"That's the thing about being a victim; you start to think it'll happen to you on a regular basis. It's living with the reality of your own vulnerability, and it sucks."

― Dennis Lehane, A Drink Before the War


Bucharest, two weeks later:

Yet again, Bucky found himself waking up from another violent nightmare. However, this nightmare had been worse than the others.

He remembered never understanding how nightmares held so much power over people. They were always the subjects of bearing people's worst fears to life. But he always thought that a nightmare could never hold far-reaching effects; that he could just get over it the same moment he realised what it was: not real. That was until his own mind attacked himself, dragging out what he despised most about himself and then constantly haunting his own mind with it. Nightmares were powerful things that were not to be underestimated.

The nightmare in question wasn't the regular one of someone he killed or the procedures HYDRA would perform on him. No, this nightmare was very specific. It was vivid down to the last detail and highly disturbingーhe'd had to watch himself strangle the life out of Clara as if he hadn't had enough fears already. Hurting Clara was the absolute last thing he wanted to do, right next to falling back into HYDRA's control.

Bucky finally sat up in his bed and noticed how sweaty he wasーa testament to how disturbing the nightmare had been. He frowned in distaste, deciding it would be best to take a shower before anything else. Besides, he wouldn't be jogging with Clara so at least showering would give him something to do rather than be tormented by his own mind.

For the past two weeks, he'd been keeping Clara occupied and she'd been doing the same for him. They'd talk about a range of subjects such as family all the way to silly topics like favourite colours. When Clara's arm had started to show a lot of improvement, she became less dependent on him. Just the other day she'd been making her own meals no problem and moving her arm with some freedom. Soon, she wouldn't need her stitches anymore.

Though, perhaps the oddest part of the past two weeks would be when she addressed him as Bucky. He wasn't used to being called that name; not for a long time, at least. It would bring him back to the days when he was always at Steve's side and it seemed like everything would work out. It was nice to be reminded he wasn't just a killing machine and had some control over his life again.

And Clara had been back to her regular self again. She even had more energy than normal, considering she was all pent-up in her cramped apartment with nothing for entertainment but her phone, books, and herself. Every day she'd ask when she'd be allowed to run again, to which he never had the answer because he wasn't a doctor.

Bucky took a quick shower before getting ready to go to work at the site. At least his nightmare had good timing and he woke up at a regular time rather than five in the morning.

A round of knocks sounded at his door and Bucky could immediately tell who it was from the light rapping on the door. He threw on a long-sleeved shirtーwhich was pretty much the only type of shirt he ownedーand opened the door for Clara.

Clara beamed at him in greeting. "I actually got up early today."

"I can see that," he commented, rubbing one of his eyes in tiredness.

"What do you say about going to the mall today? My arm's better now, and I need to buy some more clothes considering one of my favourite outfits has bloodstains all over it."

"It's a tragedy," he remarked while opening the door to let her in. Clara walked inside and made herself at home at the table.

"So that's a no?" She asked.

For a moment he'd thought that she was upset and flashed back to his nightmare before forcing himself to stay in the present. He then realised she had that stupid grin that was always present when she was messing with him.

"I never said anything relating to the word no," he said. "I need to restock my health-kit anyways, considering half the supplies are gone."

"Sorry," Clara laughed, not seeming apologetic at all. "On the bright side, I'll finally get to go outside again."

"We can't be out for long. We don't know if HYDRA is still around or not. So far, I haven't seen them but we don't know if they're still around or not. I know how HYDRA works, and they'll do anything to achieve their goal."

The smile fell from Clara's face and she nodded with reluctance. He couldn't imagine how it felt to be dragged into the whole HYDRA ordealーin fact, she was doing remarkably well for someone who'd been shot. But then again, from what she'd told him, her life before hadn't exactly seemed like rainbows and butterflies.

"It's my fault this all happened to you, if-"

Clara cut him off. "No. Before you go all sad-mode, place the blame where it belongs. You didn't know HYDRA was here following you or that they'd get interested in me. It's not your fault at all."

"But I knew that if I started talking to you, I'd be placing you in danger."

"Well, it's not exactly like I'm a whole lot better to be around. If anyone ever found me, there'd be extensive searches," she countered.

Bucky conceded his point. He didn't wholly agree with her, but it was at least comforting to know that she didn't blame him in any way, even if he still blamed himself for the whole mess. Maybe the nightmare was part of the reason he felt so guilty, although he was sure that he'd never tell Clara about it. It scared him just to think about itーshe didn't need the extra burden.

Clara then changed the subject. "So what time do you want to go out shopping at? Does twelve work?"

"I work today, remember?"

"Oh right," Clara laughed. "Okay, how about when you're done?"

"At five?" Bucky replied.

"Yeah, and we can go out for supper too because I'm getting pretty tired of microwaveable noodles."

"We can't be out for too long, remember?" He admonished.

Clara sighed, looking rather defeated. Bucky felt sorry that her life was restricted to staying hidden as much as possible, but it wouldn't be like that forever. Not until he figured out if he'd already taken out the only HYDRA agents who knew about Clara and him or not.

"Okay, but I have to buy some more quality food then because the shit I have just isn't cutting it."

"That works," Bucky said.

And so Clara went back to her apartment and Bucky did the same as always before leaving his place; he made sure to check all the escape supplies were in the right places and that his arm remained completely hidden. He dreaded the time summer would come around, as wearing a long sleeve shirt and gloves would be not only odd but incredibly hot.

Either way, he went to his shady job, wanting the day to be over so he could escape back to Clara. When he worked at the construction site, he mostly stayed quiet unless he was addressed by someone else first. Most of the time, the task at hand kept him focused and in the moment, but when it didn't, it felt like the hours were an eternity and it was his own personal hell. It wasn't like he was unused to working difficult or boring jobs, it was more the fact that now he had his mind to deal with-that was definitely something he had no problem with in the 1940's.

Sometimes, he really wished Steve was there. Yet, he knew Steve couldn't be. It would be nice to have someone who also remembered the past as Bucky did. At least Clara understood him in the regard that they were both on the run from the authorities, and now HYDRA apparently.


Clara was ecstatic that Bucky had agreed to go out shopping, even if it meant that they'd be hiding from HYDRA while they were out. She missed leaving her apartment. She certainly wasn't used to be cooped up for days upon days with little to no physical activity. It was like her limbs were turning to jelly while they ached; practically begging her to go out running or do anything that would give her a bit of a workout.

Even her mind was starting to become troubling. As much as she wished she didn't, Clara kept thinking of home and how she ended up in her situation. She knew it was partially her fault and that she had it coming with what she had been doing... But that didn't mean she liked being away from her family for so long. The only good part to come from her situation as a run away would be Bucky. At least he was a constant.

During the day, while Clara waited for Bucky to come home, she spent her time reading or browsing the Internet. What else could she do? She knew she shouldn't go outside and it wasn't like she could start up a hobby. She even cleaned her apartment and did her laundry.

Eventually, Clara began to think of home again. Her eyes shifted to the letter sitting on her side table, causing her to sigh. She desperately wanted to send it to her brother back in Hungary, yet she knew she couldn't. She thought that maybe writing the letter would help her cope with her reality, but to no avail. It only tempted her every time she looked at it.

Instead, Clara grew upset and crumpled up the letter and threw it on the ground. It landed softly and she felt the sharp sting of regret. It had taken her a while to draw the flowers on the letter, but she couldn't take seeing when she laid down for bed every night.

She blinked the tears away, then decided sleeping would be a better alternative to dealing with her issue. She hated pitying herself, yet it was a familiar pattern she kept falling into. Perhaps the day she could return home would be the day the pitying would stop for good.

Clara laid back on her bed and shut her eyes, forgetting what she had asked Bucky about earlier that day.


Bucky was glad to be back where he didn't have to hide or be hyper-sensitive of his surroundings. Not to say he didn't pay attention while he was home, but he could at least relax a bit. He'd never let his full guard down. Especially now that he knew HYDRA was out there somewhere, still lurking around.

All day he'd been trying to keep his nightmare out his mind, but that hadn't been going well for him. He had trouble when it came to nightmares like such.

He was used to the ones where he'd remember some assassination from his past. Though, those ones were equally terrible. He felt disconnected from them, however. It was like he was in some other persons' body, and he wasn't himself during it.

HYDRA had really messed him up, and he knew it. He'd never be the same man Steve thought him to be, but he also would never be the Winter Soldier again.

But Bucky also knew it was similar to people coming back from the war. He'd seen some of the people who came back changed. The were the same person essentially, however, they had terrible memories that would cause them to be a bit different from who they were originally. Maybe that was his situation, in a way.

Bucky snapped out of his thoughts, remembering Clara was probably waiting for him so they could go shopping.

He stepped out of his apartment and shut the door behind him. He knocked on Clara's then waited for a response.

After a little while, Clara didn't respond so Bucky knocked louder. There was still no response. Bucky felt panic rise up in him and tried to control it; what if HYDRA had taken Clara while he'd been away? What if he couldn't find her?

He forced the panicked thoughts out of his mind and instead decided he'd pick her lock. Busting the door down was out of the question, as it would be way too loud. Bucky went back to his placed and acquired the bobby pins he'd twisted and broken in order to unlock her door. He kept aware of any noise of approaching people and began to work on the door.

With some work, the lock clicked, signalling the door could be opened.

Inside, Clara's apartment was oddly clean and dark. There were no signs of a scuffle. Investigating further, he discovered Clara sleeping on her bed. At first, he hadn't seen her, and had just assumed her blankets were all pushed together, but then he saw her shift. Was she really that tired from getting up earlier? He almost laughed because he'd been worried for nothing. There she was, sleeping. And he'd thought that she had been kidnapped. It wasn't unreasonable, considering what had happened with HYDRA, but he felt ridiculous all the same.

Perhaps he should wake Clara up then. He didn't know how long she had been sleeping for but figured it was her choice to wake up earlier and it was also her who wanted to go shopping.

He really didn't want to wake her up; her face was relaxed and as unworried as he'd ever seen it. She looked completely at peace. He shook her by the arm gently and said her name softly.

Clara slowly awoke from her sleep and blinked at him.

"James?" She'd asked. Apparently, she'd fallen back into the habit of referring to him as that name, as opposed to Bucky. Truthfully, he didn't mind what he was called by her.

"We're supposed to go out shopping remember?" He reminded her, a faint smile present on his face.

Clara's eyes widened and she sat bolt upright. "Oh god, I can't believe I forgot that! I'm so sorry! Wait a minuteーhow the hell did you get in here?"

"I thought HYDRA took you," he admitted, trying to not feel embarrassed. Again, he reassured himself that it was totally plausible.

"Aww, you were worried for me," Clara teased. "Don't worry, HYDRA won't get me a second time."

Bucky sure hoped she was right.

When Bucky didn't reply, Clara added on, "I'll get ready now. Just meet me outside. And seriously, thank you for your worry."


Then, Bucharest, later that day:

They arrived at an outlet mall that was just a lot of small shops bunched together to make a mall of sorts. It was a bit disjointed, but the place made up for it in the character of the architecture. It was pretty chilly outside as well, but Bucky was rather thankful for the weather. Clara didn't seem to mind either, considering she was bundled up in two jackets and chatting amicably.

"Where do you want to go first?" Clara asked excitedly. "I heard there are some new stores here, I just hope they aren't expensive. Maybe the general store first for medical stuff."

"The general store sounds good."

Clara and Bucky searched around the mall for a map and couldn't find one, so they simply explored the place. They were taking longer than Bucky would like, but he supposed it was okay as the mall seemed pretty emptyーit would be easy to see if people were watching them. Clara finally a general store from them and they bought the supplies.

"Finally, I can find something nice to wear," she said happily. Her head was spinning in a million directions and quite frankly, Bucky was beginning to feel disoriented. Society was so different from his time, where there were only general stores and shops personally owned by shop-keepers. Occasionally there had been company stores, but not on the scale there was in this century.

"How do you even know where to shop?" He asked, rather confused at all the choices.

"I don't know. I just grew up and found the places I like," Clara shrugged.

While they were on their way to a store Clara wanted to visit, she stopped them at a booth. Bucky looked at her in confusion for a moment only to see what she was so fixated on.

"No, we're not doing that. We don't have time."

"Oh come on, we're perfectly fine here. I don't care if some stupid HYDRA agents are around, I want to live a little. At least let me have this, I've been stuck inside for weeks," Clara pleaded, looking genuinely sad.

"Those 'stupid' HYDRA agents shot you in the shoulder. If it wasn't for me, you'd be dead," Bucky warned her.

Instead of backing away, like Bucky thought she would, Clara started laughing. She really didn't seem to fear, did she?

"It's a good thing I have you with me then," she winked.

Bucky swore that she was the most stubborn person he'd ever met, and that was saying alot considering Steve was his friend; Steve wouldn't budge an inch if he thought he was doing the right thing.

"Please, just this one time. Then we can hurry."

Reluctantly, Bucky agreed.

Clara stepped inside first and Bucky followed. He sat down beside her and she started pressing some buttons and inserted some money. "Okay first we smile for the photo, and then we make a dumb face."

"Why would we make a dumb face for a photo?" Bucky questioned. Sometimes he really didn't understand the modern world. So much had changed, yet in some ways, it was still similar to the world he'd grown up in. People had weird interests, but they were still people. Some were still kind while others were selfishーnobody changed in that regard.

"I don't know," Clara paused. "As a joke I guess."

She pressed a button and a screen showed a reflection of them as well as a countdown.

Clara looked in surprise at the screen. "When did I mess up my lipstick?" She frantically wiped around her mouth and Bucky looked at her motions and started to laugh at her. The flash went off and both of them jumped in surprise.

"Wait, smile for the next one!" Clara said.

For the next photo they smiled and then the photos shot out of the slot. Clara picked it up and stared at the photo for a moment before starting to laugh almost hysterically. Bucky peered at the photo to see Clara with a worried expression while he was looking at her with a large smile on his face, almost as if he was about to start laughing.

Bucky uplifted by the photo. So maybe it was okay if they took a bit of time for themselves, but not too long or else they'd be caught off guard the next time something bad happened to them. But at least keeping Clara around helped him feel better. She was welcome company compared to what he was used to doing on his own.

Bucky then realised how much his own life had changed in the three weeks he'd known Clara. He no longer felt the strenuous effort to keep his mind intact and the aching feeling of loneliness he hadn't even realised was there had gone away. He'd even smiled more in the past few weeks than he had in past months combined. Then he considered not having to live in fear and what that felt like.

So they concluded their trip with Clara being picky about clothes. Not because of the look, but because of the price. They only had so much money, after all.


On the way home, Bucky and Clara passed the kid that he'd helped the first day he met Clara. They smiled in passing, and the kid seemed genuinely thankful. Maybe he shouldn't be classified as a 'kid,' as he looked like he was verging on teen-hood. But he seemed young enough.

After Clara kept gushing about her clothes, few minutes had passed and they forgot about the moment.


AN: I'm so sorry this was later than I said, life got in the way! Anyways, I'm super happy to hear you guys are enjoying my story! One day, my friends were discussing symbolism in my story and it was the funniest thing. It was like I was in English class, only I'm the author.

Hope you all know what the photograph means. Here's a hint if you don't, or have forgotten: first chapter. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Lots of angst and some romance to come now lol. This chapter was more setting stage for the rest of the story and was mostly happy. Get ready to cry, because HYDRA isn't just going to go away (sadly). "Cut off one head, and another takes its place."

A huge thank you to artemis7448, NoVancancyMind, .2016, MaryLikesRoses, inperfection and mrs-landers for reviewing! I swear every time I get a notification for my email, I get all excited because I hope it's a review. They honestly make my day. :)