April 4, 2003
8:39 PM
Aka Hou-ou Hotel, Konohagakure

"Hey, Tony?"

"Yeah?"

"Remember what I said about how, if someone brings up me being black, that someone better be me?"

"…Shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I… I fucked up, didn't I?"

"All those brains and you still forget this stuff."

"…Yeah."

A sigh. A clap on the back. "Don't worry yourself about it. Just try not to do it again."

"I…yeah. Sorry."

o.o.o.o.o

April 6, 2003
10:27 PM
Outside the Gates of Konohagakure

Sasuke stared distrustfully at the plane that was currently standing on Konoha's main road, tank full and ready for take-off.

"C'mon, kiddo, it's as safe as anything else out there." Tony couldn't, in all confidence, tell the kid that the machine was completely safe, because nothing ever really was, but the plane was less likely crash than a car or even a boat, though slightly more likely to get attacked than the latter (though that had more to do with Tony himself than with the plane being a plane).

Despite Tony's oh-so-impressive attempts to reassure him, Sasuke didn't look convinced.

Part of that was probably due to him not having the translator out and Tony not being able to say things like that in Japanese.

(Yet.)

(Languages weren't his forte at all, but he was trying, dammit.)

"Well, it's better than Roxxon's planes, anyway." Rhodey threw in with a grin, ignoring the look that Tony shot him. Roxxon's planes were… well, they weren't terrible, but comparing Tony's planes to theirs was honestly more of an insult than a compliment. "Now, we better hurry, because while I am on leave, that time is going to end very soon, and I'd rather not deal with trouble from my bosses on that front."

Tony didn't wince, because Tony didn't do things like that, but he was more than self-aware enough to realize that many of those previous instances of Rhodey getting into trouble with the Military were mostly his fault. At least, by this point, the guys in charge had realized that Rhodey was their best bet at keeping Tony on decent terms with them, and that Tony was essentially an invaluable resource, so it wouldn't be too much of a problem, but...

Well. Better to get a move on than keep on stalling.

"Kid, I know you're scared." Tony watched out of the corner of his eyes as the words scrolled down the translator-equipped phone. "But we really do have a schedule to keep, so…"

Tony glanced helplessly at Pepper. He was trying to curb his natural "asshole" tendencies, because that was kind of something to do around a kid with as many issues as Sasuke, but… how was he supposed to get the kid onto the plane without forcing him on?

Thankfully, Sasuke seemed to finally get over his hesitation about the plane and, however slowly, began making his way over to the stairs that folded out of the side of the craft.

Tony sagged in relief for half a second, and then bounded up the steps behind his… eh, nephew was close enough. He'd use that whenever he needed to explain something, though the frequency of such occasions would be low.

When Sasuke was settled in (steadfastly ignoring everyone around him and glaring out a window instead), and Pepper and Tony were buckled into their own seats, Rhodey came on over the intercom, cheerily announcing that they were about to take off, so buckle in before you slam into another wall, Tony, you can unbuckle once we're in the air.

"He promised not to mention that again." Tony grumbled, though he noticed that Sasuke had a ghost of a smile on his face now, the phone in his hands open to the translator again.

"He's just teasing and you know it." Pepper assured him, her hand on Tony's elbow. "Now come over here and go through these papers."

"Tell me what I'm looking at." Tony said, even as he pulled the stacks towards him.

"This pile is what you need to go through before the board tomorrow morning." Pepper pointed towards the left-most stack. "This pile is résumés and reviews for potential bodyguards we could hire for Sasuke, and this pile is the same for potential nannies."

Tony took one glance at the papers for the board meeting and handed it back to Pepper. "There's a pretty good chance that I either already know or don't care about everything in here, isn't there?"

Pepper gave him a thin smile and nodded, not quite letting her amusement show. "I'll pick out the few things that have actually changed without your knowledge since the last meeting then."

"Yeah, I'll start going through these." Tony waved the stack of nanny-résumés and settled in to read.

The thing was, most of the nannies were incredibly over-qualified for general work, and Tony could understand why. These women (and a handful of men) were all experienced, yes, but they also had other things appended to their papers, martial arts and field medicine and everything the nanny for a high-profile child could possibly have to offer. They weren't just nannies, but caretakers specifically trained for taking care of children at high risk for kidnappings and assassinations. Many of them were former bodyguards or military personnel, and Tony quickly found himself struggling to weigh all the options against one another, focusing mostly on their capabilities in defense (because as wonderful as the original Jarvis had been when Tony was younger, the man had been a butler, not a defender). A capable nanny in that respect meant one less bodyguard, and one less bodyguard meant one less person in the know about Sasuke.

"If I could make a suggestion?" Pepper's voice broke through his thoughts, and Tony looked up quizzically. The woman smiled and pointed to a section on the résumé Tony was currently looking at. "Most of them have a section on languages spoken. It's not a be-all end-all, but finding someone who's fluent in both English and Japanese would be a good idea."

Tony closed his eyes for a second, slightly embarrassed. He really should have remembered that, genius or not, but that was what Pepper was there for; when Tony got too focused on the details, she was there to remind him to step back and take a look at the big picture (or at least get some sleep).

He quickly flipped through the files again, sorting them into four piles: knows Japanese, knows defense, knows both, and knows neither.

The last group, small as it was, he immediately removed. The first two he kept in mind, especially since the knows-defense-but-not-Japanese pile was the largest by far, but his focus was mostly on the "knows both" pile, which had three applicants: Annalise Hoover, Berthold Rhine, and Rachel Douglas.

"Pep? What do you think of these three?" Tony pushed the papers across the table between them. "Hoover's got more experience than the other two, but the reviews say she's not exactly the best with children. Rhine's got the best childcare skills and there are people that note his ability to keep his employers' secrets, but he's a bit jumpy and panicky in bad situations. Douglas is newer than the others, but she's got better fighting capabilities, from what I can tell, and, uh…"

He didn't finish the sentence, just pointed at a spot on the page and waited for Pepper to read it.

"Experience treating soldiers with PTSD." Pepper muttered. "And a college major in psychology, focusing on treating traumatized and abused children."

"I don't know about abused, but traumatized definitely fits the bill, right?" Tony's fingers were tapping out tattoo against the table. "I'm not sure if that weighs out against the lack of nanny experience, though. I'm not sure how most of these weigh against one another. I've never had to hire a nanny before."

Pepper smiled softly, eyes tracking over the three pages. "Who are you leaning towards?"

"Douglas." Tony answered without hesitation. "The trauma thing caught my attention. But I need a second opinion."

"No, no, I agree with you." Pepper nodded, looking over all three papers again. "Rhine and Hoover are good, but I think Douglas is probably our best bet. Still, you should probably ask Obadiah and Colonel Rhodes for their input too."

"He's told you to call him Rhodey, you know."

"I know." Pepper grinned at him. "Now, we'll keep Hoover and Rhine as second and third choices, in case Douglas's interview doesn't go well, and in the meantime, you can look over the bodyguards."

Tony groaned, but pulled the pile towards himself nonetheless. This, at least, he had some more experience with.

o.o.o.o.o

April 7, 2003
7: 34 AM
Malibu

"You can survive without me for one day." Pepper readjusted Tony's collar, patting down his shoulders and smoothing out the barely-present wrinkles on his chest. "And I'll still be working, I just won't be there physically."

"I know, but the kid is… should we be leaving Sasuke alone yet? I mean, I know you'll be here, that's why you're not coming with me, but I don't want to be some kind of, some kind of absent…" Tony trailed off at the look that Pepper was giving him, all fond exasperation. After a few seconds, he sighed. "What do you think?"

"Well, what did you like doing when you were his age?" Pepper asked; Tony didn't doubt that she was already planning on other things that had to be done with Sasuke that day, like explaining JARVIS and probably most modern tech. Sasuke had fallen asleep by the time they'd gotten in last night, though with the delay caused by evading a tropical storm and the subsequent stop in Hawaii for more fuel (none of the adults had been particularly interested in letting turbulence make Sasuke even more worried), this wasn't exactly unexpected. Unfortunately, that meant that Sasuke had been carried in by Tony and just left in the new bedroom, rather than receiving a grand tour and an introduction to JARVIS and co.

Tony thought back. "I don't think programming is on his list of hobbies."

Pepper raised an eyebrow. "Okay, what did you do at that age that other kids might have been doing?"

"I… watched a lot of sci-fi?" Tony scratched the back of his head. "The sort of stuff where the science was so out-there that it passed the point of bothering me."

"So, what, Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica…" Pepper trailed off. "I'm sorry, I only remember those three, really. Someone drilled them into my head as 'the sci-fi trifecta' when I was in high school. Drilled them into everybody's heads, really; she never really stopped talking about them."

"I mean I watched and read things that were either science in name only, or fiction in name only." Tony explained. "Star Wars was 'soft' enough that I could just tell myself to ignore it all because it was barely even pretending to be science, and the same thing went for Doctor Who. Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek were a bit more… they teetered. They tried to be science, and a lot of modern science plays around with things they imagined, but… not hard enough. Not soft enough. I love them now, but as a kid? Not a chance."

"Mr. Stark," Pepper crossed her arms. "While I'm glad to know more about your childhood preferences, given that I never know when such information could be useful—"

"Really?"

"For all I know, you'll ask me about this conversation one day when you're more paranoid than usual and want to make sure I'm me and not… I don't know, a shape-shifting alien or mutant or something."

Tony thought it over for about three seconds, and then simply shrugged and nodded. "Seems like something I'd do."

"In any case, all I needed was a suggestion of a show you wouldn't mind me looking up and setting up for Sasuke to watch while you're gone." Pepper reminded him. "All I'm getting right now is a suggestion of, what, Star Wars or Doctor Who?"

"If he's going to be introduced to Star Wars, I'm going to be there." Tony said immediately; there were few things better than watching someone first get introduced to the best of the classics. "Doctor Who will work, though. Just make sure to find it with subtitles."

"If there aren't any available, I'm sure JARVIS can take care of it." Pepper reminded him. "Now, you have a meeting, Mr. Stark. I'd suggest you go."

"Right." Going to this meeting is not abandoning the kid; just make sure you talk to him once you get back, and don't ignore him, and you'll already be doing better than Howard.

Tony tried to believe himself.

o.o.o.o.o

A/N: Pepper may not know what Skrulls are, but she hit the nail on the head in that respect. And no, there will not be any Attack on Titan characters showing up in this story, because that's not what this crossover is (I have something else co-starring the Young Avengers and the crew of the Serenity from Firefly for that one). However, the names Annalise Hoover and Berthold Rhine are absolutely in homage to Annie Leonhardt, Bertholt Fubar/Hoover, and Reiner Braun.

I know absolutely nothing about Battlestar Galactica, and barely anything more about Star Trek, while my knowledge of Star Wars is from watching of the movies at a very young age and not particularly enjoying them (which means I remember next to nothing, but I do remember enough to make sense of what I read on the internet, and as such can usually fake my way). Similarly, my knowledge of Classic Who is all from friends and the internet, but given who said friends are, I'm fairly certain that's more than enough (and I'm planning on watching Classic at some point in the future anyway). However, TvTropes saw fit to inform me of where all these series sat on Moh's Scale of Science Fiction Hardness, and helped me come up with a way to avoid involving the full trifecta.

Also, please keep in mind that the MCU, unlike the comics, is not Science in Genre Only, but wavers between Physics Plus and World of Phlebotinum… you know, after Thor and the other weird stuff shows up. Tony still thinks he's living in something that's more or less Real Life (the Iron Man movies would count as either Speculative Science Fiction or One Big Lie, more likely the latter). This story will hover its way over to World of Phlebotinum as I involve more and more aliens, but I'd like to point out that anything on that front is thrown out the bloody window whenever the ninjas show up, because ninjas just don't science (Tony ignores anything ninjas do that doesn't involve him, simply as a result of that fact).

Ja ne,

Phoenix