May 17, 2016
He was tied up.
As far as first thoughts upon regaining consciousness went, it was a pretty lame one, but it was all he could manage. He was still bound to that damn cross table, still in LokSat's hands.
Rick struggled, straining against the strap at his chest, facing resistance and, in return, pain. What had the goon done to him?
It didn't matter. He had to get out of there, had to find Beckett. Warn Beckett. He had done this. He was the one who had told her that Mason Wood was worthy of their trust, convinced her that the man had their best interests at heart. In doing that, he had signed her death warrant - all of their death warrants.
But he could make it right. If he could just get to her.
"Beck-"
Ow. Speaking hurt, too. Was there lead on his chest?
"Easy. Easy, darling. You just had major surgery; you need to be still."
Darling? Oh no. Oh God, no. Had they - was Alexis here too?
"Shh, Richard. You're going to be just fine."
"Kate," he croaked, sucking in a deep - and, damn it, painful - breath. "Where's Kate? Did he-"
"She's going to be just fine. She's down the hall."
His mother's fingers slid through his hair, gently, but even that hurt. Everything hurt.
"Ow," he breathed, turning away from the affection. "Wha' happened?"
His mother's hand retreated, but some semblance of clarity came back to him, and he knew she wasn't going far. "You were shot, honey. You and Katherine were both shot."
His chest throbbed at the statement, the memory surfacing through the fog of his confusion.
The burn of the bullet, the hard slap of the floor against his back.
Caleb Brown's smarmy, grating voice.
Beckett shouting his name, panicked, only to go down herself, her knees cracking on the hardwood.
Kate's fingers clenched in his, his wife croaking for Lucy or Linus - whatever the damn thing was called that week.
Then nothing.
"See her?" he managed, blinking hot tears from his eyes. Anguish clawed at his throat, shortening his breath.
Gentle fingers brushed his cheeks, attempting to soothe the raw hurt. "Soon, kiddo. You need to rest, too."
No, he needed to see her. He needed to know for himself that she was there, that the ache in his chest wouldn't soon include the sharp pain of grief.
"Please." He was begging; he knew he was begging, but there was no stopping the plea, the urgency. "Mother, please."
Martha's lips pursed. "I'll talk to your doctor."
Relief coursed through his veins, warmth replacing the chill of terror. "Thank you."
He couldn't help but notice the new lines around his mother's eyes, the stress even her best makeup job wasn't enough to hide. "Just rest, kiddo. Just rest. We'll take care of everything else."
His eyelids slipped shut in relief, much as he wanted to force them open. He wouldn't sleep. Not until he saw Kate. Not until he saw for himself that she was still breathing, still living - but sleep, and pain meds, too, dragged him under.
The last thing he remembered was the gentle swipe of his mother's fingertips over his cheek.
When he woke again, it was to the sound of low chatter, indistinguishable at first, but becoming clearer as the rush of consciousness quieted.
"Mother?" he rasped, attempting to force the weight from his eyelids.
"He's awake! Gram, Gram, he's awake."
Hearing the raw need in his daughter's voice, Castle tried again to open his eyes, blinking into bright fluorescent light as Alexis came into focus. "Hey, Pumpkin."
His daughter's face crumpled, and he watched fat tears roll down her cheeks.
"Oh God, Dad, I was so scared. I was so scared. Ryan called, and he said that you'd been shot, that Kate had been shot, and I just -" she cut off, the rest of the sentence lost behind a choked sob. "I thought it was over. I thought all of that was over. And then you were shot and I thought you were going to die."
"Alexis," he started, his heart aching at her anguish. He hadn't been the one to cause her pain, but he was culpable for it regardless - by having his memory erased to shield Kate from all traces of LokSat, by putting his faith in a virtual stranger instead of his wife's instincts, by not figuring out what Caleb Brown had done sooner. "M'sorry. M'so sorry. I never -" He reached for her, ignoring the way the movement stoked the embers of pain in his chest. "I never wanted -"
Alexis cut him off, swiping her fingers under her eyes, over her cheeks. "Don't be sorry," she snapped. "Just don't die."
"S'my plan." Castle swallowed, swiping his tongue over his lips. "Can I - water?"
The straw bumped his lips before he finished the sentence.
"Thanks," he mumbled, pausing to sip, giving his abused throat some measure of relief. "Where's Kate? Is she okay?"
Both women nodded. "She's in a room down the hall," his mother added, taking the glass from Alexis to deposit it on the tiny table beside his bed. Right, she had said that before. Maybe.
"How is she?" he asked instead of waiting more time in an attempt to untangle his jumbled memories.
"She was still asleep when I checked on her last. Jim flew back as soon as he could; he's been making decisions since you were taking a snooze of your own."
"Some snooze," Castle snorted, wiggling his fingers for Alexis to take his hand.
She was still shaking when she pressed her palm to his. His grip tightened, as firm as he could manage; he was still here, and he wasn't letting go.
"How bad?" he asked. "How bad was she? Is she?"
Martha exhaled, brushing cool fingers over his forehead. "She was shot twice. Once near her shoulder, close to where you were shot, once in her stomach. High, though. The surgery was long, longer than yours, but the doctor said it went well."
The assurance didn't make him feel any better. Didn't work to quell the nausea churning in his gut. His wife had been shot again. Twice. She had been shot twice.
His stomach lurched into his throat.
"Gonna - I'm gonna be sick."
A basin appeared under his chin, his throat burning as he brought up what little had been in his system until his body shook with dry-heaves.
Tears stung his eyes, though he couldn't be sure whether they were from pain, embarrassment, or some nebulous combination of the two.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
Alexis's head bent, her eyes catching his as his mother whisked the pan away. "You're okay, Dad," she soothed, wiping his forehead with a damp cloth. "You're okay. Remember when I was little? How many times I've puked on you? We're not even close to even yet."
It didn't make him feel any better, but he pretended for her, forcing his lips into a grimace that would have to suffice as a smile.
"Don't think it counts when you're the parent, Pumpkin," he breathed, sucking in a breath. "But you did puke on me a lot."
His daughter sniffed, grabbing a tissue from the bedside table and swiping under her nose.
"Yeah, I did."
"Yeah," he agreed, licking his lips. "When can I see Kate?"
"Soon."
Castle shook his head. "Not good enough," he insisted. "I need to see her now. Please."
"Richard," his mother started. "I already asked the doctor and he said it would be better if you wait until -"
"No, Mother. I'll get up and find her myself if I have to."
Alexis jumped to her feet, squeezing his shoulder. "Why don't I at least check? Maybe we can get you a shared room?"
That would be nice. Being able to actually see his wife, even if he couldn't get out of bed to touch her, hold her, or even kiss her.
"Thank you, Alexis." His shoulders relaxed as she disappeared.
Within hours he and Beckett were being wheeled into the same room, their beds being placed within reach of each other. His wife's eyes were closed, her skin waxy and pale, but he watched her chest rise and fall as the nurses made sure she was comfortable.
"She's just sleeping," his new favorite nurse explained on her way out. "You should be, too."
Rick nodded, though he was fairly certain they both knew he had no intention of closing his eyes until he saw Kate's open.
"She's right," his wife hummed. Kate's head turned, her chin dipping toward her shoulder as her eyes flickered open. "Shoul' be sleeping, too."
"You're not," he challenged, elation fluttering through his chest. They made it; they'd both made it.
"I sleeped - slept - for a while," she argued, stumbling over her words. Oh, she was still a little loopy; his wife was never one to use the wrong word. Slur a little bit, yes, but not like that. "Wanna see you."
"Me too," he promised. "Was about to come find you."
Her face brightened at that, her face losing some of its pallor. He felt his smile grow in response, only to have it fall when her eyes turned serious and her lips pursed. "M'so sorry, Castle."
"No," Rick rumbled, ignoring the sharp ache in his torso to stretch his arm toward her. He just wanted to touch her, to hold her hand across the small gap between their beds. "Beckett, no. You didn't do this. You didn't put this in motion, you didn't pull the trigger."
Her eyes lowered. "I was trying to stop it. I couldn't stop it."
"So was I," he said, hissing into the shoulder of his hospital gown as his fingers brushed hers. She turned her hand into his touch, her grip weak but determined, just like Kate herself. "We both were. We always had been."
She swallowed hard, tugging their joined hands to her cheek. The movement hurt, stretched his already screaming muscles, but he wasn't about to pull away. Not with her skin warming his knuckles. Not with his wife alive at his side. They were both bruised and more than a little bit beaten, but they were there.
"I killed him," she blurted long after he thought she had fallen back to sleep. "Caleb Brown. I killed him. I think?"
"You did, Beckett."
They both turned, finding Ryan and Esposito in the doorway.
"Guys, hey," Kate greeted, making an attempt to straighten in her bed, only to clamp her teeth down on her lower lip and slump back against her pillows, her breathing shallow.
"Easy, easy, Beckett," Esposito started, stepping in ahead of his partner, moving to her side. "You know, if you wanted a day off, all you had to do was ask. No reason to go and get yourself shot."
Watching the corners of their lips twitch upward, Ryan picked up the tease. "After all, Castle, don't you have enough money to whisk yourselves away without all this?"
They snorted. "Yeah, you know, change of scenery. Mix it up a little bit," Castle tried for nonchalant.
"Never boring," Kate added, catching his eye. Her thumb swiped his.
"No, never. Though maybe the guys are right; we could try to not be boring without the catheters."
"Deal."
The guys were smiling when Ryan spoke next. "We're not going to stay long, and we're not going to put a lot on your plate right now, Beckett, but we wanted to give you an update if you think you can… if you want."
Kate's head bobbed. "Tell me. Brown?"
"Dead. Good shot."
"Not good enough," she muttered, gripping Rick's hand tighter. He squeezed back, doing what he could to quell her guilt and frustration.
"Good enough to keep him from getting up to finish the job."
She nodded, giving them that.
"And we called in a favor with an old friend. She's going to work with Vikram to make sure Wood's not going anywhere anytime soon. He's in solitary until they can figure out the extent of his network and resources and decide how to proceed. But he's not getting off for this, any of this."
Huh, an old friend.
Castle's head tilted, the name poised on his tongue, but Beckett beat him to it, asking, "Shaw?"
Both detectives nodded. "Figured you'd approve, Boss. Gates is running point on it from our end. She's also sitting at your desk for a while."
"Good. I want you to take over once she's ready to go back to 1PP," she ordered, looking up at Esposito. His head bobbed in agreement.
At this point, Castle was pretty sure they would agree to just about anything Beckett wanted.
"You were the ones who found us?" she asked a moment later.
"Yeah. Lanie, too. We… it's a long story, but we had a hunch. Ryan had a hunch."
"Glad you did," Rick murmured. "Thanks, Kev."
Ryan nodded, bowing his head. "Yeah, me too. You bring the pastries, after all."
"Ahh," he hummed, appreciating the attempt at normalcy. "My worth has been determined."
Esposito lifted a shoulder. "Can't help it if we call it like we see it."
"Sure you do, Espo," Beckett teased. "How are you ever going to manage while we're gone?"
"We'll waste away, I'm sure."
"Gone?" Ryan asked, picking up on that thread before his partner could. "Are you leaving?"
Kate turned in Castle's direction. "I, well, I just meant while I'm out of the precinct, but -"
"Let's go to the Hamptons," he suggested without pause. "It's close enough to the city that we can come back and forth if we need to, but it'll be the perfect place to relax and recover."
Beckett nodded, squeezing his fingers. She was flagging again, her eyelids starting to droop. "We're going to the Hamptons for a while. So try to stay out of trouble, boys."
The detectives snorted. "Yeah, you guys are ones to talk. Anyway, we'll get out of your hair, let you rest."
"Thanks," they spoke in unison, releasing half-hearted chuckles as the boys stepped away from their beds.
"Hamptons, huh?" Beckett murmured, sinking deeper into her pillow.
He resisted doing the same, unwilling to surrender to the tug of sleep just yet. "Yeah. It's already our home away from home. We'll have access to everything we need."
Kate hummed, her eyes falling shut. "Just need you."
Castle's lips lifted. God, he wanted to kiss her. "Me too."
Three Weeks Later
One of the things Kate loved about the Hamptons house was the flow of the layout. At first, it had seemed massive with the long hallways and different wings - she had been sure she would take a wrong turn and end up on the other side of the property - but in time, she'd grown to love the house as if it were her own and always had been.
The long halls made for the perfect place to pace in the middle of the night.
She wasn't taking the pills anymore. When she had been released from the hospital, the doctors had advised that she continue taking the prescription until it ran out, but just a week into her convalescence, she had switched to ordinary painkillers. They only took the edge off the pain, but she wasn't a zombie every minute of the day anymore.
The only problem was that she couldn't sleep. Some nights were better than others, but the days she was most active were also the nights when she would wake in the wee hours, trembling with the remnants of a dream and the agony of her body's discomfort. She always tried to slip from their king-sized bed before she woke Castle and ruined his own hard-fought rest by her nightly frustrations, padding through the house on quiet, albeit clumsy, feet.
It had been a victorious day when they had both been able to move back into their room upstairs - it was still a victory each time they climbed the stairs - but even at her most stubborn she had to admit that it was far easier to wander into the kitchen for a glass of water from the downstairs bedroom. She would make it, though; she always did. Her abs would relax as soon as her foot landed on the hardwood of the ground floor.
They had taken to leaving a light on downstairs, making it easier to navigate the silent house. She knew Castle got up, too; almost every night, she woke up to find his side of the bed vacant, the distant sound of his laptop keyboard alerting her to his activities. She'd never mentioned that she even noticed his midnight absences, let alone that she knew what he was doing. Writing seemed to be helping him heal and as long as they woke up together, she was content.
As always, she was greeted by the soft glow of the lamp on one of end tables in the living room and the hum of the refrigerator from the kitchen. Her mother-in-law, however, was a surprise.
"Martha," she whispered, palming her chest to curb the rapid stutter of her heart. "You scared me."
Castle's mother had arrived just a few hours ago, worn out after a long week of performances and declaring her intention to take the weekend to rejuvenate with her family. To find her still up was surprising.
Martha lowered her book, reaching for the mug at her side. "Sorry, kiddo. Didn't mean to startle you."
"Can't sleep?"
Curling her fingers around the mug, Martha shook her head. "Overtired, I suspect."
That wasn't it, but Kate let the excuse go for the time being. Just like Castle (and Kate herself), the older woman would talk when she was ready.
"I know what you mean. I spend most of the day doing nothing, though."
Martha shook her head. "Healing isn't nothing, honey. Not even close. Now, what has you up at this hour?"
Kate's lips lifted. "I was just going for some water."
"Well, if you'd like something soothing instead, I made plenty of tea."
Tea sounded nice. Maybe the warmth would loosen the knot in her belly.
"You don't mind?"
Her mother-in-law waved a hand. "Not at all."
Martha always said that, but after ten months of secrets had culminated in getting the woman's son shot, Kate wasn't going to assume anything. She wouldn't blame Martha if she harbored any resentment toward her.
"Katherine?" Martha called before she could cross into the kitchen. "Stop worrying so hard. Otherwise, we're going to need to break into the strong stuff."
That got her to laugh. "I wish."
She returned with a steaming mug just a few minutes later, easing her weary body down at the other end of the couch.
They sipped in silence, studying the liquid when their mugs lowered.
"How's your show going?" she asked, not for the first time since Martha had bustled into the house earlier in the evening.
Her lapse didn't go unnoticed, but Martha wasn't going to call her on it.
"You know how it is, darling. Good shows and bad shows, but I think we're hitting our stride."
"And they don't mind you being away for a long weekend?"
Martha reached for her hand, giving her fingers a firm squeeze. "They understand. If I didn't think you and Richard would be utterly sick of me, I'd be here the whole time."
"We wouldn't," she denied. "But we're both terrible patients. I feel guilty enough that we're putting Alexis through our grouchiness, especially since she's busy with her online classes. I would hate to subject you to it, too."
Her mother-in-law chuckled. "You wouldn't have been able to convince Alexis to stay away, even if you were the world's worst patients. It was good of Richard to insist that she take online courses this summer if she wanted to stay here with you full-time. She'd put her life on hold for either of you without a second thought."
Kate smiled. "That's probably true. And she's been a lifesaver, taking care of us both."
Martha's head tilted, studying her. "She's taking care of you because she loves you both. We love you both. And regardless of the wisdom in your decisions - both of your decisions - we know you made the choices you did out of love."
Her heart thudded against her ribs, a dull pulse in the healing tissue of her wounds. Oh, she had needed that, to know Rick's family - her family - didn't hate her for this mess.
Kate nodded in appreciation. "Thank you."
"What else is keeping you up?"
What wasn't?
"Nothing, really."
Martha didn't look convinced. "You were holding your side earlier."
"Ah, yeah. I'm just a little sore tonight. We took a walk down to the beach before you got here; it felt nice at the time, but it may have been a little too much."
The other woman nodded.
"I'll be fine," she hastened to add. "I just didn't want to wake Rick with my squirming."
"Oh, I don't think he would complain."
"No, I know, I just want to make sure he heals, too." She sipped her tea, shutting her eyes and appreciating the warmth.
She sighed, dropping her hand to rest on her belly, her fingers twitching. The wound was starting to ache again, despite the painkiller she had taken before coming downstairs, but she resisted the urge to put pressure on it.
"I've been thinking, too," she blurted, taking care to keep her voice low. "About what happens now."
Her companion scooted closer, settling a hand on her knee. "What do you mean?"
Pulling her lip between her teeth, Beckett shook her head. "Just… plans. If they're still what we want, if we can even make them happen. "
"Like what?"
"Kids?" she said, the words tumbling from her lips before she could stop them. "We'd been… talking about kids, and going on trips. Work, of course. But... what if this sets us back?"
"Have you talked to Richard about your concerns?"
She shook her head again. "There's been so much happening; I don't want to make him worry about this, too."
"Kate."
She nearly jumped out of her seat at the quiet rasp of her name. His quiet rasp. Pitching forward - too fast, ow - she pushed her mug onto the coffee table and got to her feet.
"Castle. What are you doing up?"
He looked rumpled and worn, his hair standing all over the place, his night clothes askew, but he didn't have the tell-tale bleariness of having been pulled from slumber.
"Needed the bathroom, couldn't get back to sleep." His voice was rough, but the answer seemed practiced, prepared.
Kate reached for him, curling her fingers around one of his elbows. He was favoring his injured side again, keeping his arm close to his chest.
"Remember to stretch out, babe," she hummed, focusing on him instead of what he might have overheard. "You need a pill?"
"Just a regular painkiller," he agreed, though she could see he was reluctant to admit it. Stubborn man; he grimaced as he straightened his arm - lack of movement more than anything else, she knew - but he was going to tough it out unless she asked.
Behind them, Martha stood. "I'll get it for you. And some tea, too."
Castle nodded, his eyes never leaving Kate's. "Thank you, Mother."
A clock ticked in the distance, filling the air between them, and oh, it had been a while since they'd been this close to do anything more than support one another on the way to bed. Even their walk on the beach earlier had consisted of chaste hand-holding and a respectful distance between their bodies.
"Hi," he greeted, his eyes sparking to life, probably with the same revelation she'd just had.
"Hi."
"You come here often?" he asked. His palm dropped to her hip, the arm he'd been cradling just a few moments earlier winding around her waist to pull her closer.
It was more than a cheesy pickup line, she knew. It was a question of how many nights she wandered the halls without him.
Licking her lips, she lifted a shoulder. "On occasion. You?"
"Me too." He was downplaying, that much was obvious. But then again, so was she.
"Mmm. Well, running into you has been nice. Feels like I haven't seen you in a few weeks."
He nodded at that, acknowledging that they had been living like ghosts with one another for too long, his thumb making a broad sweep along the small of her back. "You're seeing me now."
"Yeah," she agreed, swiping her own thumb across his cheek, along the purple lines under his eye. "I am."
"Kate -"
"Okay, darling, I have two ordinary painkillers and tea, just the way you like it. Sit, sit."
Castle sagged against her, leaving her to smother a smile. Maybe things were starting to get back to normal.
Stepping back, Kate found his hand and tugged him with her. They were both sleepless, but at least this time, they were sleepless together.
Martha didn't even wait for them to be seated before fussing over them both. Kate's tea had been refilled, and she accepted the ceramic with less than graceful fingers. They both chuckled when a plush fleece blanket landed across their laps.
"There. And now that you're settled, I think I'm going to take my leave, let you two have some time together."
"Oh, but you were reading, Martha. Don't let us chase you away."
Her mother-in-law shook her head. "These old eyes are tired. I'll finish the chapter another time. Goodnight, you two."
"Night," they echoed, accepting the kisses she bestowed on their cheeks, watching her go with amused smiles.
"How much did you hear?" Kate asked finally, lowering her mug into her lap.
Castle licked his lips, twisting with surprising dexterity to put his mug on the end table before reaching for hers. "What if this sets us back," he answered, reaching for her hands.
"Ahh. I'm sorry, I should've brought it up somehow, I just -"
His lips covered hers, warm and insistent. Promising. And so very, very welcome.
Cradling his cheek, she leaned into the kiss, opening to him, welcoming him. Too long, it had been too long.
"It's only a setback if we let it become one," he rumbled against her lips, earnestness in every word. "I still want it all if that's what you want."
"It is," she confirmed, brushing her nose over his. "It is, Castle. But…"
"But?" he prompted, taking another kiss from her mouth as she gathered her thoughts - or attempted to, at least. The slow tease of his tongue over her lip was distracting enough.
"What if we can't make it happen? What if they say we should wait and then it doesn't happen, or -"
"Then we change the plan. Options, Beckett. We have a lot of them. There are other ways to add to this family."
Her heartbeat stuttered, calming at his reassurances. "Yeah, I know."
Castle smiled against her mouth. "Good. So we're in agreement? Find out when we can start… napping again, what our odds would be, and see where we go from there?"
She nodded, sinking against him as hope welled in her chest. "We're in agreement," she added, knowing he needed to hear her say it.
He hummed, gathering her closer. "It'll be great, Kate."
She hoped so.
