iCarly: iMeet the Relatives, Chapter 3: Apartment Hunting

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They rejected my offer; I still don't own iCarly. Da-*, er, darn.

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Chapter 3: Apartment Hunting

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Carly had barely made it back in when Sam knocked on the door. Without thinking, she opened it. "Hey, Carls, did I just see Grif—Wha—hoe! What ARE you wearing? Look at YOU!" And she spun Carly around. "WHERE on EARTH did you get THIS?!"

"Oh! Uh," Too late, Carly remembered Aunt Maggie conjuring up her evening dress. She'd intended to be out of it before she saw anyone else, but, as usual, Sam managed to catch her off guard. "I-it's a loaner. Grif's aunt loaned it to me."

"I didn't know you two were the same size." Sam's eyes were still popping out of her head, as she assessed the overall value of what her best friend had on. "They must be, uh, really really well off. What was the occasion?" Distantly, they could hear the thunder returning; evidently Seattle's storm wasn't over with yet.

"Well, let me go get this off before I tear it or something, and I'll tell you. Truth is, Sam, I could use somebody to listen to…something pretty incredible, anyway."

Sam followed her upstairs, while Carly managed to get, partially, out of the dress. Sam had to help her a little, so form-fitting was it. "Man, Carls. I NEVER would'a thought I'd ever even SEE such a dress, that is, outside of some awards show. DAMN!" Carly jumped as though pricked with a pin. "I should'a got some pics! Now, nobody's gonna believe!" "Pics or it didn't happen" was the internet rule, and both girls knew it.

Just as well, thought Carly. She wasn't ready for this kind of notoriety just yet. Or maybe ever. She threw on some pajamas. "Sam. Come with me." And she led her friend downstairs, and sat her down on the couch. "I've…learned some things. And…there's something I wanna bounce off you, an' see how it goes. Something I may—make that will—need to share with the rest."

"Okay." Sam sat back against the cushions, perfectly relaxed, an expression of attention on her face. Carly thought just how plain pretty her friend was. She oughtta have the boys circling about her in a holding pattern, but, between her tom-boy plus personality, coupled with her fiercely independent nature, that wasn't the case.

"Okay. Grif came by tonight. I, I could tell he…I could tell he needed to talk to me about something. A-and we…talked. I'm afraid my end of things didn't go well."

"What was it about?"

"He's got a secret. One he was really hesitant to share with me, and, once he told me, I could see wh-*

"He's married!" Sam was aghast.

"No. It's not that, it's—"

"He's divorced!" Sam grabbed Carly's hands. "Oh, Carls!"

"No. It's nothing like-*"

Sam put her hands to the side of her face, rocking her head back and forth. "He's got a kid!"

Carly just stopped and looked at her. A long, long look. Then Sam put her hands back down in her lap. "Okay, I'll stop. So. What was his secret, and why didn't you take it so well?"

Here went nothing. "Grif told me…and he was trying to be as honest and aboveboard about the whole thing as he could…that he's an angel."

Silence. Sam just looked at her. Then she reached forward, putting the backs of her fingers against Carly's forehead. "You don't have a fever…" She reached down and checked Carly's left eye a bit. "Pupils aren't dilated, and you're not flushed…."

"Sam! I'm perfectly fine! But I'm telling you the truth! He's an angel. A real, live, like fly-in-the-sky type angel.

"And, and that's where I came in. I couldn't believe it. I thought he was lying to me, trying to break up with me in some cowardly way. But he was just trying to, to protect me…and I ran him off. Again.

"Anyway, I was…okay, I was totaled. I couldn't understand why he'd just lie to me like that. And that's when I met his Aunt Maggie. And she showed me. She showed me all about…them. There…there wasn't any doubt." She turned to look at Sam. "So…my boyfriend's an angel. A literal angel."

Sam just sat there a moment, trying to take it all in. Had Grif hypnotized Carly, somehow? But just as she was about to speak, a tremendous thunderclap shook the entire building, dimming the lights momentarily. Sam jumped, slightly; although she wasn't afraid of thunder, the sheer suddenness of the sound made her react.

But Carly didn't jump at all, and Sam noticed that….narrowing her eyes at her best friend.

Saturday: Carly showed up at the apartment Grif currently lived in with his aunt. Regulations required him to move out as soon as he could, so some apartment hunting was in order, and she was determined to help him in this manner. Besides, there some things she wanted to pick his brain about. "So this is the first time you've apartment-hunted?"

"Yes. Previously, our apartment was decided upon for us by High Command; neither of us actually saw it until the day we took possession. So for me, this is a new experience. I rather look forward to it." He was looking up, his gaze traveling all around, eyes shining with expectation.

"Yeah, well, that's why I invited myself along. I'm not claiming to be Miss Know-It-All when it comes to apartment hunting, but I do know a few things to look for. And to look out for. Now. Where is this place?"

The building had seen better days, but wasn't in such bad shape….for a run-down apartment complex. "Grif? Maybe we should talk what you can afford here. I mean, I don't know what your, uh…say, do you get, like, paid or something?"

"Well….sorta. It's complicated. Let's just say money usually isn't a problem, but I'm not in the 'house-hunting' range. Not yet, anyway."

"'Not yet'?" He just gave her a look out of the corner of his eye. Ah, maybe that's something we'll need to talk about later… "Well, anyway. So, what's your price range here?"

He told her. "But it's more than that, Carly. Wherever I live has to have…I don't know how to explain it…a certain essence, an ambience. This place…" He nodded towards the shabby building, "feels right, or at least, some parts of it do."

"An ambience ? How's that work?"

"Something of the Light must be here, or have been here in the recent past. You know, I told you about the Light? Not just electromagnetic radiation, but a kind of a spiritual Light."

"Yeah." She shuddered. "And you told me about this 'Darkness' that you'll be going into. Grif, I…I hate to think of you going into a place like that. From what you say, what most people call Hell would actually be an improvement."

He sobered, nodding. "It would be, Carly. And that's why I have to go there."

Subject for another time, thought Carly. "Well, anyway, one thing at a time. Let's go meet the manager."

Who proved to be a polite and business-like woman of about forty-seven, Carly guessed. Yes, references were required. Deposit: one month in advance…the usual contracts to sign. Utilities included in the rent, something Carly found pleasing. The rent wasn't as high as she'd thought it would be, but it certainly wasn't cheap, and it seemed as though utilities ought to be included, for that price.

"I realize this is hardly the most upscale complex in these parts," the woman said, "but it's really a very good building, very sound. And in an excellent neighborhood. I believe you and your husband will find it most satisfactory."

"Ah…husband? Oh, wait…I'm afraid you…misunderstood. We're not married."

"I see. Well, then, I'm sure you and your companion will be most pleased with the place…" And so forth, while Carly tried to clear up a nest of misunderstandings, most of which were more-or-less understandable.

Grif, meanwhile, had gone into the apartment in question. He had a list of things he needed to search out, and this list was in his mind, only.

He saw the first one hop out onto the counter top in the kitchenette area. He walked over to the rat. "Hello," he said.

Surprised, the rat looked up. "Were you talking to me?"

"Of course. How do you do?"

The rat looked up at him, its nose twitching as it tried to catch his scent. "You're different than the others. How is it you can understand me? Or me, you?"

"I'm an angel. It's part of my nature."

"Oh. Well, er, how do you do." The rat was clearly nonplussed as to angel / rat protocol. It fussed around, cleaning its snout and whiskers, nervously.

"Quite well." Grif leaned against the countertop, relaxing a bit. "I'm going to be moving in here, shortly. I wanted to talk to you about some things. Some changes that'll need to be made."

The rat looked askance at him. "Oh, no. You're going to be one of those."

"One of those what?"

"One of those who sets out poisons, and traps, and generally makes things hard for us. And, you. You can talk to animals. You'll probably bring in dogs. Yes, you will. I can just see it happening; my cousin the next building over told me about the dogs….vicious brutes they are. You'll end up kicking us all out into the street. Do you have any idea how cold it gets out there? Do you?"

"Actually, I don't plan on doing any of those things. I don't see any reason why we both can't live here. But there will have to be some changes. Changes which will benefit us both. It'll just take a little cooperation on your part."

Another suspicious look. "Such as?"

"For starters, you'll have to keep out of sight when there's anyone else around. That shouldn't be a problem, now should it?

"And you'll have to leave the food alone. I can't have all of you going through the cupboards and turning the place inside out. I'll put out some food for you; make do with that."

The rat rocked back on its back feet, standing up on the countertop. Grif could hear the unbelief in its voice. "'Leave the food alone'? But we're rats!"

"Like I said, it will take a little cooperation. Come on, free place to live? Warm in the winter and cool in the summer? How can you turn that down?"

Still more suspicious looks. "I get the impression you aren't done yet."

"One more thing, and these are the only really non-negotiable items: perform your excretory functions outside, only."

"Excre—* Hey, that was nicely put. But once again, we're rats! We can't do that!"

"Do you really want to live in filth? Come on, now. And I said I'd feed you."

The rat thought, and thought hard. "Free food?"

"Free food."

"Even…even peanut butter?"

"Chunky or creamy?"

"Creamy, always creamy. The nuts get caught in my teeth. Hm." The rat thought some more. Then, "I'll have to run it past the others, but….it sounds good. And no dogs? What about snakes? No snakes, right?"

Grif scowled. "I have my own reasons," he said, "for not wanting any snakes."

To be continued…