Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit, everything belongs to Tolkien, and this story is not for profit.
A/N: A lot of people favorited and followed the last chapter, for which I am eternally grateful! Your support makes this story possible! And to the guest who reviewed the last chapter, your wish is my command!:)
Chapter 19
The first time we tried to travel with the children it was a nightmare.
Thranduil trusted Legolas and Carfon enough to keep Mirkwood safe while we went on a trip to Rivendell, but we had scarcely been traveling for twenty minutes when one of the boys swallowed something poisonous, another dug a stick into a horse he was sharing with another elf, causing them both to run off into the woods ahead of us, and the third had completely disappeared.
Fortunately we were able cure Oriphar, who had swallowed the poisonous mushroom, catch up to Klirion and his rider and calm their horse down, and last of all, find Wrane an hour later in the tree branches above our heads. I experienced that day a very strong feeling that I had come to experience more and more often since I had given birth, a feeling impossible to know until you have had children yourself; the incredible and all-consuming terror when you are worried that they are hurt or lost, and the warm glow of love and relief when they are returned safe and sound.
Needless to say, even though they were returned safe and sound, Thranduil decided that they were too young and troublesome to travel yet, and we would perhaps go to Rivendell another year. This upset the children, as he had expected, but he was even more surprised to find this put me in a foul mood as well.
"Two years old." I growled, taking my riding gloves off and throwing them on the table in our private chambers. We had just returned back to the palace and we had both went straight to our rooms to change out of our travel gear. "Two years old and they are already little hellions. In the course of their short lives they've already managed to destroy some of your family's precious heirlooms with knives and paint, make themselves sick on wine, shave the fur off Carotene, and tie Ellis' feet together at supper. What are they going to manage at the age of three, I wonder? Burn down the palace and Mirkwood, too?"
I sat down in a huff, crossing my arms over my chest. I looked to Thranduil for agreement, but he just cocked an eyebrow at me, not saying anything. But he didn't need to say anything; I already knew what he was thinking. He knew that I was more upset at not being able to travel then at the children's behavior. The children misbehaved several times per day, but it was I who always made excuses for them and who spoiled them and laughed at their mischief. It was their father who usually grew angry and tried to punish them, saying often that they behaved more like little goblins then princes. And it was I who always cried and kissed Thranduil and begged until he promised not to punish the boys.
"Don't be cross, Laurwen. We will find time to travel soon enough. Rivendell is not going anywhere, and the children will not be young forever. The boys are so young, there could be spiders or ghouls on the road, it's better not to risk it at this age."
"What age would be good for them to travel, I wonder? They show no signs of calming down any time soon."
"Well we can't really fault them. They inherited their father's creativity and their mother's penchant for mischief."
I scowled at him. He was always assigning the children's good qualities to himself and their bad ones to me.
Seeing my red face, he added, "They appear to have inherited their mother's temper, as well."
I opened my mouth to say something smart back to him, but at that moment the door opened and the little monsters that we were just discussing came in through the door.
They were wobbling around on their little feet, and Esteldes had two of their little hands in her left and the third's little hand in her right. For the past two years raising the children had taken up almost my entire time, at all hours of the day and night. But whenever I absolutely needed time for myself, to take a nap or play my harp for an hour or so, Esteldes always volunteered to watch the boys. At first I had asked Delia to watch over them for me because I trusted her more and thought she would be a calming influence on them, but Esteldes had always tagged along. It was clear she loved the boys and all too soon it became obvious they preferred her to almost anyone else.
"The children had something that they wanted to say to their mother and father. Go on, children."
One by one they took turns saying "sorry" in their adorable little lispy voices: first Wrane, then Klirion, and then Oriphar, who was the shyer of the three and who usually waited to follow his brothers and see what they would do first.
Thranduil and Esteldes both looked at me, clearly waiting to see how long it would take me to forgive them. They didn't have to wait long.
"Darlings," I said, opening up my arms for them to run into. "Your apologies are accepted. Mother knows you try hard to be good little boys." The smack of their little lips on my cheeks affirmed their agreement. And I cooed at them for a bit, ruffling their hair and pinching their fat little cheeks.
I was so entranced by their sweet faces it took me a moment before I realized Thranduil was speaking. "I'm glad your mother forgives you, boys. Because your father is going to see you punished this time."
I turned to Thranduil in horror, and the boys looked up at their father in confusion. They had heard the word "punishment" several times, but they still had no idea yet what it meant. "No!" I said, gathering the boys in my arms where we knelt on the ground, "You heard them say that they were sorry! There's no need to have them punished."
I looked at my husband, but he met my gaze, completely unmoved. "Not this time Laurwen. I've let you discipline them as you've seen fit these last two years, which has frankly been not at all. You can't keep making excuses for the children. It's time for them to start taking responsibility for their actions, or else they will grow up spoiled, and I can see your aren't the person to see to that. So I'm going to have to do it myself."
I stood up now and went to him. "Please Thranduil, they're still so young. Let them be carefree for just a bit longer." I thought I saw something flicker in his face, softening it for a bit, but then he gently but firmly pried my fingers from his robe. "Not this time, Laurwen." He turned now to his cousin's daughter. "Esteldes, please take the children out of here and into the throne room. I'll see to their punishment there."
"No, Esteldes, don't you dare take those children out of here!"
Esteldes looked back at me sorrowfully. She clearly agreed with me in not wanting to see the children punished, she was nearly as bad about spoiling them as I was, but she could not disobey the King. I was the only one around here that had the audacity to do that.
I watched her take the children outside and the door close carefully behind her. One of the children, Klirion, held out a little chubby hand towards me in farewell.
When it was just the two of us, Thranduil turned to me. "Laurwen, I-"
But I would not let him finish. Going out a different door, I slammed the wood and jumped on the bed we shared, and began to cry.
….
The rest of the day was miserable. I cried and slept for a while, then I tried to play my harp, but I was so angry that I almost tipped the thing over onto the floor. Luckily Delia was there to stop me in time. She had a little skill with a flute and sometimes she came and played with me.
"I just wish I knew where they were." I said to her, sorrowfully, running my fingers along the strings gently.
"I'm sure they are quite fine, my queen."
"If I found out that he has had them beaten, that would be the last straw. I would take the children and leave him this very night."
Delia reached over to pat me on the arm. "Now, now Laurwen. Of course the King has done no such thing. He loves the children as you do; he has no wish to hurt them; he just wants to see them raised right."
"Well, he might have been fierce with them from the beginning. It makes no sense now for him to suddenly act so strict."
To my surprise Delia gave one of her rare laughs. "Oh, Laurwen. Can't you see? He is in the same position that you yourself are in."
"I don't know what you mean?"
"Don't you? Every time the boys do something awful you are too charmed by them to punish them, and every time the boys do something awful the king is too charmed by you to punish them."
"Why would you say that? I don't think it's like that at all."
"Oh it is, Laurwen. I've seen it happen at dinner several times. The king suggests punishing them, but then you get all teary eyed and throw your arms around his neck and he has no more power over you then you do over them."
Her words shocked me. Was this truly the case? If it were, I scarcely knew how to feel about it. But if it was true, than hopefully with just enough luck and determination, I would be able to get them out of trouble fairly soon.
…
When I went to dinner that evening I was surprised that the children were not there at all. When I turned to ask the King where the children were, I saw Legolas gulp out of the corner of my eye and Carfon look away casually. They apparently already knew how unpleasant things were about to be in here.
"They are being punished, Laurwen. When their punishment is over they are to go straight to bed without their supper."
"Without their…? You mean to tell me that you're going to let our children go hungry?"
"It's one night, my Queen. They will be fine."
"They're but two years old!" At this point more people than just Legolas and Carfon had turned to look at us. The girl I had been a few years ago would have ignored them and argued with Thranduil even more loudly. The wife, queen, and mother that I was now told me to be patient and save this argument for later. So save it I would. Leaning back into my chair, I sipped my wine and sulked like a grown up.
…..
Thranduil came to bed especially late that night, hoping, I think, that I would already be asleep when he arrived. Whatever his wishes were, I was wide awake when he came into our room, and I jumped out of bed, my bare feet cold on the floor and my long hair falling down my back already lose for bed.
He sighed, ready for the fight. But at this point I had cooled down, and thought over what Delia had said.
I would try a different strategy.
To his surprise, I went about as if nothing were wrong. I took his rings off of his fingers one by one, I helped him out of his robe, and I combed out his long silver hair for him, watching as I did his eyes close in pleasure.
When we went to bed I put my arms around him and laid my head on his bare chest.
"I love you, Thranduil."
Surprised, he opened his eyes and looked down at me. "I love you too, Laurwen."
"I fear I haven't said it much, in these last two years." I spoke softly, tracing a finger up and down the planes of his chest.
"No, I suppose you have not. Neither have I, come to think of it."
"The children have taken up so much time, we have hardly had time to even speak to one another."
He ran his hands through my hair, thinking. "That is also true. It has been a busy two years. And yet they have flown by very quickly, I think."
"I think so as well." I said, nuzzling my face into his warm neck. I felt him shudder as I let out a breath. "But I do love you. I wanted to say it. And do you know what?"
"What?" He said, his voice little more than a choked, breathy sound. I could tell at this point he was struggling to concentrate.
"It has been even longer since we…well…"
"Yes." He said, practically gasping. "Yes it has."
I never understood why he was always so reluctant to touch me in the way a husband and his wife should. I never knew if it was because I was a human or if it had something to do with him being an elf or the fact that he was much older than myself, but whatever the reason he seldom made love to me. And after the children were born we were both exhausted, and also we both were wary, knowing that if we did we could have more children, which neither of us really wanted.
And yet, at this moment, his heart was beating nearly as loud as mine was.
"If you wish, we could take this time, right now…"
He didn't even wait for me to finish speaking. He lifted my nightgown over my head and I buried my hands in his long hair as he lowered himself onto me. My legs found their way around his waist and we had our way with one another quickly and passionately.
When we were finished and back where we started with me laying my head on his chest, I knew that I could ask him for anything in the world, for the earth under our feet or the stars above our heads, and he would grant it to me. But in that moment, I loved him so much, I wanted him to be honest with me, as I would be with him.
"Thranduil?"
"Mmm?"
"Do you hold off on disciplining the triplets, because of me?"
I watched as he opened an eye and peered down at me. "Of course."
"Really?" I had never felt so tender towards him and at the same time so guilty.
He yawned and threw an arm over me, drawing me closer. "I may be the King, Laurwen, and I may be hundreds of years old, but I've never encountered a weapon that's made me as powerless as your golden eyes shimmering with tears and begging me to forgive our sons for the hundredth time."
Speaking of shimmering eyes, I felt them tearing up a little bit at the moment. I saw one leak out and fall onto his chest.
"I'm sorry." I said.
"Don't be. You love the boys. So do I. But I want them to be good men some day, and they need to start taking responsibility."
"Thranduil?" I asked after a moment.
"Yes?"
"Where are the boys?"
"Standing in the throne room with the other guards."
"I see."
"Speaking of the boys, Legolas wants to take them out tomorrow and show them how to shoot their first bow and arrow. How does that sound?"
"Wonderful." I said. "They should be with their brother."
He kissed my head and I waited as he slowly drifted off to sleep.
….
As soon as I was sure he was no longer awake, I got out of bed and snuck out of our room, a robe wrapped over me quickly. I went to the kitchens to get some food and then quietly made my way over to the throne room.
They were indeed there as he had said they would be.
They were wearing little armor and had little tiny spears, each of them. I understood the manner of his punishment. He was making them stand guard like the others were doing, a long and tiresome job, but quite painless.
They smiled when they saw me coming.
"Mother!" Klirion shouted, his voice echoing in the halls. Oriphar joined him in smiling, a sweet gap toothed little thing, while Wrane struggled to stand, he was so tired.
"My sweet boys." I said, giving them each a hug. The other guards might have been watching, but none of them made a move to stop me, so I continued to deposit the food into their chubby little hands and mouths.
"Mother, may we go to bed now?" Oriphar whispered, wiping his now sticky face.
"How long did your father say you had to stand?"
"Until midnight."
I hesitated. I could take them to bed now, and Thranduil would not be able to stop me.
But he was right. I loved the boys, and if I truly loved them I would make sure they did not grow up to be spoiled.
"I'm sorry, children. Your father said midnight. Until then you must stand here in punishment."
I thought they might cry or throw a tantrum as they were want to do, but they surprised me by nodding their little heads and standing up straighter.
I thought how proud I was of them as I made my way back to our room.
….
That night, a little after midnight, I felt three warm bodies crawl into our bed.
Thranduil opened his eyes after I did, and looked over our three sleeping boys and over to me.
"I love you." I told him for the third time that night.
He smiled. "And I you. Now go to sleep."
