Lily's first month at Hogwarts seemed to fly by. Between learning her way around the enormous castle, staying on top of the pile of assigned work, avoiding James Potter, and catching up on four years' worth of gossip from Alice and Marlene, she barely had time to squeeze in three meals a day.

Despite her crammed schedule, Lily found time to write a lengthy letter to her father and a less lengthy one to Petunia every week. Mr. Evans responded promptly in turn; Petunia had yet to send Lily anything. But still every Saturday morning she trekked up to the owlery in order to send the letters.

She was on her way back from one such trip in early October, internally debating whether she should continue to send letters to Petunia.

She doesn't respond, she obviously doesn't care. It's a waste of time. A voice in her head said.

But she's still your sister, another voice argued. She might still come around; it's too early to give up.

It's been a full month!

Tuney has always taken a long time to get used to new things. She doesn't like change, it isn't fair to blame her for it; it's just the way she is.

"Oof!" Lily smacked into something solid and fell with a crash to the floor. She looked up to see two boys who Marlene had pointed out to her the second day of school.

"Evans," Mulciber leered at her. "Fancy seeing you around."

Lily made to stand up, but he put a foot on her chest, pinning her to the ground. She kicked her legs out furiously.

"Let me go!" she spat.

"Nick," the other boy, Evan Rosier, admonished his friend. "If someone comes—"

"No one's going to come," Mulciber snapped before turning his attention back to Lily. He pulled his wand out from his pocket and pointed it at her face. "You're rather pretty for a mudblood, Evans," he hissed, fingering his wand. "I've never had such a pretty doll to test some of my new spells on. Fancy we give it a go?"

"Get off her!" a voice shouted from down the hall. Lily twisted and heard heavy footfalls heading towards her. "Leave her alone, Mulciber! Or it'll be detention."

"Lupin," Mulciber sneered. "That's right, you're a prefect, aren't you? Well, I suppose if it'll make our wonderful prefect happy." He stomped down on Lily's chest—hard—his lips twisting into a smile as she yelped in pain before removing his foot from her. "Until next time, Red," he smirked at her.

Lily closed her eyes and lay back on the ground until she heard Mulciber and Rosier's footsteps fade away.

"Are you okay, Lily?" Remus asked, bending down and crouching over her. His face was twisted in concern as his grey eyes filled with sympathy. "Do you need the hospital wing?"

"No, no," she assured him, sitting up and trying to conceal her wince of pain. "I'll be fine. I was more startled than anything."

Remus held out a hand and helped her to her feet. They started walking slowly towards the Great Hall, though neither said where they were going.

"You have to be careful when you're alone," he told her, placing an arm around her waist to gently support her shaky steps. "I know you can handle yourself and I know Hogwarts is one of the safest place in the wizarding world for muggle-borns but there are still people here who would harm you without batting an eye, Lily."

"I know," she sighed. "I forget about it sometimes, though. And it's complete bullocks I can't even send a bloody letter without having to worry about someone trying to attack me."

"I know," Remus said, giving her a small smile. "Just be careful, okay?"

"I will be," she said, grinning back at him. They reached the entrance to the Great Hall. Standing in the doorway, evidently waiting for someone, were James and Sirius. They both turned in time to see Remus and Lily walk towards them, Remus' arm still around Lily's waist. Lily saw James stiffen slightly, his eyes staring at Remus' arm around her and his jaw tightening. Lily felt Remus slowly slide his arm from her and drop it to his side, staring at the floor.

"Moony!" Sirius called, evidently unaware of the tension which had just settled over his three companions. We've been waiting for ages," Sirius complained. "What in Merlin's name took you so long?"

"Ran into a spot of trouble with Mulciber and Rosier," Remus mumbled, not looking at Lily. James' eyes snapped to her immediately. She noticed they looked particularly brown at that moment, instead of their usual hazel; they were narrowed into slits and glaring intently at her.

"What sort of trouble?" he growled.

"It was nothing," Lily said airily. "I got myself into a bit of a sticky situation and Remus helped me out."

"Do we need to duel anyone?" Sirius asked enthusiastically. The pulse on James' neck throbbed, as Lily knew it did when he was angry. She frowned.

"No. Don't worry about it. I'm going to eat, I'll see you later, Remus." she walked away quickly, feeling James' gaze burn into the back of her neck. She hoped he wouldn't make too much of it, either the trouble with Mulciber or whatever he thought was going on with her and Remus.

But he's James, she thought resignedly. Of course he's going to make too much of it.

Marlene and Alice weren't at the Gryffindor table but Lily spotted Mary MacDonald, who waved at her, and took a seat next to her. She grabbed a piece of toast and frowned at it. She had been avoiding James ever since she had accidentally blurted out she loved him in the abandoned classroom. The memory of the incident made her face flame up as though it had happened ten minutes ago and not almost a month ago. To her relief, he hadn't badgered her after that, though whether that was because he was horrified by her admission or intimidated by it she had no idea. To date the closest he had come to reaffirming his feelings for her had been his murderous expression upon seeing Remus' arm slung around her.

Lily frowned again as she chewed her toast. He had probably moved on, and his expression out by the doorway had just been a fluke. Yes, that's it, she decided. It's not that he feels anything for me, he just doesn't like seeing me with another bloke. It's probably a pride thing. And the fact that it's one of his friends.

She finished breakfast in a much better mood than she had started it, content that she had figured out what was going on with James.


"You're late," Severus noted sullenly as Lily slid into the seat opposite him at a table in the library. There were hardly any other students there as it was a Saturday evening. Marlene and Alice were having a gobstones tournament with the Marauders and invited Lily, but Severus had already asked her to meet in the library.

"Sorry," Lily said hastily when she arrived in the deserted library, taking out her transfiguration essay. "It's been a long day."

"Oh?" Severus raised an eyebrow. "Is Potter still bothering you?"

"No," she said quickly, annoyed at how he always assumed James was at fault. "It's actually your friends. Mulciber and Rosier tried to attack me this morning."

Severus paled and his eyes dropped to the table in front of him. "Oh."

Lily stared at him. "Is that all you have to say?" she demanded. Severus looked up at her, his black eyes pleading.

"What do you want me to say, Lily?"

"How about ask how I am? Or explain that you're not really friends with them because I can't believe you would stoop so low as to be friends with people like that?"

"Lily—"

"Severus." Her green eyes were slits as she allowed her anger to overtake her. "They tried to curse me. If Remus hadn't shown up—"

"Lupin is the one who got you?" he asked quickly, his eyes snapping up.

"Yes," she said coolly. "Why do you care?"

"No reason," he muttered. "There's just something odd about him…ill once a month…always says he's visiting his mum…"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "You want to sit here and talk about Remus' ill mum when two of your supposed mates tried to test their new curses on me?"

"Lily, they wouldn't—"

"They were going to, Sev," she said quietly. "If Remus hadn't come along I don't know what would have happened."

He said nothing to this and they spent the rest of the night working in silence.


The rest of the weekend passed in a blur of homework and a rambunctious pillow fight between Lily, Marlene, Alice and Mary. Monday afternoon found the Gryffindor fifth years walking to transfiguration. Lily and Mary were in the middle of explaining how records worked to Marlene and Alice, who were both purebloods.

"Really?" Alice asked, wide eyed, as they took their seats. "It spins and the music just—appears?"

"Well not exactly," Lily said slowly. "There's a needle on the player, you see, and as the record spins—"

"A needle plays the music?"

"No! It—"

"Ahem," McGonagall cleared her throat from the front of the room and the girls fell silent.

"If Miss Evans and Miss Fortescue are quite done with their conversation, then," the transfiguration teacher said, sending a severe look in their direction, "I'll ask you all to kindly pass up your essays."

There was a great rustling as everybody dug in their bags for their essays. Lily became more and more aggressive as she poked around in her bag and couldn't find hers. It couldn't be, she thought. She had definitely done it. In fact she had set it on her night table when she had finished—

"Oh, bloody hell," she swore under her breath.

"What?" Marlene whispered from beside her, glancing over at Lily's red face.

"I left my essay in the dorm," Lily whispered, glancing around the classroom frantically. Nearly everyone had their essays out. Any minute McGonagall would collect them. She saw James slouching in his seat, his own parchment in front of him, covered in his writing. He turned and suddenly their eyes met. Lily ducked back down and continued searching furiously through her bag.

"Lily, it's not going to appear if you keep looking," Marlene said gently. Lily huffed and sat back in her seat.

"It's not fair," she whined. "I did it! I just don't have it."

Marlene and Alice looked at her sympathetically. "Don't worry too much," Alice said, patting her shoulder. "We've all done it at some point or other."

Professor McGonagall waved her wand and the essays zoomed towards her, forming an orderly stack which she caught easily. Lily slumped in her seat, dejected. McGonagall flipped through the pieces of parchment, checking they were all there.

"Mr. Potter!" she barked, turning towards James. "I don't seem to have an essay from you."

"Yes, I'm terribly sorry about that, Professor," James said. "I did it, you see. I just seem to have left it in the library."

"You are aware I don't accept late work, Potter?" McGonagall asked.

James nodded, bowing his head. "Quite aware, Professor."

"You will receive a zero for this assignment."

James nodded once more. "It won't happen again, Professor."

With a 'hmph' McGonagall turned away and began her lecture. Lily gaped at James. His head was still bowed but he turned to face her and gave her a small smile. She felt a surge of affection for him she hadn't felt since that summer. His eyes were still that beautiful hazel…

"Lily," Marlene hissed. "But your—"

Lily elbowed her sharply in the side. "I know!" she whispered.

"Miss Evans, Miss McKinnon, would you kindly pay attention to the lesson?" McGonagall's voice rang out through the room. Both girls bent over their notes before muttering "yes, Professor."

Lily didn't hear a word McGonagall said all class. Her mind seemed incapable of producing a single thought not about James.

He turned in his essay for me. That was so sweet…

He's being arrogant and trying to win me over by pulling stunts like this!

But he really didn't have to do it. And he's taking a zero for it.

He should have just left me alone like he's been doing!

By the time McGonagall dismissed them, Lily had made up her mind. She marched over to James, who was walking out with Remus.

"You shouldn't have done that," she told him.

"But I did," he countered, his gaze level with hers with a hint of a challenge lurking behind his eyes. Remus, who seemed uncomfortable sitting on the sidelines for the conversation, doubled back and began walking with Sirius and Peter, who were watching the unfolding debate with interest.

"It was unnecessary."

"But it made you happy."

"That doesn't mean you had to do it."

"No, Lily, I didn't have to. I wanted to."

"Why?"

"Because it would make you happy, I thought I had already made that clear."

Lily sighed. "James—"

"No," he spoke over her. "You said you want me to leave you alone and I've done that. But you can't stop me from doing this. It's my choice, not yours."

They stopped walking and stood off to the side while students walked past, some looking curiously over their shoulders.

"You shouldn't have done it," Lily said again, her voice rising. "It was unnecessary and you got a zero for the assignment when you didn't deserve to and there was no reason for you to do that."

James frowned at her, his arms folded across his chest. "Look," he began hotly.

"James!" a high pitched voice carried down the corridor and both Lily and James looked up. Sarah Carroll was trotting towards them, her lips stretched in a wide smile. James immediately straightened and his hand jumped to his hair while a smirk played at his mouth.

"Oh, there you are, I've been looking all over for you," Sarah said in the same falsetto voice. She approached the two. The smile never wavered but her dark eyes narrowed, swerving from James to Lily. "What are you two doing all cozied up over here?"

Lily turned red and began to sputter about not being cozy at all, but James, with the same arrogance he had when he and Sirius waltzed around, answered haughtily.

"Oh, you know, Sarah," he said. "Evans here was just telling me how much she admires my quidditch skills."

"I was not!" Lily cried, her face turning even redder. She turned to glare at James. "I was just about to tell you how you're an arrogant berk!"

James' face fell slightly but he recovered quickly, his smile slightly more menacing this time.

"Be careful there, Evans," he said nonchalantly. "People might think you love me or something and are trying to cover it up."

Lily felt as though he had punched her. She stepped back slightly, her green eyes shining with hurt.

How could he throw that in her face? And in front of Sarah Carroll!

Feeling as though an elephant were sitting on her chest, Lily glared at him before turning on her heel and sprinting towards Gryffindor tower.

"She's a bit odd, don't you think?" she heard Sarah Carroll whisper behind her retreating back.


Lily refused to come out of the dormitory until dinner, and even that she did unwillingly. She didn't tell Marlene and Alice what had upset her. She muttered something about Petunia and let them assume what they wanted.

As they approached the Great Hall she caught sight of the four Marauders already seated at the table. Marlene, who was leading Lily and Alice, walked over and plopped herself down in the seat next to Sirius. Alice took the seat next to Marlene, leaving Lily to sit next to James. She took her seat, keeping her eyes fixed on the table. Out of the corner of her eye she saw James turn to engage Peter in a conversation about a particular quidditch match they had attended over the holidays.

The meal passed awkwardly, seeing as James and Lily refused to acknowledge each other. Lily couldn't make out if he was ignoring her because he felt guilty over what he had said in front of Sarah Carroll or because he was angry with her for rebuffing him.

It doesn't matter, she told herself angrily. He's a prick; he's proved that much.

"Evening, Evans." She stiffened at the familiar sneer. Turning around, she saw Mulciber leering at her. "Fancy meeting up later tonight? Ever since our run in, I've been itching to try out a spell—you would make a wonderful target for practice. And when we were done, if you were up to it, we could do a bit more. Really, has anyone else ever told you you're very pretty for a mudblood—"

"Go away, Mulciber," Marlene growled, reaching in her pocket for her wand. A few seats down Remus motioned as if to grab his too. Lily turned to retort but before she was all the way around Mulciber emitted a screech of pain.

"Aargh!" he cried, clutching his right eye. "What the—"

"I suggest you leave," Lily said coolly, smiling at her opponent to hide her own confusion. Mulciber's face screwed up in rage but he spotted Professor Slughorn looking at him from the staff table and slunk away.

"Who cursed him?" Lily asked, glancing at Marlene and Remus. Both raised their eyebrows.

"I thought it was you," Marlene answered. "I was just going to say congratulations."

"Me too," Remus said, looking at her curiously.

"If it wasn't either of you and it wasn't me then who was it?" Lily asked, her brows knitting together. Marlene shrugged and bit into a roll.

"Dunno," she said. "Doesn't matter, he left, didn't he?"

"I suppose," Lily said, turning back to her own plate uncertainly. As she glanced down she noticed James' wand sticking haphazardly out of his pocket. It hadn't been like that at the start of the meal, had it? It looked as though it had been stowed quickly...

Lily sighed and resumed her dinner, not saying a word the rest of the meal.


The fifth year Gryffindors walked back to the common room together. James and Sirius led the group, doing impressions of various professors as they went, causing Peter and Marlene to erupt into laughter. Alice, Remus and Lily walked behind the others, talking quietly about Mulciber's interest in Lily.

"You really shouldn't be walking anywhere alone, Lily," Alice said. "You are safe here but it's best to be cautious."

"I agree," Remus nodded. "Mulciber is deranged and his cronies do whatever he says."

"Speaking of Mulciber's cronies," Alice added, looking pointedly at Lily. "Did you tell Snape what happened this weekend?"

"Yes," Lily sighed. "He didn't say much about it."

"Meaning?" Alice's usually friendly face was stony.

"He just avoided talking about it," Lily said, staring at the ground. She felt weak, weaker than she had when Mulciber had her pinned to the ground. Why hadn't she pushed the issue with Severus further?

He's my best friend; I don't want him to hate me.

"Lily, you can't accept that from him," Remus said, putting an arm around her shoulder. "I know you said you're mates, which I don't understand, though it's your decision. But mates or not, you can't possibly want to associate someone who is friends with a person like Mulciber."

"I know," Lily muttered miserably, wanting nothing more than to curl into a ball and let Remus hug her all night. "I know, I know, I know. It's stupid and I don't know why I don't push it more but I just can't. He gets so angry and he's supposed to be my best friend—" tears pricked her eyes and she clamped her mouth shut, willing them back.

"Lily," Remus stopped walking and pulled her into a hug. She rested her head on his shoulder and let a few teardrops fall onto his shirt.

"I'm being stupid," she whispered.

"No, you're not being stupid at all," Remus answered, patting her awkwardly on the back. "You're doing what anyone would do with their best friends. You're giving him the benefit of the doubt, even though it's not the best choice."

Lily chuckled at this and paused for a moment to collect herself. "How do you understand this so well?" she asked, almost to herself.

Remus laughed and pulled away from her gently. "I think you're forgetting I'm best friends with Sirius," he said.

"Right," she said. "I see it now—"

"Oy, do you two want to get a broom closet?" the very friend Remus had just been talking of shouted from down the corridor. Lily and Remus turned to find their friends staring at them amusedly, except James who was white faced and staring stonily at the opposite wall.

"Coming!" Lily called, jogging to catch up.

They rounded the corner and nearly collided with another group.

"Watch where you're going!" James said heatedly.

"Why don't you?" Lily heard Severus' voice before she saw him. He didn't seem to have seen her. Flanked by Rosier and Urquhart, he glared at James, his sallow face pale. James' body was rigid as he glowered at Severus.

"Move along, Snivellus," he sneered.

Severus' hand dove into his pocket and pulled out his wand, which he pointed at James. Sirius moved forward, his own wand pointed at the slytherins. James too brought out his wand, though his was pointed directly at Severus.

"Severus, put your wand down." The words came out of Lily's mouth before she could stop them. She simply couldn't stand the sight of her oldest friend and her new friends pointing wands at each other. She couldn't stand Severus pointing a wand at James. She couldn't stand James glaring at Severus and using that childish nickname.

Severus stared at her before lowering his wand, his eyes narrowed. "I hope you're not planning on always hanging around these gits, Lily," he snarled. "You can do much better."

There was a flash of light and the next thing Lily saw was Severus on the ground, howling as his eyebrows grew at an alarming rate. Sirius was nearly doubled over in laughter. Urquhart and Rosier scowled and bent to help Severus up. Lily stared at James, whose chest was heaving. His wand was still pointing at the place Severus had stood.

"Take him to the hospital wing," Remus commanded Rosier and Urquhart. "And if I see either of you roaming the halls tonight, and believe me I will know if you are, you'll wish it had been you who was hexed."

The two slytherins scowled as they helped Severus up and guided him down the corridor as Severus swore at the top of his voice.

The gryffindors stared at the retreating slytherins, Sirius' laughter reverberating off the stone walls. Lily glanced back at James, whose face was still screwed up in anger. She suddenly had the urge to hit him, or jinx him, or do something to make him understand how deeply she loathed him at the moment.

He turned around and his hazel eyes were burning brightly behind his glasses. He saw her red face which was glaring so angrily at him. He scowled.

"What, Evans?"

Lily felt as though she had exploded. "You arse!" she shrieked. Around her, her friends winced and began to back away. Lily didn't care. All she cared about was the fact James Potter was cruel and a bully and had almost fooled her into thinking he was decent.

"You complete prick!" she continued to shout, tears blurring her vision. She didn't bother to wipe them away. "What did you hex him for? He'd already lowered his wand, he wasn't going to do anything and you—you—I hate you!"

James stepped forward angrily so he was looking down at her, his chest heaving and his face white with rage. Behind him, Remus and Alice were ushering the rest of the group down the corridor towards the tower.

"He deserved it," he spat. "The slimy git deserves everything he gets."

"No he doesn't!" Lily screamed. "He doesn't deserve how cruel you are to him—"

"Cruel?" James demanded. "You know what I think is cruel? Hanging around people who attack the girl who's supposed to be your best bloody friend! I think that's pretty fucking cruel. And you call me—"

"Yes I call you cruel!" The tears were streaming down Lily's face now and her breathing grew ragged as she stared at this boy who she had believed, once upon a time, to be the most wonderful person in the world. And now he was nothing more than a bully.

"You—you-" she stammered, unable to articulate what exactly she wanted to tell him. She wanted to say so many things to him. "You ruin everything!" she sobbed before ducking out under his arm and running to the common room.

She climbed through the portrait hole and found Remus and Marlene on one of the couches. Marlene was flipping through an issue of Witch Weekly and Remus seemed to be trying to finish an essay. Both looked up as Lily stumbled through.

"Lily," Marlene jumped up and wrapped an arm around her, guiding her to the couch where they sat down. Remus set aside his parchment and came over to sit by her.

"Lily, what's going on with you and James?" Marlene asked quietly. "I know you two didn't start the year off on excellent terms but it seemed like things were better until tonight."

"He—he ruined it," Lily choked out. "It was fine and then he had to go and ruin everything."

"What happened?" Marlene pressed. Lily covered her face with her hands and told them about what had happened after transfiguration and how James had cursed Mulciber and their argument in the corridor. When she finished, Remus pulled her into a hug and patted her back.

"James is kind of an idiot sometimes," he said quietly. "Especially over things he really cares about."

"He doesn't care anymore," Lily whispered. "He can't care anymore. He wouldn't do this to me if he still cared."

Remus chuckled. "Oh, Lily," he sighed. "You have a lot to learn. James cares about you more than you realize. Trust me, if you had to listen to him talk about it in the dormitory, you would know."

Lily hiccupped and leaned her head on Remus, allowing him and Marlene to take turns patting her back.

"Lils?" Marlene asked tentatively. Lily gave a small nod of acknowledgement.

"Well, I know James wasn't entirely in the right hexing Snape—Severus," the dark haired girl said slowly. "But you need to understand—you've only been hearing Snape's side of this for the last four years. He's attacked James plenty of times. It wouldn't have been too far-fetched for James to assume Snape was going to curse him the second you weren't looking."

Lily closed her eyes. She's right, her mind chided.

I know, another voice responded. You know Severus would have done it.

"And Lily?" Marlene was running her fingers through Lily's hair now. It felt nice. Her mum used to do the same thing when Lily was upset.

"Yeah, Marls?"

"Don't be too hard on James. I love the boy, but he's an idiot. He'll figure it out at some point."

"Right," Lily croaked before sitting up. She looked over at Marlene and then at Remus. Both were watching her warily. "Thank you both for doing this," she said quietly. "I'm sorry I'm a bit of a mess tonight."

"Don't worry about it," Remus said firmly, hugging her again. "You have a right to be a bit of a mess right now."

They all looked up at the sound of the portrait hole opening. James entered the common room, his face resuming its cold mask when he spotted Remus' arms around Lily.

"Moony," he said tersely. "I think it's time we went up to the dormitory."

"What if I want him to stay?" Lily challenged. James' eyes flashed but he didn't look at her. Instead, he glared at Remus, who shuffled away from Lily.

"Sorry, Lils," Remus said, giving her a small, apologetic smile. "I'll see you in the morning, alright?"

"Okay," she said resignedly before returning the smile. "Thank you again for everything, Remus."

"No problem, Lily."

Remus disappeared up the spiral staircase, followed by a stormy James. Marlene turned to Lily and raised her eyebrows.

"I'm almost jealous," she said to the redhead. "I've been trying to piss him off for years and he's always so Goddamned level-headed about everything I do. And then you come in here and you don't even have to try."

Lily felt her face flame up again but then the humor of it hit her and before she knew it she was doubled over, overcome with giggles. Marlene joined her a few minutes later and they sat there like two madwomen, cackling away on the couch.

"Oh, b-boys are ridiculous," Lily whimpered between howls of mirth.

"You got that right," Marlene said, wiping tears from her eyes. "Bloody useless, the whole lot. Well, except maybe Remus."

They laughed even harder at this, though they didn't know why. The stress and emotion of the day came pouring out in waves of riotous laughter and Lily couldn't remember a time in the last year she had felt so free. It seemed ever since her mother died she hadn't been able to just let go of everything. It felt wonderful.

"It's been a long day," Lily said to Marlene half an hour later when they trudged up the stairs to their dormitory.

"Tomorrow's going to be longer," her friend answered. "We've got double potions and double history of magic, blech."

Lily climbed into bed and it didn't matter to her if they spent the entire month in history of magic. She glanced at Sarah Carroll's sleeping figure and suddenly didn't care that the girl had been the cause of Lily's quiet humiliation. None of it mattered. Lily smiled at Alice, who was sleeping, and Marlene, who was wrestling with her bedsheets. For the first time she, Lily Evans, had wonderful friends who ate with her and comforted her and laughed with her. And that, Lily thought as she snuggled into her sheets, was something that made all the bloody terrible days bearable.


Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, reviews make me very happy please continue to send them!