Okay so for some reason the reviews on this site have gone kaput and I honestly have no clue why. So if I don't see a review you sent in then this is just a heads up. Anyways, I'd like to thank Sayu-senpai (The Iron Wolf of Winterfell) for sending in a review to this story even though you aren't in this fandom. It's a great help, thank you for your support.
Also, I reference a certain Percy Jackson character as a comparison. Consider it a little Human!stuck au headcanon. (And I haven't been on tumblr in a long time so I most definitely not up to date with any of the modifications that may or may not have been done to the website, so forgive me for that.)
Nepeta's leg swung lazily from the branch of a tree. She sat up there doodling in her sketchbook, having brought it along to pass the time because she knew that no one else was as punctual as Equius. No one. Ever. Not once since the formation of their rag tag group has anyone ever come to anything on time except for Equius. (And her since Equius is the one who gives her rides to things.)
She sets down her pencil and hurries to hide yet another yawn. Through the tiny slits of her eyes she glared at the amusement park across from her. Between her own poor decisions to stay up so late and the fact that today happened to be a day for cheap deals if you came in early she kind of hated the place. Really what Nepeta needs is to catch up on her sleep, just as much as she needs to catch up on...well just about everything really.
"Nepeta, that is the 15th time you have yawned within 5 minutes," She looks down at Equius who had been sitting right under her reading. "Did you not sleep at all last night?"
Oh if only he knew how many hours of sleep she had gotten within the past week he'd lecture her about taking better care of herself. Nepeta simply shakes her head and yawns again.
"Dear lord," He sighs. "Perhaps you should go home and sleep. I will tell the others and be sure they understand the reason why you could not attend."
She shakes her head again, this time a bit more frantically. "No, I'll be fine. Besides, we've been planning this outing for a while now. It wouldn't be fair of me to not show up!"
And anyways, she knew Karkat was going to be here today. Despite knowing that the odds were against her she still couldn't help but want to see him. She liked the way his dark curls fell into his eyes- a pale, blue-grey color that held a storm within. And though he mostly always wore a scowl as his primary emotion, his rare smile enchanted her like no other. His pale skin, thin yet firm jawline, the way his loose clothing hung off of him in a disheveled way. All of his looks, she loved them. He's a piece of art that she'd love to draw over and over again.
While she internally starts to drool over the image of Karkat the first of their friends begin to show up. A long, lanky teenage boy with shaggy hair pushes a hispanic boy in a wheelchair up to them. Gamzee Makara and his best friend Tavros Nitram. The two are increasingly hard to separate these days. They've gone through things thick and thin. Secretly she suspects that there's probably just a bit more behind their friendship. After all, Gamzee's look is only the most gentlest when he stares at Tavros. It pains her a little that they aren't together yet, but also that once they are she'll be left behind by even more friends in this aspect.
"Heya Broquius, Sis. We the first to show?" Gamzee greets them both pleasantly, offering each a fist bump in turn. He barely has to stretch to reach Nepeta up in her perch. He's just so tall. Equius nods to confirm Gamzee's question.
Tavros stares up at Nepeta and grins. "How's the, uh, view up there?"
Her head slightly twitches at a downwards angle. Is she imagining it or did he sound a little jealous? Maybe she should get down so that way he didn't feel like that, even if it's just her mind playing tricks on her.
"It's meowvelous!" She smiles and fights the urge to yawn again. No use in repeating the conversation she had just had with Equius. Quickly she shoves her sketchbook and pencil into her messenger bag, which had been hanging off of her similarly to the way her leg had been hanging off of this branch. When the task is complete she nimbly hops down and lands in a power pose.
Tavros and Gamzee clap enthusiastically as she stands and takes a bow. For a moment she has to put aside the fact that she really is too tired to be here. Today's a day that will require her to be extra perky and cheery, neither emotions of which she had enough to be expending at the moment.
I've gotta hang out with everyone today so they don't get suspicious, despite the fact that I really would rather be somewhere else right now.
Reason number 1 for this: Nepeta felt that today was going to bring her dangerously close to being cranky; something that only occurs when a lack of sleep is present and is also considered out of character for her. Reason number 2: The more she saw her friends in relationships being lovey dovey the more depressed it was going to make her feel. Reason number 3 is walking towards them right now.
Automatically, after being the first to spot her friends walking towards them, her gaze honed in on one person. Karkat Vantas; a senior just like her, a bit dark and brooding, and devilishly handsome in his black t-shirt and vest. She had once read a book about Greek demi-gods, one of them being the son of Hades. His description, among many samples of artwork, have led her to believe that Karkat and the child of Hades could almost be one and the same. He strides towards their current meeting spot with the rest of his group in tow. This entourage included his new best friend Sollux, a techie that liked to wear 3-D themed glasses over his multi-colored eyes. Mixed and matched as he liked to always say. Then there's Sollux girlfriend, Feferi. Often a cheery girl with a sea-themed sense of fashion, she came from Hawaii. The other two members were Terezi, the groups lead blind girl lawyer, and Aradia.
Carefully Nepeta sneaks a glance Equius's way. He had pullen out his handkerchief and was dabbing lightly at his brow. It wasn't very late in the day and it was only just beginning to heat up, so she knew that he was a bit nervous. No doubt his heart was racing like hers as they both looked at their respective crushes. Nepeta returns her line of sights back to the nearing group. With a smile planted onto her face she stuck her arm up into the air and waved it energetically. It really drew the attention to her, though at the moment she wanted more than anything to be hidden from view. As much as she wanted to Karkat to notice her it simply just felt better when he didn't. Whenever he looks at her that happy flutter always manages to find a way to go a little bit further and onto a rather anxious beat.
"Is this all that's showing up?" Sollux demanded upon being within earshot. Over the years the techie they called friend had had a terrible lisping problem. With a lot of hard work they had all pitched in someway to help him, and now he could speak almost completely normal. The lisp itself only became apparent when he either spoke too loudly or if he got upset. At the moment she could faintly catch it, since his voice had been slightly raised, but only just barely.
"No. Dave says that he's coming and that he's bringing Jade and John," Nepeta's fingers twitch towards her left pocket where she kept her phone. Though she's sure that is what Dave had told her, she couldn't help but doubt her own memory.
Sollux's face screws up and he makes a few disgusted noises. For whatever reason imaginable the techie despised Dave with a passion.
And like clockwork, just after she had answered the question, the trio walks up to them. Dave has his camera hanging around his neck. One hand is raised in greeting, while the other is entwined with Jade's. John, a goofball if there ever was one, walks behind them like a third wheel, yet completely oblivious to his position.
"Yo, we made it," Dave picks up his camera and waves it gently around. "Let's get this show on the road. I've got pictures to take, portforlios to make. Time to get entrenched in this bitches."
"I swear if you so much as take even one picture of me I will murder you," Sollux jabs a finger at Dave angrily. The blonde immediately takes the statement as a challenge and lifts his camera up to his face, snapping a picture.
"But no portfolio of mine is complete without a princess," he snickers. Sollux makes a move to deck him, but Feferi intercepts and deflects the potential conflict by grabbing his hand. With her prey hooked on the line she began to reel him excitedly towards the admission stands of the theme park.
Though she berates herself for doing it, Nepeta follows the couple with her eyes, staring at their locked hands. Unwillingly she shifted between that and Karkat. What would it be like to hold his hand? What would it be like to lean her head against his shoulder as they strolled together and-
No. Bad Nepeta. Don't let yourself go there. She snaps herself out of it and gives her head a light shake before bouncing off "excitedly" in pursuit of Sollux and Feferi. She had to keep herself intermediate of the two groups so that she wouldn't feel overwhelmed. The happy loner. In front of her were couples. Behind her were couples and the wannabe couples. And a crush. She has to act as normal as possible without daydreaming. No wishful thinking. If she starts wishing, she'll begin to long for what she can't have. And if that happens she'll only ruin her heart and bring herself down. And when she's around her friends that is absolutely not allowed!
Nepeta jumps up to the booth and waits for her friends, ready to get this day over with so she can agonize over it later.
lonely-hearts-club
Amusement Parks Aren't Really Amusing
People Guide:
Centaurian- Best Friend
Crabby Cat- Crush
Cooliosis- Cool Friend
Woof- Dog Friend
Color Blind (CB)- Tech Friend
Joker- Clown Friend
Animal Master (AM)- Shy Friend
Mermaid- Princess Friend
Sniffer- Blind Friend
Robo Girl (RG)- Foreign Friend
Eggroll- Nerd Friend
Fish Brain (FB)- A Jerk Friend
Friends in Relationships or Just Have Yet to Get Into One With Each Other:
Centaurian + RG (Not Yet)
Joker + AM (Not Yet)
Cooliosis + Woof
CB + Mermaid
So as you can see with the surface of my friend dynamics barely having been scratched I'm already dealing with a lot in my surroundings. And with other friends and even my family getting into new relationships or whatnot then I just feel...suffocated. Like, don't get me wrong, I'm overjoyed that everyone has found someone to like in such a way, because in my opinion everyone deserves a chance to love and be loved even if it's only just once.
But the longer I go without a chance of feelings being reciprocated then the more I don't want to see others getting what I can't. I'll admit it, I got very jealous of my friends today. Of course I kept this to myself, I'm no downer when it comes to letting other people be happy, but I couldn't help myself. In a way I kind of envy what my friends have too. I can't really say any of this to them though without coming off as a hypocrite though... I think they still hold onto the idea that I'm highly independent and don't need/want a guy at my side. But I'm only normal in that aspect. At some point I suppose even the strongly independent people go through moments of crisis like this.
Anyways, today this specific portion of my friends and myself had planned an out since there's been a lack of school today. It was our "Treat Yo Self" day pretty much. We had all agreed prior that it needed to be someplace lively, and at the time I had the sufficient amount of energy to actually be dealing with something of this caliber. But I'm an idiot who doesn't want to sleep. And as everyone knows, idiots who don't want to sleep screw up a lot.
I can't even begin to describe the number of times I've screwed up today. I haven't tripped over my own feet, or stumbled over my own words, since I was a kid. And the universe seems to find it fitting to make certain that it's always in front of Crabby Cat. Now he'll probably only ever think of a klutz when he hears my name I've never been so ashamed of myself because if only I had gone to be earlier I would have been more coordinated! I mean, I've taken gymnastics pretty much my whole life, so I should be able to keep my balance but no.
I have to be stubborn and afraid of my own dreams. I haven't slept properly within the last two weeks, maybe even longer, because of the sweet nothings those dreams provide me with. They're just the dumb wishful thinking I've shoved aside during the waking hours coming back to haunt me. The big "What If's" trying to make themselves known in my mind. But I can't let myself wish for what I know is beyond my reach. I'll never go out with CC. I'll probably never even tell him how I feel.
*sigh* Sorry, I'll quit rambling and get on with my story.
I guess that aside from my unusual klutz display then the day went rather okay. Or it would have if Fish Brain hadn't decided to show up unannounced and be an ass.
If I was only given the choice of using 3 words to describe Fish Brain they would be rude, clingy, and British. Yes he does have his merits because he's actually fairly book smart and he's a wizard at science, but his people skills suck balls. Big time.
So anyways, FB shows up unannounced and tags along with us and just generally makes things awkward. The thing about FB is that he's had this long standing crush on Mermaid. But since she's dating Color Blind then she kinda puts him beyond the friendzone level. So he's just kind of a lurker and I really think that the only reason he joined our merry band was because of her. It's just that he honestly seems to have no filter or boundaries.
For example: He. Does. Not. Like. Me. So his choice past time seems to be insulting my various choices. Today's round happened to be about my wardrobe. He says that it makes me look like a kid furry. Of course I am not going to take any of his crap because 1.) I'm not a furry. I just like to wear cat tails/cat themed hats. 2.) I thought my clothes were pretty suitable for my age. (Combat boots, half sized trench coat, and my favorite band shirt/shorts. Along with my clip on tail. Like an apocalyptic teen or something, right?)
But...
Then CC actually indirectly agrees with FB. It was a completely off handed comment to Sniffer, but I heard it and it still kinda bugs me right now. I mean, I can't stop wondering what style it is that he thinks isn't childish. I don't want to change myself for a guy, but the impulse to do it because of how I view him is killing me. Because there's always this small, insanely annoying voice nagging at me saying: If you do he could notice you. If he notices you, you might have a chance.
I want him to notice me. God do I want him to notice me. I want it to happen so badly, and for him to say to himself, "Now there's a girl I can like." I feel so desperate for this to happen and it makes me sick of myself.
While I'm slowly starting to feel down on myself FB only keeps making it worse. He pulled on my tail while I was trying to help with getting everyone their food and drinks and...
I was so frustrated and embarrassed that I almost cried. Bet he would have gotten a good laugh out of that if I had.
By then I had reached my limit for the day. Centaurian wasn't anywhere to be found. I think he had gone to help RG with something or was on another ride with her still. He's always been pretty eager to please, no matter who it was really, but RG has definitely been a special one since he had laid eyes on her. I can't really blame him. I feel the same about CC. But at the moment I was covered in sticky drinks and food, he was no where in sight, and everyone else had seen it happen. The weather had become increasingly hot and I was still very tired. Without so much as a word I packed up and left. Cooliosis tried to offer me a ride home, but if I knew that if he was driving then that meant Woof and Eggroll would be tagging along. As much of a terrible idea it was, I just really wanted to be left alone.
So alone is what I got.
And alone I broke down.
In conclusion I have learned that:
1. My crush thinks I look childish.
2. Soda and food is really hard to get out of my hair and clothes when it's baked on by the sun.
3. Amusement Parks aren't all that amusing anymore.
I honestly don't know if I'll be able to show my face around CC at the moment. It doesn't help that I do have a class with him when I go back to school. But if there's just one thing I've come to know it's that the universe just keeps coming back to shove me into situations I don't want, so I guess that I'm just going to have to beat it to the point just to get it over with.
Until the next feelings jam,
-KitKat
Nepeta stared at her re-telling of today's events, twirling a finger in her wet hair. Maybe she was over reacting with this. It could have gone a lot worse, right? She could have gotten sick or something along those lines. But still. Karkat had thought she looked childish, and then he had seen her covered in food. It's embarrassing enough to make tears start to well in her eyes again.
Why did Eridan have to do that? Why did he have to be such an ass to her?
It's not fair.
Life's not fair.
She rubbed her eyes and clicked back to her dashboard. It's just no use arguing with herself when both points she was arguing were right. She scrolled through and saw that Dave had updated his blog with pictures from the amusement park. There were mostly a lot of pictures of him and Jade, which made her gut wrench just a little. They looked so happy...
"Knock it off," she warned herself, and kept scrolling. It was only after a few minutes of this that she noticed she had a notification.
dave-of-guy started following you.
Oh no. No. Nononononononono. He's going to see the recent post and totally know it's her! He was there for crying out loud! Ugh maybe she should have fabricated a little bit of it so that way it didn't resemble the whole day they all just had.
No, if she had done that then she wouldn't be telling her truth.
Another notification came in, this time a message.
dave-of-guy asked:
looks like you had a rough day, sorry to hear that. hope it goes better for you next time you see CC. i'll be here, as a stranger, to read your stuff if it'll make you feel any better.
She blinked.
That's it? He's not busting down any doors and pointing fingers at her? How is it he's not?
Baffled she decided to respond.
Thank you for your support all of a sudden. It's nice, I guess, to see that someone is willing enough to read about my boring problems. Um, I like your pictures by the way. They're very original.
Okay so maybe she is fabricating a little bit. But if Dave isn't accusing her of being her...then why not pretend she doesn't know him? It's a dumb and risky move, considering that anyone of her woes could be a dead give away, but if it'll help her keep her outlet secret enough...
She sent the message back to him.
"I really am an idiot, in more ways than one," she mumbled to herself as she hit her head with a sigh. "Just please don't let my idiocy shine through to the path of obviousness."
