Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit, everything belongs to Tolkien, and this story is not for profit.
Authors Note: I'm sorry about the delay! I want to thank everyone who is still reading this story, as well as those who have recently favorited/followed it. I especially want to thank everyone who has reviewed the story. If it weren't for you guys, this update would have probably been even longer in coming!:)
Chapter 14
For a while, a good long while, life was all right. Better than all right. It was fantastic. Better than I could ever have hoped for.
And how strange it was to think, that all my life, since the day I was born, my father had planned for the day when I would be married. He had been a good man, and a kind leader. A lord both wealthy and respected. As such, he had sought a future husband for me in all of the noblest families in the realms of men. The steward of Gondor's son had been considered for me once, as well as the King of Rohan himself. My father had been very eager to see me as a Queen. When I asked him why, he said it was because anything less wouldn't be good enough for me. Funny to think now, I was queen after all. Not the way my father had imagined, but a Queen I was. An elf-Queen but not an elf. Father would still be happy, I thought.
And yet, those bright, happy, early days did not last too long. The splendor of being married to King Thranduil, the glory of not having Coruven around any more, didn't exactly wear off, but other things came to my mind that affected me.
It started because all too soon I realized how truly unprepared and unqualified I was to be the queen. I had always known, of course, that I was too young and too different to be a queen over these old and wise woodland people, but one day near the end of winter it was embarrassingly clear.
For a visit came the Lord Elrond. His name was not unknown to me when I had lived in the South of Gondor, for he was well known even among the land of men, but here in the Woodland realm he was more than just a myth, he was an idol, a legend even. Almost any Silvan elf that I spoke with told me with a shine in their eye that Lord Elrond was a great lord indeed; that his greatness was even equal to the Kings of old.
On the other hand, even the Sindar elves at court told me that Elrond was very wise, although they said so in a much calmer and collected manner. When I asked my husband what he thought of this Elrond, he acknowledged that he was both wise and brave. Thranduil had told me once that there were only two qualities that truly mattered in a ruler: bravery on the battlefield and wisdom off the battlefield. I wasn't sure I completely agreed with him, but I knew when he attributed both of these qualities to the Lord of Rivendell that he must have great respect for this man. But even as he said it, there was a glint of something in his eye as he spoke of Elrond that I did not recognize. One elf, Ellis, plainly told that Elrond was a greater man than even our King. He was the only elf to tell me so, and it reminded me how much I admired Ellis for his frankness and honesty. And so if I were to take Ellis at his word, which I always did, then I could attribute this glint in Thranduil's eye to jealousy. Never having seen him jealous before, I now somewhat looked forward to lord Elrond's visit.
We received Elrond and his followers in King Thranduil's throne room.
The long suspended walkway was lined with elves on either side, bowing as Lord Elrond and his retinue made their way up to the dais where King Thranduil was standing below his throne waiting. Standing next to him-unhappily-was me.
"Must I really be next to you when Lord Elrond arrives?" I had asked earlier that morning, as Galessel was dressing me for Elrond's arrival.
"Yes, you really must." As he spoke he was circling around, making sure I was presentable. Unlike most of the men I had grown up around, my husband took a significant interest in the clothes I wore, and today was no exception. He wanted to be sure that I looked every part the queen. Finally he jerked his chin at Galessel, motioning that my silver gown encrusted with diamonds was satisfactory, and also that it was time for her to leave. She had bowed, and then left me alone with my husband.
He wore a silver tunic and cloak to match my dress, but in my opinion all the matching outfits did was to accentuate how different we were. Tall and straight, white haired and angular he was. Besides the differences of my shortness, golden eyes, black curly hair and curves, there was something else that made us a mismatched couple besides even our looks. Being an elf, an old elf, my husband simply put off an aura of grace and ethereality that I could never hope to have. I was painstakingly young and human. No matter how closely we were dressed, nothing would change that. I didn't speak my thoughts to my husband. We were both careful never to discuss the differences between us, but he must have sensed something bothering me, because in a gesture of affection (which he usually only bestowed upon me now late at night when we were in bed together) he gently put his hands on my shoulders and leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead. I closed my eyes, savoring the moment. I wanted to jump into his arms and kiss his lips, but I knew that was scarcely his way.
"Laurwen."
I opened my eyes, staring up at him from under my lashes.
"There is nothing to fear. Lord Elrond will not be unkind to you. It is not in his nature."
Although I did not feel very relived on the inside, I grinned, trying to set his mind at ease. "I suppose that is true. I believe that I have married the rudest elf."
Unsurprisingly, he smirked. He knew very well that he was a gruffer and colder elf than most.
"Come along." He said, taking my arm.
And so there we were then, standing in front of his throne side by side. He kept my arm tucked into his, and I wondered if it was in a defensive way. The elves of Rivendell would scarcely understand the King marrying a human girl. It could have been for his own sake. I would probably never know.
Because the Lord Elrond was the guest, my husband bowed first.
"Lord Elrond."
"King Thranduil." Elrond very gravely returned his bow. Then stepping aside, he extended his arm behind him, and two young elves came forward. "May I introduce my sons, Elladan and Elrohir."
The two young elves were clearly twins. I had never seen two people who looked more alike in my entire life. They had their father's dark hair and his grey eyes, but if seeing a human girl at Thranduil's side wearing a woodland crown confounded their father, I couldn't tell. The twins on the other hand made no attempt to disguise their curiosity, and one of them even winked at me unabashedly.
"And may I present my wife, Laurwen of Lebennin, and now Laurwen Queen of Mirkwood." Thranduil said, pushing me forward a little.
"An honor." I whispered, trying to curtsey as gracefully as possible.
Elrond stepped forward and grasped my hand, pressing a kiss lightly to it. "The pleasure is mine, your highness." His sons and the rest of his retinue followed suit, and soon after the party from Rivendell retired to bathe and rest before dinner.
….
"That wasn't so bad as you thought it would be, was it?" Padhrion said.
"No I suppose it wasn't."
At the moment no one in Mirkwood was even the least bit sick, and so on these occasions when there was nothing pressing to be done in the infirmary, Padhrion and I would walk around his herb garden, scattering seeds and readying the sprouts that we would later use for medicine.
"The Lord of Rivendell is very fair, but I sense a sort something grieves him." I told my friend, trying and failing to sound indifferent.
He glanced over at me slyly.
"And you think you are the reason that he grieves?"
"Why not? Perhaps he is sad to see someone such as myself grace the throne of Mirkwood. He may not approve of the mixing of human and elvish blood. Besides, if he knew the king was looking to remarry he might have sought to make an alliance through marriage between Mirkwood and Rivendell."
"I don't think our king was looking to remarry. And I think you might be wrong about his disapproval of elven and human marriages."
"Oh how would you know?" I said a little crossly. "Like everybody else, you just try to make me feel better by telling me sweet lies!"
Padhrion laughed.
"Don't laugh at your queen." I said, sulking.
"I apologize Laurwen-er- my queen." I smiled at the glint in his eye. "It's just that it's common knowledge that Lord Elrond is half human himself. So I doubt very much he disdains humans."
For a moment I was too shocked to speak, but he went on, "And if he grieves, it is because he has seen much evil in his long and honored life, not the least of which being the departure of his beloved wife to the West."
"Oh. Oh I see." How foolish I was! Thinking everything was about me. I was definitely over sensitive about all of this. "Why did his wife leave?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself?"
I was appalled at the suggestion, and told the healer so, but he refused to say more on the matter, insisting as if I could just ask one of the wisest and most powerful elves casually why his wife had left.
…..
I was in front of my mirror, waiting while Galessel brushed my hair out for bed, when King Thranduil came into our room.
Thranduil usually didn't come to bed until after Galessel was done helping me get ready, and my maid blushed at seeing me in nothing but a thin cotton shift in front of my husband.
"You may leave us Galessel." He said.
My maid looked surprised, still holding my brush in her hands, but the king stepped forward and surprised me as well by taking the brush from her. "I can do that. You may go home early tonight."
She bowed and left, leaving me slightly worried. I wondered for a moment if I had done something wrong, but the King didn't seem upset with me when he stepped forward and started brushing my long dark curls himself just as he had said he would.
It felt nice to have Galessel brush my hair, but somehow the king was even more gentle, and I hoped he didn't notice how I shivered every time he touched my neck when he pulled hair out of the way.
"You did very well today." He said, meeting my eyes in the mirror.
"Thank you." Hearing him say that was the best thing I could have possibly heard.
"How was your meeting with Lord Elrond? What did he have to say?" At this point the king surprised me by breaking his eyes away from mine in the mirror and looking away.
"What is it? Is something wrong?"
"No, dearest." He murmured. "Everything is fine."
He put the brush down, and instead rested both of his hands on the top of my arms. Our eyes were locked in the mirror, and we both watched him lean his head down and kiss me on my bare shoulder.
"Would you like to like to come to bed with me now?" He murmured.
I smiled, and rested my hand over his.
….
For a few hours I was able to forget about my worries, but later at night when the king had fallen asleep, they all came back to me. Tossing and turning, I attempted to go to sleep once more, but I soon realized to do so would be fruitless. I could not sleep while so much weighed upon my mind.
Throwing the King's robe over my body, I wondered out into the halls. The cold floor was chilly on my bare feet, but was warmer when I entered the library, where there was a gentle fire going, much to my surprise. I gave a heavy sigh and plopped myself into one of the large cushioned chairs that the king so loved to read in, and then promptly jumped back out of it when a voice startled me.
"I see you are having trouble sleeping as well."
Rising from a chair far in the corner, the tall and regal Lord of Rivendell set down the book he had been holding and crossed his hands into his lap, waiting for me to speak.
"Indeed so, my Lord." I replied, gently sitting back in the chair. It would be horribly rude to leave the library now, but how could I explain to this man that his very being here was one of the reasons for my ill state of mind?
For several moments we sat in silence, both of our eyes fixed on the crackling fire. Later when the air in the room felt almost oppressive to me, I asked the Lord if he would care for a glass of wine.
To my surprise he gave a wide smile, and said that he would like one very much, but only if I would have one as well. When we had both sat down and now had glasses of wine in our hands, closing his eyes, he took a small sip and smiled.
"One thing that Mirkwood for sure does much better than Rivendell: wine. I have never met another elf who had such a keen taste for it as your husband here."
"He loves his wine, yes." I said. And then Elrond would say no more, and I began to sense that he was actually waiting for me to speak. Something about his face seemed so calm and trustworthy. Without thinking I blurted out, "My Lord, what happened to your wife?"
He thankfully did not seem either angry or shocked that I had asked, and instead his face grew very grave. The sad look in his eye made me wish that he had actually been angry.
Setting down his glass, he sighed. "She was attacked and tortured by orcs on her way to Lorien. My sons rescued her, but she was always unhappy afterwards, never the same. Who would be, after all? She decided that she no longer wanted to remain in Middle Earth, so she sailed to the west many years ago."
"I am very sorry, Lord Elrond."
"As am I. But I do not despair, and neither should you child. I have hope that I will see her again one day."
"Alive?" I whispered.
He glanced sideways at me. "Of course. She lives still. But even were she not alive there would still be hope. In life or death, as long as there is love there is always hope."
"Those are pleasing words to hear you say my lord."
"Why so? Is there something weighing upon your mind?" He asked gently, although we both knew he already knew the answer.
"In my travels here my friend and I were way-laid, and then separated. I worry that she did not live through our troubles."
"I see. I know, my queen, that you of the race of Men do not often sense the death of a loved one as we elves often do, but were I you I would be thankful for this, because it means that no matter what, your friend might still live. Until you know otherwise, there is always the chance that you will find one another again."
His words, as obvious as they were, comforted me. It was true; if Aeiliel lived still, there was no way in this world that she wouldn't find me some day.
"I see your fox has come to investigate." Carotene, sleepy eyed and drowsy, was now circling Lord Elrond and sniffing his boots. When he reached down to stroke his orange fur, Carotene twitched his whiskers in a satisfied fashion, and then jumped away and into my lap.
"He likes you." I said.
Elrond smiled. "Is there anything else you wish to speak about?"
I paused for a moment, not sure how to go about this. "Yes." I whispered. I thought for a moment, and then decided that perhaps frankness would be best once again.
I told him everything. I told him about finding out about my parent's death, I told him about my flight from the only home I had ever known. I told him about meeting Aeiliel, how we had become best friends. I told him about our harrowing and relentless ride North as my cousin pursued us. I told him about our pass through the brutal mountains. I told them that I had killed a man. I told him about finding my fox; I told him that I was a horse thief. I told him about how we had been betrayed by a young woman and her even younger daughter. I told him about the terrible storm, and how Aeiliel and I had been separated. I then told him that I had found my way here, nearly dead. How the King had taken me in, restored me, and how I had been very afraid that he would return me to my cousin. I told him how I had slowly come to realize that the King was a good man, a great man. How he was strong and caring, stern but fair. How I had come to love him, although his son despised me. How my cousin had finally caught up to me here and had wanted to marry me and take me far away from the King and anywhere that I would be safe. How I had ran, and how the King had rescued me, and taken me back, and made me his queen. How blissfully happy I was, although it still didn't feel right and how his son had threatened me. Finally I told him that everyday now I woke up next to the most perfect man I had ever seen, and how I was afraid that there was a price I had to pay for it, and that I had not yet paid it. I told him how unworthy I was, and that I almost wish I had never married the King, because I was worried that he regretted it, and that above all else, I desired his happiness.
I went on, "I am worried that I am not a suitable wife for my King. He is old and wise, and everyone that lives here is much greater than me. This has especially troubled me ever since you have come to visit. It shames me, my lord, to see you, (the great Lord Elrond!), bow to me and call me a queen. I am a young, foolish, headstrong girl. And not a very wise one at that."
When I was done speaking, the Lord of Rivendell rose, and walked slowly over to the fire. He stared at it for a long moment, before he cleared his throat, and spoke.
"You may or may not be aware, but we elves mate for life. Once we find a husband or a wife, we stay with them for the rest of our days. At least, so it is said. But this is not always the truth. Although we elves are wise, we are not perfect, and we sometimes make mistakes. It has happened in the past that an elf has chosen a mate who was not right for them, who was not their one and true love, and on account of it there was pain and bloodshed."
He paused once more, before going on. "It is probably no secret to you that your husband and I are not the closest of companions. We respect each other, yes, but nothing more than that. When I first met your husband many years ago, he had just been recently married. I have never told anyone this save my own dear wife, but I remember for the first time feeling sympathy for him, and more than that, being afraid for him. I could see instantly, and maybe some others did to, that he had made a mistake. In outward appearance the King and Queen of Mirkwood were perfect for each other, but in reality there were hardly two elves more ill matched. I had a sudden premonition that something terrible would happen because of this, that some great evil would occur. And although it is true that their son Legolas is as good an elf as one could wish for, when I first gazed at Coruven the premonition only grew stronger. I was not surprised to hear of their troubles, nor really of her death. I was pleasantly surprised that nothing worse had happened as I had feared."
Turning to me now, he smiled for the first time since his long speech. "My lady, only time will tell if you are suited to be a queen. That in itself I cannot say. But I have rarely, if ever, in my life met someone more deserving. You may not think so, but you are very strong, very sharp, and very selfless. With your added beauty it is no surprise to me that Thranduil took you for a wife despite your humanity (although I must admit that hope none of my children set their hearts upon anyone of the race of men!) And most importantly, I have rarely seen two people more suited to each other. The only time the King truly seems happy is when he gazes at you."
He came over and took my hands. "If I did not care for the King before, I may honestly say that his choice in you has made me more endeared to me, and my respect for him is ever greater."
I knew my face was red, because a kinder complement I could not have even dared to wish for. But I was not wholly convinced that we were right for each other, and I told him so. "I do not believe I will ever love another as I love the King, but sometimes I feel like there is a wall between us. That ever since the marriage I cannot tell him my feelings. Every morning I want to kiss him and tell him I love him, every night …I..." here I blushed a little, "every night I wish for him to hold me in his arms and whisper that he loves me, but he never does so. We make love often but seldom more than that. He is not very affectionate, and I fear that he has ceased to love me."
"My queen-Laurwen-I do not know why that is, but I assure you I can tell by the King's glances that he loves you dearly. It may just be that you have married a stern, reticent man. He may be unused to such affections. Time may make things better."
"I hope you are right." I whisper, partly unconvinced.
"One thing, your highness." He said, as I am turned to leave. "I wish you would let me tell the King about Coruven. His hatred for you is, well, it's not natural. It's disturbing and unsettling, in fact."
My mouth opened in horror. "No! You must never tell the King about Coruven. No matter what, I would rather die than come between the King and his son."
Reluctantly, he promised not to tell.
…
Returning to bed, I shuffled under the sheets and let my feet warm under the covers.
There were only a few hours until dawn, and thinking over many things, I turned to my husband, who was turned to the other side, breathing softly.
I reached over to where he was laying and gently laid my arm over his broad chest. He was not wearing a shirt, and he shivered gently as my cold hands touched him. He pried my hands off and turned to sleep once more.
Trying not to wake him, I tried in vain to cry as softly as possible. Half asleep, he turned toward me and wiped away my tears before kissing me on the neck.
When he turned away again, I didn't know whether to smile or keep crying, so I did both.
…
I am sure several people were surprised by how much I enjoyed the rest of Lord Elrond's trip. It was as if suddenly the Lord and I had become very close friends, and indeed they were not mistaken, although only he and I knew why exactly. I became good friends with his sons as well, who, although much older than me, were still quite the pesky young troublemakers. They reminded me of my own dead brothers, and the one who still lived. Their pranks and teasing words made my heart feel lighter.
The parting of Lord Elrond and his retinue was sad, but many people said afterwards that it was a great success. Although he had brought troubling news to the King, people said on account of my friendship with Elrond the relationship between Rivendell and Mirkwood would be strengthened. They were right, and I afterwards always considered it as my first success as a queen.
