"In the end, you have to choose whether or not to trust someone."

-Sophie Kinsella


If all your dark secrets were out on the table, you'd feel exposed. It would be as if everyone knows every intimate detail about yourself; like they were judging as harshly as possible instead of just listening. Clara was staring at him intently, waiting for some type of response. But quite honestly, he didn't know where to start. There was so much to the explanation she wanted and sometimes Bucky couldn't remember some of the details to the story. There were still blank spots to where he knew there should be memories.

Instead, Bucky reigned in his shock and stood up, cautious of Clara's next move. Would she report him to the authorities? Given the fact that he'd saved her from death and took care of her over the past few days, it seemed unlikely. But not impossible; it was hard to trust after HYDRA's brainwashing.

"What are you going to do?" Bucky asked. He wouldn't allow himself to be taken in by the authorities, they wouldn't understand. And then HYDRA could get to him again. All he wanted to do was live the most peaceful life possible while getting back memories.

"I want you to explain how you got here from doing what you did. I bet you could earn quite the salary off of assassinations."

Bucky shook his head. "It's much more complicated than that."

"Explain it to me. We have all the time in the world tonight," Clara insisted while getting up. She stood across from him and was starting intensely. It seemed that she wouldn't leave him alone until she received an explanation, which was understandable considering people thought he was a stone-hearted assassin.

Bucky averted his gaze from her. "What do you know?"

"I know that you're responsible for dozens of assassinations in the past seventy years... Though I don't know how. Apparently you're Captain America's long-dead best friend and work for HYDRAーeven though I don't believe that."

Bucky's heart was pounding. How was she not scared of him? Yet again she didn't seem to be frightened when she should have been. He was the nervous one in the room, because how do you explain killing people without having wanted to kill them? Clara was just an ordinary woman who hadn't experienced war or HYDRA in the same way he had.

"They kept me in cryofreeze. That's how it went on for seventy years."

Clara's face softened. "They what?"

"HYDRA kept me frozen away until they needed me. Sometimes I was left there for years. While I was out on a new mission the world had changed around me and I didn't even realise it."

"And you just killed for them? Why are they after you? What changed?"

Bucky hesitated. The next part made him sick to the stomach and spiteful at the same time; it was how they took away who he was and left him as some compliant killing machine, effectively ripping his morality and identity away from him and turning him into 'the asset' who followed orders without hesitation. He placed the blame on himself rather than HYDRA, where the blame should have belonged.

"They-" he stopped again to stop the stupid tears that shouldn't have been there. Trying to explain what had happened to him just brought up memories upon memories. Ones of killing, of fighting Steve, of agonising pain as HYDRA took his memories in that chair. Admitting to all of it happening felt like taking away a barrier that protected him from the memories. If he just pretended HYDRA's brainwashing never happened, it didn't affect him.

But Bucky knew that he had to tell Clara. "They'd tell me to sit in this chair, and I'd comply with them because I didn't know not to. I was just expected to sit in the chair and I'd do it. I'd let them push me back, I screamed as the electricity coursed through my body. And when it was all over, I couldn't remember a single thing before it. I couldn't even remember how I'd gotten in that chair. They put these..." Bucky fished for the right words, "triggers in my mind. When they'd say those words, I didn't protest, I'd just do what they wanted."

He stopped and gathered the strength to finally look Clara in the eyes again. She didn't say anything, but her expression was enough. Her eyes were shimmering and she blinked rapidly. Bucky had expected fear or disgust from her. He'd done terrible things without protest, why was she not backing away in terror?

"And you know who you are know," Clara stated. It wasn't a question; she'd come to the conclusion herself.

"Steve kept insisting that I knew him, which threw me for a loop. So I ran away from it all. I ran from HYDRA, I ran from SHIELD, and I ran from Steve. I spent weeks wandering around in America trying to understand who I wasーI don't think I even believed I was someone else for a long time. Not until I saw a photo of my face in a museum."

"But why did you choose here?"

"I wanted to get away from the world, and Romania is quiet enough. Not like some places, where I thought every second person knew who I was."

A long silence drifted on between the two of them, and Bucky almost felt dizzy from the amount of memories he'd recounted in such a short time. And he still didn't know why Clara wasn't afraid.

"Clara, why are you still here?" He asked softly, like speaking too loud would scare her away.

"What do you mean?"

Bucky sighed. "You know what I've done, so why aren't you afraid?"

"Because I understand. Well, not the whole brainwashing thing, but I understand what it's like to be blamed for something you didn't do."

"I killed people," he stated plainly.

"It doesn't sound like you did it willingly from what you've told me, so I don't care. You saved me from HYDRA and continued to take care of me, so I think that's proof enough you're not some monster," Clara concurred, stepping closer. "At one point, I was afraid of you. Not because of the person you were around me but because of what Anton had said. He asked me about the Winter Soldier so I looked it upーfor a little while I didn't know what to think. Now I know."

Bucky turned around again, putting his hands on the counter and looking down, said: "What did you mean by understand?"


Clara hadn't expected the night to go as it did. The plan was to force James into a confession, not to outright state she knew, but it was enough. He'd admitted everything to her, and she believed it all. In fact, it made a lot of sense as to why he was always reading the encyclopaedia and writing things down. It also explained why he was living in their shitty apartment building.

However, what Clara really hadn't planned for was James asking her about her pastーit wasn't like she was expecting to relate to him. She said that she understood, and that was a reference to her past that she didn't want to divulge. Yet, James had confessed to one of the most fucked up stories Clara had ever heard. He was kept in sleep for years at a time. And from her understanding, they took away who he was. They took away that loyal best friend of Captain America and turned James on his home country.

Clara felt a renewed surge of hate for HYDRA suddenly.

"You know how I said I was from Hungary?" She questioned.

"Yeah."

"I didn't leave the country by choice. My real name isn't even Claraーthough I really do like the name. My name is actually Andris," she then laughed. "I guess my parents thought it would be funny to give me a guy's name."

James was still avoiding looking at her, which she let slide. He'd just told her more than he probably cared to admit.

"Why'd you leave?"

"I'm wanted for murder," she stated bluntly. "I didn't actually kill anyone, but everyone back home thinks that I did and I still don't know how they'd believe that lie. I'm pretty sure that I didn't give off murderous vibes, but I was framed pretty well. I have to hand it to the guys that did it, they did a fantastic job at making me look like an all-out psychopath."

"So you just got out before anyone came after you? I don't know if I could've gotten out of that, and HYDRA has taught me a lot."

Clara sighed. "I was extremely lucky that my friend worked on the border. Nobody can track me to here. I just miss my family."

"I do too," James agreed.

Clara grew regretful. She just realised that all of his family members were most likely dead, and they died thinking that he'd been KIA.

"So what do I call you now?" Clara finally asked.

James met her eyes again. "I used to have everyone call me Bucky, but I think that James is starting to grow on me."

"James it is then," Clara affirmed. "Can we go sit on the balcony? I think it was pretty nice out today."

Clara didn't need help walking anymore, but she was still slightly shaky. James made sure to watch and keep her stable if she needed assistance.

Once they were outside, they were hit with a somewhat cool breeze but overall it was quite nice for the time of year. The sun was close to setting so it cast long, enunciated shadows. There were no chairs on Clara's balcony, so she chose to sit on the floor rather than stand.

It was pleasant to have a break in which to think over James' story. She couldn't believe parts of what HYDRA did to him, it made her consider how people could be so cruel. She had learned long ago that trying to find the answer to that question could drive a person insane. Because sometimes there was no answer for cruelty, and people committed terrible acts because they could. And yet, she still found herself asking the question why.

At least he didn't ask too much about her past yet because she wasn't prepared on what to say. There was more to her story than she let on, but he knew enough for now.

James sat down beside herーor maybe she should be calling him Bucky at this point. He was wearing a zip-up hoodie and his one hand was still gloved.

"Can I see the hand?" Clara suddenly asked.

He looked momentarily surprised before he took the glove off and revealed a shiny hand that very much resembled a human one, down to every detail. She could only imagine the amount of work put into it as it looked like a very detailed piece of machinery. There were intricate pieces of metal where joints would be in a human hand.

Clara gently took the metal hand in hers to inspect it further and James let her. She was amazed at it, to say at the least.

"I never expected it to be so detailed," Clara admitted. No wonder he could be so gentle when it came to things like cleaning her shoulder.

"I can't feel things with it the same way I can with my hand, but it's better than nothing. I think that HYDRA designed it to only be a weapon and nothing elseーI can't feel the texture of objects with it or feel temperature. Only the weight of things," James said, watching Clara inspect it.

She let his hand go and looked up to the sky where the sun was setting. "The things they did to you... I can't believe anyone is capable of that. Is that what causes insomnia?"

He shook his head. "No. It's remembering what I did while I worked for them. Memories of the people I've killed come back too, not just the ones before then."

"James, I'm so sorry. I didn't want to make you tell me all of that, I was just scared because I didn't know who you were."

"It's fine. I think that it's better now that you know, I don't have to hide everything. I just didn't expect all of this to happen when I first met you."

"That was only two weeks ago yet it feels like so much time has passed," Clara laughed. "This has been quite the week."

James didn't say anything, he only nodded.

"Do you want to be called Bucky now?" Clara questioned again.

"Whatever you want to call me," he replied nonchalantly.

"No, I'm asking you to choose. You have a lot of choices now, and I want you to choose this."

He hesitated as though it was a heavy decision that would change his life. "Call me Bucky then. Everyone called me that, so I think that you should too."

"Okay, Bucky. So what do you say we go boxing now that I know your secret? Once my shoulder is healed of course, which feels like it's taking forever. But I think that it'd be beneficial for us both so if HYDRA comes looking for me again we don't have a repeat."

"Yeah, that would be good. Speaking of your shoulder, I need to check it again," he told her and stood up. "Go take your shirt off and I'll get the peroxide."

Again, Clara struggled to take her shirt off. But this time, she didn't need Bucky's assistance to get it all the way off, even if it still hurt to move her shoulder in a certain way. Bucky walked back into her apartment with the disinfectants on hand and immediately went to clean her shoulder.

"Does it hurt as much when I clean it now?"

"No," Clara answered as he calmly swept away at the wound. "I think that it'll be fine in a week or so."

"Then I think that I've finished for the night," he said, putting the peroxide down. "Now I have one question."

"Go ahead," Clara replied.

"Do I keep calling you Clara?"

"Yeah, I think I like it much better than Andris," she beamed. Clara was glad Bucky had told her everything, and now she recognised he needed time for himself after all he'd admitted to.

"Goodnight Bucky. I'll see you tomorrow?"

Bucky nodded and put his glove back over his metal hand. "Yeah, I'll see you." He said regretfully, almost as if he didn't want to leave.


Bucharest, that same day, nearby:

A small boyーonly about twelve years oldーsent a message to his superiors regarding the Winter Soldier. The soldier's days being out of their hands was numbered.


AN: I don't know if I like how this chapter turned out, but I hope you guys enjoyed it! I didn't want to leave you all on a cliffhanger for very long and wrote this as fast as I could while still making it quality.

Thanks to Civic1980, inperfection, Ec1aire, artemis7448, Marylikesroses and Trevie for reviewing. Each and every one of your reviews made me incredibly happy! :)

There won't be a new chapter until at least Wednesday next week because I have finals coming up right away.