Lily burst into the hospital wing, followed closely by the rest of the fifth year Gryffindors and Frank Longbottom. Madam Pomfrey was crouched over a bed nearby, with McGonagall standing a few feet away. Lily rushed towards the nurse.
"Is this-?" Lily began as she neared the bed. McGonagall looked up at her sharply and her thin mouth tightened in a grimace.
"Miss MacDonald is here, Miss Evans," the witch said grimly, gesturing towards the figure no longer obscured by Madam Pomfrey. Lily looked over at her roommate nervously, unsure of what she would find. To her relief, Mary looked relatively unharmed. Lily felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to find Marlene behind her, her eyes trained on Madam Pomfrey, who now addressed the anxious Gryffindors.
"She's going to be okay," the nurse said kindly, offering them a small smile. "Professor McGonagall found her quickly, before any further harm could be done. She'll have to stay overnight, of course, but she should be perfectly fine."
"Did you catch the perpetrators?" Sirius asked roughly, looking at Professor McGonagall.
"The students involved were apprehended and are currently meeting with Professor Dumbledore," she said curtly, moving to adjust her hat before turning back towards the nurse. "Is everything in order, then, Poppy?"
"Yes, I believe so," Pomfrey answered, corking a vial containing a magenta potion and placing it on the table beside Mary's bed. "She just needs to rest."
"Very well," McGonagall said as she adjusted her robes and swept a stern gaze over the group of students. "I trust you'll send my students to bed when they've overstayed their welcome."
"Of course," Madam Pomfrey replied shortly, moving to walk beside McGonagall as the latter exited the hospital wing.
As soon as the two older witches were out of earshot, Marlene straightened and opened her mouth. "Those Slytherin pricks did this, I know it."
"This reeks of Mulciber," Sirius growled in agreement, glancing over at Mary's unconscious form. "Going after muggle-borns at school? He's always been nasty, but this is—"
"Awful," Remus said hollowly, looking up and locking eyes with Lily, whose thoughts were tangled and twisted within her mind.
"I can't believe this is happening," she whispered, looking over at small, kind Mary MacDonald, who had committed no crime other than being born to muggle parents and was now lying unconscious in the hospital wing.
"Lily?" Alice squeaked from where she stood, wrapped up in Frank's arms. The blonde was peering at her friend with concern, searching for the fear she had surely seen flit across Lily's face. "You're still safe here, you know that, right?"
"Yes," Lily said, looking away from Alice. Yes, she was safe at Hogwarts and she knew that. Yet somehow this attack made her question how long that safety which she took for granted would hold out.
"Er, Lily," Marlene broke in, speaking hesitantly. "This isn't the right time, but do you happen to know where Severus was tonight?"
"No," Lily said quickly, furrowing her brow in confusion. "Why—oh," her face lit up with understanding and quickly clouded over. "You—he wouldn't—Severus wouldn't do something like this."
"Are you sure?" Marlene pressed. "I know you're friends with him, Lily, but are you—"
She was interrupted by a loud, trumpet-like sound followed by several hiccups and they all turned to see Sarah Carroll, supported by James and Emmeline Vance, sobbing hysterically.
"It's so t-t-terrible," she blubbered into James' shirt while he awkwardly patted her on the back, looking unsure of himself. Lily stared at them, trying hard to ignore the tightness in her stomach and the taste of bile in her mouth.
"Honestly!" Marlene cried. Lily turned and saw that her usually affable friend had gone red in the face as she glared at Sarah Carroll, not even bothering to disguise her look of disgust. "James, will you tell your girlfriend to get a bloody grip?"
James scowled at Marlene and bent lower over Sarah, whispering comforting words in her ear as he continued to pat her back. Lily simply stared numbly. She wished the floor would open and swallow her up. She wanted to get angry like Marlene, or cry like Sarah; anything would be better than the numb apathy which had washed over her.
"Lily, are you okay?" she heard a soft voice ask. Looking up, she saw James' hazel eyes trained on her, flooded with the same sympathy and understanding they had offered over the summer. Lily's heart caught in her throat for a moment; that sympathy was no longer for her. That was just the way it had to be; she could no longer accept his understanding.
"Yes," she forced out, quickly averting her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine." She raised her hand to tuck a lock of hair behind her ear. The bracelet around her wrist jingled and the green gem flashed in front of Lily's green eyes. James' eyes followed the bracelet's movement and a curious expression came over his face, but just as quickly it disappeared and he turned back towards his sniffling girlfriend.
Lily suddenly felt as though she were intruding on something private and moved to the chair beside Mary's bed, lowering herself wearily into it. Her housemates continued to buzz with whispered conversation behind her. She heard Frank quietly reassuring Alice, Peter and Remus trying to calm down the energetic Marlene and Sirius who were brainstorming ways to get revenge on the slytherins, and Sarah Carroll whining between renewed sobs that she wanted to go back to the common room.
"I c-can't stand to be here anymore," Lily heard the blonde say tearfully. "It's t-too hard; poor Mary, oh it's so awful!"
"We can go," James' voice rumbled. "I'll walk you back now."
The couple left, much to Lily and Marlene's relief. "Mental dramatic bint," she heard Marlene mutter to Sirius, who erupted into suppressed laughter.
Lily stayed in her seat beside Mary and looked down upon her friend, who looked so peaceful in her dreamless, potion-induced sleep. While she took Mary's hand and stroked her hair, Lily allowed her thoughts to run wild. McGonagall and Pomfrey hadn't said what had been done to Mary, only that the attack had been stopped before anything too serious had occurred. Lily breathed a sigh of relief that she had not found a worse scene in the hospital wing, but still she couldn't shake the nagging questions at the back of her mind: what if McGonagall had come even five minutes later? Or ten minutes? Or what if the attack had taken place in a strange, obscure hiding place where no one would look? Even worse still, the thought which made Lily shudder each time it crossed her mind: what if it had been her instead of Mary?
Lily swelled with fear and apprehension as she ruminated on these points. What would she do if she was the one attacked? She liked to think that she would fight, but if it were two on one, as it had been the morning Mulciber and Rosier had stumbled upon her, she would stand little chance. What would happen if it were Lily lying motionless on the starched, white sheets of the hospital wing? Marlene and Alice would visit her and Sirius would try to get revenge for her sake. Remus would comfort others, as he usually did. Connor would visit her too. And James…James…
With a sharp intake of breath, Lily sat up straighter. The possibility was too awful, that something would happen and she and James would end on this awful, strained note. She had to find him, had to set it right. Who cared if he was arrogant? She overlooked that trait in Sirius. And if he sometimes picked on younger students and Slytherins—she overlooked plenty of Severus' activities, surely she could do the same for James. Yes, Lily decided. She was going up to the common room now. She was going to make this right.
She stood up rather abruptly and cleared her throat to gain her friends' attention. They all stood in a circle, talking quietly. Emmeline Vance stood a little apart from the rest, looking as though she weren't entirely sure whether or not she was allowed to join the conversation.
"I'm going back to the common room," Lily announced, fidgeting with her bracelet. They nodded; Remus and Marlene stepped forward to give her a hug.
"I'll go with you," Emmeline said, hurrying over to Lily's side and looking glad at having an excuse to leave.
"I'll see you lot later," Lily said over her shoulder as she and Emmeline left the infirmary.
The walk to Gryffindor Tower was silent. Emmeline's face slipped into a hard, brooding expression which Lily didn't care enough to try and find reason for. Lily herself was overwhelmed with the prospect of being friends with James—apologizing for how she had avoided him and yelled at him and refused his offered olive branches.
These fancies kept her feet bouncing all the way to the tower. Emmeline gave the password at the portrait hole and the two girls climbed through. Lily had barely straightened up when she felt her fancies and her resolve crash around her.
Amid the chatter and bustle of the crowded common room, James sat in an armchair near the fire, with Sarah Carroll, who looked much happier than she had in the hospital wing, on his lap. Their limbs were intertwined and they were attached by the lips. The clenching in Lily's stomach returned and, in that moment, she couldn't remember for the life of her why in Merlin's name she had thought she needed to make up with James, the prat who thought it was perfectly acceptable to hold a snogging session with his girlfriend in the middle of the bloody common room.
She was so stupid to think that she could just walk in and make up with James. She had deluded herself into believing she could forgive his transgressions. Lily watched in sick fascination as James' mouth moved against Sarah's. With a shake of her head she knew, without a doubt, that under no circumstances could she march over and ask James for his friendship.
With shattered hopes piercing her already writhing stomach, Lily stood dumbly at the entrance of the common room, unable to tear her eyes away from the hazel-eyed boy and his girlfriend.
Emmeline ignored her best friend and turned to Lily with an expectant expression. "Are you coming up?" she asked curtly.
"Er," Lily stuttered, trying to think of an excuse. She didn't want to go up to bed and listen to hours of Sarah Carroll gushing about what a wonderful kisser James was. She couldn't stay in the common room, though. "I forgot something in the hospital wing," she lied quickly, her face heating up with the lie. Emmeline looked at her questioningly but turned without comment and climbed the stairs to the girls' dormitory. With a sigh, Lily spun around and slunk back to the hospital wing, trying to think of a reason to give her friends for her return.
They were all still there, except Alice and Frank, who Marlene said had left only a few minutes ago. Lily nodded, though she couldn't find it within herself to care, and sat down again beside Mary. To her relief, her friends did not question her return but allowed her to take her seat quietly.
"Lily?" Marlene called out, craning her head from where she stood a few feet away. Lily looked up from her seat. "We're going back," Marlene said, gesturing to herself, Sirius, Remus and Peter. "Are you coming?"
Lily deliberated for a moment, looking down at Mary's peaceful face. "No," she decided, running her fingers through Mary's hair. "I want to stay here for a bit."
"Okay," Marlene said uneasily. "Someone will come back soon for you. Don't walk back alone, please."
Lily nodded. "Okay," she said, oddly touched by her friend's concern. She heard their footsteps as they walked away and the clang of the closing door which ended with a final thud. Lily turned back to her friend, stroking her hair and losing herself in frightening, surreal scenarios of possible attacks her mind concocted.
Half an hour passed, though to Lily it seemed like five minutes. She was in the middle of a particularly terrifying scenario, one where Mulciber cornered her in the dormitory and cursed her. Suddenly, a hand appeared on her shoulder. With a shriek, Lily whipped around, her hand reaching for her wand. Connor swiftly held his hands up in surrender as he moved to calm her.
"Shit! Sorry, sorry, Lily, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to frighten you!"
"Oh, it's just you," Lily breathed in relief, standing up to give her boyfriend a hug. Madam Pomfrey appeared from her office and glared warningly at them, but Lily ignored her.
"What are you doing here?" she asked. She felt slightly guilty for having forgotten about Connor; in all the excitement she hadn't thought to find him and tell him what happened. But now that he was here Lily wondered how she could possibly have forgotten about him. He was just what she needed: reliable, comforting and trustworthy. Squeezing him in a hug, Lily let her head fall onto his chest and she closed her eyes.
"I ran into Alice and Frank on my way back from patrols," he told her, his hands moving to her back and rubbing slow, comforting circles. "She told me what happened and said you'd gone back to the Gryffindor common room so I headed up there, but then I saw Marlene and she said you had come back. I didn't want you to be here alone."
"Thank you," Lily whispered into his shirt, touched that he had come and cursing herself for not going out to find him.
"Anything for you, Lilyflower," he said, his hands moving to stroke her hair. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I'm alright," Lily reassured him, biting back the fears which had been plaguing her all night. "You don't have to stay here, Connor," she said, tilting her head up to look at him. His brown eyes, staring back at her like pools of chocolate, crinkled slightly as he looked at her.
"Are you sure?" he asked. "It's no trouble—"
"I'm sure," Lily said, disentangling herself from him. "I love it that you came to check on me and that you offered and really, I would love to have you sit here with me. But I sort of want to be alone right now. Is that alright?" she peered at him, scared he would get angry, or else question her further as to why she wanted to be alone.
To her relief and surprise, Connor only smiled at her and bent down to give her a quick kiss.
"If you need anything I'm always here," he whispered before straightening up. Lily blushed slightly and returned his smile. How in the world had she managed to find this wonderful creature? Connor didn't question her motives or why she wanted to do things; he didn't pull her into abandon classrooms and demand she listen to him; he certainly wouldn't snog a girl in the middle of the common room.
"I'll see you tomorrow," Lily said, standing on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. She watched him leave with a smile, her stomach fluttering with butterflies. When the door had closed, Lily returned to her seat by Mary once again and let herself dissolve into thought. The butterflies in her stomach slowly disappeared and were replaced by the familiar iron weight of fear.
Lily sat beside Mary for an hour before she heard the door to the hospital wing swing open. She turned and saw Remus striding towards her.
"Marlene sent me to make sure you get back to the common room," he said warmly, extending a hand towards her which she took as she rose from the chair. Lily offered a small smile and followed him through the door and down the corridor towards the common room.
When they reached the common room, it was nearly deserted except for a few second years playing gobstones and James and Sarah, finally detached, who were sitting on a couch near the fire.
"Lily, do you want to talk about what happened to Mary?" Remus asked, watching her carefully. Lily had, until that moment, only wanted to go up and snuggle into her warm bed, but now that it had been suggested, she found that she did want to talk to someone about the attack. She desperately wanted to talk about it.
"Can we?" she asked timidly.
In response, Remus plopped down onto the nearest couch, which incidentally was the farthest away from James and Sarah, and patted the seat beside him. When Lily had deposited herself next to him, Remus turned and looked at her with his warm, inviting grey eyes.
"Are you scared?" he asked simply. Lily started, not expecting the blunt question.
"No," she said quickly, staring at the table in front of her. "No, it's just—I don't know."
"I would be frightened if I were you," Remus said. "I would be terrified."
"It's ok," Lily replied faintly. "It's just—Mary-I hope she's alright. She's always so sweet and doesn't deserve—well, nobody deserves to be attacked—but especially not her."
Remus nodded sliding down the couch so he was farther away from Lily. "Make yourself comfortable," he said. Lily hesitated before bringing her feet up on the cushions and drawing them into her chest.
"It's okay to be scared, Lily," Remus said finally. "Everyone's scared right now. I can't even imagine what it must be like for you—learning all of this—the magic, the blood-purity, the prejudice—all at once when most of us have been around it our whole lives." He stopped and peered at her, his eyes soft. He reached out and put one of his hands over one of hers. "It's okay to be scared, Lily," he repeated quietly.
Lily straightened in her seat, taking care to avoid Remus' gaze. "You know I didn't grow up with wizards," she began slowly. "All my information came from Dori, who I think didn't want to scare me too much, and from Severus, but he always told me that the only thing that mattered is that I'm magic." Remus made a disparaging noise at this, but otherwise did not interrupt. Lily continued on, her voice growing stronger as she finally gave voice to the burdens gnawing at her. "I always just thought everyone would think that way, though I see now how naïve that was. And it's so hard, Remus. It's so hard being a muggle-born here. It feels sometimes like I don't belong anywhere. I didn't realize that when I came to Hogwarts I would be hated just because of who my parents are."
"Lily, you can't think like that," Remus said, leaning over to pat her on the shoulder. She shook him off, unwilling to accept his comfort right then.
"Did you know my sister hates me?" she asked, taking a sort of perverted pleasure out of his expression of shock and sympathy. "She hates me," Lily continued unashamedly, "because I'm magic and she's not, because I left her and my dad at home so that I could come here. She's getting married this summer and I'm not in the wedding because I told her I wouldn't give up magic."
"That's terrible," Remus said, taking her hand in one of his. "So you feel like you don't belong at home. And now…it's like you're not welcome here either."
Lily nodded, giving him a wry smile. "Exactly," she said with a mirthless laugh. "I don't belong anywhere. I have nothing to go home to now, seeing as my sister returns all my letters and my father can barely function because he's so torn up about my mum dying. And I'm the one who tore everything apart, I'm the one that left."
"Lily, that's not true," Remus said gently. "That's not true at all. You belong at Hogwarts. Forget Mulciber and all of them. You belong here; you wouldn't have gotten a letter if you didn't. Hell, Dumbledore wouldn't have gone through the trouble of setting you up with a private tutor if you didn't belong with us."
"I guess I know that," Lily said, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers. "I just didn't realize how much I would have to give up. I wanted for so long to come to Hogwarts that I never thought about the fact there might be some bad parts along with all the good."
Remus nodded in understanding, squeezing Lily's palm. "It will all be worth it in the end, Lily," he said. "I promise. With Dumbledore here…he's more understanding and inclusive than I think anyone here really knows. He won't let anyone keep you from being at Hogwarts."
"What if I'm attacked?" the question sounded so feeble when voiced aloud, Lily almost wished she could take it back. But Remus didn't patronize her. His grey eyes focused on her green ones and he wrapped her in a hug.
"We won't let that happen," he said quietly. "I promise."
They jumped apart as several loud, raspy sobs broke through the air of the common room. With a grimace, Remus turned to stare at Sarah Carroll, who had broken out into a fresh wave of sobs and was now cuddled in the crook of James neck. Lily resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she watched James try to console his girlfriend. The whole scene filled Lily with the rage she had wished for back in the hospital wing earlier. Her lungs were on fire with an anger so potent, she felt as though she would scream. She was angry at Sarah Carroll for carrying on with her ridiculous hysterics even though she wasn't muggle-born and had nothing to worry about; she was angry at James for dating Sarah Carroll at all; and she was angry at herself for caring in the first place.
The tears which had eluded her in the hospital wing built up painfully behind her eyes now and Lily sniffed before they broke through.
"Lily!" Remus cried, looking at her in alarm. "Are you okay? What happened?"
She didn't answer. The tears poured from her eyes as her breathing became ragged. Over Remus' shoulder, she saw James looking over towards them, his eyes crinkled in concern. He made a motion as if to stand up and for a second, Lily thought he was going to come over towards them.
Next to James, Sarah Carroll's face went red and she let out a piercing howl. One of the second years playing gobstones flinched and dropped the stone they had been about to play, spraying his friend with the foul-smelling goo. The moment broken, Lily watched as James turned back towards his girlfriend.
Remus looked at Lily thoughtfully for several seconds before moving to stand up. Horrified that he was leaving because of her emotional outburst, Lily tried desperately to wipe her eyes.
"Don't leave!" she pleaded, reaching out to catch Remus' elbow. Her eyes were wide and glistening. Her hair stuck to her tear-streaked face.
"I'm not," Remus said gently, putting a hand on her shoulder to keep her on the couch. "I have an idea to cheer you up. Just give me a few minutes."
She watched as Remus walked over to James and the two boys engaged in a hurried, whispered conversation. Remus looked earnest; James looked angry. At last, Remus smirked with triumph and ran up the spiral stairs to the boys' dormitory. James, on the other hand, turned sulkily back to the blonde sitting by him and told her he was going to bed, leaving a very indignant Sarah Carroll in the armchair while he followed Remus up the stairs.
Remus reappeared a few minutes later, holding a piece of worn parchment and two cloaks. He threw one of the cloaks around his shoulders and tossed the other to Lily.
"It's Pete's," he said by way of explanation, unfolding the parchment. "He's the closest to your height."
"Where are we—"
"Just follow me," Remus said, looking up from the parchment and smiling at her. "You trust me, don't you?"
Lily sighed before pulling the cloak around her shoulders and fastening it. Remus still held the parchment, though now it was covered with ink. Had it been that way before? Lily wondered. She could have sworn it had been blank when he had come down.
"Follow me," Remus said again, walking towards the portrait hole. Lily obeyed, too busy trying to figure out what they were doing to produce any fresh tears.
To her immense surprise, Remus led her to the large oak doors at the front of the castle. They hadn't met a single person on the way down, which was odd. Tapping the door with his wand, Remus waited for the lock to click out of place. When this was done, he slowly pushed the door open, revealing the frozen Hogwarts grounds.
Still not saying a word, Remus led an amazed Lily through the grounds over to a spot at the edge of the Forbidden Forest, not far from Hagrid's hut.
"It's a bit cold," he said calmly as he lowered himself onto the ground and pulled the cloak tighter around himself. "But other than that it's wonderful. I think the grounds are so peaceful at night. I like to come out here sometimes to clear my mind."
"It's wonderful," Lily said, swiveling her head around to take it all in. The grounds looked so different in the moonlight. A bit creepier, yes, but also more serene, more peaceful. She sat down slowly next to Remus and craned her head up to look at the trees and then the stars which peppered the black sky.
"What's the parchment?" she asked suddenly, pointing to the piece of parchment which Remus still held, which was suspiciously blank again. Remus grinned at her and unfolded it.
"This is one of the Marauder's greatest treasures," he told her with a wicked gleam in his eye. For the first time, Lily had no problem imagining him with his friends, planning and executing elaborate pranks and mischief.
"What is it?" she asked nervously, picking the parchment up and examining it. "It looks just like a normal piece of parchment."
"And that's the beauty of it," Remus said enigmatically, drawing his wand and smirking at her before tapping the center of the parchment and muttering, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."
Lily let out a gasp as ink lines began to appear on the page.
"That's Hogwarts!" she cried when it was completed. "It's a map."
"It is indeed," Remus said, moving over so he could peer over her shoulder. "And you see all of these," he pointed towards the tiny dots which were scattered throughout the castle. "These are people."
Lily squinted and scanned the map quickly, letting out another gasp as she saw he was right. She saw Marlene McKinnon and Alice Fortescue up in the Gryffindor dormitories; on the fourth flour the dot labelled Argus Filch roamed; and out on the grounds, by Hagrid's hut sat two dots labelled Remus Lupin and Lily Evans.
"That was James' idea," Remus said, glancing at Lily. she ignored this and continued to scan the intricate map, tracing the lines with her index finger.
"This is amazing," she whispered, almost to herself. "I can't believe you pulled this off." Remus grinned broadly at this.
"It took us awhile," he admitted, taking the parchment from her. "First we had to get all the information about the layout of the school and the grounds…and the passages."
"Passages?" Lily asked curiously, her eyebrows raised.
"Yes, there's passages leading to Hogsmeade," Remus told her, grinning at her enthusiasm. "We've found seven altogether."
"Wow," Lily breathed. "And what about the charms? That's a pretty powerful tracking charm you must have on it to get those dots to work."
"That took us about six months of research in the library to work out," Remus said. "But once we found the correct incantation it was fairly simple."
"That's really amazing, Remus," Lily said admiringly. They sat in silence for a few minutes before Remus turned to her.
"What's going on with you and James, Lily?" he asked. Lily flushed, grateful for the cover of darkness.
"I don't know," she admitted, turning away from him.
"Lily," Remus said warningly. "Don't give me that. Something's different."
"Oh," she stalled, feeling her face flaming up. "It's so complicated!" she burst out finally. "Things were so wonderful this summer and then I got here and I hate who he
is here! I hate this arrogant bully going around as James, that's not him! And I can't knowingly go back to him and make him think it's okay because it's not. But I hate seeing him with that cow Sarah Carroll and I hate avoiding each other like this, it drives me mad. And then there's Connor. Remus, I feel terrible. I really like Connor, honestly I do. He's wonderful and everything I wanted James to be. But sometimes James comes along and I completely forget about Connor and that's not fair to him at all. And everything is a mess."
"It's not a mess, Lily," Remus said gently, reaching out to pat her on the back. "It sounds to me like it's actually fairly simple. You and James obviously had something very real this summer. Anyone can see that. And now it's over and you're trying to figure out how you stand with each other and how to interact now that you're not—you know—the same."
Lily nodded. "I suppose," she said dubiously. "And there's the issue of Severus."
"I know James isn't always fair when it comes to Snape," Remus said quickly. "But you have to know, Lily, he's not entirely unprovoked. Snape has been just as much of a participant in this as James. Neither one is innocent."
Lily sighed. "I know," she groaned. "I wish they would figure it out and leave each other alone. I hate it that they fight. I hate it that I'm supposed to pick a side. They're both acting like gits and I think they're both wrong!"
"You and the rest of the school," Remus said drily. "You should hear Marlene yell at James about it. She thinks it's mad too."
"I'm glad I have someone who agrees," Lily said feebly.
"And don't worry about Connor," Remus continued. "I know you like him. Everyone knows you do. And he's mad about you, Lily. I don't think you have anything to worry about. It's just an odd transition."
Lily smiled, wanting to throw her arms around Remus. "How do you always know what to say?" she asked with a chuckle. "I feel like you know me better than I know myself."
Remus shrugged. "I'm the problem-solver with my friends. It's what I do."
"Well thank you," Lily said, putting an arm around his shoulder. "And now you have to tell me a secret."
"I—what?" Remus asked, looking at her curiously.
"I've spent all night pouring my heart out to you," Lily said evenly. "I want to know a secret about you, Remus Lupin. Something only your best friends know. Something shocking and unthinkable." She grinned at his immediate discomfort. Remus sat before her for several long moments, looking as though he had swallowed something unpleasant. The seconds dragged by and Lily grew nervous, wondering if she shouldn't have asked to hear anything at all.
Finally Remus looked up at her. "You can't tell anyone," he said solemnly, gripping her hand. "You have to promise not to say anything, Lily."
"I solemnly swear," she grinned, trying to mask her unease.
Remus took a deep breath, steeling himself. "I had a crush on Marlene until last year," he muttered, staring at the ground.
Lily blinked. Then she smiled. Then she threw her head back and laughed, pulling Remus in for a hug.
They stayed out on the grounds until one in the morning, at which point Remus said the words and the map appeared on the piece of parchment to alert them to Filch's whereabouts. By the time she fell into bed Lily was exhausted, but just as Remus had said, much happier than she had been earlier.
Mary MacDonald returned to the Gryffindor common room the next evening. Upon her arrival, her classmates immediately swarmed her, asking about her wellbeing and, naturally, the attack.
"Who was it?" Marlene demanded, ignoring the poke in the ribs she received from Alice.
Mary looked weary as she answered, "just who you would expect. Mulciber and Rosier with Urquhart and Snape."
Lily felt her stomach drop. No, it couldn't be.
Marlene was staring at her. Lily tried valiantly to ignore her friend but soon Marlene's eyes found hers. Lily's heart sank as she read in Marlene's face the same sadness which Lily felt so keenly. Mumbling about being tired, Lily gave Mary a quick hug before scampering up the spiral staircase.
The next afternoon in potions Lily slid into the seat next to Mary instead of her usual place beside Severus. As she mixed the day's assigned potion, Lily felt her best friend's eyes burning into her. She ignored him as best she could. She would have to talk to him at some point, she knew. But for now Lily wanted to put space between herself and Severus. Internally, her mind raged.
He's your best friend!
He was there when Mary was attacked!
Hear him out.
He doesn't deserve it.
At the end of class she hurriedly filled a vial with her potion, which Slughorn loudly condemned as below-par before asking why she hadn't worked with her usual partner. Lily didn't answer and shoved her books in her bag before hurrying out the door.
She hadn't gotten far before she was intercepted by Severus. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Marlene and Alice stop near the door and wait for her, joined by Mary and the Marauders sans James. More confident knowing her friends were close by, Lily squared her shoulders and turned to face her friend.
"What's going on?" Severus demanded.
Lily hesitated. She wanted to give him a chance to explain, but dreaded hearing what he would have to say. Finally she blurted out, "were you there when Mary was attacked?"
Severus paled and his eyes narrowed.
"You were!" Lily cried. "You were there!"
"Lily!" Severus snapped, his black eyes flashing. "You don't understand—"
"How could you, Sev?" Lily whispered, unable to keep the disappointment out of her voice. "How could you condone that? How can you be friends with—with those people?"
"Really, Lily?" Severus asked, his voice dipping dangerously low."I don't say anything about Lupin or McKinnon or any of the other stuck-up prats who pal around with."
"That's different," Lily replied hotly. "They don't attack people for fun!"
Severus' lip curled up in a humorless smile. Lily recoiled slightly as he leered at her. "Really?" he asked again, this time spitting out the syllable. "You might want to double check that. Ask your precious Lupin where he goes when he's visiting his sick mum." With that he turned and swept away, leaving a very confused Lily standing outside the dungeons.
"What did he say?" Marlene asked as she approached.
"Nothing, really," Lily said, still puzzled over Severus' parting comment. She dropped her voice and glanced around before addressing Marlene and Alice, who had joined them. "He said something about checking that Remus doesn't attack people…and asking where he goes when he visits his mum."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Marlene asked, her forehead crinkling in concentration.
"I don't know," Lily said, turning to Alice. "Any ideas?"
Alice shrugged. "Who knows," she said. "Where's Mary? She should come to lunch with us."
Since the attack, the three girls had made a conscious effort to include Mary MacDonald, ensuring she never had a reason to walk anywhere alone. The Marauders, with the exception of James, had started accompanying the girls regularly. Even James, to everyone's surprise, sometimes detached himself from Sarah Carroll long enough to join them for a meal or to walk to class. Sirius had teasingly asked why James wasn't as worried about his girlfriend's safety, but James always answered with a terse "Sarah can take care of herself."
It wasn't until a few weeks after Mary's return that the girls began to doubt James' motives for leaving his girlfriend. One night in mid-January, they were all lounging about the dormitory when an irate Sarah Carroll stormed in, slamming the door behind her. Emmeline was on her feet in an instant.
"What happened?" she asked, hurrying to her friend. "Is everything okay? Did you and James have a fight?"
Sarah sent a death glare in Lily's direction before turning to her friend and responding stonily, "James seems to value certain things above our relationship. Tonight I let him know that is unacceptable to me and he didn't take it well."
"What do you mean?" Emmeline pressed, sitting on the edge of Sarah's bed. "Are you going to break up with him?"
Sarah let out a quick bark of laughter at this. "He's James bloody Potter, Em, of course I'm not breaking up with him! He's fit, he's good at quidditch," a sly smirk crossed the blonde's face as she continued, "every girl in this whole school is jealous of me. Why would I end that?"
Across the dormitory Lily closed her hangings with a quick tug. She got in bed and, feeling slightly sick, began playing with the little green gem hanging off the bracelet on her wrist before falling asleep.
The next morning at breakfast Lily walked down with Marlene. As they entered the Great Hall, she saw James Potter's unmistakable tousled black hair and glasses, sitting at the end of the Gryffindor table with Sarah. Neither looked particularly happy, but they sat together, nonetheless.
Annoyed with herself for noticing this, Lily sat as far away from the couple as she could. Marlene chattered away about the upcoming quidditch match as Lily chewed her toast. Alice joined them with Frank ten minutes later and they passed a merry meal as Frank did his impression of Professor Flitwick. As Lily finished the last of her pumpkin juice, Connor approached. The sight of him made her heart flutter and she firmly pushed James Potter and Sarah Carroll to the back of her mind as she gathered her books to walk to charms with Connor, who, like the Marauders, was unwilling to allow Lily to walk anywhere by herself.
They strolled down the corridor, hand in hand, both supremely happy to be with the other. Lily wondered to herself how she could possibly have started the morning in a bad mood when she had a boyfriend like Connor to look forward to.
Connor squeezed her hand and turned to look at her with his chocolate brown eyes. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, bending over so only she could hear him.
Lily smiled, a faint flush creeping into her cheeks. "Yes," she answered, truly meaning it.
"Don't worry," Connor said, lacing his fingers with hers. "I won't let anything happen to you, Lily."
Lily smiled. She couldn't help but believe him.
Author's Note: Reviews are amazing so please send them! It makes my whole day better when I get an email saying someone left a review:)
A huge thanks goes out to VileMalfoys for being a wonderful beta! I hope everyone likes this chapter. For those of you who really want to see a strong, mature Lily, that's coming I promise.
GirlnRed Thank you I'm glad you like it!
xDawn Snowx That's not what I'm planning to do with Connor, don't worry. I love him too.
jilyforeva I'm glad you like it and I promise that there will be more James/Lily scenes down the road. I'm glad you like James being jealous because in my head I definitely see him as really jealous and/or possessive when it comes to Lily.
Cap92A Thank you, I'm glad you like it! All of that will come in due time, don't worry.
