and Corporal Klinger were sitting together at a table in Rosie's Bar. Klinger, in his official capacity as corpsman, had just finished a very long stint of OR duties. Murdock had made several dangerous and harrowing trips in his chopper, carrying casualties from the Front to the M*A*S*H unit. Both looked completely shell-shocked and weary.

Murdock sat with his untouched whiskey in his hands. Try as he might, he couldn't get the image of his last casualty out of his mind. The soldier's dog tags revealed his name formerly as Fisher, Daniel and the young Private couldn't have been any older than 17 or 18 years of age. With half of his head blown away, the pilot wasn't even sure if he was going to make it.

"This Police Action sure does love to take its victims young," he sighed, not speaking to anybody in particular.

Klinger looked up from his beer, nodding in agreement.

"Police Action – my eye!" he scoffed. "Those bureaucratic bigwigs ought to come up and take a good look round this hospital someday. Then they'd see this ain't no Police Action!"

Murdock glanced at Klinger with a surprised look on his face. They had bumped into each other quite a bit over the last few weeks and had spent most of their time trying to out-do each other with their own brand of craziness. This was the first time he had seen the hairy Lebanese soldier in such a sombre mood.

The pilot had been very impressed to see how good Klinger had been at his job. He had gone about his duty with a degree of humour, compassion and dedication. Murdock had also noticed how conservatively dressed he was, in just a plain white nurse's uniform and hat. Almost as if he didn't feel his usual extravagant style would be appropriate for the OR. Downing his whiskey in one go, he banged his glass down on the table and leant across the table to address the Corporal.

"You know, what we need is a change of scenery," he said, ardently.

"Got anywhere in mind?" asked Klinger, immediately recognising the hint of high-spirited enthusiasm flashing in the pilot's brown eyes.

"Well," replied Murdock. "I'm thinking of going to Texas and helping Crusader Rabbit in his quest to save all the other jack rabbits. Those little critters are being run out of town by that son of a gun, Dead-Eye Dobbins. I've heard he's the rootines, tootiness, sharpest shooter in San Anton!"

Klinger stifled a wry smile. He had come to learn that Murdock's eccentricities seem to escalate when he'd had a bad day at the office, so to speak.

"Texans!" he mocked. "Holy Toledo! We could whip them easily. They ain't nothin' but singers and cowboys! But are you sure you can find Texas from here?"

"No problemo," replied Murdock. "I looked it up in the dictionary. It's between "Terror" and "Thanksgiving!""

"Oh I like Thanksgiving!" enthused Klinger. "Turkey; stuffing; cranberry sauce; pumpkin pie …."

"Of course organisation is the important thing," continued Murdock, narrowing his eyes seriously as he considered all the options. "My bird can get us to Route 87½ but then we'll probably run out of fuel. We'll still have to get across to Cactus Creek to find Dead-Eye Dobbins. That's gonna mean crossing the desert through the Chisolm Trail; across the old Western Trail; down the Goodnight Trail; along the Shawney Trail …."

"Hey, that means we're gonna need a camel," interrupted Klinger. "My Uncle Achmed does a great line in camels!"

"Splendid, splendid!" concurred Murdock. "We should start making a list, coz every Fighting Nighthawk Commando should go prepared. Let's see now. We'll need sleeping bags; footlockers; a radio …."

"... cream puffs!" interjected Klinger.

"And a canoe would be handy," continued Murdock.

"And more cream puffs!" insisted Klinger.

"Then when we've sorted Dobbins out, we need to go see the Chief Hare Remover and get him to change the laws about rabbiting," said Murdock. "Jumpin' Grasshoppers! It makes me hopping mad and fit to be tied when I think how those little critters are suffering!"

"I wonder what a budding crusader is wearing in the desert these days?" pondered Klinger. "Do you think my beige, cotton safari dress would be ok? I've got a great straw bonnet to compliment it. Or maybe I should just stick with the conventional trouser and jacket ensemble?"

"We'll be a regular 2-man army," affirmed Murdock. "Hey, maybe we could even specialise in crusader work after Korea?"

"Yeah!" agreed Klinger. "We could set weekly or monthly crusader rates. We could even do a bargain day for widows and orphans!"

"As an old Colonel buddy of mine says," beamed Murdock. "Don't you just love it when a plan comes together!"

The two men happily went over their plan, fine-tuning all the details. Then one of the surgeons came in and went over to speak with Murdock. He was still wearing his scrubs, which unfortunately showed the tell-tale signs of blood-splattered injuries. The pilot immediately recognised him as Captain Pierce, one of the doctors who worked on the young soldier he had brought in a few hours earlier in his whirlybird.

"Captain Murdock," said Pierce. "A call has just come through that there is a soldier out in the field with a bad chest wound. Would you be able to fly me out there?"

"Sure, Doc," replied Murdock, immediately jumping to his feet. "Hey, by the way. What happened to Private Fisher? Did he make it?"

Captain Pierce shook his head sadly. A dark, pained expression eclipsed the pilot's previous cheerful nature.

"Only the dead have seen the end of this war," he muttered quietly to Klinger.

Before Klinger could respond the PA system crackled loudly in the background, accompanied by the sound of approaching ambulances in the compound.

"Attention all personnel. Sorry, folks, but we're having a welcoming medical convention in the compound.Grab a friend and report for duty - on the double!"

"Back to reality," sighed Klinger, as he dragged himself up from his seat. "I guess sometimes we have to win the small battles before we can win the war."

"A bit like Crusader Rabbit," answered Murdock, as they both followed Captain Pierce out of the bar.

Klinger gave Murdock a reassuring pat on the back before they stepped back into their own separate worlds of isolation and fantasy.

[AN: Thank-you for reading. Crusader Rabbit was a bona fide cartoon character, who appeared on TV screens between 1949 and 1959.]