Elissa made her way to the kitchen where she saw Joker pulling out a large bowl, spoons, and a gallon of vanilla ice cream, when she got closer she heard him humming to himself as he deftly tossed the ice cream scoop and caught it behind his back.
"Very impressive," said Elissa as she sat at the bar.
"Thank you, thank you," said Joker, bowing in a very showy manner before going back to the ice cream.
"What are you making?" asked Elissa as he piled scoop after scoop into the bowl.
"The galaxy's largest ice cream sundae," said Joker as he reached for the chopped peanuts from the cabinet above him, "Cherries and whipped cream okay?"
"On the sundae, right?" teased Elissa, and she could see the color rush to his face, making her laugh.
"Yeah, on the sundae, yep," said Joker chuckling nervously, trying to focus on the sundae but his mind was wandering to other rooms and other uses for the dessert toppings.
Elissa came up behind him and swiped a dollop of whipped cream with her finger and placed it on the end of Joker's nose, what was left she licked off of her finger, watching his face produce a look of fake annoyance and amusement while she giggled.
"You think you're so funny, huh?" asked Joker, picking up the can of whipped cream and shaking it a bit.
"I like to think so," said Elissa smirking at him.
"What do you think of this?" asked Joker and he sprayed her with the whipped cream, she stood there stunned while he loudly laughed. The whipped cream was all over her and that section of the kitchen, she looked horrified and surprised, he was standing there satisfied and amused as a glop of whipped cream fell from her hair and onto the floor.
"I hate you," muttered Elissa as she reached for a cloth to wipe the whipped cream from her face, she had to admit though, he had gotten her good.
"No you don't," said Joker, returning to the sundae, putting a handful of sprinkles on top and then a few cherries.
"You're right," said Elissa as she wiped her face and then her hands, "I'm going to jump in the shower, get this crap off of me, bring that monster of a sugar rush up to my room in about five minutes."
"Aye, aye, Commander," said Joker as he poured chocolate syrup around the mountain of whipped cream and sprinkles he had created.
Elissa smiled as she climbed the stairs to the second floor, careful not to drip more whipped cream on the floor, looking back she saw Joker still focused on the sundae and she felt her smile get even bigger as she watched him. Then she felt some whipped cream sliding down her forehead and decided that it was really time to get in the shower, so she rushed upstairs and quickly took off her dress. She stepped into the shower and audibly sighed when the hot water started to pour over her head and down her body, the whipped cream mingling with the water as it went down the drain. She reached over and grabbed her bottle of shampoo, poured some in her hand, then lathered it into her hair feeling relief as she washed her hair, then she grabbed her soap and covered herself in the suds. When she was satisfied that there was no longer any whipped cream in her hair or on her body, she turned off the water and pulled on the fluffy robe that was hanging next to the shower door.
Joker was already waiting in her room, the sundae complete and sitting on the bedside table so it would not fall on to the bed, he had settled himself on the bed his hat over his eyes as he listened to Elissa getting out of the shower. Under his hat he smiled as he thought about her covered in whipped cream and the look on her face when he had stopped spraying her, and then about holding her in his arms as they danced across the room at the restaurant, this night had been the most fun they had had together since that night they had stayed up playing gin. He looked up when he heard the bathroom door slide open and he just stared at her with wide eyes, she was wearing a robe that only went mid-thigh and her hair was just crazy curly as ringlets fell down her back.
"What are you looking at, Joker?" asked Elissa as she sat down on the bed next to him, reaching for the sundae.
"The amazing architecture," said Joker, trying to sound serious but he knew it was a weak excuse at best. Elissa smiled and took a bite of the sundae, he watched her close her eyes in pleasure when the ice cream hit her tongue and she even moaned slightly behind her closed lips.
"Does this sundae get the Shepard Seal of Approval?" asked Joker as he prepared his bite, she nodded enthusiastically and he laughed, "Guess that answers my question."
"It's been forever since I've had an ice cream sundae," said Elissa after she had swallowed and she was scooping another bite onto her spoon, "How do you always know what I need?"
"I'm psychic," said Joker through a mouthful of ice cream.
"Well whatever you are, Joker, you're still the best," said Elissa as she popped a cherry in her mouth, relishing the taste as it burst between her teeth.
"Ellie," said Joker as he swallowed, "can I ask you something?"
"Sure," said Elissa as she prepared another huge bite, "ask me anything."
"Okay," said Joker, thinking about how best to ask his question, "Is Kaidan really what you want? I mean, yeah, he's a major and a powerful biotic, and I guess he's an attractive guy since women always seem to swarm around him, but is that what would make you happy?"
"Why are you asking me that, Joker?" asked Elissa, raising her eyebrow.
"Answer me then I'll answer you," replied Joker as he took a bite.
"Fair enough," said Elissa, "I don't know anymore, I thought he was what I wanted, he was there for me and supported my decisions. Now, I feel like I don't know him anymore, I mean six months ago he wouldn't have said what he did to James and I thought he would allow me to make my own decisions about the wedding, among other ones."
"Maybe you never really did know him," said Joker and he was quick to continue when he saw the look she was giving him, "Look at it this way, you've known him as Major Kaidan Alenko, second human Spectre and hero of the biotics. You didn't know him when he was just Kaidan Alenko, normal guy and no one special, now you are getting to know that person and that person is completely different from what you've known thus far."
Elissa looked at him and was speechless, his logic made sense, maybe she really did not know the man she was going to marry, "You might have a point there, Joker."
"Now should I answer your question?" asked Joker as he licked a droplet of melted ice cream from his spoon's handle.
"Sure," sighed Elissa, she was thinking about what he had said about Kaidan, wondering if he was really right about his observations.
"I asked because you don't seem happy anymore," said Joker as he lowered his eyes.
"How do you mean?" asked Elissa, surprised.
"When you and Kaidan were together before the end of the war," started Joker, "you seemed to carry yourself with confidence, now you're slouching and seem to doubt yourself more than you ever have."
"Uh, wow, that's surprisingly observant," said Elissa, shaking her head in disbelief.
Joker smirked at her, "I'm full of surprises."
"My turn to ask a question," said Elissa, rolling a cherry in chocolate sauce, "What is there exactly between you and EDI that makes your relationship work?" She put the cherry on her spoon and then popped it in her mouth.
"Lets see," said Joker, thinking about the last few months, "She's smart, she's funny, and she knows a great deal about ships."
"Is that it?" asked Elissa, convinced there had to be more, "That's what keeps you two together? Damn, sounds like a pretty easy relationship."
"Yeah," sighed Joker, looking down at the ice cream, "There are some downfalls, for one we can't really argue or debate since she can just pull up statistics and facts at will so she's always proving me wrong, she only finds jokes that involve death funny, and she's actually more of a ship than a person so it gets kind of weird when you look at the technical aspect of it."
"I thought she was your ideal woman," smirked Elissa, "I mean, you couldn't get over her new platform, you wanted to bake a cake."
"True," said Joker, laughing slightly, "but it's really hard to get close to someone who doesn't have actual emotions, plus she questions everything I do trying to understand, but I know that even with years of research she won't truly comprehend human affection."
"I'm guessing you've dated non-robotic women before, so you can make a sufficient comparison?" asked Elissa, as she downed another bite of the sundae.
"Yeah, but those never ended well," said Joker gloomily, as he poked at a scoop of ice cream, "Most of them tried to be accommodating to my disease, you know, they didn't squeeze me or hold anything too tight. Eventually they'd get tired of doing that and would say the bull shit line of 'This is too much for me' and they were gone."
"Would I be crossing a line if I asked about your sex life?" asked Elissa and she watched Joker's cheeks go bright red.
"I've been with a couple of girls," said Joker avoiding eye contact with her, "It was kinda like, 'Wham, bam, thank you, Joker' but without the 'wham' or the 'bam'. That used to really piss me off, when the woman I was with babied me even during sex, now I just don't give a fuck anymore."
"Really?" asked Elissa skeptically as she slurped some of the melted ice cream.
"Well, I mean, I do care about sex, just not about if I break during it or not," said Joker, not really sure if that was what he meant or not, but he was just trying to get off this subject fast.
"Uh huh, sure," said Elissa nudging him with her elbow, "Do you and EDI ever. . . ?"
"No," sighed Joker, this was a common question he got, mostly from the guys on the ship, and he always answered the same way every time.
"I thought Mordin gave you those files," said Elissa giving him a smug look.
"Yeah, and EDI didn't respond," said Joker, blushing more, "we tried and it failed."
"So you went back to your extranet searches," said Elissa giggling at the mortified look she had managed to create on his face.
"Pretty much," said Joker and he looked at her, in the soft light she seemed to glow, every feature enhanced by the lack of light.
"Do you miss being with a human girl?" asked Elissa, casting her eyes away from him.
"There are aspects I miss," admitted Joker, trying not to give too much of the truth away.
"Such as?" asked Elissa, now very curious.
"The organic beauty," started Joker, glancing at her as he spoke, "the softness of skin, the warmth of a body, hearing a heart beat, being touched and feeling calluses."
"Like these?" asked Elissa and for emphasis she brushed her hand across his arm and saw goosebumps form from where she had touched.
"Exactly like those," whispered Joker, trying not to move, enjoying the touch too much.
Elissa could feel her hand trembling as she touched his skin and when she reached his hand she did not remove her's but instead she slid it into his and he squeezed. Gingerly she squeezed back, then she moved the bowl to the table and moved in closer to him, wondering the entire time what she was doing but not stopping any progression. She was right next to him, hardly any space was separating them now, they were so close she could see the flecks of green in his grey eyes and even see his chest rising and falling with each breath he took.
"Elissa," whispered Joker in a slightly husky voice and with his free hand he caressed her cheek, relishing the feel of her flesh, surprised at how soft she actually was. His body seemed to take over his mind, he could feel himself leaning in closer to her, his hand guiding her face to his, his eyes closing slightly. Then he felt her lips brushing against his, painfully teasing him with how soft they were and he could not bear it any longer and he pressed his lips gently against hers in a tentative kiss that lit his entire body on fire. He felt her kiss him back, the kiss now becoming much more passionate, his hand dropping to her neck pressing her closer as her arm wrapped around his neck and then he twisted his fingers in her hair. He had by now let go of her other hand and slid it around her waist and he could feel them falling towards the inviting bed and when they landed, she was on her back and he was above her, he quickly moved his hands so he could support himself. Opening his mouth just slightly, he felt her tongue slide in and his started to dance with hers, she tasted like cherries and it was driving him crazy! He could feel her hands roaming over his chest and down his arms while his traveled up her lean legs, stopping at the hem of the robe though he desperately wanted to touch more.
She felt as if her entire being had just been ignited when his lips touched hers and she surprised herself by kissing him back with more passion that she thought she had in her, the way he felt against her as they kissed was so natural. She could feel them sliding down towards the bed, he was on top of her and she could feel his hands leave her body as he placed them beside her shoulders. This kiss was wonderful, she wanted more to experience more of this amazing show of affection and she slid her tongue in when he took a quick breath of air and that made the kiss even better! Feeling his tongue against hers sent chills down her spine, this type of affection had been what she wanted, was craving in a lover and he was giving it to her without hesitation. She brought her hands up, gently moving them over his chest she could feel how muscular he really was underneath his clothes, making their way down his arms even then she could feel the power they possessed. He was touching her legs, caressing them as his hand climbed higher until it stopped at the hem of the robe, 'Damn this robe!' thought Elissa as she pulled Joker in closer, then an image popped in her head of her fiance and of EDI.
As if reading her mind, Joker instantly broke the seal and sat up on his knees, looking down at her in shock when he realized what they had been doing.
"Oh my God," said Elissa, sitting up, horrified.
"Oh shit," said Joker, burying his face in his hands, mortified and frustrated.
"Oh my GOD!" exclaimed Elissa, trying not scream out in frustration and anger.
"Oh SHIT!" said Joker and with his face still behind his hands he fell sideways onto the bed, this was not what he had planned on doing tonight, but damn it felt good, and he felt horrible for thinking it.
"What are we going—" started Elissa.
"I don't know," finished Joker, as he dropped his hands and looked at her, she was sitting on the edge of the bed, as far away from him as she could get. He wanted to reach and pull her over, stroke her hair and kiss her lips again, however the look on her face is what killed the urge.
"Joker, I'm so sorry, I—" started Elissa again, but he held up his hand to silence her.
"What are you sorry for?" asked Joker, "I'm the one who should be on my knees asking for your forgiveness."
"But what about EDI?" asked Elissa, climbing up the bed and sitting next to him.
"I don't know, but what I do know is that Kaidan is going to incinerate my ass when he finds out," said Joker, adjusting his hat.
"Why would I tell him?" asked Elissa, "It was just a kiss." Though as she said that she was thinking, 'The most amazing kiss in my life.'
"You're right, it was just a kiss," said Joker, trying to convince himself that it was just a simple kiss though the throbbing against his zipper was clearly telling him different.
"Joker, maybe you should go to the guest room," said Elissa, slowly easing off the bed, "or I could and you sleep here."
"Ellie, this is your house, your bed, your rules," said Joker standing, his legs shaking slightly and he winced as he stood straight.
Elissa saw him wince and knew he needed to stay there, "Stay here, that's an order, I'll go to the guest room."
"Nope," said Joker, starting to walk to the door, "I'll be there if you need anything, Ellie, sleep well. By the way, what time is our appointment with the shrink?"
"Mmm in about five hours," said Elissa, yawning, "I'll wake you up in three, sleep well for what it's worth."
"I expect a huge industrial sized mug of coffee when I wake up," said Joker shaking his head as he went across the hall to the spare room.
Elissa flopped on the bed, wishing she had made him stay and sleep beside her, but she knew that was beyond inappropriate even after what just happened.
"Why did he have to be a better kisser than Kaidan," grumbled Elissa as she slipped under the covers, she set the alarm for six a.m then rolled over, desperately wishing she could go back in time and relieve the kiss over again.
When Joker got to the guest room, he sat on the bed and furiously flung his cap against the wall in front of him, "How could I have been so stupid?" muttered Joker, rubbing his eyes mostly out of frustration and partially due to exhaustion. He looked up at the ceiling and sighed although he knew that his ass was Kaidan's when he found out, he could not help but think about how incredible kissing her was, even now his heart soared at just the thought of her lips on his and the feeling of her skin underneath his hand. He smiled to himself as he pulled off his shirt and pants, then he climbed into bed, laying there he absentmindedly played with his dog tags, unknown to everyone except Liara he had one of Elissa's tags too.
When Elissa died, he had made a desperate plea to Liara to find anything that was hers from the crash, he told her that he needed something that was hers to get over the grief and guilt. Benevolent as always, Liara promised to find him something, and she came through with her promise several months later when she handed him one of the three dog tags that had Elissa's name on it, the other two she eventually gave to Elissa. He had the information on that dog tag memorized in less than an hour and he recited it to himself occasionally while he sat there next to Elissa when Cerberus was working on her. He wanted to make sure she knew the basics when she woke up so at least she would regain something of herself, he knew it was probably the craziest thought he had ever had in his life, but it was something to cling to while he waited.
Looking at the tag now he felt that all too familiar pang of guilt that often hit him whenever he thought about her death, no matter how much time passed the pain still felt raw and new, Joker knew deep down that he would always feel the guilt but it would lessen. He fell asleep with his hand still holding the dog tags, content with the thought of someday getting over the guilt he still had about killing the woman he loved. No number of broken bones or surgeries would ever create the same amount of pain he had felt when he watched her get spaced, as he saw the oxygen escaping her suit, when she stopped moving.
Elissa woke when the alarm went off, the sky was still dark from what she could tell as she sat up on the edge of her bed trying to shake the feeling of sleep, she glanced at the empty side of the bed and remembered how not too long ago Kaidan had occupied that space. Now she found herself wishing that Joker was there instead, she mentally scolded herself for even thinking of him being in bed with her, she was with Kaidan and he had EDI and she could not change that overnight. Standing, she walked over to the dresser, pulled out some of the civilian clothes she had kept there and changed quickly before activating Glyph.
"Good morning, Commander Shepard," said the little orb as it floated into her room, "How can I assist you?"
"Hello, Glyph," said Elissa, stretching, "I need you to make a very strong pot of coffee, it should still have grounds from the last time I filled it up, and then call a cab to take myself and Joker to Citadel Tower."
"Of course, Commander Shepard," said Glyph and he left.
Elissa retreated quickly to the washroom, she brushed her teeth, washed her face, and did her best to pull her hair into a tight bun so she would not look too unprofessional. After she deemed herself acceptable, she pulled on the hoodie she found in the closet and walked to the guest room to wake up Joker, praying that he was not naked. She looked in and saw he was topless, sending a wave of heat down from her head to her feet as she stared at him, even from this distance she could see the definition of his muscles in his chest and arms. Quietly she crept further into the room, when she got beside his bed, she reached out and gently shook him, "Jeff, Jeff, come on, wake up."
Joker's eyes popped open, he saw Elissa but was too tired to register that they were not on the Normandy, he sat up and started moving his hands as if he were sitting at his chair facing the console, "Checking engine diagnostics, levels appear to be stable, FTL sequence started—"
"Joker!" shouted Elissa and he jumped, "We're not on the Normandy, we're at the apartment on the Citadel, and now we have to get ready to go to the Tower."
"Oh," yawned Joker, stretching and easing himself out of bed, "guess I'm way too used to sleeping in my chair to know the difference anymore."
"Guess so," said Elissa smiling, "Glyph's making that industrial sized mug of coffee you wanted, I'll be downstairs in the kitchen waiting for you."
"How are we going to get to the Tower?" asked Joker as he stood up, not aware that Elissa turned four shades of pink in four seconds when she saw him in nothing but his boxers.
Elissa averted her eyes out of respect, "I'm having Glyph call us a cab. I don't think we have to be in our blues to get interviewed by the psychologist, so you can dress as casually as you like."
"This might be it," said Joker, indicating his mostly naked body, "I don't have any clothes other than the ones I was wearing last night."
"I'll see if I can find something for you," said Elissa, blushing again, "feel free to use my shower while I look for some clothes."
"Thanks, Ellie," said Joker walking towards her room, eager to take a much welcome shower.
Elissa glanced at his rear end as he walked passed, impressed with what she saw, then she shook her head to clear away the thoughts that were forming and set out to find something for Joker to wear. She remembered that Steve used this place sometimes for parties on the weekend, so she thought he might have a stash of clothes somewhere in one of the closets, when she opened the closet there was a pile of folded jeans and a selection of dress shirts.
"Guess Steve's been here more than I thought," muttered Elissa as she grabbed a pair of jeans and selected a green shirt for Joker to wear and she went to her bedroom praying she could just sneak the clothes in there without being detected. When she got there, she put the clothes neatly on her bed so Joker would see them, and then headed downstairs to the kitchen to see if Glyph had brewed the coffee yet.
Joker emerged from the shower feeling much more like a human, he grabbed a towel from the rack and dried himself off, then wrapped the towel around his waist before walking into the bedroom. He saw the clothes Elissa had laid out on the bed and smiled, she always came through for him, and he quickly changed admiring how well the clothes fit him despite them belonging to someone else. After he had changed he walked downstairs, the aroma of coffee hitting him as he made it halfway down, and becoming even more the closer he got to the kitchen where he saw Elissa standing at the counter sipping a cup of coffee and reading a data pad. He looked her up and down as he stood in the doorway, admiring how her blouse hugged every curve just right and how it was tightest around her breasts, how her jeans accentuated her legs and the way her behind looked wrapped snuggly in the fabric. He could feel his own jeans tighten as he stared at her, imagining how she would look falling out of her clothes.
"What are you staring at?" asked Elissa coldly, glancing at him as she looked up from her reading, when she saw he did not move she pointed at the mugs next to the coffee pot, "Feel free to get yourself a cup, I'm not going to stop you."
"You alright, Ellie?" asked Joker as he walked to the coffee pot and poured himself a mug, then he mixed in four packets of sugar took a sip, his face contorted in disgust.
"If you don't like coffee, then why did you tell me to make it?" asked Elissa, she had seen him make the face when he sipped his coffee.
"I like coffee, just not this stuff," said Joker grimacing as he took another gulp, "Why are you being so cold this morning, Ellie?"
Elissa looked up at him, his face showed genuine concern for her behavior, she knew she could not brush him off as easily as some of the other crew, this had been the truth since they had first flown together he seemed to have a knack for knowing when she was lying about her well being and attitude, "I'm just overwhelmed, first we have the psych evaluation for a trial that shouldn't be happening, then my fiance is being an obvious jackass, and we kissed. . . ." Her voice trailed off as she thought about it, the feeling of euphoria and relief that had washed over her when his lips touched hers.
"Ellie," said Joker, putting down his coffee and walking to her, then he stood next to her at the counter wrapping his arm around her shoulders, "Is this going to make things weird between us? If so, I can do things to distance myself from you, like not hanging out in your apartment without supervision."
Elissa chuckled softly, turning to him she saw in his eyes what she had seen when they were in the observation deck together and it relaxed her enough to make a reasonable decision, "Jeff, we're going to be working together until God knows when so we can't really afford to act differently around each other, and I really enjoy having you around, you're a great friend, so maybe we shouldn't just spend any alone time together."
"At least outside of the cockpit," said Joker, smiling, "I still need to talk with you sometimes, EDI's great and all, but I really like talking with you."
"Same here," said Elissa, her cold attitude melting in the warmth of his smile, "Joker, you're the best, always remember that."
"Come on, Ellie, lets be realistic," said Joker a sly smile on his face, "you're always going to be around to shower your praise down on me."
She bumped him with her hip in jest and he laughed bumping her back, then Glyph came floating into the room, "Commander Shepard, Flight Lieutenant Moreau, your taxi is waiting outside for you."
"Guess we have to go," sighed Joker, standing fully straight.
"Guess so," said Elissa as she stood up, then without really thinking she pulled him into a tight hug though careful not to put too much pressure in any one place, and he hugged her back with surprising strength.
"Lets get this over with," said Elissa, pulling away from him, and they walked out of the apartment and got into the cab ready to face their psych evaluation and the wrath of their partners, neither sounding desirable to either of them but they were ready to accept the outcome of both.
