Popstar Comics


Chapter 3: The Big Surprise


"Attention Popstar Employees! I have a special announcement to make!"

Dedede's voice was startling, so much so that I actually hit my head under the table as I stood up. The stack of comics that I was trying to put away ended up spilling all over the carpet, and with a heavy sigh I got back down on the floor again.

"It's about time," says Falcon, who was in the midst of replacing one of the lightbulbs in the ceiling. "We've been waiting for nearly an hour!" He stumbles, almost tripping off of the stepladder, but manages to regain his footing.

"I just wanted to make sure you bums showed up on time," replies Dedede with a smirk. "And it's a good thing I did, otherwise Kuro over there might have slept right through it!"

A scowl of annoyance escapes me, but the tabletop shields any traces of my face.

"So what's the news?" asks Falcon, dropping down onto the floor. He heads over to the switch to test the new lightbulb and nearly blinds himself in the process.

"Foxy ought to be showing up with her any second now," says Dedede, checking his watch. "I told him to be here by nine at the latest."

Fox (or "Foxy" as Dedede called him) is the last member of Popstar Comics' humble workforce. On the outside, he looks like one of those anthropomorphic foxes ripped from those geeky Japanese cartoon shows. I hardly ever see him since he mostly takes care of the inventory stuff in the back, plus he and I only have one or two common workdays. From what I've seen, he's not a complete weirdo like the other two (he does have his moments though), but other than that he's a mystery to me.

"What's he bringing?" I ask. I'm honestly super curious now. If this is supposed to be some kind of promotion, why is Fox acting as a delivery boy?

"Oh ho, you'll find out soon enough," chuckles Dedede slyly. "This is gonna be great for all of us!"

Okay, now I really want to know what the big surprise is. If I'm not getting a raise then what the hell else am I supposed to be excited for?

"I'll bet it's that new trolley we ordered," mutters Falcon. "Or maybe it's one of those life-sized cardboard cut-outs of Mario!"

Oh god, please, anything but that.

"Look sharp, boys." Dedede raises a gloved hand. "Your prayers are about to be answered."

As if on cue, the bell above the front door chimes awake, and we're greeted by Fox McCloud and another accomplice. Again, I accidentally slam my head on the underside of the table.

"Sorry we're late," says Fox. "Construction on Brinstar is killer these days."

"All good," replies Falcon. "Ol' Dedede just decided to show up anyways."

"Hey, my dime, my time!" I hear Dedede say.

I climb up from the ground to see what all the fuss is about, and just as my luck would have it, I'm miraculously disappointed.

"Who's she?" I blurt.

The young woman who walked in with Fox jerks a glance at me. The first thing I notice about her is that she seems to be around the same age as me, which is hilariously a miracle since everyone else here has to be at least twenty-four. Her hair is blue like an ocean, but her eyes are of a cat, and if it were not for the Fire Emblem t-shirt, I'd probably think she represents someone of a higher authority.

"Kuro," says Dedede all of a sudden, "meet your new partner."

For a moment, I think he's pulling my chain, but the smiles on the other guys' faces tell me otherwise. She continues to stare at me as if she can tell I'm neither prepared nor willing to accept this offer if it is true.

"My what?" is all I can say.

"You heard me." Dedede waddles over and wraps a gargantuan arm around my shoulder. "As of today, Lucina here is going to be joining the crew. She's going to be helping in your department since we're so short of hands." He pats me on the back. "Surprise!"

I'm still dumbfounded and somewhat infuriated by the whole ordeal. All this time I was expecting some kind of compensation, wherein actuality all I got was another co-worker to take orders from.

Surprise indeed, Kuro. Surprise indeed.

"Hi there, Lucina!" says Falcon with a handshake. "I'm Captain Falcon. It's nice to meet you!"

His smile is contagious. "Nice to meet you too, Captain Falcon," Lucina replies. "Are you entering in the grand prix this year?"

Her question sparks a glow of excitement in the lens of Falcon's helmet.

"You bet I am!" He stands tall with a fist to his chest. "It would be a sin for me to disappoint all the adoring fans."

Everyone laughs and I can't help but wonder what the hell kind of drugs they're on. They can't be that dumb can they?

"Hold it, hold it," I say, shoving my way in between the two. "You do realize that he's not really Captain Falcon, don't you?"

Lucina shrugs. "He looks like Captain Falcon to me."

"Well duh," I respond, stupefied at how dense she is. "Just because he dresses like him doesn't mean he is him." I grab a comic from a nearby rack. "This is Captain Falcon. He's a made-up superhero from a comic book."

Her eyes fall on the cover of F-Zero issue number 1 for a brief moment, but her smile holds back another laugh. Dedede pulls me out of the way, yanking me by my own feathers.

"You'll get used to Kuro," he says. "He's just a party pooper."

"I understand," replies Lucina. "It's not every day you get to stand in the presence of a real superhero."

"I have a feeling we're going to be great friends," says Falcon with a smirk.

I cross my arms in irritation, my cheeks flare up, and then I suddenly feel the urge to walk out the door. I don't need to stand for any of this humiliation, especially from a group of comic book geeks who think dressing up as make-believe characters is cool.

Still, Dedede's mention of a partnership leaves me curious.

"I take it you already met Fox too?" says Dedede. "He's our inventory guy, and he also deals with managing our supply. As for me, you can call me 'King Dedede,' but I also accept 'Your Highness,' 'Your Majesty,' and 'Boss.'"

Oh yeah. One thing I forget to mention about Dedede is that he likes to be referred to as a king. Like Falcon, he likes to pretend he's a fictional character from a series of comic books, this time being from the Kirby franchise. I don't know if it's some kind of superiority complex or if he's just delusional, but he usually insists on acquaintances calling him by his "royal names." It didn't help that he was the manager, but I don't think I've ever heard anyone call him "King Dedede" yet.

And no, I wouldn't be caught dead saying it either.

"King Dedede then?" replies Lucina, the smile on her face hinting that she already knew the name's origin. "It's nice to meet you as well."

"And last but not least!"

Ohhh boy…

"I'd like to introduce you to Kuro!" He pulls me back into the group, and I'm pissed that I'm still flustered from the Captain Falcon thing. I refuse to make eye contact at all costs. "He was the newbie until you showed up, and as you can tell he's loads of fun at parties. I'm sure he wouldn't mind taking you under his wing. He's probably sick and tired of Falcon telling him what to do all the time anyways, heheh."

Wait, take her under my wing? Does that mean...

"Am I her supervisor?"

"You got it, feather-boy," says Dedede with a wink. "Since Lucina is new, you're gonna be the one to show her the ropes. It'll also be a good way for you to work on some of those leadership skills."

In the two weeks that I've been here, sure, okay.

"You're still partners though," interjected Falcon, "so make sure you treat each other as such. I don't want to hear you barking orders at her while you sit behind the counter counting the dots on the ceiling."

He's a hypocrite if I ever heard one, but I choose to ignore him.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Kuro," says Lucina. An outstretched hand comes toward me and I hesitate to grasp it.

"Thanks…" I reply, but I'm not sure what else to say. She gives me a puzzled look.

"You know, you look kind of familiar." She studies my face some more and I avert my eyes as much as possible. "Do you have a brother?"

Aw man, don't tell me she knows him too…

"Yes," I say flatly. "He's my twin."

I'm actually his but I'll be damned if I was going to say it like that.

"Does he work at Paratroopa Post?" she asks.

"Yeah…"

She definitely knows him.

"You never told us you had a brother, Kuro," says Dedede curiously.

"What does it matter?" I reply sharply. "I barely see him anyway since he's always working."

"He's delivered our mail a few times," Lucina explains. "You see, my father and I just moved to the city a few months ago, and at my old house we had a shared mailbox with other members of the community. Now the mail is delivered right to our doorstep, and I think your brother is the one who drops it off. He looks just like you."

More like I look just like him. Even though we're twins, Pit is technically the older one, or at least that's what I was told all my life growing up. Every physical quality that he has I share with him. I'm not a copy of Pit, but merely an inferior version of him. He was the most popular student back in high school, always had a lot of friends, and always got good grades. He was good at sports, he knew how to cook, chicks practically lined up at our door hoping to be his first date to prom, and the list goes on. As for me, I almost flunked out of school. I never had friends growing up either, and I sure as hell wasn't good at sports. My qualities as an individual have only declined over the years, but if there was one thing I could tell you about myself, it would be that I am everything that Pit is not.

And since Pit is the embodiment of perfection, I guess that makes me Mr. Imperfect.

"Where did you used to live, Lucina?" asks Fox.

"Ylisse," she replies. "It's a small town out east over in the county. I've lived there for most of my life, but we had to move after my father was offered a job here."

"Where does he work?"

"He's at Intelsys… I think that's the name of the company."

"Oh yeah, they host communication services for other businesses," comments Falcon. "I used to work there too for a while."

Not only did Falcon work at Intelsys (also known as Intelligent Systems), but he also supposedly spent some time with the New Smashopolis Police Department (abbreviated NSPD sometimes). I should know since… well, let's just say I used to see him around a lot. I'm not sure why he's not there anymore though. You'd think that someone like him would want to fight crime being the Captain Falcon wannabe that he is.

"What about you guys?" Lucina asks. "Any interesting backstories?"

"Well I don't mean to brag…" smirked Dedede. "But I used to write comic books back in my day."

"Same with me," replies Fox. "I guess that's kind of the reason why I'm here."

Seriously? Both of them used to be comic book artists? Talk about a small world.

"What about you, Kuro?" she asks me.

Well, the only story worth mentioning is the one about me and the Gerudos, but that's another can of worms I'd rather not get into right now.

"I'm a recent high school graduate," I say. "So this is my first job."

"Ah, same here," she replies. "I think it will be fun."

"You bet it'll be fun, sister!" says Dedede with a grin. "Fun is my middle name! Just call me 'King Fun-dede!'"

"I thought your name was King Dedede?"

"I can work with either. Haha!"

As nice as a break was, it was short-lived because we all had to eventually get back to work. This more or less meant that Dedede and Fox would disappear into the back rooms while Falcon, Lucina and I took care of things up front. A lot of my hours were spent walking around the store and explaining things to her while Falcon took care of the few customers that dropped by this morning. Of course, my types of explanations usually went somewhere along the lines of "This is this" and "That is that," but honestly what more is there to say? It's a comic book store, not a chemistry lab.

"Everything is organized by the series," I say, skimming over the boxes on the table. "And each series is in order based on the name." I point to the tags to show how the books fall in alphabetical order. "So if we get more shipments of F-Zero, we file that under 'F' and whatever."

Lucina listens contently and asks questions when necessary, and for some reason I can't help but feel satisfied about telling her what to do. It gives me a sense of freedom in this prison that I didn't normally have, a way for me to be more than just an extra pair of hands. I like it.

"Where do you put the manga?" she asks, as I fit a few straggler books back where they belong.

"The what?"

"The manga."

"I… have no idea what that is."

Mahn-gah. Nope, doesn't ring a bell.

"Hmm. Perhaps this isn't that kind of comic book store then…" she murmurs.

Although I was the one showing her around, she seemed like she knew more about comics than I did. That's not really a hard thing to accomplish, but I knew the gist of the popular comic series that gets sold around here. Dedede gave me a list of them that he made me memorize before my first day.

"Do you know about the Big Three?" I ask.

"Oh yes of course," she hastily states. "I'd say everyone knows about that."

That's interesting to hear because until I started working here, I had no idea that such a thing even existed in the world of nerd-dom.

The Big Three in comic book lingo is another way of referring to the three best-selling Nintendo-branded franchises of all time. In order, they are Super Mario Bros., Pokémon, and The Legend of Zelda. Personally I don't see what the mass appeal is with these things, but I think a common factor that makes the books so popular is the characters.

Starting at the top, Super Mario Bros. is a story about two brothers named Mario and Luigi who try to stop an evil lizard named Bowser from stealing the Mushroom Kingdom's Princess Peach. The series spans several arcs and has been remade into so many adaptions and spinoffs that it's mind-boggling to name them all. Children and adults alike love the stories of the Mario Bros. though, and Mario himself is probably the most recognizable character in the world next to Mickey Mouse.

In Pokémon, the stories revolve around several kids that set off on adventures to learn about and capture mythical beasts known as Pocket Monsters, hence where the title of the franchise comes from. Like Mario, there are numerous stories and spinoffs, each one expanding on the universe adored by millions of fans worldwide. We even have a few stuffed animals of Pikachu (the series mascot) hanging around the comic store. I don't really see what the big deal is with this series since it looks like it's made for babies, but you'd be surprised how many adults I've seen walk into this store asking for Pokémon merchandise (like yesterday for instance).

Finally, The Legend of Zelda wraps up the trio with a series of stories based on a fantasy world. In it, readers follow the adventures of Link, a young man who sets off on a quest to rid the world of Hyrule from a greater evil. Zelda is the name of the princess who appears throughout the series, although her role varies based on the incarnations of the story. In A Link to the Past, she acts as the seventh daughter to a group of sages who holds the key to entering a dark universe, while in Spirit Tracks, she represents Link's travel companion. This is probably the most popular series among older fans, and I'll admit that the cover art on some of the books do look kind of cool.

"I have a few Zelda books at home," Lucina explains. "My favorite arcs are definitely Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask though. They really capture the dark side that the series has always been known for. Did you know that the same artist drew the cover art for both stories?"

I'm surprised at how much she knows about comic books since as far as I know comics are a thing reserved for virgins and nerdy overweight men. I just can't fathom how much money people are willing to put out for these things, all just to complete their collections or for leisure reading. I guess she fits in with the rest of the people here, but if I didn't know any better, I'd say she was overqualified for this job.

"So over here we have the figurines and other toys," I say, gesturing to the glass casing that covered some of the wall. Numerous figures in all shapes and sizes were positioned and posed, all characters from beloved Nintendo franchises. "People can't get in here unless they ask permission first, so if you need the key you can just…" I realize she's not even listening to me as her face is up against the glass peering at all the figures.

"We sure have a lot of Pokémon here," she mutters.

We do? I wouldn't know one way or another since they all look the same to me.

"What's your favorite Pokémon, Kuro?"

"Uh…" I hardly know any Pokémon by name. "Pikachu I guess."

"Me too," she smiles. "But I do like Jigglypuff as well, and Greninja is cool too."

I glance at the figures, noticing that we have several Pikachus lined up. Surfing Pikachu, party Pikachu, singing Pikachu, hell there's even a Pikachu wearing a top hat in there. Apparently the world just can't get enough Pikachu.

"Yeah…" I murmur. "Anyways, if someone wants in, then just use the key so they can buy it. Also, make sure you don't touch the glass or else you'll have to wipe it down at the end of the day."

We move on to the posters, and then the board games, and then finally the other random junk like sodas, candy, and those godforsaken bobble-heads. By the time we come full circle, Lucina is pretty excited about the whole thing, but her next question leaves me wondering.

"So what happens in case of a break-in?" she asks.

I open my mouth to say something, but I'm actually pretty stumped. We had gone over safety regulations before like what to do in case of a fire or flood, but we never talked about being attacked or held at gunpoint.

"Depends how bad it is," comes Falcon's voice nearby. He's wiping smudges off the glass countertop, taking advantage of the grace period after the last customer left. "If someone walks in here and threatens you, there's a button under the counter that will call the local police department." He smirks. "But if he's unarmed and you think you have the skills to take him, then by all means go ahead."

I found his last statement to be surprising, but also kind of interesting. So if someone wants to brawl, is he giving us permission to take them on? Not that I'd want to, but between Pit and myself, I was always the one who put up the better fight.

"You're serious?" Lucina asks.

"Oh yeah," replies Falcon casually. "If someone walks in here asking for trouble then you have every right to give it to them. At the end of the day, you can just say it was self defense. Just don't go around bringing a knife to a gunfight if you know what I mean."

The way he explains it makes it sound like he's had problems with thugs before. It makes me wonder how I'd fair against someone looking to scrap in the store.

With yesterday's headlines, anything could happen.

"I wouldn't worry about it though," says Falcon all of a sudden. "If anyone did try to break into Popstar, it would probably be at night when nobodies here."

It's completely possible too since the front windows of the store didn't have metal bars on them. Someone could literally take a chair and smash their way inside. You'd think with the amount of money they have in here they'd resort to some better security.

"We're supposed to be getting bars on the windows next month!" hollers Dedede from the back. "Until then, keep your voices down about it!"

The irony in his voice earns a chuckle from Falcon.

The rest of the day wears on the same, making this a pretty successful first day working with my new partner. I'm still somewhat disheartened that I didn't get any real reward, but perhaps this was a step in the right direction?

I know I said before that I wanted this day to be my last, but honestly today was pretty cool. For the first time, I got to be the guy in charge, and it's definitely a step up from what Pit-stain is doing. Wait till he hears that I'm someone else's supervisor…

"Have a good night guys," says Fox. He heads out with Lucina to a sunset painted street. I see her waving at me through the window, but I merely nod my head to acknowledge that I saw her.

"Why is she leaving with him?" I say out loud.

"She lives on the far end of town," responds Falcon, grabbing his bag and hoisting it over his shoulder. "Without a car it's a long walk, so Fox gives her rides since he also lives in that area."

Suddenly I'm thankful that my apartment is within walking distance of this toilet bowl.

"Have a good weekend, Kuro," says Falcon as he leaves. It's Thursday, but his workweek ends today, unlike mine which doesn't end until the actual weekend.

"See ya," I mutter, and I put the broom away back where it's supposed to go. I'm not the last one to leave though, since Dedede finally emerges from his room with the keys to lock up.

"So did ya have fun today?" he asks me.

Peculiar question but I decide to roll with it.

"I guess so," I reply. "Would have been nice if you told me about this earlier."

"What, you mean Lucina? Nah, that would have spoiled the surprise."

"I'm wondering though…"

"Huh?"

I'm about as new as she is after all, and my experience working this job is laughable compared to the others. Whether or not I've been doing a good job doesn't matter when I barely have seniority.

"Why did you choose me?" I say. "Why not Falcon or Fox?"

"You mean to be Lucina's supervisor?" He seems surprised, as if the answer is obvious. "I thought you could use a little boost in confidence. Believe it or not, Kuro, I've been watching you for a while now, and the way you interact with Falcon and me just doesn't cut it. You treat us like we're your parents, and as nice as that is, I don't want things to be so formal around here." He smiles. "We're not just your co-workers; we're your friends too. So I figured that if you had a buddy around your age helping you out, it might get you to come out of your shell some more."

It's true; I do treat them like they're my parents, but not in the way you would expect. I merely shut my mouth and do what I'm told because I don't want to talk to them, but I can see where he would get the idea. And friends? I'm sorry, but we have a long way to go before I can call anyone here a friend.

A little confidence boost is always nice though.

"You did that… for me?" I say.

"Yeah man, we care about you." He pats me on the back again. "It's a dark and scary world out there, especially in this town. We nerds gotta stick together! So if you ever run into any trouble with anything, don't be afraid to tell King Dedede." He walks with me out the door and closes up shop for the evening. "By the way, if you tell anyone I was being nice, I'll clobber you."

I nod my head, but I know he's joking with that last statement. At least, I think he is.

"I'll see you tomorrow then, Kuro?"

I find myself hesitating, remembering that today is supposed to be my last day. The idea was that I would not come in to work today in hopes that they would fire me, yet here I am standing with Popstar Comics' owner during quitting time. If I was planning to up and quit, now was the time to do it.

Or…

Since tomorrow is Friday I could just come in to work one last time. Might as well collect my last paycheck.

"Yeah." I make sure to look him in the eyes. "I'll see you tomorrow."