Notes:
Beta'd again by my datemate, CrimsonFlameWolf.
Also, just in case people don't know, it's canon that Dib was going to be revealed to be a clone of Membrane later in the show. Only the epilogue left!
There were two quick knocks. Zim knew who it was before asking the computer or even answering. He adjusted the wig on his head for the benefit of any neighbors who might just so happen to look over, before yanking the door open.
Dib usually looked...like Dib. He was too tall, too aloof or vibrating with excitement (there was no in between). He was usually talking as soon as the door cracked open, about their newest case, about ufos and cryptids and any number of other things that used to be meaningless drivel but had quickly becoming something Zim found incredibly fascinating.
Dib didn't look like Dib. He did none of the things he normally did, said none of things he normally said. His face was a mask (but not of aloof arrogance). It hid something deeper, something...painful? His shoulders looked bent, like he was waiting for something to hit him, preparing for a storm. His hands were shoved in his pockets. Those eyes, that were always burning with some inner fire...seemed dull. He looked so pale. Paler than normal.
Zim hesitated. "Dib? You look...bad."
Dib opened his mouth as if to respond. Zim heard the human's breath catch. He quickly closed his mouth, lips locked tight, and shook his head quickly. Gold eyes squeezed shut. The irken's confusion was slowly building into something like panic.
A tiny fist clenched at his side and he stepped forward, warily. "What is the meaning of this?"
The human looked down at the porch's peeling paint, then back up at the irken. "I, um..."
Even his voice sounded odd. Lower than usual, rough. Dib shook his head again and swallowed. Zim could see his throat work with the effort. "I'm not...I'm...," His breathing sounded ragged, and Zim's trepidation rose with the human's voice.
"Spit it out, Dib!" The irken shouted, getting angry in response to his own anxiety.
Dib gritted his teeth and looked down at his shoes. When he spoke, it was in a whisper. A dreaded secret. "I'm a..." He swallowed again. ",a clone."
Zim blinked.
They sat outside some gas station in Dib's terrible car. Bright fluorescent lights and radio music infested the entire area. The two of them were nursing beverages that cost 99 cents. People came and went, signaled by the annoying 'ding' that happened each time the doors opened. Dead, dry leaves collected in the gutters and rolled away with the breeze.
It was 9 pm and Zim was watching the human stare down at his plastic cup. He hadn't spoken since they'd got back in the car. The silence drug out between them and the irken was bored and worried. But, only a little bit, Zim told himself. He rolled the window up and down, drank his soda loudly, and was overall annoying as fuck.
When Dib's gruff voice broke the silence, Zim was incredibly relieved. Being patient was hard.
"We fought. My dad and I, I mean." The human spoke quickly. "We hardly ever fight. We hardly ever see each other enough to fight, you know? But, when it comes to...to his job and my future, we just...we clash." Zim eyed Dib warily. "He's like...'Dib you have to start thinking about the future, seriously'. And...I'm like, 'I know, I am...I'm going to open my own practice. My own paranormal investigation practice'. And he's, 'That's not what I meant, son! I mean, following in my footsteps, owning up to your birthright. Taking over the Labs.' And I...I mean I guess, I just exploded? I mean, he's always...always known I didn't want to do that stuff. It bores me. It's so easy...it's not...not..." He gestured out the windshield, wildly. At the paranormal, ghosts, monsters, cryptids.
"And I yelled at him. I don't think I've ever yelled at him. Maybe talked back a bit. Gave him sass and shit. But...I've never seen him that mad before. I was like 'I'm not YOU, dad. I don't want to do this.' and he...he..."
The human's breathing caught up in a hitch. Zim looked away. His enemy was vulnerable. No. His ally was vulnerable. Vulnerabilities are dangerous and he saw it written all over Dib's face, an aching pain that Zim had felt before and he didn't know how to respond, just turned away to give him some dignity.
"He's like...'but, you ARE me, I don't understand, Where did I go wrong?!' And as if some fucking damn broke...he's telling me everything, saying how he made me, cloned me from himself. To be an experiment. And to be the heir. And...and I'm a failure. The science people who reviewed the experiment said it was a failure. I'm too different to be an actual clone, that my emotions are...are too low and...I'm...my dad. I'm...who even am I?"
The coffee was forgotten, shoved away. Dib's face was in his hands.
"I never knew my mother. I never even asked...or...or cared? What the fuck, right? I never had one. I didn't feel like I was missing anything. And now...now that I KNOW for sure that I didn't...I feel kind of cheated, which is so fucking stupid. I feel so mad because, of course, I'm a clone. Of course! We do look the same. People say it all the time. The same eyes, same hair type, same nose, same ears, same!Same!"
Dib was shuddering, his breathing sounded funny and Zim felt something in his stomach lurch.
"Not only am I just some knock off of my dad, I'm a bad knock off. And I didn't even ask about Gaz. Is she one too? Of who? I just...I just left. I ran and got in my car and drove and I ended up..."
At Zim's house.
"Like it all makes sense? So many small mysteries and things fit into place. Remembering being abducted when I was little? Nope. Just the tons and tons of tests they did when I was first 'born' or whatever. Why I always felt so different from the other kids. Why things always felt so far away and numb and why I felt so connected to the paranormal...My dad...isn't even really my dad."
The human's words became higher pitched, his breathing faster.
"I don't...I don't even really have parents, I guess, by all technicalities but, he IS my dad. He raised me. He fed me and made sure I went to school and bandaged me when I got hurt and grounded me when I was being stupid and...and...what if...after all of that I'm just...just a clo-"
Dib's voice caught and Zim watched him shove his face in his hands, again. He watched his shoulders shake, as pitiful noises were torn from his chest, wracking his body with such agony. Zim watched Dib sob as if the world was finally ending, as if some invisible wall that had been cracking for years had finally shattered and let in nothing but sorrow.
"What if he never even...? Thought of me as his son?"
Zim's chest tightened in a painful knot. He watched the human break down, pitiful tears leak down his face and he thought about how he had never seen Dib cry. Zim was unsure how to react, what to do, how to make this better. But, he felt so many things. Hot embarrassment for his ally, rage at Membrane for making the human cry, and a shaky desire to make this stop. The noises of pure agony were loud and lonely and it was the worst thing the irken had ever heard before.
Zim reached out, curling his fingers into a fist more than once, before letting it rest on Dib's shoulder. The human was trembling, shaking so hard. Zim felt another sickening twist of concern in his chest. It felt awful.
How could Dib be considered a failure? When he was the best human on this filthy rock? When he was the best 'anyone' or anything that Zim had ever come into contact with? He didn't know if this was the correct way to make this stop. But, he had to try. His voice came out sounding loud and unsure in the dim vehicle.
"Dib...Irkens are their paks. Without it we are considered nothing. Our bodies are created, cloned from the ones who came before us and are merely there to cart it around. I believed this. That my body, mind and soul were simply for the Empire to use. That with it came my undying loyalty, all the rules they gave us to make us killing machines. No touching, no crying, no emotions, no friendship, no love. Of course they did not say those things so blatantly, but they never taught us that it existed. And if anything even hinted at such things, it was silenced, deleted. It is thousands of years of streamlined evolution and genocide."
Even such words would be considered treason. But, he was already hated, already banished and forgotten. It didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered was This (his mind didn't rush to supply what 'this' was but, it was the paranormal, the mission, earth. It was Dib).
Dib's crying slowed, as he listened. His curiosity and confusion reigned supreme.
"But, that is not only what I am. I know that now, and perhaps I knew it before, and that was what made me so...disliked by my people. I am not just their tool. I'm not. I'm not just my pak. I am Zim. And you," Zim tightened his hand on the human's shoulder, to make sure he was listening. "You are not just a clone or an heir or your father's progeny. You are Dib. You are a brother, a paranormal investigator, an idiot who runs headfirst into danger, protector of this planet, an ally..."
He was a bit startled when he registered Dib staring back at him in the barely there light, noted his eyes and how bright they were from the tears, pale rivulets shining on his cheeks. The human's voice was rough and tight.
"And a friend," he added.
They shared a look. The same look that had passed between them a thousand times before.
Understanding.
They didn't go back to Dib's house since he was still angry and upset at his father. Instead they went to Zim's base.
He took the human on an official tour since he had never done so before. They spent several hours just wandering the labyrinth of Zim's house as it stretched far beneath the earth, ever expanding as the need required.
He showed off all the inventions he'd created throughout the years and the human made comments; some admiring, some skeptical, some insulting and some suggestions for improvement. The irken showcased all his machinery and tools, chemicals,compounds and samples. He examined it all, obviously trying to mute his excitement at alien technology and failing miserably.
Dib yawned and it became obvious how exhausted he was. "I guess I should...go home." The tone of his voice said exactly how much he didn't want to do that.
"Oh." Zim replied, feeling smidgen of disappointment and that made him frown. "Of course."
They rode the elevator to the living room and he watched the way Dib's feet dragged against the carpet.
"Unless...you wish to stay here? I have sleeping quarters. Despite hardly needing to use it. It does contain a bed."
"Really?" Dib blurted. "I mean, um are you sure?"
The irken shrugged. "I know you do not wish to go home. You want to avoid speaking with your father."
Dib looked away, down at his feet. "I uh, yeah. I appreciate the offer but I should..." He sighed and ran a hand down the back of his neck. "I should go try to make things right. But, thanks anyway."
Zim nodded. Silence, a few moments of it passed between them. It was only a little bit awkward. The human opened the door and autumn air drifted inside. A spasm of something twisted Zim's spooch and he stepped forward, voice probably too loud. He didn't care.
"You will be okay?" He tried to phrase it as a statement but, it came out a question instead.
The irken watched Dib's face as it turned into a small smile. A pit of warmth started in Zim's chest and he didn't know why.
"Yeah. I'll be fine. I'll message you tomorrow."
"Okay." Dib stepped out into the evening. Zim followed until he reached the door jam. "Good night,...my friend." He said and felt immediately silly and stupid. But, he raised his chin anyway, daring the human to say something negative in response.
Dib turned to Zim, walking backwards towards his car. He couldn't see it very well, but Zim knew that the other's small smile had grown into a grin.
"'Night, Spaceboy."
Zim shut the door and waited by the window until the car started up and drove away.
