Going Pro

Chapter 7: When Everything is Grey

To say he was disoriented when he eventually woke up would be an understatement. The dog was sniffing and licking his face. At first, Jesse had no idea where he was or why he felt so sick. One of his first thoughts was that he fell asleep while wearing his contacts.

"Shit," he cursed as he rubbed at the edges of his eyes and sat up. Surprisingly, his eyes didn't hurt, so his new contacts must be amazing or he didn't actually sleep for very long at all. His eyes were still puffy, but he knew why that was. He blinked several times and focused on his surroundings. Nothing matched what he expected to see. It took him a good minute to slowly put the pieces together and remember where he was and why. He let out a deep sigh and slowly got up.

It was still very early. He had to go to school. There was dirt all over the side of his face and in his hair. He felt damp and gross and wanted to wash up. Slowly, he closed up the barn and made his way into the house. The dog ran around his legs and Jesse tripped, landing with a loud thud on top of his shoes that he left in the entrance the day before.

"Ouch…" he cringed and then just laid there for a minute. The dog ran back and nosed his arm and face. "I'm okay," he said and got up.

He got to the bathroom and shed his uniform. Then he cleaned his contacts and put them in their case before turning on the shower. He just stood in it for a long time. His now wet blue hair stuck to his face and neck as he stared blankly at the drain. He felt stupid for another reason now. Stupid and weak. He still wanted to cry, but held it in. He figured he had cried enough was done crying. Despite his efforts, he wasn't able to hold it in for long. The tears mixed with the hot water and left down the drain.

He decided to skip school for the day. There was no point in going anyway. People were probably still gossiping about him, not that he cared about that. People always gossiped. He wasn't going to be able to focus at all and he didn't want to be there most days as it was already, even more so today.

Before he could run out of hot water, he grabbed his soap and washed properly. When he was done, he dried off, wrapped his towel around his waist, gathered up his dirty uniform, and headed to his room where he got dressed in his sleep clothes. It was only morning and he already went back to bed.

When his mother got home, she opened his bedroom door to check on him. He was resting on his side under the covers and facing the wall. "Jesse, are you going to school?" she asked.

"No," he answered. He didn't bother turning so he could look at her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to eat something?" She knew he didn't have any dinner.

"No."

"Okay. Do you want your cell phone?"

"…'Kay," he answered and listened as his mother put the device on his desk right next to him. It had been in the front pocket on his book bag.

"I called your school and excused you from class today. Be sure to eat something later, okay?"

Jesse only nodded this time and listened as his mother closed the door and she headed to her own room. His phone buzzed several times as he received text messages. They were probably from Julia. She was the only one that ever bothered to contact him. She was probably the only one that actually noticed he wasn't at school yet. He didn't feel like talking to her. She had her own problems to worry about.

He turned over and reached for his cell phone. He didn't look at the messages nor did he bother to turn it off before he opened up the back and removed the battery and left the pieces on his desk. Rolling back over, he went to sleep.

Unlike the dreamless sleep he had that night, he had a reoccurring dream this time. He was in Rome again. At least in the skies above a Roman temple. He heard those animal sounds again and he couldn't tell if they were distant or nearby. They were coming from the temple. He wanted to get a closer look. This time when he moved, he was able to glide through the air, instead of falling like last time. As he got closer to the temple, he realized how massive it was. It had actually been far away, but there was nothing to provide perspective above the clouds. He tried to get closer, but soon realized he couldn't move any further, like there was some sort of invisible barrier. There was something that kept those animals locked up in that temple and even prevented him from seeing who or what they were.

When he heard the horse once again, he jolted awake. He immediately sat up and looked out the window and saw the empty round pen and barn. His heart sank.

"Um, morning," someone started from beside him.

He looked over quickly in surprise, but was even more surprised by what he saw. "Julia? What are you doing here?" He reached for his glasses and put them on to get a better look. She was wearing her school uniform as she sat in his desk chair.

"I heard there was a death in your family, so I came to offer condolences," she explained meekly. "I talked to your mother for a minute before she had to leave for work, she told me your horse died. I'm sorry."

Jesse was silent for several seconds before be moved to sit on the edge of his bed with his feet on the floor. "What time is it?"

"A little past five in the evening, your mother just left," Julia answered.

"Okay," he said. "How did you get here?" he asked.

"My father drove me. He's going to pick me up again in a little while, maybe an hour or two."

"Oh."

Julia frowned. She didn't like Jesse this way. It was like there was a literal dark cloud round him. His face was paler than usual. Normally his fair skin was bright, but now it was dull and almost grey. She wished she could make him feel a little better. She looked around his bedroom. It was her first time seeing it. Not that there was much to see. A bed, desk, dresser, mirror, and a shelf on the wall. He didn't even have any posters, but she saw the postcards, magazine, and DA brochure on his desk. Then she remembered what she could do for him and she got the idea from him just last week. "I brought you some chicken and barley stew, are you hungry?"

At those words, his stomach answered for him. He hadn't eaten since lunch the day before. His body craved anything edible, even if his appetite still disagreed. Still, he knew he should eat. His rampant emotions from the night before had drained away, leaving him with just an empty feeling. He didn't know what he was thinking last night, but he knew he thought some pretty horrible things. "Sure, I'll have some now," he finally answered quietly. "I'm going to the bathroom first."

Jesse stood up and felt weak, mostly faint. He had to walk slowly and carefully, but he made it to the bathroom without problem and closed the door behind him. Julia went to the kitchen to reheat the stew she brought for him and his mother as a condolences offering.

Before he left the bathroom, he washed his face, brushed his teeth, and put on his contacts again. Then he found his friend in his kitchen. There was already a lightly steaming bowl waiting for him. It smelled good.

Julia noticed his eyes brighten a little when he stepped into the kitchen. "There's more in the container over there if you want some," she said and gestured the counter.

"Thanks," he nodded and sat down. He took a spoonful and tasted it. "It's good," he commented. He could feel the contents warm his body. This was exactly what he needed. The spreading warmth touched his heart in a way he wasn't expecting. It actually felt like it was healing a little.

"Do you think you'll be okay?" Julia asked. Her voice was smaller than usual, as if she was trying not to startle him or do anything wrong.

Jesse looked at her slightly surprised at her words. "Well yeah, in time," he answered. "This isn't the first time I've gone through this, so they'll be ups and downs, but I'll learn to live with it."

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" she offered.

"Nah, this is plenty," he gave a small smile.

"Do you… want to talk about it?"

"No," he answered simply. "This is really good, what's the secret?"

"There isn't one, it's just chicken, broth, barley, vegetables, and seasoning. It's supposed to be good for you," she said. "And besides, you brought me soup on your bike of all things when I wasn't feeling well, I wanted to repay the favor, even though I wish it was under better circumstances."

Jesse chuckled slightly. "You don't have to ever repay me for anything, Julia."

"But I wanted to," she said.

Jesse finished eating and looked at her. "Want to duel?" he asked.

Her eyes went wide and she smacked her own forehead. "Why didn't I think about that? I didn't bring my deck. I'm sorry!" Even though she didn't duel often, she still knew the rules enough to get through a few rounds.

Jesse laughed a little. "Whoa, it's fine, it's fine," he tried. "We can play anytime."

"I know, but now would have been a great time." She sighed and reached for her bag. "I did remember to get you your homework."

Jesse pouted. "You… didn't need to do that…" he said as he moved away from the papers.

Julia rolled her eyes in spite of being a little relieved. He seemed to be acting more like himself already. She knew he was still hurting, but she was reassured he would be okay. "Do you think you'll go to school tomorrow?"

"Probably," Jesse nodded and then looked far away at nothing. "It'll be a little weird though. I would see her every morning, every day, and that's not going to happen anymore." Julia nodded. She knew there was nothing she could say. There were some bright sides she could think up, like now he could sleep in a little longer if he wanted to, but she didn't want to say that yet. "I'd go to see her every night too. Sometimes I'd see her more often than my own mother. We'd go out for walks in the pasture every few days too, not so much lately, because she didn't want to go much further than her round pen. Guess it all makes sense now."

"She must have had a good life with you taking care of her," Julia said.

"Yeah," Jesse nodded. "It was just her time, I know that." It was the same when his grandfather died. The man couldn't stay forever. Neither of them wanted that anyway. His grandfather was ready to go. So was Jade. Jesse knew it wasn't about him and that they didn't suffer. However, he still questioned why he had to suffer instead.

Follow your heart, Jesse. If there's anything I want to you remember when I'm gone, it's that. Do what you think is right, but remember to look out for others too. You're an Anderson boy after all. Continue to make me proud. I am sure you will grow up to be quite the man.

Jesse wondered why those words came back to him. Out of everything his grandfather ever said, those were the last words of advice Jesse ever got from him. Jesse knew there was more to being a man than being physically fit and strong. It was about steeling his will and persevering, to seek knowledge and skills, and understand and know about justice and love. Jesse knew he still had a long way to go, but he was learning. It was times like this he was reminded that love will cause pain, sometimes in the form of grief and sometimes in the form of regret. Jesse never wanted to regret anything. That was why he held onto his grandfather's words and followed his heart. Or at least he tried to. Sometimes it was hard to understand, but he would forever try.

He must have spaced out for a bit, because the next thing he knew, Julia was standing next to him as she wrapped her arms loosely around his shoulders in a gentle embrace. His body tensed and his eyes went wide before he looked up at her from his sitting position. The question was clear in his eyes.

"I thought you might need a hug. Is… this okay?" Julia asked.

"Oh," he started. "It's fine."

She nodded and tightened her arms around him a little, before raising one of her hands to the side of his head. He lifted one of his hands and held one of her arms, silently keeping her there. They stayed like that for a while, not moving. Eventually, she slowly stroked his hair in a comforting gesture. At first he didn't even notice, but when he did, he thought it felt nice. It had been a long time since he was held. He thought himself too old for it, but times likes this was an exception. Everyone needed support sometimes.

Jesse briefly thought about how Julia would be a good mother one day. Certainly better than his own. Sure he loved his mother, but sometimes they couldn't be more distant. Now that he thought about it, his mother had yet to offer him anything remotely resembling a comforting gesture. Yet here was his friend, wordlessly offering whatever she could. He knew he was pretty lucky to have her around.

Too soon, Jesse felt his eyes growing heavy again. Despite only being awake for a short while, he was already tried again. She noticed and gently pulled away, but kept a hand on his shoulder. "Are you tired?"

He nodded. "Yeah, but I shouldn't go back to sleep already. It's probably best if I do some homework first," he said and then looked up at his friend. She looked shocked. "What?"

"You never want to do homework…" she muttered.

Jesse pouted and folded his arms over his chest. "Naturally, because homework is evil, but I have to get it done if I ever want to graduate."

Julia glanced away. "I suppose you're right about that. Do you want some help, or maybe borrow my notes?"

"That'd be good," he nodded.

It was something to do. Something to focus on. It kept him from lying in bed doing nothing. Julia's presence kept him from being alone until her father returned to pick her up. Before leaving, she offered to stay the night if he didn't want to be alone, but he assured her he would be fine. He offered a wide smile in reassurance, but she looked at him sadly instead before bidding him good night.

Jesse returned to his room after getting ready for bed. There wasn't a lot he had to do since he was already showered and dressed for bed. He mainly needed to take out his contacts and make sure they and their case were both clean. There was no way he was going to let himself get an infection before the upcoming coming tournament.

Still thinking about the tournament, he sat has his desk and looked through his cards. He knew them all very well. Too bad none of them were spirit cards. It didn't mean their spirits didn't exist somewhere though, and he would sure like the opportunity to meet them. When he put his deck away again and got back into bed, he noticed a tiny long-legged spider hanging out in the corner of the windowsill. Jesse was too tied to get a closer look at it now, but decided if it was still there in the morning, he would, and possibly put it back outside too.

While things still seemed grey and his heart was heavy, he knew he already felt a lot better. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he had been bracing himself for the worst to happen for some time. It wasn't foolproof, but he believed it still helped a little. It didn't feel like it now, but he knew the heart would heal and he would keep on living, even if it's with a scar, which he had plenty of already. There was something he had to live for. That feeling that he needed to be somewhere, be doing something, never left him. He just needed to keep believing in himself and keep moving forward, no matter what kind of obstacles, setbacks, and challenges were placed against him.

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Author's Note:

When one door closes, another opens. The fateful meeting I am sure you are waiting for is soon approaching. Hint: it's not Jaden. On a related note, I'm surprised no one mentioned Jaden's guest-star appearance in the first chapter. Oh yeah, more guest-star appearances are coming soon.

Sorry for the heavy emotional stuff going on. I am sure many of us have experienced one or both sides of grief and condolences. It's never easy. At least Jesse had one friend. Things will be picking up again shortly.

Updated this chapter quickly this time so we can get past this depressing stuff. I might be going on another break. My last one was too short to be considered a real break.