Gods bless Howland Reed. All of them. From the Old Gods of the Forest, to the Seven gods of the Andals, to the Judeo-Christian god of Earth and more.
I was gulping in air with great breaths when I stumbled to the top of the tower, and with stars in my eyes I saw Andrew Dayne, who'd arrived moments before me seizing his sister, who was trapped kicking and screaming in the arms of Howland Reed.
"Let go of me you bloody northern bastard!" She howled with a rage and fury I knew all too well.
I'd been in that place.
"I can't do that m'lady," Howland replied as he held her flailing form about the waist, keeping her feet from touching ground as her brother took her by the shoulders and forced her to sit.
"Normally, were I to find a man man-handling my sister," Andrew began, "I'd be most cross indeed," he said to Howland, his tone saying those otherwise neutral words in a manner that would more accurately translate to 'Do shit to him that would make a Bolton blush', "I'd have your explanation as to how you came to be here."
Howland, catching the same rather obvious subtext nodded to the man, and seeing Ashara was no longer in danger leaned against the battlements to relax himself. "Lady Lyanna worried for your sister so she commanded me to shadow her to ensure that she did nothing foolhardy. I saw her move to jump, which..." He gave a tired laugh, "which struck me a pretty bloody foolhardy. Thus I did as my lady commanded."
Andrew simply took the Crannogman's black humor in stride and returned it with an exasperated 'Ha!'. Then he sighed and turned to his sister, his eyes filled with concern.
Seeing that she was defeated, Ashara had immediately taken to sulking and tears. Her lovely violet eyes shimmered with anger and sorrow as she sat and hugged her legs.
I couldn't help but wince. I'd been in that place as well. Hell, Lyanna had spent the last several months in that place. She'd tried to kill herself near the end. Several times actually, driven by sorrow, madness, and disgust. They'd kept me... her... damn it.
I centered my mind in a futile attempt to maintain objectivity.
Lyanna Stark had been alive long enough to give birth, but she had died as much of depression and heartbreak as she had childbirth. It had denied her the ability to soldier on and had taken the strength out of her during what was probably the most dangerous and trying ordeal a woman could face.
I saw a reflection of that in Ashara now.
"Sister," Andrew asked, "Why would you do such a thing."
"I am dishonored. I am betrayed," she replied as she looked up, "And I am a kinslayer."
"Nonsense!" Andrew replied, "Why would you say such a thing?"
"It was me," she said in a small, weak voice, "I was the one who told Ned where to find them. Arthur trusted me to keep the secret of his location..."
I frowned for a moment. Yes. I remember. I'd spent most of my last months eavesdropping on the Kingsguard. At least when I wasn't alternating between frantic, half-baked escape plans and screaming in sorrowful rage like a lunatic in an asylum. He'd been in contact with his sister.
"He trusted me, and I betrayed him. My brother's blood is on my hands as if I'd swung the sword myself," she sobbed and buried her face in her hands, "And now after doing such a deed he rejects me as well."
.I thought back to those memories and struggled to recall what Arthur Dayne had said of his sister. Yes.
He spoke of wolves and dishonor. Later still he lamented her loss. He had not said much, but it was easy enough to understand the truth of it. Especially when you had future rumors to draw from.
During those days he'd looked at me with anger rather than his normal flavor of self-loathing, as if I'd harmed him in some way.
"So your child was Neds," I replied looking up.
"You know?" Ashara locked eyes on me. "How could you know?"
"The Kingsguard talked," I replied, "I listened. There were precious few entertainments to be found sealed in that bloody tower."
I took a deep breath and pulled myself erect as the burning in my lungs fell to a dull roar. Ugh. Way too many fucking steps.
She recoiled in shock. "He told the others?"
"Aye," I replied, "Maybe not in so simple terms, but it was easy enough to read between the lines."
She looked at me with shock and disbelief so I continued.
"Your brother..." I almost sneered, "Was stuck in that tower with the other two king's guard for the better part of a year. The only way they could have been closer is if they were buggering each other... and knowing that faggot Whent, I wouldn't have been surprised either."
No, Oswell Whent wasn't really gay, but rumors have to start somewhere and piss on his reputation.
She flushed with rage. "Do not speak ill of my brother! There was not a more honorable man in the seven kingdoms."
"So honorable he stood guard while his price raped his seed into me," I hissed. "Piss on his honor, not that it would come out any more stained."
She gritted her teeth and stood up, the anger clear on her face. "I piss on the honor of House Stark! I know well you went with the prince willingly!"
Andrew turned to me, a fire in his eyes. "Is this true."
Well shit. She knew. Maybe I should have fucking let the bitch jump, "I was expecting a short, merry romp in the woods to slight my drunken, whoremongering oaf of a betrothed," I growled through gritted teeth, "I did not expect the maddened fuck to drag me halfway across the realms to used as his fucking brood mule!"
I leaned forward, now lost in my own anger "Did you know your 'True Knight'," I spat the words, "Of a brother simply stood and watched. He watched as Hightower held me down. He watched as Rhaegar raped me. He stood by and did nothing while I begged. Pleaded to the gods for someone to make it stop! Do not speak to me about betrayal!"
"Your brother professed his love of me, and promised to wed me before the Heart Tree of Harrenhal! He swore to the gods!" She roared, "I gave him my heart! I bore his babe! I betrayed my own kin! I gave everything for him and he cast me away!"
I recoiled. For two reasons.
First. I suddenly wondered if I could get away with fratricide. I knew Ned Stark very well. I also knew well that his talent of speaking with women was pretty much the square root of zero. So bad that it would be able to warp space and time.
He'd sworn himself to her. And she to him... before a Heart Tree. Fuck a promise to wed. By the law and tradition of the North, along with those of a sizable chunk of the Riverlands, they were already husband and wife no matter what the worshipers of the Andel gods would claim!
Ned, you dumb motherfucker!
Second, and more personally impacting was a vague and horrifying memory that had me vomiting off the battlements before I could even catch myself.
Rhaegar, you contemptible fuck. I hope you spend the rest of the eternity being buggered by the Black Goat of Qohor!
No wonder the Kingsguard had done nothing! He'd plied me with enough arbor to pickle a Destrier stallion then egged me into swearing my love of him before the a Heart Tree.
Had you asked anyone of the North, they'd have laughed it off. A drunken oath to the gods was no proper oath, even one given before a Heart Tree, especially when you were tricked into it. But these ignorant, barbaric, southron bastards... say the words in front of a plant and its done and done! No wonder he'd been so smug the next day!
I just had to scream at it. All of it.
Until now, Andrew and Howland had kept to the side. A smart cock knows better to step in when the hens are having a throw down. There's no faster way to draw the ire of both.
"Are you alright," Howland asked me.
"The run was more than I was ready for," I replied in half truth, "Combined with the heated passions, my stomach rejected its contents."
Andrew on the other hand was tending to his sister. Simply rubbing her back as she sobbed. "I am going to have to have strong words with your brother, Lady Lyanna."
I looked up. "The hell you are. If someone is going to beat some sense into my idiot brother, it's going to be me!"
He blinked in some surprise. It wasn't often someone told a lord 'no' in his own castle. It was also rare for someone to insult their own kinsman. No, not just kinsman, their lord so casually.
Well shit.
"My apologies my lord" I said, drawing back somewhat, "I misspoke and I..."
He laughed with a raised hand. "You're a strong willed lass, Lyanna Stark. And after all you have suffered, I find your ready defense of my sister somewhat humbling. But do mind yourself. Not all will be as understanding."
I flushed. "Thank you, m'lord."
Ashara glared at me. "What more can be said. He rejects me."
I shook my head. "Eddard is a good and just man. But he gets stupid when honor is involved. And this time he made himself quite the tangle."
"I'll say," Howland muttered to himself, earning a withering glare from Ashara.
"I believe that the only way to get his head out of his arse is a strong tug on the ear and the good sense of a woman!"
I cannot believe I just fucking said that.
Lord Dayne chuckled in amusement. "Very well, Lady Lyanna. I will allow you to attempt. But should you fail, there will be words between your brother and I."
I nodded, "Of course, my lord. But I will not fail."
"And I hope you do not," he replied before turning to Howland. "Tend to your lord, man, but know this. You've done House Dayne a great kindness."
Reed simply nodded in acknowledgment and left, leaving the three of us alone.
"Lord Andrew," I said looking up at him. "If I'm to properly badger my brother I need to know the entire story."
He nodded. "I'd agree that such a situation does call for the delicate touch of a woman."
Ashara glared at me once again, though most of her venom and her sorrow seemed to be muted, leaving her looking very tired. "Very well."
Andrew bent over and kissed Ashara's forehead. "Know that no matter what, dear sister, I shall always be here for you."
Then he separated from her and gave us the room to speak. He was still within earshot though. Honestly, it was more a respectful distance than a practical one.
After a moment, Ashara took a deep breath.
"Your brother and I fell in love during the tourney at Harrenhal. He promised himself to me and I him before the weirwood and we made love under the stars. Soon after I discovered I was with child and left the company of the queen, returning home to hide my pregnancy. I hoped that I could be reunited with my love, but then I discovered he'd been forced to marry that Tully bitch," she snapped, "But I persevered. I am no fool, Lady Lyanna. I spent years as the princess's handmaiden. I know the realities of men, of war, and of the Game of Thrones. A second son may marry for love, but the heir marries for the good of the family. Tully offered him an army..."
She took a deep breath as she began to choke up.
"He'd have been a damned fool to say no, and I can't even tell myself I wished he did for had he his cause would have been doomed and his life forfeit," a tear ran down her face. "I held onto my hope that we could be together. Even if I were to be his paramour rather than his wife... Even when my beautiful girl was born with her cord around her neck, strangling the life from her even as I struggled to give it to her I held on because it was all I had left!"
Now the tears flowed freely, and I could feel my own building. Through Lyanna's memories I could understand her pain all too well.
"I even told him where to find my brother in hopes he'd take me. In hopes we could bring this madness to an end and be together. And he rejected me! He said that he wished it could be so, but his honor demanded! I betrayed my own kin, made myself a kinslayer if by proxy, and still he rejected me. After all I'd done and been through I could not bare to go on..."
"I understand."
"How could you?"
I blinked and gave Ashara a level look. Seriously?
She flushed as she realized who she was talking to. "My apologize my lady I..."
"Do not apologize," I replied, "You're not the only one who tried to throw herself from a tower in her sorrows. We're the same you and I."
I sighed and took a deep breath. "I almost died on the birthing bed, you know? So much pain. So much blood. Sometimes I wish I had. Gods take me and spare me all of this shit."
"What? But you still have your babe," she said with a sad frown, "And your love."
"Your babe was born of love and taken far too soon. Mine was forced upon me by a monster, but I love him regardless. He carries no guilt as to how he was brought into the world. But now I am forced to fear how long he'll be permitted to remain in it.. Will Robert permit him to survive, or will he strike him down as 'Dragonspawn'? Will I have to surrender him to another to save his life? And speaking of Robert, he's my betrothed, not my love. Knowing that lusty oaf of a man he's probably sired a bastard for every month of my captivity."
I knew at least one I'd have to order recovered. Not killed, I'm no monster. Rather I wanted to rub Robert's face in it like you would a dumb puppy who kept shitting on the rug.
"Look at us!" I laughed with exasperation, "Damaged goods the both of us, forsaken by the gods and cursed with misfortune and the stupidity of men."
She glanced over and raised an eyebrow. "Aren't the last two one in the same?"
I laughed. "Ha! Bugger Eddard and Robert both. I'm almost tempted to ask you to be my paramour! To the hells with the company of men!"
She laughed. Which was a little disheartening because I was serious. But you know what? This really was teaching me an important lesson.
Misery really does love company.
The first thing I realized when I entered was how tired Eddard looked. For a man barely two-tens in age, he looked closer to twice that. It seems that the little trainwreck that almost led to Ashara taking a short walk off a tall tower has put him through the wringer too.
Good. Because it meant I'd have less work to do.
"Well, Lady Lyanna," Howland replied drolly, "I've told your lord brother than you wish to have words with him."
"Thank you Howland, you are a good and true friend. Would you like to remain for the conversation?"
I could see a moment of hesitation on Howland's face. It was a private issue we were about to discuss. On the other hand I was offering him a rare opportunity to cut loose and watch as his friend and liege get reamed a new hole from which to do his business.
It was the eternal choice between proprietary and schadenfreude.
"I'll wait outside the door," he said after a moment, a distinctly amused twinkle in his eye.
Good man, I thought to myself. Out of sight so as not to be there in your friend's personal business. In fact it could be argued that in doing so he'd be actually protecting his lord's privacy. Close enough however that he'd probably be able to at least catch the highlight reel through the door.
Always take the third option.
Howland slipped out while Ned turned to me. "Yes Lyanna how may I..."
My strike was swift and perfect. As a trained warrior, had he been expecting it I would have never been able to get it past, but he wasn't so I did.
It was a proven technique, a cupped hand at exactly the right speed and angle, applied judiciously to the back of the head to produce an audible clap and intense but otherwise completely non injurious stinging sensation that would fade in moments while leaving a lasting impression.
In other words, a flawlessly executed Gibbs slap.
"Lyanna!" Ned exclaimed shocked and somewhat put off. "What has gotten into you?"
"I just had a short conversation with your wife," I replied with an annoyed deadpan.
"My wife?" He blinked. "But Catelyn is in..."
I slapped him again, and surprisingly he didn't think to block it. He probably didn't think I'd make a second attempt. If I were to risk a third. He'd be ready for it, so I wouldn't.
"Your other wife, dumbass," I growled.
"My other..." His eyes went wide. "Ashara."
"Yes, Ashara. Who almost jumped off a fucking tower because of your raging stupidity."
His eyes went wide with frantic horror and his voice came out a strangled whisper. "Ashara what?"
"You bungled your last conversation so badly. So horribly... so... so... so epicly awful that in a thousand years when both our names and deeds are naught but faded lines on crumpled parchment remembered only by shriveled elderly maesters, the story of Ned, the Dumb Puppy of Winterfell who was so fucking inept at talking to girls that they'd try and kill themselves at the sound of his voice will still be sung in taverns across the realm by enterprising bards in exchange for fast coin and cheap wine," I paused for just a moment and steadied my voice. "Congratulations."
"She..." he took a deep breath and closed his eyes to steady himself, "She tried to throw herself from the tower?"
He fell into a chair and cupped his face with his hands. "My gods. What have I done?"
"You fucked up," I replied, "I don't blame you for the mess, but I blame you for the handling."
He looked up. "I was trying to do what was most honorable. I am bound by oaths to house Tully, and am wed to Catelyn. She's bore me a son."
"And Ashara bore you a daughter," I replied. "Would you have your child buried as an ill-begotten bastard or as a Stark?"
Ned recoiled as if struck and the pain that simple statement brought was enough to drive the breath from his lungs. He opened his mouth to reply but I did not allow it. I simply wasn't done twisting the knife.
"You swore yourself to Ashara before the gods, Ned. She bore your child. She stayed loyal to you. She even betrayed her brother's secret to you that I might be saved. She's earned the right to call herself my sister in every way, through her own actions and loyalty."
For a moment his eyes filled with a combination of pain, longing and regret, but then he took a deep breath. "If it were but a perfect world..."
"Ned," I looked him in the eyes, "There is no truly honorable way out of this. Someone is going to be disgraced. I only see two ways out of this. The first is to hide your own dishonor, saving face and dishonoring Ashara. The second, you fess up and figure out a way to minimize the damage."
He glanced up and frowned. "And how do you suppose I do that, Lyanna?"
"I think Ashara had a pretty decent idea. She knows she's of the lesser house and is willing to accept the disgrace of not being seen as your true wife. When in Dorne, do as the Dornish do. Take her as your paramour."
"Hoster Tully's already gotten what he wants. His grandson will be Lord of the North. He doesn't own you any more than you're the master of Riverrun. As for Catelyn, it's time for the princess to pull her heads of our her stories and grow the fuck up."
"Lya!"
"I am serious, Ned. She should give seven blessings every morning to each of her seven gods in thanks that you're not more like Bran. You bring one woman in the name of love and honor. He'd probably end up siring a bastard on every maid in the castle, and on every other wench that should catch his eye."
I took a deep breath. "The bitch is going to have it lucky. She's being forced to live with one of the brightest stars of the realm, in the peace and beauty of Winterfell. I have to go to the piss encrusted cesspit that is King's Landing to marry your drunken idiot of a best friend. A man whom I can't even trust because I'm terrified that he might fucking murder my son!"
I poked Ned in the chest. "You do the right thing, Eddard Stark. You obey your obligations or I swear by all the gods old and new that I'll take Ashara as my own damned paramour! I'll gather up my son, sweep her away to Bravos!"
My breath began to quicken. "Where I won't have to deal with stupid, drunken louts and their hundred bastards! Where I don't have to be surrounded by fucking more Kingsguard!"
My volume began to rise.
"Where I don't have to worry about him throwing me in the fucking Maidenvault like the Motherfucker and that fucking tower! Where I don't have to worry about him raping babies into me like the Mad King did every fucking child Rhaella ever bore him!"
At this point, I was screaming.
"I didn't escape from that endless hell just to walk back into it Ned!"
"And you won't!" Ned exclaimed, seizing me by the shoulders. "Look at me, Lya. Look at me!"
I choked and I looked up.
Ned pulled me into a fast embrace. I could feel his heart beating in his chest as he held me tight, his arms wrapped around me.
"Lyanna, I swear to you now. I will swear to you again before a Heart Tree. I will swear on my very life and soul that if Robert does any of this. I will forsake all bonds of friendship. I will break with the Iron Throne. I will call my banners and I will take you back. Do you understand me, Lya?"
"Y-yes."
"Good." He took a deep breath and continued to embrace me, probably as much for his comfort as my own. "Gods I fucked up."
He sighed, releasing his breath.
"I didn't realize you were so afraid. But considering the situation, they're understandable. I'm going to have to talk with Robert before you are wed and make sure there are assurances given."
I nodded and the two of us broke our embrace and all but fell into our respective seats. Fucking Christ. I hadn't even seen that coming myself. Shit, was I a neurotic mess.
"Ned, don't fuck over Ash," I looked up, "Man up and take your lumps. She saved me as much as you did and sacrificed as much as anyone to do it. I owe her. House Stark owes her. If you reject her after all she's done, than all that honor you like to talk about is nothing more than piss and shit."
He chuckled, but it was a hollow thing."Gods, did I mess up."
"Yes," I rolled my eyes, "Because you totally knew that I'd get kidnapped and our brother and father would get murdered, and that the most glorious and oh so reliable ally of our family, Hoster Fucking Tully, wouldn't even piss on us if we were on fire before his daughters were well and auctioned off to the highest bidder."
"That's not entirely fair," He complained.
"Fuck fair," I replied, "Nothing is fair and the only justice in this world comes from the hands of good men. I'll take the cold, cruel comfort of naked honesty over delusions of fairness."
He closed his eyes. "What happened to you, Lya? You used to be so bright."
"She died," I replied without any hesitation and in the utmost honesty. "The bright, happy girl you knew and loved died in that fucking tower screaming and in pain and terror. I'm nothing more than her broken, bitter, rage-filled specter, damned by the gods to walk the realm and haunt the living."
"I'm sorry I..."
"Don't blame yourself," I sighed. "You're probably the only person who isn't in any way at fault. Blame Robert for being a whoremongering idiot. Blame father for betrothing me to him, despite knowing how miserable I was. Blame me for running off into the woods with a lunatic. Blame Brandon for being an impulsive idiot. Blame the Mad King for being a paranoid maniac who couldn't get his dick hard unless he first burned a man to death. And blame that Motherfucker Prince for... fucking everything he's ever fucking done."
I leaned back, "But you're not at fault. You saved me. So did Ashara. So don't fuck her over."
"You're right," he replied, standing up. "This is my responsibility and my burden to bare. It is not Ashara's nor Catelyn's. I was hasty and did not think things through before, I will apologize. I'll figure out a way to make this right. "
I smiled. "Good. So a little bit of advice from your believed sister?"
He looked down with a slight grin. "Could I stop you?"
I laughed. "Probably not. First, though, you're going to have to beg for this one. I hope you think Ash and Cat both have sweet arses because you're going to be plying them both with many kisses."
He actually cracked a smile. Probably because combined they were some of the sweetest asses in the realm.
"Second. Just remember, that the point here isn't to make everyone happy. In fact, you're probably going to make everyone miserable. The point is to keep it bearable and make sure no one is more miserable than the others."
"Anything else, my great and wise sister?"
"You're going to burn a lot of good will with this one," I replied, "So you're going to have to build it back up somehow. I'd suggest asking Robert to become his Master of Laws. Justice suits you and it'll show the realm that despite your fuckups you're still an honorable man. Plus it'll help you make sure your sister isn't left hanging in the capitol without any support so if Robert were to say, lock me up in the Maidenvault, you'd just happen to have control of the Goldcloaks."
He frowned at the last part and shook his head. "Lyanna, we're going to have to talk later."
I nodded. "Probably, but right now you need to speak to Lord Andrew about his sister, and I feel a nap coming."
Eddard paused for a moment then nodded. "Sleep well, Lya."
I smiled as I closed my eyes. Don't worry, Ned, I have it well in... zzzzzzzzzz...
