It's Sunday, late afternoon, and Scott and Lydia have just finished studying. The redhead had prepared a pop quiz, saying it would help him keep up, but Scott knows she was just secretly checking if he had been doing his homework.
"Alright, I have to admit it," Lydia says, throwing up her hands. "I'm impressed."
Scott is sat cross legged on the bed, wiggling back and forth. A shy grin paints his lips. "Thanks," he takes the compliment.
"Electrolysis is a tough one, so well done," she continues to feed his ego. "And now that's done…" She closes the books in front of them and throws her cue-cards on the floor. In a swift motion she is on her stomach across from Scott, barefoot with painted toenails dangling in the air. "…Tell me everything about you and Liam."
Scott chuckles. "Not much has happened in the past week," he admits, "except for one small thing."
"Oh my God, did you have sex?"
"No!" Scott exclaims quickly, ears starting to burn. "No, did not have sex."
"Well, why not?" Lydia wants to know. She narrows her eyes. "He's shy, isn't he? Oh, Scott, the shy ones are the-"
"I'm not having this conversation with you!" Scott says incredulously. "Nothing has happened, okay? It hasn't even crossed my mind yet."
"You would be the first man in the history of the-"
"Please stop."
Lydia smirks. "Alright then," she surrenders. "So then what did happen?"
"Liam told Mason what has been going on with him," Scott answers.
"You mean about the depression, or about you, or…?"
"Everything."
Lydia's eyebrows shoot up. "Oh? That is big. How did he handle it?"
"I would say quite well," Scott's initial answer sounds, "but also not so well."
"He took it badly, didn't he?"
"A little. But I guess it's a lot to take when your best friend tells you he has been hurting himself, hooked up with a senior and now has a boyfriend," Scott answers. He can tell from Lydia's facial expression that she wants to know more. Scott sighs. "Liam invited Mason to come over yesterday. He had already told him over text that he needed to talk to him. On one hand to prepare Mason a little, but also so that he couldn't get out of it anymore himself."
Lydia nods.
"Liam tried to lead him through it as calmly as possible, but as soon as he mentioned the cutting, Mason wanted to see his arm. So that was quite difficult…for the both of them. Mason teared up a little and I think Liam said he did as well. So they talked for, like, hours: how it had all started and how the whole self-harming thing worked for him. He used the same metaphor as when he explained it to me for the first time, only with some extra bits I added, which I told him that Saturday when we ran into them at the mall," Scott tells her. "Which is how he got onto my part of the story. Liam told me that Mason was happy for us, and that he's grateful that I have helped Liam so much. But I can imagine that he also resents me a little for it. I mean, they have been friends for so long and now some other random guy has been there for him, instead of the person he has known for years."
"Mason doesn't strike me as the jealous type, I don't think," Lydia says softly. Her face has become quite serious.
Scott shrugs a little. "I don't know. He's a cool guy, I mean, I don't see him coming up to me and saying something about it or anything like that, but as I said, I get it if he does feel a little neglected."
"Have you told Liam?"
"I have," Scott admits. "He basically said the same as you just did, but said he would keep it in mind."
"Have you seen him?"
Scott shakes his head. "I texted him last night to check up on him, but Mason was still there. He called an hour later to tell me everything." He swallows, frowning slightly at his fumbling hands in his lap. "He said he was okay and he sounded alright – tired, if anything."
Lydia's emerald eyes soften, the girl moving her hand on top of Scott's. "Are you scared?"
"Honestly? A little," Scott answers.
His friend hums, squeezing Scott's hands. "It's really good that he told Mason, though. Talking about it to other people helps so much, even if it's just an extra pair of eyes that can make sure he's okay."
Scott does agree with that, "And he might come to terms with it a bit more. At least I read that somewhere."
"That makes sense," Lydia responds. "That's why I'm still seeing Ms. Morrell sometimes."
"Yeah…" Scott breathes. "Anyway, he's coming over tonight, so I can double check."
"That's nice." Lydia smiles. "Have you got anything planned?"
"Nah, we mostly just talk," Scott snorts. "It's weird, I have never talked so much to someone in my life. But somehow, every time, the conversation just starts and next thing I know it's time to go home."
Lydia cocks her head to the side a little. "That's how it's supposed to be."
Scott nods, flicking his eyes up and catching her gaze. He stops playing with his fingers, instead intertwining them with Lydia's. "So…can I ask about you and...?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. "…Or is his name still off limits?"
"You can say his name," Lydia answers with a smirk.
"Alright, so…" Scott swoons. "How are you and Deputy Parrish?"
Lydia giggles. "We're good. He's taking me out again next Friday. And we text each other a lot."
"Like, all day long?" Scott wonders.
"Yep," Lydia answers, rocking her feet back and forth. "He texts me every morning, and you know what that means…"
Scott frowns, confused. "Yes…?"
Lydia sighs, sitting up and mimicking Scott's position. "Oh, Scotty. You naïve little thing. If a guy texts you good morning, you're the first thing that's on his mind."
Scott's mouth forms an 'Oh' and he nods, impressed. "You really have got this dating thing all figured out, haven't you?"
"I have my formula," Lydia replies, shrugging it off. She gets up and starts gathering her stuff. "Anyway, I have to go. Mom likes to have dinner early on Sundays and you know how she gets when I'm late."
Scott chuckles. "Sure. I have to cancel the weekly movie date with my mom, so here's to hoping she won't kill me." He crosses his fingers, holding them up.
Lydia rolls her eyes. "You McCalls are so homely, it must be exhausting."
"Hey, with my mom working night shifts I don't get to see her that much, okay? Besides, I love her."
Lydia mockingly mimics his words with her mouth, so Scott shoves her playfully. "Okay, come on, out you go."
Lydia screeches and laughs as Scott pushes her out of his bedroom. They walk down the stairs and Scott leans against the doorframe as he watches her walk to her car, which is parked across the street. Right when she's about to get in, she sticks out her hand and waves. "Bye, Scott! Call me when you and Liam have finally had sex!" After that she quickly starts the engine and spurts off, leaving a horrified Scott on his doorstep.
He has dinner with his mom shortly afterwards and tells her that Liam's coming over. She looks excited.
"Does that mean I finally get to meet him?"
Scott blushes lightly, quickly busying himself with his pasta. Melissa frowns in surprise, sitting up a little. "Alright, I'll take that as a no…"
"I'm sorry!" Scott instantly caves. "It's just that Liam is really weird about me meeting his parents, so I suppose that's a thing? I don't want to, like, I don't know… If he doesn't want me to meet his parents yet, shouldn't I want the same thing, but the other way around?"
His mother snorts. "It sounds like you need to have a chat."
Scott groans, resting his chin on his elbow and shoving his plate to the side. "We already talk all the time."
"Ah, so has he told you that you don't have to walk on eggshells around him?" Melissa offers, smirking.
Scott blinks at her. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that you don't have to take care of him all the time," his mom explains, now sounding a bit more sympathetic. "You said Liam's doing better. He's changing, which means you'll have to as well."
His face falls. "…But what if he relapses?" What if Scott being able to control the weather isn't enough?
Melissa smiles gently. "Oh, honey," she says, stroking a hand through her son's hair. "Just trust him."
The guy shows a crooked smile, exhaling a deep breath. "Yeah… You're right. I know you're right. I don't know why I'm feeling like this all of a sudden. I mean, I was fine before."
"Maybe you just worry too much."
Scott frowns at that, moving his head up. Melissa's hand slides from the top of his head to his cheek. "I thought that wasn't a bad quality?"
"It isn't." Her curls lightly bounce as she shakes her head. "But I also told you not to let it get into your head too much."
And while goose bumps tickle across Scott's arms, his mom gets up and starts clearing the table. "It's a shame I'm not meeting him tonight, though. I was looking forward to it."
Scott nods, his mom's words repeating themselves over and over in his mind. Had he let it get to him? Had he neglected his own feelings this entire time, because he was too distracted with taking care of Liam?
He remembers Stiles' worried looks a couple of weeks ago on the lacrosse field when Scott was desperately trying to get Liam to open up, he recalls Lydia's comments on being able to see right through him, and the memory of Liam offering to share the lunch he had given him on Valentine's Day.
Scott had forgotten to eat.
"Mom?" he asks quietly, looking up at her with a pair of concerned eyes. "You'll always take care of me, right?"
Melissa's face softens as she folds her hands in front of her chest. "Of course," she assures him, walking over and pressing a kiss into his hair. "But I also trust you."
Scott lets his head fall against her side and she wraps her arms around his shoulders.
The doorbell rings two hours later. Scott snickers at his mom, who hurries up the stairs to her bedroom with a wink.
"Hey," Scott greets his boyfriend, heart skipping a beat when he lays his eyes on him.
Liam shuffles closer. "Hi."
Scott wraps him up into a big bear hug, resting his chin on Liam's head for a moment. "I missed you. How are you?"
Liam takes a breath, letting go of Scott. "I'm okay," he answers. "I mean, it was tough yesterday, but it's better now."
"Have you heard from Mason?"
"He texted me this morning, telling me again how happy he is that I told him."
Scott smiles. "That's good then. I'm glad he hasn't overreacted."
"I know, I was surprised, too," Liam jokes lamely, pulling the sleeves of his coat over his hands.
"Wanna go upstairs?" Scott offers.
"Yes."
Liam kicks off his shoes and hangs up his coat onto the rack. When they are halfway up the stairs, he asks, "Is your mom working tonight?"
"Nah, she's in bed, watching TV. I think she was quite tired anyway," Scott lies.
"Oh, okay," Liam replies, and Scott notices the relieved undertone in his voice. He resists the urge to finally ask why he's so awkward about parents.
"I need to talk to you about something," Scott says after he has closed his bedroom door.
Liam snickers. "Don't we always?"
Scott's face lights up. "I know right?! All we ever do is talk. We must be the most boring couple ever."
"Oh!" Liam exclaims. "That reminds me. Mason wants to have a double date night this Friday, you know, with Brett."
"Really? Who are you taking?" Scott jokes, earning himself a well-aimed pillow.
"Jerk," Liam says, moving up on Scott's bed so that his back is against the headboard. "Seriously though, do you mind?"
"Of course not. It sounds like fun."
"It should be. Brett's alright, and we're watching a movie anyway, so if you turn out not to click with him – which would mean Brett cannot be trusted, because who doesn't like you – you don't have to talk."
Scott shows an impressed face, nodding. "You're talkative today," he comments.
Liam looks amused. "I am, because I have had a great week. And it's been a long time." He pats the spot next to him on the bed. "Mainly because of you."
A weight lifts off Scott's shoulders as he sits down. Liam rolls onto his side, gently stealing the pillow back from Scott's hand and putting it under his head. "So what's going to be the topic of this session?"
Scott snorts, shaking his head before he becomes more serious. "I'm just going to come out and say it," he admits.
"Of course," Liam says, his pinky finger finding Scott's.
"I'm scared something is gonna go wrong and that you'll hurt yourself again," Scott blurts out, glancing at Liam from the corners of his eyes.
"…Oh," Liam replies, visibly taken aback. One would have thought he was now used to Scott's lack of tact.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound so bad. I just… Everything has been so good this week that I think I'm just a bit scared everything's going to come crashing down. I mean, I'd like to think that we have become really close over the past weeks, but what if it isn't enough, you know? What if something happens and we won't be able to handle it?"
Liam raises his eyebrows. "I didn't know you felt that way."
"No, I know, me neither. It doesn't sound like me either, but I do. And I just thought… Can we talk about it, please?"
"Of course we can talk about it," Liam hastily assures him. "I'm just surprised, that's all."
Scott nods, tightening the muscles in his fingers. Liam squeezes back. A silence falls between them and with every second that passes Scott's nerves grow.
"Remember when we were in my garden?" Liam breaks the silence.
Scott hums.
"You told me you need to have worth," he reminds him. "You told me you want to make a difference and such, maybe that's why you're worrying? Maybe, deep down, you're scared of not having a purpose anymore when I get better?"
Scott's eyes widen, because that sounds absolutely horrible. That would mean he doesn't actually want to be with Liam, but just feels attracted to him because he wants to help him. The worst thing about that is that it actually makes sense. A chord inside of Scott has been hit and it vibrates through his soul. Just like that, the world seems to shatter around him. Guilt grips around his heart like a vine of thorns. A painful lump grows in his throat and he doesn't understand how so many feelings can be hitting him all at once. He has never had that before. But realizing he is having them now only makes Liam's words sound truer. This would mean that what his father has done to him has left scars that will never fully heal. He will always be this person; someone who can never be sure he loves someone, because he's too selfish and only wants to fill the hole in his own heart.
"Are you okay…?" Liam asks, moving upwards. His eyebrows have knitted together and he's examining Scott with a worried look. Their fingers loosen and Scott moves his hand in front of his mouth. The corners of his lips are trembling.
"Hey," Liam says, now wrapping an arm around Scott's shoulder. "Don't get upset. It's okay."
But Scott can't stop himself, because the world has suddenly turned into this dangerous environment where he can never be sure of anything. Not even about himself. He isn't sure if he's really in love with Liam, because he hasn't really listened to himself lately. He had cared too much about others and forgotten about himself, which means he can't trust himself.
"Talk to me, please," Liam invades his thoughts. "Don't let it get into your head too much. I know how that feels. It's not nice."
Scott tries to swallow around the lump in his throat, but can't help his voice from breaking slightly. "What if I'm not in love with you?"
Liam falters a little at those words, but quickly regains his composure, pressing Scott a little closer to his chest. "What makes you think that?"
"What you said…what if I'm only trying to help myself, instead of you?" Scott's voice is barely a whisper.
Liam rubs his shoulder. "I don't think that's true…"
"…But you are right," Scott says. "I'm afraid for the day you won't need me anymore."
Liam chuckles softly. "I never really needed you," he admits. "I wanted you." He hugs him a little tighter. "Think about it. You're the only one I ended up telling everything to. So I think I wanted to tell you, but I was just scared to admit it. I mean, sure, after that I kind of needed you, but now it's more wanting you again."
Scott wipes the damp from his eyes, turning his head. "Really?"
"Definitely," Liam answers with a smile. "And…didn't you say you feel the same way about me as you did about Allison? You didn't want to help her, did you?"
"No…"
"So that's saying something."
Scott frowns, and then a flash of lightning strikes, clearing his mind. Suddenly, he can see clearly, like clouds that have disappeared from before the sun. "…Which explains why I kept comparing you to her…" He straightens his back. "It's not because I'm still in love with her..."
"You said yourself you were looking for confirmation, and you found it."
Scott's mouths opens and closes a couple of times, shocked. Liam groans when Scott jumps on top of him and hugs him tightly. "Thanks," he says, the word muffled by Liam's shirt.
Liam grins, stroking Scott's back. "It's okay."
