A/N: Hi guys thank you sooooooooooo so so so so so so much for reading and reviewing! You da the real MVP's! I responded to the reviewers who had an account, I'll just have to respond to everyone else on here!

Guest "Great start! Keep going" Thank you! I'm going! I just spent three hours going lol

Guest "Such a great start." Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

Reviewed "You're making Cait turn into killer frost. You're going to have them try to bring her back to them and then Barry will be so consumed with Helping Caitlin that it will put his relationship with Iris in jeopardy. How you handle it from there honestly depends on who you ship" that's a really good theory but I think it safe to say that its wrong! Lol I'm not planning on bringing KF into this fic. It could change, but it is not likely! I ship both SB and WA. Thanks so much for the review! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Guest "You made me cry so hard! And i don't know if i can't keep reading this... i love Caitlin so much that i can't image the flash without her and i don't like westallen so this story is a not not for me... but you did great bring it up my emotions.. so kudos!" thanks for the great compliments! It's amazing to hear my writing invokes those kinds of emotions! Hopefully you're reading this and decided to give this story a chance despite it being so sad for you. Trust me, I love Caitlin too, she's my favorite and I almost yelled at myself for killing her off lol! I wanted to work her into this story in a different way and I think you'll enjoy it.

Guest "great start! I hope to see more :)" Thanks boo! It means a lot! Here's more lol

Ok, so here is the chapter! This one is a little lighter in the beginning, not as much angst. I got to play with the side of Barry I love! Please excuse any spelling and grammar mistakes.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Flash or anything associated with it. It belongs to DC and the CW.


Chapter 2

It's been three weeks since the conversation Iris, Cisco and he had in Star Labs and even though things are going much smoother with his friendship with Cisco, they were no closer to finding the peace they need to move forward with Caitlin's death.

Sitting at the main desk in Star Labs, Barry was finishing up some paper work for the CCPD that he brought with him to finish up after he was done patrolling the streets for the day. Being able to help people was cool, but it did hinder his work life. That's where he thanks his lucky stars that his super-power is speed, and not something lame like, invisibility.

As he was putting away his pen and calculater he was using for one of his cases, something shoved in the back of the desk caught his eye. Barry's eyes widened in shock; it was a deep crimson bowtie, the color matching perfectly with his suit. A memory came to the forefront of Barry's mind.

Before he could get too lost in it, someone interrupted him with the shout of his name. He looked over to see Harry approaching him. Barry would say that the only good thing to come out of the breaches having been opened was the fact that it brought them Harrison Wells and Jessie Wells of Earth-2. Harry had become a mentor to Harry, everything he wanted the Earth-1 Harrison to be until he found out the truth of Eobard Thawne. Harry was arrogant and like Cisco said, a dick, but he was a good teacher and an even better friend. Despite the rocky start, Barry knows he can always count on him.

"Barry, I made some adjustments to the tachyon device that I would like you to test out," Harry said bringing Barry out of his musings, holding up the device in question for him to take a look at. Barry laid the bow-tie gently on the desk next him and looked over the tachyon device that was able to help him increase his speed. It looked exactly the same to him, but he was sure that Cisco would be able to point out every little difference in it.

That's where Barry differed from them. While he was well educated in engineering, it being a required course in his studies to become a CSI, and he was able to help Wally in his school projects, Barry sometimes got lost in all the tech talk Cisco, Harry and sometimes even Jessie, got into. Barry was better with chemistry; he loved when he could talk to someone who could understand his love for it. Caitlin is the only one who could keep up with him when he got started. She loves it just as much as he does.

'Was. Caitlin WAS the only one,' Barry thought, internally correcting himself.

"Why don't you just have Wally or Jessie do it? I'm sure they'll jump at the chance to be faster than the other," Barry replied not really in the mood to train, "Besides, I gotta head over to Joe's place. It's family night. You should come too by the way; do you ever take a break? It'll be fun!"

"Allen, if I wanted to see to a reenactment of Scar and Simba fighting over Pride Rock, then I would ask Wally and Jessie to test this thing out."

"For real? You guys have The Lion King on Earth-2? Sweet! Wait, who's Simba? Wally or Jessie? Personally I think-"

"Allen! Focus. The point is that those two are always seeing things as a competition and don't have the maturity to handle the situation. That and the fact that you are extraordinarily faster and more experienced."

"What does experience have to do with it? Sure they're not as fast, but they can handle running in a couple of circles."

"On the contrary Allen, if things were to transpire the way the first time you used this device did, I would say that they aren't in the right place with their abilities to deal with it the right way. Or do you think they will be able handle going to another Earth the same way you did when you met Powergirl?"

"Super, it's Supergirl. And do you think going to another Earth can happen again?" Barry corrected him.

"Besides the fact that they apparently don't have a Cisco there to name their superheroes and villains, I hardly see how her name has anything to do with it. And we can take some precautions but still, I would rather not even risk the possibility of them going through a breach just yet. So, can we stop this baseless argument and set a time to test it out? I would like to see to what capacity these changes can enhance your speed."

Barry sighed and thought about it. Harry was right; they probably wouldn't be able to handle going to another earth by themselves yet. And it was risky to even put them in a position where it was a possibility. Not to mention that despite the fact that Wally and Jessie were sweet on each other (Harry didn't much appreciate that), but that didn't stop them from getting extremely competitive to prove one was faster than the other. They've had arguments that would put Olivia and Fitz to shame. 'I really need to catch up on Scandal. I wonder if she chose the Sun or Vermont.'

"Allen?"

"Hmm? Oh yeah, uhh sure. How about Sunday?"

"Sounds good, I'll see you then. Have a good night Allen." Harry made to leave but Barry stopped him.

"Hey man, you never answered my question. Why don't you come to family night? Cisco would've been there but he said that Dante called him to chill. Come on man, I can always use more people to beat at scrabble."

"I don't think so Allen. I don't do…..scabble? What is that?"

"Wait for real? You guys don't have Scrabble? Now you have to come! Come on, Jessie will be there. Wally invited her."

Harry looked lost in thought for a moment. Barry knew that he got him, Harry wouldn't miss an opportunity to spy without consequence on his daughter and the dude trying to date her.

"Now that you mention it Allen, I think it is a good idea that I start familiarizing myself more with this world's culture. Let's go. And I know you were planning to use your speed to get there, but in wanting to keep my dignity I suggest that instead of you carrying me I'll drive and you explain this 'Scabble' game to me."

Barry let out a chuckle and told Harry that he'd meet him outside. As Barry turned to the desk he picked up the bowtie again and put it in his jacket pocket, not wanting to forget it there. He would need to learn how to tie it properly.


As game night was finishing up, Barry was helping Iris with the dishes. They had already said good-bye to Harry and Jessie. Joe and Wally were clearing up the living room.

"How did your case go today?" Iris asked Barry to end the comfortable silence they were working in.

"It went fine. Captain Singh is still on my ass about the McDonald case though." Barry finished drying and leaned on the counter.

"Oooh, a tough one. Scott is letting me do a piece on it for the next issues front page. Think I can get an exclusive with the head CSI on the case and get the inside scoop?" she through him a grin and batted her pretty eyes at him dramatically.

Barry couldn't hold in his chuckle as he pressed a kiss to her lips, "Anything for my girl."

Iris leaned into the kiss and wrapped her hands around his neck to deepen it. Barry appreciated the electricity running through his veins because of it. Kissing Iris is like a dream, like dancing in the soft rain. Every cell in his body comes alive and he can't help but lose himself in her. Hell, it's like every Nicholas Sparks movie come to life. A throat clearing made them jump apart. Joe was standing in the doorway looking stern but happy where Wally looked like he was unsure on whether to be amused or throw up.

"Iris, it's getting late baby. Now you know I wouldn't mind having you here all the time, I know you're gonna go home anyway. So I don't want you getting home too late." Joe said, putting the unused dishes in his hand back where they belong.

"Yeah, hey, go get your coat, I'll walk you home." Barry directed at Iris.

"Don't you mean 'flash' her home?" Wally said with the goofiest smile. Iris chuckled and punched him on the shoulder as she walked by him and headed to the living room.

"God Wally, could you get any cheesier?" Bickering, the duo left Barry and his pseudo-father alone in the kitchen.

"So, how you holdin' up?" Joe asked Barry, leaning on the counter across from him.

"Hmmm? What do you mean? I'm fine."

"Really? Harry told me about your outburst at Star Labs a few weeks ago. I thought we talked about this. "

"Since when do you and Harry gossip about me?"

"Since you go around yelling and blaming yourself for things that are out of your control. Stop avoiding the question" As Barry looked at Joe he felt like a kid again pretending to be sick so he wouldn't have to go to school. Henry was his father and he knows that he loves Barry dearly, but Joe raised him. Barry could kind of get away with things like this with Henry, but not Joe. He wouldn't rest till he got the last word.

"I said I'm fine Joe, I don't want to talk about this."

"We have to talk about this Barry, how many times do I gotta tell you that this is not your fault? Caitlin loss is a tragedy, but not yours to take the blame for."

"Like I said, I do not want to talk about this Joe. I'm trying to move past this, let me do it on my own terms. I have to go drop off Iris, can we not end this night as a fight please?"

Joe looked at Barry for a long time, long enough to make him restless. As he was about to break the silence, Joe beat him to it.

"You loved her."

He said it just like that. It wasn't a question, it was a statement, spoken with so much certainty it made Barry let out a small gasp. Out of all the things he was expecting Joe to say, it would never have crossed his mind that that was it.

'Loved? Her? Her, as in Caitlin? That her? Maybe he means Iris. Yeah, that's it. But wait, he wouldn't have said LOVED, as in past tense, if he was talking about Iris. Well maybe he thinks you don't love Iris anymore. Well, with the show you put on earlier, I don't think he could doubt it. Then he does mean Caitlin? What?

Barry's mind was in a whirlwind.

"Wh-What?"

"You loved her, or rather, you love her and you can't let her go because you never had her in the first place."

"Caitlin. You think I love Caitlin? That's insane. You're insane! I love Iris! You know, your DAUGHTER."

"I'm well aware of who she is Barry. This isn't about her this is about you and how you feel. Think about it. She was by your side the entire time you were in a coma. Even when Iris and I couldn't make it, she was there. Daytime, nighttime; at all hours. You're telling me you never thought about that? And she was there when you woke up. The first person you saw in your new life."

"There's a difference between being in love with someone and feeling gratitude for them Joe. I feel the same way for Cisco. They're my best friends!"

"Yes, but did you bond with Cisco over the people you lost. Did you go with him to seedy bars and sing karaoke with him well into the night? Did you stay with Cisco and help him mourn over the loss of his fiancé? Did you lose your mind when someone threatened Cisco? Did you show hesitation in taking down an enemy when they took his form? Did you hate the idea of standing in the sidelines, watching him marry someone else?"

Barry wanted Joe to stop talking. This was all just speculation on Joe's part. He's trying to make sense of the situation, to make sense of Barry's guilt in any way he can, no matter how convoluted it was. Barry didn't love Caitlin. He couldn't.

"This is ridiculous Joe! What, now a guy and a girl can't just be friends? I can't just miss her, I can't feel the pain of her loss without it being simply because I loved her as a friend? I couldn't have done all those things because I cared about her as friend and hated seeing her get hurt."

"Maybe you could have. But I don't think that's the case."

Barry didn't want to think about this. There was a growing pain in his heart, and the longer this conversation went on, the more it burned.

"I love Iris, Joe. Even with Linda and Patty, I have always loved Iris. What makes you think that would change? That I would fall in love with Caitlin? That she could be the difference?"

"Linda and Patty were distractions. They were great and you cared for them, but you were only with them to distract yourself from Iris. So you could feel something other than the rejection and pain you were getting from your relationship with Iris. Caitlin was never a distraction. She was a friend who you couldn't help but fall in love with along the way. You didn't become friends with her with the intent of being with her. It came so organically and naturally that you didn't even notice it."

Joe was not holding back. He had been thinking of this for quite some time and with what Harry told him today about what happened in Star Labs a few weeks ago, he decided it was finally time to say something to Barry. Joe was sure there was something more to this, and if he knew the son that he raised like he thinks he does, he was right on the money about Barry's feelings for Caitlin. Hopefully if Barry can come to terms with the love that he lost in Caitlin, he can finally move forward.

"I raised you Barry, and I never remember teaching you that someone can only love one person."

"This is crazy Joe." Barry didn't know what to think from here. He felt the sting of tears in his eyes but he refused to let Joe see him cry.

"Barry!" Iris' voice rang in from the living room, a reminder that he was supposed to walk her home. She popped up in the kitchen doorway already wearing her coat and holding Barry's in her hand, and studied both the somber faces of her father and boyfriend. "Is…..everything ok?"

"Everything's fine baby, just talking to Barry about a case we're working on. Where's Wally?" Joe answered for the both of them. Good thing for Barry because he couldn't seem to find his voice in front of her.

"Oh, he went upstairs to facetime Jessie. And they just saw each other! Kids these day." Iris laughed and shook her head affectionately. Then she turned her attention to Barry, "Hey, you wanna get going?"

Barry took a second to clear his throat, "Sure. Let's get you home honey."

"Bye dad. I love you, see you soon!" After giving her father her hug she headed towards the front door again. Barry said good bye to Joe and went to follow her.

"Barry," Joe's voice stopped him in his track, "Think about her smile."

Barry doesn't know what Joe wanted him to accomplish by thinking of Caitlin's smile, but he didn't want to stay and ask. He met Iris at the door and she handed him his coat.

"Since when do you wear bowties?" Iris asked him.

"What?"

She opened her hand to reveal the bowtie Barry had found earlier in the evening.


Christmas Eve, 2015

"Barry?"

Barry turned around to see the pretty sight of Caitlin Snow standing behind him, hands behind her back. She was biting her lip.

Barry was at Star Labs working with Cisco and Harry to try and find a way to increase his speed. With this new speedster starting to terrorize the city, Zoom, Barry had to up his game. The fact of the matter is, with Zoom here, Barry is far from the fastest man alive.

"Hey Cait, what's up?"

"Well, I know things are crazy for you right now what with Zoom, and Joe having a kid, but it is still Christmas. Or did you forget?"

Barry chuckled with affection for the doctor; of course she would be here to remind him about reality. Remembering that her hands were placed behind her back, he took a few steps forward in excitement.

"No, I haven't forgotten. Is that a gift for me Dr. Snow?"

"Well,that depends Mr. Allen."

"On what?"

"On whether or not you have a gift for me hidden under that suit of yours. But then again, judging by how tight that thing is, it's probably a miracle you even get into it."

"Are you saying you notice how tight my suit is Cait? Scandalous! What would Jay say?"

"Why Mr. Allen! So much arrogance is unbecoming of a superhero." She paused to let out melodic laugh, Barry unable to resist joining in, "Here, take it!" she said between small giggles. Caitlin handed Barry a small box with a pristine bow on top.

"Oh Cait, I'm sorry. I didn't even get you anything."

"Barry, I was only joking before. You have an entire city to save; I don't expect you to go Christmas shopping. And even if you didn't save the city, your friendship would be enough for me every Christmas."

Barry felt an immeasurable amount of warmth fill his heart at her words. He really was too lucky to have her in his life.

"It goes both ways you know. You didn't have to get me anything. You being here is enough."

Caitlin awarded him with the sweetest smile, lighting up her face enough to put the stars to shame.

"I know, but this just makes me even more awesome. Come on, open it!"

Barry chuckled and lifted his hand to open the box. Inside was a crimson bowtie. Barry picked it up and examined it with a grin.

"Do you like it? I know you like the color but I also know that you don't wear bowties. I just thought, you know, New Year, new you? I mean not a completely new you of course, your perfect just the way you are, but I thought this would be a fashion statement! Plus I've already analyzed it and I'm pretty sure you're one of only 3 guys in the world who can pull of a bowtie on a regular basis. Not that you have to wear it all the ti-"

Barry cut her off with a hug.

"I love it Cait," he whispered in her ear. 'Did she just shiver?' "This is perfect. Thank you" As pulled he pulled away, Barry brought the bowtie to his neck, testing it out.

"You're Welcome. You'll have to learn how to tie it, of course. I can show you later if you'd like?"

"Yeah Cait, I would like that."

"Okay."

"Okay."

As Cisco called Barry and Caitlin to his work room not a minute later, Barry put it inside the desk drawer for safe keeping. Two days later, Zoom broke his back.

Present Time


"Barry? Hun?" Barry snapped back into reality. Iris was still holding up the bowtie with an arched brow.

"Oh, uh, just thought I'd try something new" he said taking the bowtie from her.

"Oh, I think it'll look cute. I could teach you how to tie it if you want? I had to learn so I could help dad out for formal events."

Barry opened the door for Iris and they headed out the door.

"No, it's fine. I, uh, already know how."

Iris just shrugged and they flashed off to her apartment.

As Barry was lying in bed that night, he realized what Joe was trying to accomplish when he told Barry to think of her smile.


So what did you think? I love Joe West and I love the relationship he and Barry have! I'm totally biased because to me, Joe is Barry's dad, end of story. Henry is great, but he's not Joe. So we go out first Caitlin interaction! Yes, it was a flashback, but a very cute flashback lol. And I wasn't even planning on giving the flashback at all in the chapter but when I did, I struggled with whether I should put it in the beginning when he first find the bowtie, or after Joe's talk with Barry. In the end, it felt more intense to put it right after Joe told Barry to think about her. Through Joe, I hope I was able to portray the fact that loving two people is very much possible. Trust me, I know from experience. It's unfortunate our Barry has to learn about it this way.

In regards to the bowtie, for those of you who aren't comic readers you should know that Barry Allen loves to wear this particular accessory on a regular basis. It sets him apart from all the other heroes in my humble my opinion! I can't imagine the writers for the show won't have him don it. So to me, having Caitlin be the reason our Barry starts wearing it is extremely significant and heart-wrenching! Every day when he puts it on, he'll think of her. If he can learn how to tie it of course ;)in

in other news, i hope you all know (even if you don't watch Supergirl) that in episode 18 of season 2, Barry was training with the tachyon device and went into "Earth-3" to meet Supergirl! And thus you have the Flash/Supergirl crossover that was aired on season 1 episode 18 of Supergirl!

And what do you guys think of Iris? Am I doing her justice? Like I said, I love all the characters on this show and she is definitely included. I adored comics Iris, and Candice P's portrayal of her makes me love her even more. The WA relationship to me is super cute (that kiss at the end of season 2 was beautiful), but I just can't help but see the sparks in SnowBarry. They are so intense.

Ok, end long ass author's note! Please let me know your thoughts!