I Need To Tell You Something
This is a terrible idea.
Hermione had chosen a floral dress and cardigan to wear for the party and if her jumpy hadn't aroused suspicion, the outfit certainly did. The older woman looked at her with a curious expression and the gaze almost made the brunette blush. She hadn't worn anything so nice all year. A part of her hoped Minerva liked it. It was a pleasant enough thought to almost quell her disquiet over the venue.
She excused herself to go on her Head Girl duties after donning her school robe which already held her wand, the Marauder's Map and a small gift in the pockets and ducked out the door.
On the long walk from the Headmistress' office to the hidden room her hands shook by her side even after she bumped into Hannah Abbott and a couple of other Hufflepuffs who she knew from the days of Dumbledore's Army. They tried to include her in conversation but her tongue felt glued inside her mouth and Hermione spent the walk nodding and smiling while she half-listened. At least she wasn't alone when she reached the blank wall. Justin Finch-Fletchley opened the invisible door and they were immediately enveloped by music and laughter.
Hermione closed the door behind her and marvelled at the room. There was no unmade bed, no broken mirror. All her fears dissipated in the overwhelmingly pleasant atmosphere. The large rectangular room was bright and colourful with canary-yellow walls and streamers that rained glitter. The music was popular and fun, everyone was dressed up in a rainbow of colour, some even wearing odd jewellery that was very Luna. The girl of the night was dancing in the centre of the room, her smile so wide that it outdid everything the room had to offer. Hermione couldn't help grinning back.
Behind her, the door opened again and Hermione jumped out of the way of three more students, moving along the wall so she didn't have to pass through the crowd. She found a table laden with snacks and drinks including a large cake and a punch bowl. Ginny was standing beside it with a cup. When she saw Hermione she gave a squeal of delight and threw herself into a beverage-sloshing hug.
"It's about bloody time you got here!" Ginny pulled away and grinned ecstatically, "You're wearing makeup! And a dress!"
"Shut up." Hermione's smile didn't falter and she turned to look at Luna now twirling with her arms out, her circle skirt flaring up above her knees. "It looks like your party is a hit, Gin."
"I know. I don't think she realised how many people were going to miss her."
"Mmm."
Ginny filled a plastic goblet for Hermione and slung an arm around her shoulder, leading her to a guy who wanted to talk to her. Being left alone with the young Ravenclaw, Hermione got to talk about the difference between Arithmancy and other forms of divination. After a while she excused herself to see Luna whose buoyancy only increased when she saw her. She clapped her hands at the parcel Hermione handed her and tore open the paper, her eyes sparkling at the photograph of them with Ginny, Harry, Ron, and Neville and the frame decorated with dragon scales.
Overall the party was genuinely fun and when Hermione had exhausted herself talking to classmates new and old she was free to take a seat and watch Luna's excitement. It was nice just observing. Of course, someone pulled out a bag of illicit bottles to add to the beverage table and Fred showed off, floating over the top and juggling whatever people threw to him.
"Here," Ginny handed Hermione another drink and waited until the older girl had taken an overly sweet mouthful before adding, "it's some sort of sherry or something."
Hermione scrunched up her nose. "We shouldn't be drinking alcohol."
"Everyone's going home tomorrow anyway. Might as well have some fun." She winked.
"Great, they can explain their hangovers to their parents."
Luna was waving at them and they returned the gesture.
"Are you having fun?" Ginny asked with a sideways glance.
"Of course. It's nice seeing everyone have a good time."
"But?"
Hermione bumped the other girl with her shoulder. "No buts. It's just nice."
"Come on, Hermione, what's going on in that over-worked brain of yours? You've been so distracted lately. More than usual. And it's not just the exams, we can tell."
"We?"
"Me and Luna."
Hermione let out an exaggerated, "Ugh," and drank from her cup.
"Lover's quarrel?" The red head's eyebrows jumped up and down humorously until Hermione elbowed her.
"I'd need a lover to have a lover's quarrel, Gin."
"Oh, so that's it? No one's made the first move yet."
"Ginny!" Hermione's outrage wasn't outrageous enough. They both knew Hermione's feelings and her certainty that Minerva felt differently had been wavering in the past weeks. She remanded herself and shook her head. The joyousness of the occasion was suddenly waning. "Ginny, there's not going to be a first move."
"Why not?" the red head demanded. "You like her, she likes you. You're basically made for each other."
"Gin, I don't know if she likes me… like that. Besides. There's way too much that would make it impossible even if she did."
"What? It's not like there's any laws against it."
Hermione gave her a funny look. "She's a teacher."
"Yeah, and?"
She blinked. In the muggle world that was the biggest taboo. "Isn't there a rule against teachers and students… mingling?"
"Not here. It's maybe not the greatest scenario, but I know like two famous teachers who married their students. One of them was a head master. So long as the student is of age then there's no problem."
Hermione didn't have a reply for that. She stared at her drink. She wondered if that was why the portraits in the office had been arguing so much. One of them had been in the same position as McGonagall. Ginny blew in her ear to make her come to attention.
"Mione, I don't know how it works for muggles, but pureblood families can get pretty screwed up marrying for money or to improve their status, most of them keep the marriages between nine family names and that's how you end up with people like the Malfoys. You obviously love her. She obviously really cares for you. If you're together out of love then screw everything and everyone else."
"But-"
"No buts! No more talking. No more thinking. It's time for you to get up."
Ginny was on her feet in a flash and dragging Hermione up with her. They barely had enough time to put down their cups before Hermione was being dragged back into the crowd towards Luna who now had a group dancing with her. Hermione was reluctant to join but Luna grabbed her spare hand and took Ginny's other one and was too elated to turn down. So she danced.
There were no more chances to think between Ginny's eagle eye and Luna's grabbing her to talk about hunting for dinglehoppers and whoopdedoos. The one time Hermione did manage to get away to drink another cup of a more bubbly champagne she was drawn into a conversation with a transfiguration classmate who was keen to share study tips.
The party was brought to an end just before midnight, just enough time for everyone to get back to their rooms before the final check up by teachers. The party-goers were sorted into groups and Hermione advised each when it was safe to go, using the map in her pocket as a guide and Fred as a safe-keeper. All of the alcohol mysteriously disappeared with the last group of Hufflepuffs.
It was weird suddenly being in the room almost entirely devoid of people. Only Ginny and Luna were left, the latter opting to sleepover in Gryffindor tower. Shivering in the large room, Hermione consulted the map to make sure the way was clear before motioning her friends over, their arms full of gifts. They snuck out. It was dark so Hermione lit the tip of her wand and led the way. Luna was humming something completely different from the music they'd been listening to and it made the walk eerie and oddly familiar.
They stopped by the Fat Lady and Hermione hugged Ginny before she used the password to make the portrait swing open. Then Luna wrapped her arms around her, fingers gripping the back of her robe.
"I'm going to miss you."
"I'll miss you, too. We'll get together often. Next time with the whole gang."
Luna pecked her cheek and pulled away. Hermione's eyes were muddled with tears but she smiled.
"Hermione, she does love you. She's just scared as well."
Hermione wiped her cheek and let out a hiccough of laughter. "Did the nargles tell you that?"
"Don't be silly. You just have to look in her eyes."
Now rivulets were running from both eyes and she could barely murmur her thanks before turning away, ashamed of her reaction. She was hurting and she didn't know why. She missed her parents and despite their promises she doubted she'd see Luna very often. Then there was the mess with Ron and now Minerva. She loved her. She knew that now and it bloomed in her chest. Every interaction they'd had was running through her mind in a stream of memories as she made her way quickly back to their rooms. Every touch, every look, every embrace. It was adding up to a conclusion and she didn't know what to do next.
Hermione took her time walking back, the dark corridors easy to navigate after so long. She thought about Luna's leaving, about going back to The Burrow, but mostly she thought about Minerva. Both Luna and Ginny were positive that her feelings were reciprocated, but she still wasn't sure. Of course she had seen signs, gentle touches, lingering hands. Memories echoed in the woman's voice, My darling, My dear, My love, but she couldn't know for sure where the friendliness ended and the desire began. Her steps slowed the nearer she got, a nervousness infecting every inch of muscle in her body. What if they were wrong? What if she acted on her feelings but received nothing but embarrassment and rejection? Even worse, what if the feelings truly were there and she refused to act on them. She had reached the gargoyle and stood, waiting for some inspiration to strike her, but the possibilities continued to spin.
The holidays would start tomorrow and she was going back with Ginny to spend the week with the Weasleys. She didn't want to do that without some answer. If she did it would continue to eat at her, drive her crazy.
The office was dark except for the candlelight and it was empty. She didn't know what she was hoping to do or what she would have done if McGonagall had been awake, but Hermione felt the absence like a black hole pulling at her.
She leaned back against the door and released her breath and as much of her anxiety as she could with it. Closing her eyes, she pressed the palms of her hands against the wood and tilted her head back. Her heart was beating too fast. Her chest felt constricted. Focusing on keeping herself from succumbing to panic, she didn't notice the ajar bedroom door opening.
"Hermione?"
Her eyes snapped open and pinpoints of light made the other woman look dream-like and otherworldly in her white nightgown.
"Are you alright?"
The answer came out as a croak and Hermione covered her mouth before nodding. Minerva approached her, noticing the red rimmed eyes. Hermione wanted to tell her how beautiful she was but she couldn't. Not yet.
"Are you sure?"
Although Hermione nodded again, McGonagall moved nearer still until they were only arms-reach apart. She lifted a hand and pushed the mess of bangs so she could see the girl's downturned eyes.
You just have to look in her eyes.
Hermione forced herself to look up, to really look and her lips parted. Behind spectacles dazzling green eyes looked back, caring, concerned, loving. She took in a breath.
"I need to tell you something."
Minerva didn't reply, just tilted her head slightly and dropped her hand down to touch Hermione's arm. The words stuck in Hermione's throat, but the more she forced them the more stubborn they became until her eyes gave in and a tear slipped through her lashes.
Without a word, the Headmistress pulled her close and enveloped her in a warm embrace, a hand caressing dark curls. After a minute she pulled back for a moment.
Hermione's eyes went from bright irises to gently pursed lips and the impulse was immediately overwhelming. There was barely any space to cover before their lips touched and she felt the others' part and react instantly. Her body was alight with delight and her lashes fluttered closed. She brought a hand up to rest on Minerva's neck, but the moment she did she was being pushed away.
The two witches stared at each other in shock. Minerva lifted a hand to touch her own lips and turned away. Whatever pleasure she had felt came crashing down and the light in her chest was replaced with heavy, terrified panic. She took in two, quick, ragged breaths.
"I-I'm sorry," she managed to say before turning on her heel and running.
A/N: Please let me know if there's some part of this that should go somewhere. I'm emotionally wrecked by the recent shit in Orlando. I should have the next chapter ready in time but it may not be as good as usual. Honestly I am terrified and I have to filter that out. I should be good for next week but I may have to take a little time afterwards.
