November at Hogwarts slipped by quickly for Lily. She had found a steady group of friends in Marlene, Alice, and Remus, she had finally gotten used to the many nuances of living in a giant castle instead of her suburban home, and the O.W.L. examinations loomed over the heads of her and her fellow fifth years. The fact that she and James Potter were steadfastly avoiding each other also helped to occupy Lily's crammed mind.

Since the Hogsmeade visit, neither had said a word to the other. In fact, if they weren't in the same house, they may not have seen each other at all. As it was, both Lily and James were doing their very best to not interact, and save for one occasion in the Gryffindor common room when a rushing Lily ran headlong into James before sputtering a flustered apology and running off to the Great Hall, they were succeeding at ignoring each other.

This endeavor was much easier seeing as James was officially "going out" with Sarah Carroll, and therefore did not sit with the other Marauders, Marlene, Alice, and Lily at meals and often was absent from their evenings in the common room. Where the hazel-eyed boy and his squawky girlfriend were during these times, Lily did not like to imagine. She tried rather hard to pretend neither Sarah nor James existed, though this was rather difficult as Sarah Carroll had an aggravating habit of leaping into the dormitory at night, gushing in loud whispers to Emmeline Vance about all the wonderful things her James had done and all the lovely things he said.

"He told me I'm not like any girl he's ever known," Sarah proclaimed haughtily on one particularly painful night, her brown eyes staring pointedly at Lily. "He said I'm magnificent, and that he wishes I had been the first girl he kissed because then he wouldn't have had to go through all the others first."

"That's so romantic," Emmeline sighed, flopping backwards on her bed.

Lily bent down, pretending to search under her bed for a book. Her face burned; it felt as though her stomach was in her throat.

"Isn't it romantic?" she heard Sarah ask in her silly falsetto voice. Lily fought the urge to stand up and smack the smirk off the gloating girl's face. "Say, Lily?" Sarah asked suddenly with thinly veiled triumph in her voice. "Did James ever say anything like that to you?"

"Honestly, Sarah," Marlene bit out before Lily could answer. "Do you get off on being a bitch?"

Sarah scowled and tossed her blonde hair over her shoulder. "I just thought it was a worthwhile question to ask. You know, compare the old and the new."

Lily had made it a point since then to pretend to be asleep when Sarah came up, or else to stay in the common room until a late enough hour that the James-talk would be done.

To her relief, Marlene and Alice were just as irritated by the new relationship as Lily, though for entirely different reasons.

"He's like my brother!" Marlene complained every other morning as they discussed Sarah Carroll's oversharing. "I don't want to know all that! I don't want to know what kind of a snog he is!"

"You wanted to know that when it was me who was snogging him," Lily said indignantly.

"But that's you," Marlene waved off the objection. "You two would be so cute. And anyways, I've seen him snogging Sarah, it's disgusting."

"You're telling me," Alice sighed. "I've caught them in the transfiguration classroom four times! Four! Honestly, I don't know why they can't just find a new spot, I'm sure James knows about a hundred places where no one would find them."

"Maybe he wants to get caught," Marlene said slyly, glancing at Lily, who turned bright red and immediately tried to stop whatever words were coming next.

"No, Marley! I've told you this before—"

"Oh, come on, Lily," the brunette whined. "I know James, he's a jealous prat and he likes to make other people jealous when he doesn't get what he wants. Who says he's not just doing this to get under your skin?"

"Because we're not twelve," Lily said firmly. "And anyways, if he was doing it just to make me jealous, he would have stopped by now. It's not working. And there's Connor."

Connor Goldstein had been talking to Lily ever since their date in Hogsmeade. They were a something, she knew that much, although as to what exactly they were, she did not know. She liked Connor and enjoyed the time she spent with him. He made her laugh, he was smart, he was kind, he didn't bully younger students and he didn't throw fireworks in other people's cauldrons. They spent most evenings together in the library doing their work, and occasionally would meet up for a game of exploding snap. Lily knew if he asked her to be his girlfriend she would say yes; but for some reason Connor hadn't asked. She alternated between being worried she had done something wrong and convincing herself she didn't care. The worry usually won out.

"You're fine, darling," Alice soothed one fretful evening in the common room. "He's probably just nervous. Remember what he was like just asking you to go to the village with him?"

"Right, right," Lily muttered, combing her hands feverishly through her hair and rolling her eyes as James and Sarah Carroll clambered noisily through the portrait hole. "I don't know why they can't find somewhere private," she grumbled as the couple plopped themselves onto an armchair, with Sarah sitting in James lap, and began snogging unashamedly. Marlene and Sirius made gagging noises on the couch across from Lily.

"Bloody disgusting," Sirius said, scowling at his best friend and the blonde wrapped around him.

"Blech," Peter squeaked in agreement from an armchair.

"Like you don't do your share of snogging," Marlene reprimanded, turning to Sirius.

"I'm not denying it," Sirius said, though not without a trace of pride. "But I do it in the comfort and privacy of a nice broom cupboard, not out in the common room for everyone to see. And look, they're scaring the first years!" He pointed to a couple of small first years in a corner, who were staring at James and Sarah with a mixture of awe and trepidation, as though frightened to move in case they disturbed the occupied older students.

"Isn't it gross, Lilyflower?" Sirius asked. Lily's face, which had been crinkled with worry lines, smoothed and a smile appeared. Since the start of James' relationship, Lily had found herself becoming friends with Sirius Black, their mutual dislike of Sarah Carroll overshadowing her previous dislike for him.

"Absolutely disgusting," she replied, smiling. "Remus," she appealed to her favorite Marauder, who sat in an armchair nearby. "Can't you do something about it?"

Remus sighed and glanced over at his friend. "I technically could. They're really not supposed to do that here. But then I would have to actually approach them—"

"Please!"

"Fine."

It didn't matter if James snogged a hundred girls, Lily told herself as Remus moved to separate the ostentatious couple. It didn't matter to her and either way, she assured herself firmly as Sarah Carroll slithered off James' lap, her mouth twisted into a triumphant smirk. Really, Lily thought as she watched a red-faced James lean forward and plant an open-mouth kiss on Sarah Carroll, it didn't matter. The other three Marauders were wonderful friends and it didn't matter to her what James chose to do. It didn't matter at all.

While her friendship with Remus and Sirius blossomed, Lily found herself struggling to maintain her relationship with Severus. They met once a week in the library, the most inconspicuous place they could think of, in order to do homework and catch up with each other. Lily looked forward to the time she shared with her friend, though it had become rather difficult to hold a real conversation with Sev around all the tabooed topics.

As a rule since the beginning of term, neither one mentioned James nor the past summer. Severus knew not to comment on any of the other Marauders or Marlene or Alice or Connor. Lily, in turn did not say anything about Mulciber or Rosier, who had left her alone, save for an occasional hiss of Mudblood in her ear. Quidditch was avoided as that discussion usually ended in Severus ranting about James Potter's undeserved popularity. Lily didn't bring up their hometown or families as neither one had really a happy home life. Between Sev's abusive father and Petunia returning Lily's last six letter unopened, neither of them wanted to be reminded of what awaited them at home.

And so the weekly conversations at the library were stalled and often revolved around schoolwork, held in hushed voices so as not to incur the wrath of Madam Pince the librarian.

"Bertha Jorkins says you've ditched Goldstein," Severus said without preamble one night, his black eyes gleaming. "She says he never made a move and you got bored and left."

"Honestly," Lily huffed, nearly overturning an inkwell in her indignation. "Bertha Jorkins just makes these things up, I swear. As if I would ditch somebody for that!" Severus' face fell, but Lily did not see and plowed on, her voice getting louder as she worked herself up. "He's a perfectly nice person…everyone's entitled to go at their own pace. Of course I don't know why it's taking so long but it doesn't matter. And why would I ditch him for taking too long? That seems rather counterproductive, don't you think?"

"I don't know why you're so keen on him in the first place," Severus muttered, leaning forwards so his hooked nose almost touched his parchment. "There's nothing special about him at all."

"I like him," Lily said defensively. "And I'm the one who has to spend time with him, not you, so it doesn't matter at all what you think."

"Not at all?" Severus' voice was dangerously low. Lily looked up and was startled to find his eyes glaring at her with an intensity she had only seen when he spoke of his hatred for James. "It really doesn't matter to you, Lily, what your best friend thinks of the bloke you're spending so much time with?"

"I—Sev—you know that's not what I meant—"

"What did you mean then?"

"Only that you don't have to be so harsh about him! I'm the one who has to put up with him, not you, so if you could please just try to be nice. I understood it with James—"

Severus let out an angry noise from the back of his throat. "Don't talk to me about Potter," he spat. "I still can't believe you—"

"I said I was sorry," Lily cut him off, her eyes narrowed. "And I ended things with him and now he and I are barely speaking. That's what you wanted, isn't it? For me to have no interaction with him? Well it happened, congratulations. It's done." Her eyes were sparkling with unshed tears as she stared at her oldest friend, begging him to understand.

"But you still—"

"What more do you want from me, Sev?" Lily asked quietly. "I'm done with Potter. I ended it because of you. And now with Connor, he's nothing like James. Nothing at all, I promise. And you're still not happy for me and I don't know why and all I want is for my friend—my best friend to be on my side."

Severus took a deep breath and reached a hand out to cover her own with his. "I'm sorry, Lily," he said, his black eyes boring into her green ones. "I—I am happy for you. I'll just never think anyone is good enough for you, that's all."

Lily gave him a tight smile and squeezed his hand. "Thank you," she whispered.


November turned into December and the excitement of Christmas filled the castle. Lily continued about her routine, going to classes and managing homework and spending evenings either in the library with Connor or curled up on a couch with her friends in the common room. Before Lily knew it, it was the night before Christmas holidays. She stood in the dormitory getting dressed for Slughorn's Christmas party.

"I can't believe you got invited," Mary MacDonald said enviously from behind Lily.

"I still don't really know why I was," Lily admitted, turning slightly so she could see how the dark green robes Mary had loaned her fit.

"It's because you're brilliant," the brunette answered immediately, giving Lily a quick smile and reaching out to adjust the hem of the robes. Mary was unfairly forgotten, Lily decided. The girl, who had light brown hair and blue eyes, was kind and generous and smart and all the other good things which usually attracted many friends, but somehow, maybe because of her quiet demeanor and shyness, Mary was always on the outskirts of the group. She didn't seem to have any particular friends. She hung around with Marlene and Alice and Lily sometimes, but she was found with Emmeline and Sarah just as often. Lily had been nice to her, but not overly affectionate, and yet when she asked haltingly to borrow a set of robes for the party Mary had offered up a set without hesitation, and now sat before her proclaiming Lily's virtues back to her without a trace of anything except good natured, friendly jealousy.

"You look stunning, Lily," Mary breathed from the foot of her bed where she now sat criss-cross, gazing up at the redhead who truly did look arresting in the green robes which brought out the pale flush on her cheeks and the brightness of her green eyes.

"Thank you," Lily blushed brighter at the compliment, still unsure of herself. Dress robes looked so odd compared to muggle clothes, she wasn't sure if she looked presentable or not.

"Connor's going to be speechless," Mary said. The door to the dormitory opened and Lily turned, hoping to find Marlene arriving in order to get dressed. Her heart sank, though, as Sarah Carroll entered, holding in her arms a swathe of turquoise fabric which Lily presumed to be the girl's dress robes.

"My, you look interesting!" Sarah chirped when she saw Lily standing in front of the mirror. She smiled quickly and immediately began changing into her nicer clothes.

"Thank you," Lily said stiffly, brushing nonexistent dust from her lap. "I didn't know you were invited to the party."

"I'm not," Sarah said, her grin growing wider. "But James is, you know as he is so very talented at potions and so well-liked, really I can't imagine how Slughorn could even think of not inviting him!"

"Oh," Lily choked out, moving to fasten a silver charm bracelet, a gift which Petunia had given her a few years ago, around her wrist.

"Yes, and you know as he is my boyfriend, it's only natural that he would take me as his guest."

Click the clasp slipped into place, catching a bit of Lily's skin with it. "Of course," she said pleasantly as she winced and rubbed her wrist.

The door flew open again and Marlene came racing into the dormitory, falling to her knees and digging through her trunk for her robes.

"Oh, buggar, I left the gold ones at home!" she said, half to herself. "I suppose I could wear the blue…no but I don't…oh!" she withdrew a set of scarlet robes and held them up.

"What do you think?" she asked Lily, twirling around the dormitory with the robes still held up against her.

Lily laughed. "You would look spectacular in those and you know it."

"Yes I do," Marlene agreed, beginning to change. "I just wanted a second opinion on it. You know, in case I was wrong."

"You all look wonderful," Mary said from her corner of the room. "I wish I could go to one of these sometime, they seem like so much fun."

"They're alright," Marlene said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. "It's a lot of people schmoozing with famous people and Slughorn drinking too much mead. If you want to go, though, I'll bring you next time, Mare. Unfortunately, I've already invited Remus to this one, but next time I'm all yours."

"Really?" Mary's blue eyes lit up as her face broke into a smile. "Oh, that would be wonderful!"

"No problem," Marlene waved it off and turned back to the mirror. With a flick of her wand, her dark brown hair was curled. With a swipe of mascara and red lipstick to match her dress, Marlene pronounced herself ready.

"You've got to show me how to do the hair thing," Lily muttered as they walked down the spiral stairway. "I spent half an hour trying to get my hair right. It's a right pain."

"You look divine anyways," Marlene said. "I almost don't want to teach you because then you'll definitely outshine me at everything."

They arrived in the common room in time for Remus to see Lily punch Marlene playfully in the arm.

"Always so ladylike," he joked, taking Marlene's arm and offering Lily his free one, which she took.

"Oh, you know, gotta teach Evans a few lessons now and then to remind her who's in charge," Marlene said, earning a pinch from Lily behind Remus' back as they moved through the portrait hole and began walking to Slughorn's office.

"Ow!" Marlene howled, scowling at the laughing redhead. "Watch it, or else when we see Connor I'll—"

"What's this about me?"

They stopped and Lily's heart leapt as she saw Connor waiting by a tapestry, his black dress robes meticulous and his hair neatly combed back. She let go of Remus and strode over to her date, who bent down to drop a kiss on her cheek.

"You look stunning," he whispered before straightening up. Lily blushed and allowed Connor to wrap an arm around her waist. The four of them all walked together to Slughorn's office.

"You two go in," Connor said to Marlene and Remus, holding Lily still beside him. "We'll be in in a moment."

Lily's friends glanced curiously at her for a second but turned and entered the party. When the door had closed behind them, Connor turned to Lily and took her hands in his.

"Er, Lily?" he asked, his face turning red and the easy confidence from earlier giving way to the embarrassment which she remembered fondly from when he had first asked her out.

"Yes?" she asked in what she hoped was an assuring tone.

"I, er, well I wanted to ask you something." Connor fidgeted with her fingers which were encased in his, his eyes staring nervously at the floor between them. "Dyawannabmygirfred?" he mumbled in one breath.

"Excuse me?" Lily asked quickly. Her own cheeks were beginning to feel warm but she didn't care because the light feeling in her chest, the joy which she felt, was so uplifting, if he had asked what she thought he had.

"Do you want to be my girlfriend?" Connor asked slower this time, his face scarlet. Lily could practically see the steam pouring off his roasting cheeks. His eyes grew wider as he looked at her like a scared deer. "I, er, it's fine if you don't, but, er, well we've been spending a lot of time together and I—I really like you, Lily, and I think you're so pretty and smart and—"

"Connor, I'd love to," she broke in, standing on tip toes to press a quick kiss to his cheek. Connor gazed at her for a second, absorbing her answer, before breaking into a grin and seizing her upper arms to pull her in for a hug.

"Oh, this is the best! You're my girlfriend now, wow—"

"Can this touching moment take place somewhere else?" a bored drawl rang out behind them. Connor released Lily and she turned around to see a giggling Sarah Carroll and stony-faced James Potter, who was glaring at the spot where Connor's hands had been on Lily's arms.

"You're blocking the door," the bespectacled boy said tersely.

"Sorry about that, mate," Connor said, his face still plastered with the same wide smile. He moved to the side and pulled Lily with him in order to make way for James and Sarah. James stalked into the party without looking at either of them, with Sarah close behind, waggling her eyebrows at Lily.

"So, er, should we go in?" Lily asked, twisting the silver bracelet on her wrist. Seeing James had unnerved her.

Why was he so angry?

She followed Connor inside Slughorn's office, which had somehow been magically enlarged as there seemed to be fifty people milling around. Servers weaved between guests, holding trays full of pasties and cakes and flutes of butterbeer. Lily quickly spotted Marlene and Remus standing by a high-top table and made her way over with Connor close behind.

"So?" Marlene prodded as they approached, her knowing smile directed at Lily. "What's the news?"

"We're together," Lily told her friends, her beaming face swiveling between her friends. "Officially."

"Oh, that's fantastic!" Marlene cried, reaching out to hug Lily. "And hey," the brunette peered around her friend to point a finger at Connor, who looked taken aback. "If you do anything to hurt her, you'll have me plus the Marauders after you."

"I won't do anything, I promise," Connor said, looking as though he weren't sure whether the threat was a joke or not. Lily herself was not sure.

Remus grabbed four flutes of butterbeer from a nearby server and handed them around.

"Alice said she would meet us here," Marlene told Lily after taking a hearty swig from her glass. "She and Frank wanted to 'spend some quality time together' before arriving."

"Blech," Lily said. "You'd think they've been together for six years, not six weeks. So they're shacking up in a broom cupboard as we speak?"

"At least they've got better manners than some of our friends," Remus said, pointing to James and Sarah, who were in a fierce liplock at a nearby table and attracting several onlookers.

"Hey, those are your friends, not mine," Lily said.

"Lily," Remus began, tilting his head towards her in sympathy. "Come on, you know that's not—"

"Oy! I found them! Pete, over here!" Sirius came striding over to the group, wearing a pair of silver dress robes. Lily couldn't help thinking how handsome he was when he tried to be.

"How did I guess that Prongs would be too busy snogging that Cornish pixie to notice I got in?" Sirius huffed, looking slightly put out at not being able to share his victory.

"How did you get in?" Marlene asked, her brow furrowed. "I thought you weren't invited?"

"We weren't," Sirius said proudly. "We're gatecrashers."

"That's right!" Peter said, looking very pleased with himself. "We snuck in."

"Won't Slughorn kick you out?" Connor asked from behind Lily. He placed a hand on her waist as he spoke, tugging her back slightly so her shoulders touched his chest.

"Nah," Sirius said. "He probably won't remember that I'm banned from these."

"You're banned?" Lily asked in disbelief, blinking at Sirius. The black haired boy laughed, brushing hair off his forehead and grinning at her.

"That I am, Lilyflower," he said. "Shocking, I know. I had a bit too much to drink at one and what would you know but I found myself on the dance floor trying to convince a ministry official's wife to kiss me."

Connor and Lily both erupted into laugher at the story, while the others chuckled over the old memory.

"Hello everyone!" the laugher subsided immediately as they looked warily at Sarah Carroll, whose lipstick was smeared and who was leading a very disgruntled-looking James over to them.

"Hey," Remus said quickly, glancing around at everyone else. Marlene and Sirius were both looking at Sarah in annoyance. Peter looked blank. Marlene was skeptical and Lily was searching for an excuse to leave.

"I thought it would be lovely for us to come over and chat a bit with Jamie's friends!" Sarah said brightly, pulling James into the group. He glanced sheepishly around, his hazel eyes falling to look at the ground when they landed on Lily.

"Jamie?" Sirius asked, perking up a bit at the sound of the nickname. "Yes," he said slowly, a smile appearing on his face. "We'd love to talk to Jamie."

"Shut it, Padfoot," James said, staring at the table.

"But Jamie—" the two boys then began talking as though nothing was amiss, James roaring with laughter over Sirius and Peter crashing the party.

Remus turned to Lily and Connor, asking about their plans for the holidays. And so, with the palpable tension broken, the party went on.

"Evans, what's on your bracelet?" Sirius asked from across the table.

"They're charms," Lily said, undoing the clasp and holding the jewelry out to show Sirius, who immediately took it and held it up to his face, examining the tiny charms.

"Why are they all—"

"Oh what is he doing here?" Sarah Carroll cut in, pointing at a new arrival who looked very out of place in his black school. Severus saw her point and scowled, making his way past the table and not looking at any of the Gryffindors, not even Lily.

"Severus was invited," Lily said coldly, glaring at her roommate as she watched her friend walk away.

"Oh, was he?" Sarah asked, her irritating smile once again playing at her lips. "I didn't know. I heard from Bertha Jorkins he' wants to join up with You Know Who, is it true?"

Lily balled her hands into fists. How dare this girl come over here and start talking about Severus like this? She looked furiously at Marlene, who was staring at Lily with thinly veiled anticipation.

To Lily's surprise, Connor laid a hand on her shoulder before answering. "He's not," his voice rumbled. Sarah looked at him in surprise.

"How would you know?" she asked, her brown eyes trained on his hand, which still laid protectively on Lily.

"My girlfriend says he's not. And I trust Lily's judgement," Connor said simply. Lily felt like she could have kissed him. So she did. She didn't care that they were at Slughorn's party or that all her friends stood around her. She turned around and met Connor's lips with hers. His hands moved to her waist and he responded eagerly. Her hands twisted around his neck…

"Aargh!"

Lily whipped around in time to see Severus crash to the ground ten feet away, his arms flailing. Across from her, James held his wand out, not bothering to hide it. His hazel eyes were murderous as he glared down at the slytherin on the floor.

His eyes met Lily's and he opened his mouth but she had already turned on her heel and grabbed Connor by the sleeve of his dress robes. Without a word Lily stalked away from her friends, who were all staring around at one another.

"Lils, where are we going?" Connor asked, trying to catch her around the waist and stop her. "What just happened? First you kissed me, and it was bloody amazing and then Snape fell and now you're walking away and just—did I do something?"

Lily finally stopped and faced Connor, guilt eating at her chest at his words. She put a hand on his. "No, you didn't do anything," she said quickly. "I just—Severus is a friend of mine and James is always doing that. I had to leave."

Connor nodded slowly and pulled her in towards him. "Can I have a little warning next time?" he asked with a chuckle. Lily laughed.

"Yeah, I'll try to give you a five minute heads up."

"That's all I ask," he said.

Lily smiled and looked at his hand in hers. He was wonderful.

"Oh, shit," she groaned, staring at her hand. "I left my bracelet there. I'll be right back." She quickly detached herself from Connor and walked quickly back to the table. James and Sarah had departed, leaving the remaining Marauders and Marlene standing around the table.

"Back so soon?" Remus asked in surprise.

"I left my bracelet," Lily explained, looking at Sirius. "Can I have it?"

"I set it on the table," Sirius told her. Lily glanced at the wood table, the table with no bracelet on it.

"Sirius…" she warned.

"No, really!" the boy said swiftly, raising his hands in surrender. "I set it down right here, between me and James before you left. I thought you'd grabbed it and I didn't see."

"So it's not here?" Lily asked, scanning the floor desperately.

"I'll bet you James took it," Marlene said, grinning at Sirius. "Something to remember you by."

"Don't be stupid, Marls," Lily snarled from the ground. "Why would he do that? No, it's lost and I have to find it. My sister gave it to me and now—"

"I'm sure it's somewhere," Remus said. "We can always ask Slughorn later if anyone found it."

Lily nodded, still searching the ground for it. "Yeah," she said quietly. "Yeah, it's somewhere."

The bracelet, as it turned out, was not anywhere. No one had seen it since Sirius set it down. Slughorn let them all stay late and look for it but it was no good. Lily's bracelet was gone. With this on her mind, Lily was in a very gloomy mood as she boarded the Hogwarts Express for the Christmas Holidays.

"It'll turn up," Remus promised as he hugged her goodbye.

"I know," Lily said into his shoulder. "It was just special to me, I'd like to have it back."

"Well, you'll get it, don't worry. Merry Christmas, Lily."

"Merry Christmas, Remus."


AT home, Lily's mood did not improve. Her father tried valiantly to be cheerful and merry for the season, but Lily could see his heart wasn't in it and he retired early to his room that night. Sitting alone in the kitchen, Lily turned the television to her favorite station and ate cereal directly from the box. She was still there at eleven when Petunia returned home from one of her friends' houses.

"Hello," the older girl greeted Lily stiffly.

"Hi, Tuney," Lily responded, barely looking up from the television. She had been waiting for her sister, she knew, though would never admit. Petunia could send back her letters unopened, but at home she would have to talk to her. "Dad's been in his room since six."

"He does that a lot now," Petunia said, taking a seat beside Lily and sighing as she did before she told Lily everything that she did wrong. Lily turned her attention to the television. The last thing she needed right now was for Petunia to start lecturing her about how irresponsible it was to go away to boarding school when their father was still grieving.

"I have some news," Petunia said quietly.

"Hm?" Lily mumbled.

"I'm engaged.

A beat. Lily slowly set down the cereal box and turned down the volume of the television.

"You're what?"

"I'm engaged," Petunia said again. "To Vernon. Remember, you met him over the summer." Lily cringed at the memory. She had met Vernon Dursley just before their mother had died. He was a large, mustached man, with no imagination and a love of showing off his small, meaningless successes. Lily hated him.

"That's nice," she said slowly. Petunia was getting married. Petunia was getting married.

"The wedding will be this summer."

"Oh, yeah, people like to get married in the summer."

"Mum always wanted you to be a bridesmaid for me."

"So am I going to be one?"

Petunia looked at Lily sharply and for a moment, the redhead was strongly reminded of Professor McGonagall appraising her before giving a compliment. "I would like you to be," Petunia said finally. Something inside of Lily perked up at her sister's words. "But there's a condition," Petunia finished.

Lily's heart sank. "What's the condition?" she asked.

"Come home."

"Tuney—"

"No, Lily, no!" Petunia's voice cracked. "Please, come home. Be my sister, be dad's daughter. Be part of this family again. I want you to be here, I don't know what to do about Dad; everything feels so different with Mum gone. Give up the magic nonsense. Come back."

"Tuney, I can't." Lily's voice shook. The guilt she had felt this summer came rushing back.

"Please, Lily." Petunia's eyes sparkled and tears began rolling down her face. Lily turned to face her and suddenly wished she hadn't.

"I can't," she whispered. "It's a part of me. I can't just give it up. I have to be there, I have to be there and learn what there is for me to learn."

"No you don't!" Petunia shrieked, jumping up from her chair. "You don't have to at all! You can come home, Lily, you can go to school and be just like us! Please, Dad needs you. He can't deal with this on his own and I don't know to help him. I need you! I can't do this by myself."

Lily watched in horror as her sister, who was always so stoic, sank down to the floor in a puddle of tears and wept. Lily carefully approached the crying blonde and knelt beside her.

"Tuney, I know it's frightening and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry you have to do this. But magic isn't something I can just give up. I have to go to Hogwarts. I'm sorry."

"Then I can't put you in the wedding," Petunia said, her face red and puffy. "I need more than an apology Lily. I need you here. I need my sister."

"I need my sister too, Petunia!" Lily cried, reaching out for her. Petunia recoiled, moving back against the wall.

"Don't—don't!"

"Tuney—"

"Don't call me that! You've made your choice Lily, and I've made mine. You've chosen to be a freak. You've chosen to put the freaks over your family. You're not my sister anymore."

"Please, Petunia, we can—"

"No," Petunia said, standing up shakily and glaring at Lily. "We can't." and with that she turned around and stalked up to her bedroom, leaving Lily on the kitchen floor.


"Thanks for meeting me," Lily said.

"You sounded like you needed to talk," Severus replied. They were sitting in the grass by a playground. Lily's eyes were still red from crying and her hair was wild from running her hands through it so many times.

"Petunia said I'm not her sister anymore," she whispered. Severus looked sharply at her.

"Lily, forget about her—"

"No, Sev! She's my sister. I can't just forget about her."

"She doesn't understand—"

"Exactly!" Lily cried, falling back to lie in the grass. "No one understands. No one gets it. Except maybe you and a few of the Gryffindors."

"What don't they understand?" Severus asked, peering at her from his seat next to her. Lily drew in a shaky breath.

"I'm all alone," she said quietly. "I thought I could be a part of both worlds but I can't really be part of the muggle world while I'm a witch."

"But you're part of the wizard world!" Severus protested, reaching a hand out towards her. Lily took it and sat up, wiping her eyes with the back of her palm.

"But not really," she said. "There are people who don't want me there, just like Petunia doesn't want me here. And they're your friends!" she narrowed her eyes at the last part, a hint of accusation threading her words.

"Lily—"

"You told me it wouldn't matter, Sev!" her voice broke as she cast his worst lie back to him. Severus winced. He hated seeing her cry.

"Lily." He scooted closer and put an arm on her shoulder. Her crying subsided and he continued with the sentence he had rehearsed countless times, ever since he had first realized that his friends would go after her. "When I said it doesn't matter if you're muggle-born, I meant it doesn't matter to me," he said firmly. "And it doesn't matter to the people who are important to you."

She nodded, leaning back into his shoulder. They sat in silence for several minutes, watching the still playground where they used to play as children.

"You're my best friend, Lily," he said quietly in the darkness.

"You're my best friend too, Sev," she replied.


Christmas day came and Lily spent the morning opening an array of presents from her family and a few sent by her friends. Marlene and Alice had chipped in to buy her a set of dress robes. Sirius and Remus sent her a box of chocolate. Connor had sent her a very nice quill, as she had been complaining the week before that hers needed to be replaced.

The biggest surprise, however, came just as Lily was going to bed that night. A large, snowy owl she had never seen before arrived at her window bearing a small package. The package had no letter attached and there was no card. Curiously, Lily opened it and found inside a silver bracelet, much like the one she had just lost, except that this one did not have charms on it, just a small peridot gem which hung like a teardrop. It was beautiful.

After Christmas, the rest of the holidays passed quickly and uneventfully. Lily breathed a sigh of relief when she was back at the castle, away from her grieving father and Petunia's pointed glares. Lily embraced Marlene and Alice fervently when she found them. Both gave her a long hug and sympathetic pats when she told them what Petunia had said to her. Marlene went so far as to offer to curse Vernon Dursley before his wedding, an offer Lily considered but ultimately refused.

More than Lily's family affairs, though, both girls were fascinated to hear about Lily's strange present. She wore the bracelet upon her return. The green gem went brilliantly with her eyes. Marlene was the first to notice it, yanking Lily's wrist up from the arm of the couch while they sat in the common room.

"Where did you get this?" the brunette demanded, glancing quickly over at James and Sirius, who were deep in conversation by the fireplace. Lily shrugged and tugged her hand back.

"It came on Christmas. No note, nothing even saying merry Christmas. I have no idea who it's from, but it's so pretty."

"Hm," Marlene mumbled, leaning back pensively.

"Are you sure you should have kept it?" Alice asked worriedly. "What if it was cursed or something?"

"I suppose I would know by now, wouldn't I?" Lily answered, glancing down at her bracelet and feeling slightly silly for not having thought of that first.

"You don't suppose—"

She was cut off by heavy footsteps running towards them. Lily looked up to see Frank Longbottom pushing past first years as he headed towards the three girls.

"Alice! Marlene!" he panted as he approached the couch. "Lily, everyone! You have to come, I just got McGonagall and then came right here. Mary's been attacked!"

"What?" Marlene asked, her eyes wide as she stared at Frank. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Sirius and James approach.

"What's happened?" James asked, striding over to Frank, the concern evident in his eyes. Frank took a deep breath and turned to the fifth years, his face pale.

"Mary MacDonald has been attacked."


Author's Note: Thank you so much for all your wonderful feedback! I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas! This chapter was written over a couple of stressful days and it's kind of a hodge-podge of different stuff and I'm not really sure how I feel about it, but a lot of it is necessary to future plot development. So my apologies in advance if ths read as scattered and unorganzied.

As always please review!

xDawn Snowx I'm glad you like it thank you for your reviews!

Jilyforeva thank you! I hope you still like the storyline, I'm trying to put in more plot that doesn't revolve solely around James and Lily.

VileMalfoys thank you so much for your comments, I hope you liked this chapter!

GirlnRed Thank you! Right now I definitely want to write all the way up to seventh year and that's going to be my goal.