When Astrid woke the next morning, Loki was already gone. She couldn't help but feel a sting of disappointment. She dressed quickly and hurried to the dining hall for breakfast, hoping to find him there. When she entered the room, both Loki and Thor looked up at her and smiled. They sat on opposite sides of the long table, and Astrid made her way to Thor's side, as would be expected. He stood as she approached, and took her hand. His lips brushed over the back of her hand.
"Did you sleep well?" Thor asked.
"Very well, thank you." She turned to see Loki staring at her hand in Thor's. "Good morning, Loki."
He cleared his throat and forced a smile. "Good morning."
"You look lovely," Thor said.
You look absolutely delicious - she heard Loki in her head.
Astrid blushed and lowered her eyes. "Thank you."
Thor's smile beamed, thinking his words brought the redness to her cheeks. They sat, and Astrid let her eyes linger over Loki a moment before she noticed they had no food in front of them.
"I do hope you were not waiting on me," she said.
"Of course, we were," Thor said.
"What if I had been detained?" Astrid asked. Her eyes shifted to Loki, silently asking why he left before she woke.
"By what?" Thor asked.
"By anything. Purely hypothetical."
"We would still be waiting," Loki said. "It would be the gentlemanly thing to do, would it not?"
"Stop teasing," Astrid said.
"I'm not. Is Thor not courting you?"
Astrid's eyes locked onto Loki's.
Am I not courting you? - she heard in her head.
"That's true. I guess our relationship will have changed a bit."
Thor smiled. "I am still your friend, Astrid."
"Yes, I know." She put her hand on his. "And I am hungry."
"As am I," Loki said.
"And I," Thor added.
He called for the food to be served, and the three of them talked and laughed as they ate.
Once the empty plates were cleared, Astrid had her hands folded on top of the table. Loki watched as Thor took one of her hands and laced his fingers through hers.
"You are quite lovely," Thor said softly.
"You said that before," Astrid said.
"It is worth repeating."
Astrid looked into Thor's eyes, and almost wished she could feel a romantic love for him.
"You are too sweet," she said.
"Well," Loki said as he stood, "it seems I am a third wheel here."
"You don't need to leave, Loki," Astrid said.
"Actually, I do. Father asked to see me after breakfast, and I've lingered long enough."
Thor nodded.
Play the part, love - Astrid heard Loki in her head - but your lips are mine. Keep them that way.
"We will see you later, then?"
"Of course."
Astrid wanted to watch him walk away, but Thor's eyes were on her, and she knew she couldn't risk it.
"What are your plans for the day?" she asked.
"Our plans, my sweet Astrid."
"Oh? I wasn't aware I had plans for the day."
"I have taken the liberty. I hope you don't mind."
"That will depend on what you have planned," she said with a smile.
Thor laughed. "Fair enough! I thought we could start the day riding."
"That sounds lovely."
"I will bring along some provisions, and when we get hungry, we will find a shady spot to eat."
"Lovelier, still."
Thor had a third horse packed with baskets of food and wine, and a large blanket. That horse was tied to his own, and they set out on a casual ride through the countryside. Astrid would occasionally pull ahead and break into a gallop before returning to Thor's side. He always had a smile on his face.
"The sun is overhead," Thor said. "Shall we stop to eat?"
"I guess so," she said, then pointed off into the distance. "How about under that tree?"
As Thor tied up the horses, Astrid thought of Loki doing the same in their secret place. She spread the blanket and sat before pulling things from the baskets.
"This is a feast!" she said.
"You deserve nothing less."
They ate and talked, until Thor scooted closer to her.
"I am growing tired of this polite conversation," he said.
"Would you rather be rude to each other?"
"I would rather learn about you."
"You already know me, Thor. We've been friends for ages."
"But now we are to be more than friends. This is not a normal courtship. I'm not learning your hobbies and preferences. I know those things, as you've said."
"Then what shall we talk about?"
"Tell me how to win your heart."
Be Loki, she thought.
"I don't know if even I can tell you that," she said.
"Don't tease."
"No, it's just... I think the things that truly capture our hearts are unexpected. The little things that we would never think of."
Thor took her hand. "Have I done nothing to win even the smallest piece of your heart?"
Astrid looked away. He was trying so hard, and the truth would break his heart. She reached back into her memory and smiled.
"There was a night once when I was here visiting with my parents," she said. "There was a particularly nasty storm."
"I remember that night. I found you wandering the corridors in the middle of the night."
She nodded. "What I never told you is that I was scared out of my mind. The palace is so open, and it echoes so loudly-"
"I could tell you were nervous of the weather."
"Well, I was looking for someone, anyone really, to take my mind off of it. When you found me, you sat with me until the storm passed without my asking. You just seemed to know."
"Is that all?"
"You comforted me, Thor. Whether you knew it or not, you took care of me."
Thor ran the back of his finger down her cheek.
"If you let me, I will take care of you forever."
Thor leaned in, but Astrid pulled back as he did.
"Not even on the cheek?" he asked.
"I can't."
Thor raised her hand to his lips, and kissed the back of her fingers. He let his mouth open slightly, and let the kiss linger until Astrid pulled her hand away.
"I need to take a break." She stood.
"A break from what?"
"From this... I just... I need to ride. Will you wait here?"
Thor stood and nodded. "As long as it takes, I will wait."
Astrid mounted her horse and took off at a gallop. She rode with no destination in mind; she needed to feel free for a moment. She just headed for the horizon in front of her until she heard Loki's voice in her head.
Meet me in our place.
Astrid smiled and changed direction.
When she saw Loki, her smile faded. He was pacing beneath their tree, and there was no light in his eyes when he smiled at her.
"What's wrong?" she asked as she dismounted.
"I'm going away."
"What?"
"Father is sending me on a trip for palace business."
"Why does it have to be you?"
Loki hesitated. "They want me out of the way."
"Who?"
"Your parents... and my father."
"They know about us?"
"No, but they know we are close, and they think I will interfere with your time alone with Thor."
"How long?"
"Two weeks."
"Loki, we need to tell them."
"They will never allow it. Your father will hate me."
"I don't care. We'll leave."
"Astrid, darling, I know you don't mean that."
She wrapped her arms around Loki's waist and held him tight as tears slipped down her cheeks. His hands ran soothingly over her back.
"I love you," she whispered.
"I know you do. I love you. But this may be for the best."
"How can you say that?"
"This morning was torture for me. To see you with Thor. To see his lips on you that way. The way he looks at you."
Astrid put a hand to his face. "It means nothing to me."
"I know, darling."
"Speaking of this morning..."
"Why did I leave before you woke?"
She nodded. "I thought you would still be there."
"I knew if you woke up in my arms that I would have kept you there all day. And not for sleeping."
Astrid blushed.
"If you only knew the feelings you stirred in me," Loki said. His voice was deep with desire.
Loki brushed his thumb across her lips before capturing them with his own. He wrapped both arms around her waist and pulled her tight against himself. When Astrid's hand slid down his back and onto his rear, he moaned and pulled away.
"I thought you wanted to take this slow."
"You will be gone for two weeks. And after your confession about how I make you feel... I just wanted you to know how you make me feel."
Loki kissed her again, but held her wrists in his hands to avoid the temptation of her touch.
"I have to go."
Astrid nodded. "I should get back to Thor before he comes looking for me."
"You go first. I'll leave soon."
"I love you."
"I love you. I'll be counting the minutes until I can see you again."
Astrid mounted her horse. With one last glance back at Loki, she urged her horse forward. Slowly, at first, she rode remembering the feel of Loki beneath her fingers and wrapped around her. Then, she snapped the reigns, and the horse took off.
Thor rose to his feet when he saw her approaching. If only she could love him, everything would be simpler. If only he were Loki, everything would be perfect.
How could she go these two weeks without Loki to lean on? Who would she run to when she felt like her world was caving in on her, pretending to be okay marrying a man she didn't love?
There was no one.
Thor helped her from her horse and drew her into an embrace.
"I was beginning to think you would not return."
"I told you that I would."
"Something clouds your eyes."
"You know what that is."
"But there is more than just hesitation." He lifted her chin and searched her eyes. "Is there another, Astrid?"
"If there is?" Astrid hoped against all hope that this was her way out. Would Thor step aside if she were in love with someone else?
"Tell me. I would meet him and fight for your love."
She lowered her face and shook her head. "There is no one else."
"Then you simply do not love me."
"I do love you, Thor... Just-"
"Not as I love you. Well, that can change."
"Part of me wishes I could love you that way."
"That is something to build on," Thor said with a smile.
"But-"
Thor put a finger to her lips.
"None of that."
His hand moved to caress her face, and his thumb brushed over her lips.
"Shall we return home?"
Astrid nodded.
The days went on much the same over the next week. Thor had yet to try to kiss her again, but he kept some kind of physical contact almost constantly. Astrid found that if she looked on it as affection from a friend it didn't bother her so much, and she was able to enjoy their time together, much to Thor's delight.
At the end of the week, Astrid's father spoke to her privately in her chambers. She sat in front of him while he paced back and forth.
"The Allfather tells me that your time with Thor has been pleasant."
"Very pleasant."
"Yet you won't accept his proposal."
"I am not in love with him, Father."
"I do not care about your silly notions of love. You can grow to love him." He leaned down toward her, his voice almost deadly quiet. "You will marry Thor. You will be Queen."
"I do not care about a title."
"Quiet!" He stood with his hands behind his back, as if her future were nothing but business. "I have given you this time to come to terms with the situation. It is not my fault you have failed to do so. The Allfather has agreed that a small, private ceremony will do for now. You can have the large wedding after Thor is crowned King."
Astrid's eyes grew wide as she gripped the arms of her chair.
"What are you saying?"
"You will be wed to Thor tomorrow."
"No!"
"He will be a good husband, child. Think of that."
He turned to leave.
"I want to speak with Thor," she called after him.
"He is with his father, likely hearing the same news. I will send word that you wish to see him. But this is happening, child. You will see it is for the best."
With that, he left. Astrid wanted to scream, but she knew it would do no good. She threw herself across her bed and sobbed. If only Loki were there. Surely he would stop this and fight for her. But even if she admitted that she was in love with Loki, her father would still push her to Thor. Thor would be King, not Loki. In that moment, Astrid wished she could send thoughts to Loki, like he did to her. Then, maybe, she could have even a shred of hope.
Her tears had stopped some time before Thor finally knocked on her door. She straightened her dress, wiped her face, and called for him to enter. The smile on his face showed that he had indeed been told the news, but it faded when he saw her face.
"It does not take a very bright man to see that you are unhappy."
"It seems I have no choice in the matter."
Thor took Astrid's hands in his. "I had hoped that we would wed because you came to me willingly."
Astrid looked away with tears in her eyes, but Thor gently pulled her face back to look at him.
"I promise I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Astrid."
"I know you will try."
"And it would make me extremely happy to finally be able kiss more than just the hand of my betrothed."
Astrid could almost hear Loki in her head again, claiming her lips as his own. But Loki wasn't there, and Thor would soon be her husband.
She remained still as Thor leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Astrid closed her eyes and imagined Loki. When Thor gently coaxed her lips apart, she obliged, and the kiss deepened. They kissed for several minutes before Thor pulled away. With his hands holding her face, he placed his forehead against Astrid's.
"I do love you, my sweet Astrid."
"I know."
That night, sleep eluded Astrid. She tossed and turned until she heard Loki's voice in her head, strong and clear, as she had every night that week.
I love you, my darling.
She turned her face into her pillow to stifle a scream, and then sobbed until sleep took her.
