Just Friends?
Ron had suggested meeting at the Hog's Head and for once Hermione agreed with him. If there was any sort of blow up or tantrum she wanted as few people to hear it as possible, especially if he started on about McGonagall again.
Ginny walked with her to Hogsmeade and she spent a little time browsing in the bookshop before heading over. She was early, so she ordered a cider and chatted for a minute with Aberforth. They were only acquaintances, but he didn't bother her with a bunch of nonsense small talk. Already, Hermione had gone through every potential argument in her mind, dissecting possible conversations until there was a script she could follow so now all she had to do was wait.
Ron stepped through the door when she was on her second mug, his hair ruffled by the wind and his coat wet from the rain. He was right on time, but his appearance felt too soon. Hermione went stiff in her chair, instantly torn between panic and longing. After the last year she still missed him and the emptiness he had left was more noticeable than ever. Then there was the guilt when Minerva flashed through her mind.
He order a firewhiskey as he passed the bar and took a seat opposite her, ruffling his own hair so it stood on end. He had gotten a haircut and it looked very handsome paired with the stubble on his jaw.
"Thanks for coming, 'Mione," he said with his usual sheepish grin, "I wasn't sure you'd be here after… you know."
"I wasn't sure I'd come either," she admitted, not making eye contact.
They went silent until Aberforth had brought them both drink and left.
"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. Not by post. In person. So, um, yeah, sorry." He took a long drink and stared into the cup.
Hermione wanted to ask him why he'd done it, but she already knew the answer and didn't want to become hysterical, so she kept her voice low and neutral as she asked him about Auror training. He'd told her all about it by post, but it was safe territory. He rattled off what she already knew, that it was tough, that Harry was being preened for leadership, that he enjoyed it even though he wasn't in the field yet.
There was another uncomfortable pause before he asked her about school. Another safe subject. Her answers were shorter. She didn't want to reiterate what she had been through and they lapsed back into quiet.
Aberforth was watching them and Ron indicated for two more mugs. The distance between them seemed painfully vast. They used to be so close.
"This is ridiculous," Hermione stated suddenly, her hand gripping her cup.
Ron nodded his agreement, still looking at the table. "I wish we could just forget the whole thing. Go back to what we had." He looked up with a little too much hope and this time Hermione looked away.
"Ron…" she had prepared this part but it was harder with his blue eyes staring at her. "I- I want things to go back to how they were, too, but I can't forget. That's why we can't be anything other than… friends."
"I know. Ginny said you needed time."
"No," she snapped before clenching her teeth. She couldn't lose her composure. She wanted to cry but she kept the tears at bay. It hurt, but she couldn't lie. Couldn't lead him on. "I don't need time, Ron. I've had enough of that to think. Your friendship means too much to me to lose, but I know that I don't want anything more than that. Now or ever."
She wondered if the last part was too harsh and when she glanced at him she saw Ron's face turn gloomy as he held his glass up to his mouth.
"Can you live with that? As friends?"
He lowered his mug and stared into its empty reflection. After a moment he nodded.
She turned down another drink and tried to lighten the conversation. She was still stuck wondering if she had made the right choice, whether she could've given him another choice, but even when their talk became pleasant, memories of their earlier years, when his face lit up the desolate tavern, she knew that she couldn't. She would never be happy with him. Not anymore.
Hermione tried to get carried away by his exaggerated stories and infectious laughter, but mostly she just wanted to go home. She was tired. He did squeeze in questions about whether she had met anyone since they broke up and whether she was still staying with McGonagall and both times she answered truthfully, but not too much. In a similar fashion when she asked about how he was dealing with everything his answers were uncharacteristically vague. It spurned the realisation that even when they were together, living with Harry in Grimauld Place while Hogwarts was under construction, neither of them had ever talked about how they were. They'd chatter about the past, their plans for the future, but never how they were dealing. Maybe if she hadn't been so caught up in her own plague of nightmares Hermione would have seen the darkness she noticed now as he drank his fifth whiskey.
It was nearly seven when she said she had to leave. Ron walked with her to the school gates, an unpleasant combination of rain and snow (an annoying year-round phenomenon in Hogsmeade) turning the ground to slush. Still, it gave her a laugh when he accidentally stepped in a puddle that went over the top of his boot.
They waited while a few younger stragglers passed them, a couple ogling at Ron.
"I guess this is goodbye, Ron." Hermione had her hands wrapped around her stomach.
"'Mione, listen," he paused to clear his throat, "the Easter Holidays are coming up and I- well, all of us, were wondering if you'd like to spend it at The Burrow. Everyone's coming down, even Charlie."
Hermione hesitated. "I don't… it's not a good idea, Ron. I can't go if you still think there's a chance. It could hurt you too much."
"I know, but I can handle it. Besides, it's not really the whole family if you're not there." She remembered him saying very differently during their confrontation at Hogwarts but kept herself from mentioning it. "Just think about it. Please? Mum'll stop going grey so fast if she sees you haven't withered away from studying too hard."
Her sombre expression was broken by a small smile. "I'll think about it."
He brightened significantly and went to hug her, but stopped short before pulling away and giving her an awkward punch on the arm. "I'll maybe see you then."
She gave snort and shook her head before turning towards the school. It was already dark but the castle lights made for a pleasant view for her to walk towards as she thought about him standing by the gate, no longer gangly, but sturdy and handsome.
Hermione was quiet as she entered the Headmistress' office. She wasn't sure whether the other occupant was there, but she didn't want to disturb her if she was. The office was empty and Snape's sneering, unpleasant frame was facing the right way again but when he opened his mouth nothing came out. She grinned at the silencing spell and he glared back. He was still as nasty as ever.
Hermione let out a loud groan, releasing as much of her tension as possible. It was a relief to be back in the place she considered home, but there was still so much on her mind. With very little grace, Hermione let herself fall onto the couch, her legs dangling over the arm. She was glad the meeting had gone well, but now it seemed she had twice as much to think about. Easter. Ron's feelings for her. Her lack of feelings for him. Exams, finding her parents, finding a job, finding a home… the list went on. Trying to make her mind quiet, Hermione slung an arm over her eyes and focused on that day. There had been no screaming or tears, no accusation, and Ron had made an honest effort. Maybe there was a chance for them to be friends again. But could she spend Easter with him if he still thought they would be together again?
She heard the door to the private quarters opening and pulled her arm from her face and tipped her head backwards so the room was upside down.
"Hermione?"
Minerva was approaching slowly, her nightgown and robe both tartan. Her hair was free spirals and Hermione couldn't help thinking that she was angelic. She sighed. She had forgotten to add her feelings towards the headmistress to the list of worries.
"How did it go with Mr Weasley?"
Hermione was glad the question wasn't 'how are you' because she still wasn't sure of the answer.
"It went okay," she said before pausing, "Actually, it went really well. Ron was a perfect gentlman." She let herself smile.
The older woman lowered herself onto the other side of the sofa. One of her hands gripped the top of her robe while the other inched towards Hermione's pillow of hair.
"I was rather concerned about you, my dear. Earlier you were very nervous. Did seeing Ronald help at all?"
"I... I'm just trying to process things now." She felt a hand stroking her curls and pushed herself so she was closer, her head resting against the other woman's leg. "Min, I don't know how to feel. Or how I do. I mean, I was scared and angry before but then he got there and he was so apologetic and sweet. A gentleman, really. For a bit it was like before all this happened. He's just as funny and awkward as he used to be." She sighed. "I'm thinking of staying at The Burrow with him and Ginny during the holidays."
The hands in her hair slowed and then went completely still before pulling away. Hermione's eyes opened. She craved the contact.
Minerva clenched her jaw to try to control her expression. Neither of the witches were aware that the awake portraits were all watching them carefully.
"The holidays sound like an excellent chance for the two of you to mend your relationship." McGonagall's words came out colder than she had intended. It even surprised herself.
Hermione had noticed of the sudden edge to her friend's voice and looked up, her brow furrowed. "I haven't told him I'd go yet. I haven't decided if I will. On one hand I'd get to see Harry and the Weasleys, but on the other hand…" She stopped instantly. She was going to say 'then I'd be away from you' but that was inappropriate. Hurrying to find a better way of putting it, she finally settled on, "On the other hand I would like to spend Easter with you and Zena."
Taking off her glasses, the older witch polished them on her robe. "I won't be going to the manor for the holidays. I'll still have work to do here. You should go, Hermione." She didn't look at the other witch while she said it, checking the clarity of her spectacles. "You and Ron should be together."
Hermione had never seen the other woman pay so much attention to her glasses. She was pretty sure they were spelled to keep them clean. Trying to be graceful and not succeeding, she rolled over so she could sit up. With one arm over the back of the chair she was better able to see the slight wrinkle in the middle of Minerva's brow. She frowned and used her other hand to lightly still one of the polishing hands.
"Min?"
"Hmm?"
"Min, me and Ron. We're not getting back together, if that's what you're thinking. I told him I just want to be friends. I know that his rumour hurt you just like it did me."
Green eyes turned her way, naked without their usual spectacles and now full of emotion. Hermione saw surprise and relief before the woman replaced the glasses and made herself unreadable once more.
"By what you had said I thought you intended to 'get back together'."
Hermione had expected to have to explain this to Ron, not her confidant. "No. Min, I told you, I'm not in love with him."
A hand covered hers, a thumb brushing over her skin.
"In that case you ought to do whatever makes you happy."
Hermione inhaled, an admission on her lips but before she could say anything McGonagall was rising. The young witch wanted to follow her into her rooms, but remained sitting with her mouth slightly open, the words on her lips. What would make her happiest was to be with the other Minerva for the rest of their lives.
A/N: Like always, thanks for the comments. Special *finger gun motion* to Americ Pet, Harley Quinn Davidson, kcn and all the regulars. Your comments don't just make me feel groovy, they also help me know what is going right/wrong, and help me keep going even on shitty personal weeks. :))
