Going Pro

Chapter 6: Sudden Loss

"I've decided to participate in the tournament," Jesse announced.

"Spectacular!" Mr. Von's face lit up. "I'll get the paperwork put together, since you'll still be representing the school, your train ticket and hotel is a part of the budget."

"I understand," Jesse nodded.

"All you need to fill out is this form here." He handed Jesse small packet of a couple papers.

Jesse looked at the form. "Does my mom need to sign this too?" He pointed to a section at the bottom of the form.

"That's only if you're under fifteen, don't worry about it," Mr. Von explained. "Just bring that back to me tomorrow morning or whenever you get it done."

"Sure thing, thank you," Jesse said politely before exiting the classroom.

Jesse had got to school early that morning so he could talk to the teacher. There was still a little time before classes started, so he figured he could start filling out the form now. He went straight to his first class of the day and took his seat. The classroom was empty except for him. Other students were entering the building and beginning to get into their lockers and classrooms.

Jesse carefully wrote out his name on the form along with his other basic information. It was very simple. Just his age, school, and agreement to the guidelines which he read through. Basically don't cheat, be punctual, and don't abuse any of the equipment provided. It appeared he would have to wait in his changing room until it was his turn to duel to help prevent cheating, fraud, and sabotage.

"Did you decide to go?" Julia said from beside him, startling him slightly. She was looking at the papers.

"Yep," he nodded.

"I'm glad," Julia smiled. "I hope you do really well."

Jesse nodded once. "Thanks."

"I know you'll at least have fun there, but what made change your-" Julia didn't to finish her question when another classmate stepped between the two and interrupted.

"You're Jesse Anderson right?"

Jesse looked up to see Simone Summers, the class representative. She had never talked to him before. At first all he could do was nod.

"I heard you beat Chris in a duel, so you must be really good," she smiled as she tucked some hair behind her ear.

"Well, I uh…" Jesse wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond to that. Yes, he'd always been good at dueling, but was he allowed to praise himself to an acquaintance?

"Everyone's talking about it, so you must be getting a lot of attention." Simone glanced back at Julia for a fraction of a second.

"Actually I got here early today and I've only talked to Mr. Von about it," Jesse explained. "Besides you, no one else has approached me."

"Oh, so I get to be first?" she smiled again as she leaned forward a little over his desk to force him to look at her.

"I guess?" Jesse was back to being unsure how to respond. He mostly couldn't get over how pretty she was. One of the prettiest, smartest, nicest girls in school was talking to him now. Did she like him in that way? He'd be okay with that. She smelled really nice. Not like flowers, but a mixture of something else. Maybe something edible. He wished he didn't skip breakfast to get to school early. It was making him hungry.

"What's that?" she asked and pointed to the papers on his desk.

"This is for a tournament," Jesse said.

"Wow, so you must have really wiped the floor with Chris if the school is sending you instead! That's impressive."

"I don't know about that," Jesse started.

"Well, it's almost time for classes to start, I'll talk to you later, okay?" She winked playfully as she turned away and then cheerfully made her way to the front of the room where her seat was.

Jesse was surprised she left so quickly after she initiated conversation. Was he not pleasant enough? Did everything he say come out wrong? Was he staring at her in inappropriate places? He didn't think he was, but sometimes eyes wander, and he couldn't help it. He was a normal person after all.

He noticed Julia move passed him as she took her seat silently. After glancing at Simone again, he settled back on his friend. "…Sorry," Jesse said to Julia. "You kind of got interrupted."

"You don't need to be sorry," she said quietly. As she opened a book and began scanning through it, Jesse put his paperwork away in his bag and retrieved his notebook.

Jesse noticed as the other students came into the room, they would either glance or stare at him. No one paid this much attention to him before. He began to wonder if it had anything to do with what Simone told him, about how everyone was talking about his duel with Chris. Jesse didn't mind one way or the other about the attention, good or bad, but he never thought anything like this would result from that duel.

One of the students said Chris skipped school today. They began to gossip about why. Only one person suggested he might be sick, while the others seemed to be agreement that he was still humiliated and didn't want to show his face at school. They talked about how low it was for him to claim his opponent cheated and then he didn't even hold up his end of the bargain when he lost.

Jesse began to wonder if those students even knew he was the opponent and that he was sitting right there across the room, near enough to hear the conversation clearly. He wanted to say something, but had no idea what to say. He wasn't going to stand up for Chris, not after the disrespect he displayed.

Before Jesse got the chance to say anything, the teacher came in and everyone halted their conversations and shuffled to their seats. Most of them began taking out their notebooks and pencils. Some simply sat there and looked at their mobile devices.

"Mr. Anderson," the teacher said, making Jesse jump slightly in his seat as he was called on.

"Y-yes?" Jesse answered. All the students' eyes were suddenly on him.

"You're early to class for once," she stated. "Normally you're barely on time."

"U-uh, I had something to take care of this morning," he answered.

"Good to see you're at least capable of arriving early," she said. Jesse wondered if that was supposed to be a joke, but it was hard to see the humor in it when he was practically sweating as he smiled nervously and tried not to acknowledge his peers who seemed to just realize he was there despite talking about him. Jesse never thought of himself as the invisible type before. His blue hair alone should stand out recognizably.

Classes started and Jesse zoned out. He had forgotten about the economics paper until the night before, even though Julia had reminded him on Friday, so he had to write it in a hurry. At least it was something to turn in for partial credit if he didn't do well. He didn't care about the grades.

Then his favorite time of the day finally rolled around. It was time for lunch and he got up quickly so he could buy something. He was in such a hurry this morning, not only did he not have time to eat breakfast, he didn't pack a lunch either. Needless to say, he was starving.

"Um Jesse? I have something for-" Julia began as Jesse began to pass by her.

"Sorry Julia, I have to buy a lunch today and I don't want to wait in a line," he said as he rushed off. "I'll be back!"

"But I brought you a lunch too…" she called after him, but her voice faded as she realized he got too far away to hear him.

Before Jesse could return to class, he remembered he was going to drop off the signed carbon copy for the tournament with Mr. Von. Unlike Simone, the other students didn't talk to him about Friday's duel, but they were obviously talking about him as he passed by. Jesse paid them no mind and continued on his way. He hardly ever cared what others thought or said about him. Being the class weirdo for so long had steeled him against a lot of treatment, so he didn't bother to find out if it was good or bad gossip.

When he got back to class, Jesse updated his friend about what he was doing for the tournament. Now he just had to wait a while as his forms get processed and he gets officially accepted. Mr. Von was sure he would since he would be the only one from their school to go. The others of the team didn't have very good win records. Many lower-level tournaments or even just brand new ones only required signing up at least one day beforehand, but this one was actually going to have official big-name prospective sponsors and managers watching, so things were being planned more carefully. Mr. Von was hoping for a school sponsor, but knew many sponsors sought to hire just one person instead of training a team. Still bragging rights for the school if one of their students gets picked.

Julia went straight home after school without saying goodbye. Jesse wondered if she was upset about something. He forgot all about it when he saw a Sky Scout duel spirit on the way home. Naturally, the spirit was in the sky. Jesse could tell that the spirit was attached to someone's deck. He wasn't sure how, he just knew. Jesse waved to him and he noticed. When the Sky Scout waved back, Jesse felt delighted and a wide smile spread across his face. Some spirits were friendly.

As he continued to ride home on his bike, Jesse wondered how many spirits he would see at the tournament. He hoped there would be a lot. Friendly ones too. He liked to talk to them. Many had wonderful stories. There were some that liked to stay quiet, and that was alright too.

Jesse also took his detour by the cemetery on his way home so he would wave to his grandfather's grave. That was one spirit he always wished he could talk to. Jesse wondered if human spirits did stick around somehow, if perhaps he just wasn't able to see them. That thought depressed him. To see one type of spirit, but not the other.

Shaking those thoughts aside, he focused on being excited about dueling. It was always best to think about the positives. Good to think about things to look forward to. Whatever kept a smile on his face and his heart light.

The dog barked as Jesse approached his house. As always, he dropped his bike by the kitchen's side door and went inside. The dog ran around his legs to get into the house first, causing Jesse to almost trip. After taking off his shoes, he stepped into the kitchen and found his mother sitting at the table. He planned to get a snack and then change out of his uniform quickly.

"Hey, Mom," Jesse greeted as he opened the refrigerator to look for a snack. He was still a little mad at his mother about yelling at him during the weekend, but not so much that he was going to ignore her obvious presence. Still, she was oddly serious, so much so that when she didn't respond to his greeting, Jesse paused before closing the refrigerator and looked at her. "Mom? Something wrong?"

She drew in a shaky breath. "Jesse, you should sit down," she offered.

Jesse didn't know what to say. He was already on guard for what she was about to say. It could only be bad. There was a small voice in his head that told him that maybe it wasn't. Maybe it was good news, just life changing. Maybe she's getting remarried. There's reason for her to be concerned about how he would feel about that. He's never met his mother's boyfriends before. Something like that would be a big change.

Jesse sat down at the table silently and his mother began speaking again. "I don't know how to tell you this, so I'm just going to say it."

Jesse visibly tensed. His heart raced while his mind reeled through the possibilities. There wasn't anything that could have prepared him for what she ended up saying. "Jade died."

His heart stopped. He didn't even breathe. Cold washed over him and everything stopped.

"She was a very old horse and it was her time. I already called to have the body picked up. She's gone."

He couldn't believe it. Without thinking, he quickly stood up and ran back outside. He forgot his shoes and ran in his socks. The white quickly turned brown. He could see the tire tracks in the ground leading up to the barn. He still refused to believe it. Throwing open the door, he dashed in and looked into Jade's stall. Other than the hay that was still in the feeder, it was empty.

He opened the stall and paced around inside it before running into the round pen. It was empty. Jade was nowhere to be seen. She was gone. "No…" He found feel is heart dropping into his stomach. His gut clenched. His hands were trembling.

He looked out into the pasture. There wasn't even a trail worn down through the grass. Thinking he missed something, he went back into the barn. He searched every corner, as if she could shrink herself.

Reality began to descend on him. "Why?" He didn't get to say goodbye. It was too sudden. As he thought about it, he felt like an idiot. He called himself a damn fool. There were signs and warnings left and right, and he missed them. He had no idea those were signs of the end. Jesse thought she just has a stomach ache. "I'm so stupid…"

Jesse dropped to his knees in the center of the eerily empty stall. He couldn't breathe as he cried silently. As the tears fell, he covered his face with his hands and dropped forward into a trembling ball. It hurt. Everything hurt so much.

He wished this didn't have to happen. He wished he was more prepared, but he knew there was nothing that could have prepared him for this. It was just like when his grandfather died. Such a slow death in the hospital, when he knew it could happen any day, even when he got to say goodbye, it still hurt. Why do the ones he loves have to die? Jade was the last piece of his grandpa be had. Now she was gone too. It was like his grandfather had died all over again.

Anger bubbled up within him. Why didn't his mother know this was going to happen when he told her that Jade wasn't eating? Didn't she care? Why didn't they call the vet right away? Couldn't have something been different? Why didn't he do something himself?

"I'm so stupid!" he shouted as he punched the ground. He punched it over and over again. The pain shooting up his arm and through his hand seemed to distract from the pain within. "It's not fair, not like this." At that moment, he would have rather died himself, then feel this pain. Part of him knew it was selfish, but at the moment, a bigger part of him didn't care.

He laid there for hours. The sun went down and his tears dried up. There was nothing but a dull ache throughout his body. He wasn't hungry anymore and he didn't care about eating ever again either. There was nothing on his mind. He just wanted the darkness to swallow him up. If it took forever, he could wait for it to happen.

His mother still went to work that night and left him alone. He eventually fell asleep there. As he did so, he wished he would never wake up so he wouldn't have to feel the pain anymore. Not the pain, loneliness, or abandonment. He wanted them all gone. He wanted to disappear himself.

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Author's Note:

R.I.P. Jade. You were an important part of Jesse's life.

Update 23 July 2014: Really, I do listen to suggestions. I made a change in this chapter. An anonymous comment stated something was over dramatic (please provide logical reasoning next time or pm so I can ask or provide the alternate line) which I took as unbelievable or out of character. I changed it, and I hope it is better.